


Flashbacks

by Notions



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hufflepuff!Reader - Freeform, Smut, So much angst, Underage?? technically, pining and brooding, time jumpy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 135,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notions/pseuds/Notions
Summary: You start teaching at Hogwarts and run into an old flame, Draco Malfoy.Memories from your past bubble to the surface as you try and navigate your life as an adult. But are you able to forget your past with Draco?Set between the present time and your flashbacks to being a student at Hogwarts, messing around with our favourite pureblood.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy/Reader
Comments: 52
Kudos: 230





	1. Reintroductions

You smoothed your hair down and pulled it back, away from your face, and fixed it with a clasp. It was still slightly messy from the night before where you had tossed and turned all night against the sheets of the foreign bed you had slept in.

Now you were standing in front of the floo in the Three Broomsticks and feeling decidedly nervous. 

You flattened down a crease from the front of your skirt and straightened your back. Was this outfit appropriate? Was this skirt too tight? Did you look like a woman who was about to walk into a classroom and teach a lesson?

You decided maybe you didn't _want_ to look like a teacher. You were only 25 and fresh out of a placement at the Ministry, you didn't want to turn up on your first day at Hogwarts in heavy, dowdy floor length robes. You smiled at the thought and released the clasp from your hair, running your hands through the strands and shaking it out. You were fine as you were.

It was a beautiful day. Mid January and the sun was shining but the air was biting. It was a clear and crisp morning in the highlands, still and mild. You had noticed when you popped outside the pub after your breakfast, tensing from the cold then feeling that rush of heat run over you as you stepped out into the sun to take three long tokes from your pipe.

Exhaling smoke into the morning air, you watched it hang there, eyes unfocused and head becoming light. You didn't smoke any more but always carried your grandfathers pipe as a sort of comfort, like you wouldn't feel need to smoke if you had the means to do so. However that morning your stomach was in knots and you were nervous beyond belief. You had relented and thought 'fuck it' before filling your lungs.

After a couple of minutes watching the smoke hang in front of you, curling in delicate shapes, letting the smell fill your senses, bitter and strong, you snapped to and started waving your arm through the air feverishly trying to dissipate the smoke. You didn't want to arrive to your first day of a new job reeking of smoke and whatever other smell was now embedded in your clothes from sleeping in the Three Broomsticks. 

When you had seen the position for Potions Master become available you had disregarded it. You had been working in a branch of the Investigation of Magical Substances Department at the Ministry when you saw the post advertised in the Daily Prophet. You had turned to a colleague there and pointed to it and laughed. 'Who would want to go and teach at Hogwarts?' You had admonished. 

Yet here you were standing in front of the Floo ready to apparate into the very place you had mocked a month earlier. 

You had become unsettled in your life. Stir crazy. You had worked at the ministry since you were Nineteen years old. You had made friends, made connections, gained the trust and respect of your superiors. However In doing so you had become the very thing you had always hated. A corporate drone, working easy hours for a decent wage then going home to nothing and doing it all over again the next day. You couldn't remember the last time you had genuinely enjoyed yourself.

There were days when you would stare into the potion you were experimenting on. You would grip both sides of the cauldron and stare unblinkingly into the liquid and watch the viscous concoction swirl, close enough that the steam rising from it would burn your face. _How did I end up here? I don't want to be here forever_. 

One day you had snapped and applied for the Position at Hogwarts. You weren't even really sure you had a chance of getting it, but the mundane burden of your existence at the Ministry, tucked away in an old room dissecting the properties of potions, was making you insane. 

Your relief when you were offered the job was immeasurable. You handed your notice in to Hermione Granger's office the same day and were gone within the week. You were desperate to push outside of the limiting parameters you had accidentally set for your life. Challenge yourself to do more, something different.   
So here you were. 

You stepped into the floo and felt the feel of your skin being stretched just ever so uncomfortably across your skin and then you were there. Inside the old castle, arriving into an old fireplace in a room you had never seen before. Mahogany paneling over the brick of the walls, and desks and sofas and chairs sat in little arrangements all over the room.   
You had little time to explore as you were alerted to a presence in the room. 

"Miss Y/L/N." Professor McGonagall was standing in front of you with a warm smile gracing her aged features. She looked much the same as she had done when you had attended Hogwarts. 

Relief flashed over you to see a welcoming and familiar face.

"Professor McGonagall," You said, extending your hand for her to shake "How wonderful to see you again."

She glanced down at your hand for a moment and let out a short chuckle. 

"We're going to be working together Y/N, I think we can skip such formalities." She smiled a knowing smile and you let your arm drop. 

"Old habits, The ministry is very curt." You were slightly bashful but already feeling more at ease in the presence of a woman you wouldn't have crossed to save your life when you attended the school as a student.

She seemed softer now, the war had changed everyone in ways that no one could have predicted. Her eyes were slightly drained of colour but where her lips used to be pressed into a tight line they were now upturned in a reserved smile. 

"You will come to discover that you are not in the Ministry any more. You will also find that the daily proceedings here are.. different to how would have found them when you previously attended Hogwarts." McGonagall's eyes shot up as if to say god help me and then clasped her hands together and turned around. "Follow me, Miss Y/L/N"

You followed McGonagall down corridors and staircases, through hallways and past classrooms. You were beginning to get your bearings on the place again. Memories coming to the surface and rushing back. Soon you found yourself knowing exactly where you were every time you turned a corner. 

You were bouncing in your heels a bit, trying to keep up with her as she strode up a flight of stairs, making sure you were catching at least half of what she was saying.

"That was a communal staff area, if you ever wish to retire of an evening and get some peace-"   
"Your belongings arrived last night, and they have been placed in your personal quarters-"  
"Have you started to draw up lesson plans already? Other Professors have been covering potions, and we would like you to begin as soon as possible. Our caretaker can't clean up any more mess-"

You found your replies dying in your throat as she continued to speak as she led down another hallway on the fifth floor, to a door in an alcove. 

"This is your personal office with adjoining quarters, locked with a password much like the dormitory's. I'm sure you remember. It changes daily so be sure to ask Felus here to let you know what it is in the morning." She motioned to a painting hanging on the wall adjacent to the door. 

What looked to be an 18th Century French Scholar wiggled his eyebrows at you from his two dimensional confines.

"You let me know if you need anything at all, Madam." The painting drawled smoothly. 

You laughed a true, genuine laugh and McGonagall snapped around.

"That is quite enough Felus! Password please and we will be on our way."

Felus relaxed onto his chaise lounge and smiled, "Flux weed.. Madam."

He purred the word 'Madam' and McGonagall's lips pursed.

You opened the door, and she hurried you inside, murmuring under her breath, "Christ, he even tries it on with me."

Your office was beautiful. High glass atrium ceiling, large oak desk with chairs seated in front of it for visitors. A seating area next to a large fireplace, complete with a drinks cabinet. You suddenly remembered who this office used to belong to. 

You saw a small door off to the side of the room, presumably leading to your bedroom and wash room. 

"Well, I will leave you to get settled in." You heard McGonagall say from behind you.

"Yes, thank you so much Professor, this is all wonderful." You gushed. It really was. You felt like an adult for the first time in your working life. An office just for yourself.

"It may interest you to know that some of your school peers have positions here, Y/N." McGonagall began, "Neville Longbottom is our Herbology Professor, and-" She stilled for a moment, "-Draco Malfoy.. is our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. I remember you two were quite close, no?" 

You froze. How could you not have known that? How could you have applied for this position and not even known that Draco Malfoy worked here and would be working right alongside you? 

"Eh, no. Not really, Professor. He helped me with Charms sometimes, I helped him with potions. That was about it." You lied. 

She looked at you with what you thought might be sympathy for a long moment before she said. 

"Minerva, just call me Minerva." She straightened up and nodded her head towards your room. "Now, Your things are in your room if you want to get dressed or freshen up." She glanced down at your outfit and you groaned inwardly. ' _Okay, so I suppose this wasn't an appropriate outfit'_ you thought. 

You smiled weakly and she excused herself. You heard her telling Felus off on the way out but you struggled to enjoy it. 

You leaned back against your desk and took a deep breath. Draco was here. You hadn't seem him in years. Since you were here, actually. Both just students. Memories came flooding back to you but you shook your head and pressed them down into some imaginary box in your head.

It had been years, you were both adults now. Time had moved you both forward with your lives and you were not the same people you were when you were teenagers.

You gripped the side of your desk. But why had time moved you both forward into exactly the same place? 

It was fine. This was a big place and you didn't have to see him. If you did, you were polite and moved on. You had a quick pep talk with yourself in your head then stood up straight. 

Hogwarts was different from how you remembered it but somehow it was exactly the same. Large parts of the castle had to be rebuilt after the war. You could tell where it had been rebuilt, difference in the stone used on the walls or the wood of the bridge connecting the grounds to the clock-tower courtyard. The bridge was recreated in the original style, almost indistinguishable. But the wood was cleaner, more polished.

You passed a window on a stairwell as you moved through the castle. It looked out over the viaduct. That was the last time you had seen Draco Malfoy properly. He was fleeing from that stone bridge, his mothers hand in his as he left behind the anarchy of the war with his family. Having just pledged allegiance publicly to the Dark Lord. You remembered the look on his face before he had crossed between the two crowds. 

You remembered his eyes meeting yours in the crowd before he went. Your words were dead in your throat but your eyes were pleading, wide and desperate. His were sullen and shiny when he defeatedly rejoined his family. 

You visited the viaduct courtyard. The last time you were here it was under construction. You returned to Hogwarts for a repeat of your Seventh year, as did most others. Large parts of the school had not yet been rebuilt but it was still functional. You remember feeling the same way back then as you did seven years later. Pangs of an impossible feeling. Desperation, nostalgia and cold hard sadness. 

There was a memorial fountain there now. A depiction of wizards from all walks of life casting their wands upwards as if to be fighting, water poured from their wands. It was carved from old stone from the courtyard that had been broken off during the fight. It was beautiful. You remember when it had been erected. The Daily Prophet did a full front page spread on it with the headline 'IMMORTALISED IN STONE'.

You cast your eyes over to the grounds on the other side of the viaduct. There was a graveyard there. Most had taken their dead home to bury on their own land after the war but headstones were placed in memory of those fallen. A small fence lined the perimeter and daisies grew in abundance all around the field. 

You weren't ready to go there yet. 

  
You decided to take a wander down into the lower-east part of the castle, towards Herbology. Most of this part of the castle had been miraculously spared. It was almost exactly as you remembered it. You walked past the library, remembering how much of your time you had spent there. You had had to grind for your good grades, most Hufflepuff's did. It was only Herbology and Potions that had come easily to you. 

That was probably because you had grown up in the countryside, raised by your botanist parents. Your house was buried in the hills of the Highlands and you lived off the land as much as you could. They had expected you to follow suit but you went where the money was and investigating potions at the Ministry was far more lucrative.

You reached the Herbology greenhouses and found there to be no class that morning, it was a Sunday after all, save for some studious budding botanists tending to their Mandrakes. 

You found Neville Longbottom alone in one of the greenhouses, spraying the ivy growing up the walls with his own expert blend of plant nutrients. The ivy was whipping away from the wall and hitting him lightly as he sprayed. He grabbed one of the stems and said "I'm trying to help you know," before being whipped lightly across the mouth. 

"Hello, Neville," You said walking up to him at the back of the room, dodging away from the whipping vines, "These things always were tempestuous."

You grabbed a vine in your hand as it shot out in front of you and smoothed it back into the wall. 

"Y/N!" Neville said excitedly, mouth pulling upwards into a grin.

You blanched slightly. You forgot how much Neville had filled out before the war, he was tall and broad. His sleeves were rolled up slightly and his arms looked strong and calloused from work. His face was angular and sharp, his baby fat gone. His straight teeth bared as he smiled at you. He was dashing. Only improved with age. 

You caught yourself as he started speaking.

"McGonagall said you were starting today but I kind of thought it might have been a wind up," He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "But I'm here eh, and I wasn't exactly academic either. Thank god you are here though, I've been doing a couple days a week standing in for Potions and I'm a mess."

You smiled widely. You and Neville had always got along as you both had a penchant for Herbology. 

"McGonagall did tell me this morning that the caretakers are getting tired of cleaning up mess." You joked. 

He laughed a real laugh and wiped some sweat from his brow with his forearm. You followed the movement. 

"So, shit, how are you? You were working at the Ministry right? I was there too, for a bit, then I couldn't do it any more. It's all politics." He said easily.

You fingered a leaf on a plant beside you.

"Yes, I was at the ministry. Same thing, too restricting. All that red tape and answering to people, I was starting to lose my mind a bit if I'm honest." 

He smiled.

"But," You went on, chuckling a bit "Teaching? I don't even know If i can do this, I just had to get out and potions was about the only thing I was good at, besides this-"   
You motioned around the greenhouse. "But since you're hogging this position I thought I would try my hand at it. I didn't even think I would get it." You admitted.

Neville set his spray bottle down and leaned forward against one of the work benches. "To be honest I don't think they would have taken on someone so young if we hadn't proven to be so good. Me and Malfoy, I mean," He frowned. "No one wanted to work here after what happened. But me and Malfoy did and we're doing quite well, at teaching I mean. So, I think they'll be expecting you to be the same. Young blood and all that."

"Hmm," You considered, "No pressure, then."

You both laughed and it went quiet for a moment. You spoke up. "What is he like now?"

You really had not meant to ask but the words just fell from your mouth.

"Malfoy? He's-" Neville stopped short and looked up to the back of the greenhouse.

You turned to follow his eyes, and they landed on none other than Draco Malfoy himself.

He was just as tall as he ever was, but his shoulders slightly broader. His hair was a couple of shades darker than it had been back in school. He was dressed in black dress trousers and a black shirt. His clothes looked like they had been designed just for his body. They probably had been. He looked healthy and his skin had a slight warmness to it. But his eyes were still a sparkling silver as they danced over your body as you surveyed each other.

Okay, now you _definitely_ knew this wasn't an appropriate outfit. 

You couldn't believe that even after all this time you still felt heat flash over your body when he looked at you. 

You straightened your back and forced yourself to meet his gaze.

"Speak of the devil." You said to Malfoy. You noticed your tone had changed from the jovial way you were speaking to Neville. You hoped Neville hadn't clocked it. 

Malfoy looked down and chuckled, stuffing his hands into his dress trousers. He met your eyes again and started moving across the room towards where you and Neville were standing. 

"Talking about me, were you?" A smirk played on his lips, "How typical."

You blushed. Actually _blushed_.

You had not expected him to walk into this greenhouse with a cocky attitude and to sidle up to you looking like that and make you feel like a seventeen-year old again. 

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." You resolved, "I'm Y/N if you don't remember," You knew he remembered. "I'm here to take over the position of Potions master." 

He scoffed.

"That sounds about right," He said coolly, "This was about the only thing you were good at here, besides whatever.. this is." He motioned around the room. You felt Neville shift uncomfortably behind you. 

You bristled and fixed him with a glare. You had usually been full of one liners to bounce back at someone who was demeaning your position. You had got used to it at the ministry, but now you had nothing. 

Was he really still an asshole? After everything?

When you didn't reply he moved his eyes to Neville. 

"Longbottom, did you pull together that list of insects I need for my Fourth Period tomorrow? I left a parchment on your desk yesterday." 

Neville shot into action behind you and started moving towards the door. 

"Yes, I did, I got them together earlier this morning. Sorry, they're in another greenhouse, I'll just be back with them." Neville was visibly nervous and you felt a pang of sympathy for him. 

Seven years later, and he was still being pushed about by a Slytherin.

He stopped before the door and looked back to you, as if he had just remembered you were still there. 

"Oh, by the way, Y/N, I'm glad you're here to join us. You were always nice to me." He smiled and went to leave. You smiled back warmly.

"You too, Neville."

Neville left and you suddenly felt very warm. Malfoy had moved closer to you, so close you could smell his cologne. It was as intoxicating as it had ever been.   
You met his eyes and he was smirking. 

"But you don't like nice, do you?" He said lowly, he was close enough you could feel his breath across your face.

You breathed in sharply. His breath smelled of apples. You were sure yours smelled of smoke.

He leaned down to whisper against your ear.

"You like a challenge."

You felt a shiver run through your whole body and against your will you felt a shot of heat right between your legs. 

He pulled back from you and for a moment you felt like his eyes were searching yours for something. Until his face contorted back into a smirk again, and he was walking back out of the greenhouse to meet Neville at the door.

You exhaled a breath you didn't know you had been holding.

* * *

You were six months into your third year at Hogwarts and feeling a little drowned. You hadn't had the amazing success your parents had assured you that you would have. Instead, you were struggling with just about everything except Potions and Herbology. 

That is why this class was your favourite. Potions came naturally to you, half the information was already in your head and your base knowledge allowed you to sail through.

You were sitting next to one of your friends, Abeliene. 

Abeliene hated this period purely for the fact that you shared it with Slytherin. She said they made her nervous. You had laughed when she told you that and asked her if you made her nervous. She had said 'of course not' and you explained that your own mother had been a Slytherin and during the sorting ceremony back in your first year the sorting hat seemed to have some difficulty around whether you be sorted into Slytherin or your father's house of Hufflepuff. 

Abeliene had furrowed her brow and said 'how on earth can you be on the cusp of those two houses? That's unheard of'. You had shrugged and said that it didn't make any sense to you either. 

Snape was surveying the room with his usual look of discontentment. His mouth down-turned in a snarl, eyes moving in-between the segregated houses, quite literally split with the space in between desks. 

"I think all students could benefit from a bit of a culture shock. I am going to pair you each up with a member of the opposite house. I think there is much to be learned from each other." Snape's eyes actually looked alive with the deviancy of what he was about to do. 

The classroom groaned and broke out into whispers of reluctance. 

Snape began pairing off couples for the term. You grimaced and gave Abeliene words of sympathy when she was paired with Crabbe. You watched her roll her eyes and get up to go over to his work bench, standing as far away from him as possible. 

He continued to pair students off before there were only two people left in the whole class.

"Mr. Malfoy, you will be working with Miss Y/L/N. My two most competent students. I am expecting acceptable work from you both."

You snapped your head around to look at the blonde boy sidling up to your bench. He was grinning and looking back at Crabbe and Goyle who were jeering and making obscene gestures. 

You snapped your head back to face forward, fixating at something on the board. 

Your heart was beating fast and you didn't know why. Or maybe rather you did, because it was Draco Malfoy. He had arrived back after last summer looking impossibly good.

Your mother had seen him at the station in Kings Cross at the start of term and commented on how much he had changed from last year and given you a pointed look. You had told her not to be so gross and hid your flushed cheeks. He was horrible. But you couldn't deny he looked good.

Draco was beside you at the bench, smirk ever present on his face. You had narrowed your eyes at him slightly, resolving not to let him bother you. 

You were making wideye potion which was something you could have made in your sleep, ironically.

"I'll get the ingredients." You said nicely. He had sat down, flipping through his potions textbook lazily. You noticed there were little notes in the margins on each page. He was good at potions, Snape had said so, and you were damned if you were going to do all the work yourself.

Draco watched as you gathered all the ingredients and put six snake fangs into your mortar.

"Measure out four measures of standard ingredient please." You asked him while you crushed up your snake fangs.

He scoffed, and gave you a smile of absolute bewilderment. 

"Why should I do that?" He asked rudely. 

You turned and cocked your head at him.

"Are you dense? So we can pass this class, obviously. This potion makes light work for two hands, and we don't have a lot of time. So, again, that's four measures of standard ingredient." You said, and almost chastised yourself for being so brash. But this was Draco Malfoy, and he obviously had no intention of helping you. 

He looked at you for a long time after you spoke, with something that could only be described as contempt which then turned to reluctant acceptance, before shrugging and picking up the jar of standard ingredient.

As he was measuring it out he spilled a large amount on the floor between you. You looked up and frowned at him, and he gave you a contemptuous smile before addressing Snape.

"Professor! Y/L/N has just spilled standard ingredient all over the floor!" He bared his teeth at you and you gave him an incredulous look. 

Snape didn't even look up from his desk and just said "Clean it up, Y/L/N."

Not wanting to cause a scene, you dropped your pestle into your mortar and pushed it away from you across the table, keeping your eyes on him as you conceded. He was beaming. 

You grabbed a small dustpan and brush from the ingredients cupboard and leaned down to clean it up. 

"Careful you get all of it Y/L/N." He said, brushing more off the table, the herbs falling into your hair and around you as you sat on your knees on the floor next to him. 

You leaned forward on all fours to brush up the worst of it up and when you glanced over your shoulder to give him a hard stare you found he was already looking at you, eyes raking over your body. 

He met your gaze and gave you a smug smile. This was a game to him. You make me feel small and I'll make you feel small.

You stood to empty the dustpan into a bin.

By the time you got back to your work bench you found that he had already added the Billywig Stings to the cauldron and crushed the fangs and standard ingredient in the mortar. He was standing there looking bored, waiting for the Stings to heat.

You took a deep breath, grabbed the mortar and poured the contents into the liquid. The steam was billowing from the pot now. You stirred it anti clockwise three times and Draco waved his wand over it. Now you just had to wait. 

It was getting hot in the classroom. Everyone cauldrons simmering gently. Front pieces of your hair had got stuck to your forehead, you were sweating every time you stood and leaned forward to check it. 

Your robe had been discarded at the beginning of the class, anticipating the heat, but now you were roasting. 

You pulled your jumper over your head and exhaled sharply at the relief. You could feel little beads of sweat running down your chest from the back of your neck.

Draco had been studiously taking notes next to you, ignoring you after his victory earlier. But then he started giving you sidelong glances, his eyes rising up to look at your flushed face. Moving downward to your breasts, your shirt sticking to them. Through the material of your shirt he could see your bra. He was suddenly feeling quite hot too. 

You noticed him peeking at you but pretended not to notice. Instead, undoing a few buttons on your shirt, opening it slightly. He was looking more obviously then, forgetting himself entirely. He had never seen so much of your skin, especially not when it was all warm and wet and you were wiping your brow with your bunched up jumper, shirt moving open just enough to see the round shape of one breast. 

You had caught his eye and then it was your turn to give him a smirk.

His eyes moved back to his parchment quickly. 

"You know we're in a classroom, don't you?" He said, ignoring you once again and going back to taking notes. 

You just continued smirking as you stood to check your wideye potion once again. It was perfect, as you had expected.

When you turned to catch Malfoy's gaze from where you were standing, you found he was staring at your ass.

He looked up to see you watching him, eyes wide and looking like he had been caught. 

"Anyone would think they had named this potion after you, hmm?" You said, raising one eyebrow.

He looked back to his parchment and actually bit out a laugh. 

Snape was doing the rounds, overseeing the progress of each potion. When he arrived at your bench he nodded curtly at your cauldron.

"Acceptable. I see this pairing is as profitable as I thought." He said before quickly moving away back to desk. You smiled to yourself. An 'acceptable' from Snape was high praise indeed. 

The potion needed to brew overnight so it would be left there until your lesson the next day. As you were packing up towards the end of the lesson Draco turned to you, looking slightly frustrated. 

"Listen," He began, "I don't want any trouble in this class."

You scanned his face for a moment.

"Neither do I." You said, no malice in your voice.

"Well, can we just get along and get through this term as partners? I don't want to fail this class, and we won't if we just work together, I suppose." 

You smiled sweetly at him before saying "Of course. No more fucking about, lets just ace this class." 

He nodded, frowning slightly. He couldn't believe that a Hufflepuff had made him back down and work with her. He was slightly embarrassed but when he relayed the story to his friends he would simply tell them she was hot, and he was trying to get a girl in every house.

You walked out of your potions class that day feeling positively triumphant.

You had got Draco Malfoy to do what you wanted.


	2. Romeo & Juliet

You walked into the potions classroom and almost couldn't believe that this was now your domain where you would teach, just as Snape had. 

It was the same. Looked the same, smelled the same. You inhaled deeply. Smells were the most powerful kind of time travel. If you closed your eyes you could have been right back in Hogwarts as a student, labouring over a cauldron of Veritaserum, or maybe Wideye. 

You snapped your eyes open. No use getting sentimental now. 

You did a quick stock check of all the ingredients, vials and cauldrons in the cupboard and did a quality check for assurance. You were to start building a lesson plan today. But when you sat down to do it you found that you had no idea where they were at in the textbook. You didn't know how much they knew. You would have to talk to someone who had been covering the class. 

_Neville!_ You thought. _He had been covering the class, I'll speak to him._

You were making your way along to Herbology before you saw Neville coming running along the hallway towards you, a pained expression on his face as he grasped his hand, a towel compressed on it, blood flying out of the sides.

"Neville? I was just coming looking for you, about Potions? But you've.. maimed yourself?" You slowed to a stop, but he kept moving, practically dancing past you. 

"So sorry, Y/N! Got to go to the healer! But I didn't do much, it was Malfoy who actually taught them anything, talk to him, sorry I've got to go!" Neville said, moving further and further away from you as he ran off down the hallway, leaving a trail of blood behind him. 

You stood in the hallway for a long second. You were going to have to go and talk to Malfoy. You couldn't avoid him. 

You walked back along the corridor, using a simple cleaning spell to remove Neville's blood from the floor as you went. 

McGonagall pointed you in the direction of Malfoy's office when you bumped into her outside the Great Hall, so you went off to the other side of the castle. 

You passed many students as you moved through the maze of the school. A lot of them turned to look at you and whisper to each other.

"Who is she?"

"Is she a teacher?" 

"I don't think teachers look like that!"

You found Malfoy's office and a part of you hoped he wouldn't even be in there.

You knocked four times in quick succession. You used to knock like that when you were visiting him in his dormitory. Some sort of muscle memory thing triggered by being back in Hogwarts. You hoped he wouldn't remember.

He answered the door and looked at you as though he had just been thinking about you and now you were right here in front of him. 

Then his face turned back to smug and he said: "Come in." and moved to the side, using his hand to motion you into the room.

He closed the door behind you and you walked into the center of his office. It wasn't how you expected it to be at all. There were plants everywhere, all different varieties and sizes, some hanging inside woven plant holders, suspended from the ceiling. There were open books on every surface. He had always been so neat and tidy during his school years. His dorm was immaculate, his robes, his hair. 

But now it seemed as though you had stepped into another reality where Draco Malfoy was not anal about things being perfect. 

You moved over to a table behind one of the sofas facing his fireplace. There were open textbooks and essays and thesis papers there but on top of it all was a small book. Upon closer inspection the book was full of notes, little scrawls over the pages, underling words or circling sentences.

"Romeo and Juliet?" You inquired aloud, having read the title at the top of one of the pages.

You could have groaned at the irony, but it was too poetic. 

He walked over quickly and snatched the book from the table, closing it as he walked over to his desk and set it down, looking at it like he was angry he had left it out to be seen like that. 

You moved closer, watching him. 

"Isn't that-?" You started.

"Muggle Literature? Yes." He cut you off, still looking down at the book on his desk.

"I didn't think you would have read things like that." You said quietly, so not to make him feel embarrassed.

"It's just.. Interesting to me." He said, equally as quietly, "I don't feel the same about them as I did.. you know." 

You looked at him for a moment and then opened your mouth to speak. 

"So," He cut you off once again, "What can I do for you, or are you just here because you can't stay away?" His eyebrows quirked. 

You huffed. "Actually, I need to know where you got to when you were covering potions. I need to draw up a lesson plan but I have no idea where each class is at or how much they already know."

He sifted through a few papers on his messy desk, seemingly knowing exactly what he was looking for, before he gathered a bundle and tapped them against the wood to straighten them.

He motioned for you to come to him with his finger without looking up. You obliged and moved over to where he was behind the desk.

"These are my lesson plans, it's not my class to teach so they're not detailed but this is what I've been doing with each year roughly." He skimmed through the parchment he was holding showing you what he meant. "You know yourself what they should know by each year, although you and I were maybe a bit more advanced."

You were staring at his hands. His long fingers, big flat palms. You remembered how it felt to have them wrapped around your-

"Y/N? Take my textbooks, I've colour coded them according to each year and class individually. Are you listening?" You felt as though someone had just tuned you back into the world around you like a radio. 

You glanced up at him, catching his gaze. He was so tall next to you and you could smell the apples again. His gaze was soft and he wasn't smirking anymore. 

"Thank you," You bit out, quickly relieving him off all the papers and textbooks in his hands. "Honestly, what a relief, thank you so much. I have to go.. get sorted, you know, lesson plans and things." You just about ran out of his office.

Once you shut the door behind you, you leaned against it for a moment, feeling like an idiot. You glanced over to a painting on the wall who was chuckling at you. 

"Oh, fuck off." You said petulantly, setting off back down the hallway. 

You spent the rest of the day preparing lesson plans and comparing the course material to relevant learning. A few old teachers came by to welcome you back to Hogwarts, including Hagrid and Trelawney. They were more amazed you came back at all, let alone to fill a teaching position. By the time the evening came you were exhausted. 

You looked to the clock just in time to see dinner was about to be served in the Great Hall. A knock came at your door and it was McGonagall. She asked if you would come to the hall to be properly introduced to the faculty and students before dinner.

You followed her down to the hall, feeling anxious to eat more than anything. You remembered how amazing the food was, and oh, the pastries.

McGonagall quickly introduced you before the food appeared on the tables. Some students hollered but McGonagall's stern face ceased them almost instantly. 

She left the hall presumably to attend to more errands. You were going to set off in search of food when one of the students shouted out to you.

"What house are you, Miss?" 

You smiled widely looking over to the rows of yellow robes.

"I was a Hufflepuff, back in the day." You answered and ripples of cheers erupted from your old house. You walked over to the Hufflepuff table and sat at the edge.

"I should have known you were one of ours, Miss," One boy said, ripping into a chicken leg. "Good stock us, eh?" 

You laughed loudly, "You're a riot, now give us one of them," You leaned over the table to grab at a pastry. 

You spoke with them a little while longer. They were very curious about where you were from, what you had done previously, then some intrusive questions about the war and your relationship status. You excused yourself then, suddenly wondering if this was wildly unprofessional. 

As you were exiting the Great Hall when you felt someone tug at your arm. You resisted a little at first, then felt Malfoy's breath against your ear, "Come with me, I'll show you where the good stuff is." He was dragging you then, down towards the kitchens.

He kept his hand on your arm the whole way to the kitchens, leading you, moving slightly in front of you. You had to look down at your feet to make sure you didn't trip over his. He led you down a set of stairs, pulling you to him as you entered. The elves were working hard preparing the food, and there was flour everywhere in the air. The counters were littered with vegetables and meat. One elf hopped down from the stool he was standing on. 

"Two Professors plates," Malfoy said, glancing back to you, his look said _you're going to love this._

The Elf disappeared for a moment then reappeared with two plates in hand. Draco took them both and nodded in thanks. The elf didn't look too bothered either way, just hopped back up onto his stool and continued chopping carrots. 

He handed a plate to you. You took it gratefully. The plate was piled high with food; meat and veggies and dumplings and bread. 

Malfoy lead you back round to the stairs, where he sat down and motioned for you to do the same. You sat across from him on the step, your knees knocking together. 

He ripped a piece of bread from his plate and handed it to you.

"Did you get the bread? It's really good." He said, extending his hand. 

You nodded- "Yeah, I got it. Thanks." You stared at him for a moment before summoning a fork from the kitchen and tucking in. 

"The elves always make up a plate for Professors and Groundsmen," He started, biting into his bread. "It's always the best stuff, best cuts of meat, bread fresh from the kiln, the crispiest potatoes." He watched you bite into one. "Right?"

Your eyes rolled back and you nodded furiously. 

"Don't ever eat what is on the table in the Great Hall, you've got to come down here and get your Professors plate." He said, picking up a chicken wing and biting into it. 

You sat like that for a while. You were so hungry you didn't speak at all, just filled your mouth. The food really was good. It was a little strange to be eating in a stairwell but you had eaten your lunch at a dirty workbench for the last five years so it wasn't a great pain for you. 

It was a comfortable silence between the two of you. You could still hear the noises of a busy kitchen behind you, creating an atmosphere, filling the quiet moment. When you looked up he was smiling at his plate, he looked up at you, his gaze soft. 

"Remember when we used to sneak in here?" He asked, smile still on his lips. 

A smile had crept its way up on to your lips as well but upon hearing his words it suddenly fell. You quickly put your plate down on the step and got up. He looked up at you, noticeably confused. 

"I have to go. It's late.. and I still have things to prepare for tomorrow." 

Before he could reply you were running up the stairs and back to your quarters.

A few students said hello to you on your way back, you smiled politely but kept practically running back to your room. 

Felus was waiting for you expectantly when you returned but you brushed him off. 

"Oh, do one Felus! Fluxweed." You entered your office and quickly shut the door. 

Why was he so confusing? And why did you allow yourself to be pulled down into the kitchens by him?

You shook him from your mind and drew a bath. You sank into the water and tried to quite literally wash off the embarrassment of running away from him. He had been so rude, and then so nice. History be damned, he was just strange. 

You dried off and changed into your night robe. You put your hair in a braid and crawled into your bed. It was glorious. Comfy and soft. 

You imagined Malfoy lying in his bed. The covers pulled down, resting against his pelvis. His broad chest exposed. Head lying to the side, his sharp jawline, strong arms, big hands, messy blonde hair, pink lips. 

You fell asleep and dreamed of him. When you awoke you were sweating, burning hot, rutting against your bed covers, moaning desperately, trying to get friction.

* * *

A month had gone by since your first Potions lesson paired with Malfoy. You were comfortable around each other now. When you made a mistake he simply called you a ditsy Hufflepuff. When he made a mistake you called him a stubborn Slytherin. 

You had even taken to making little jokes around one another. When he would weigh something out perfectly first time you would mimic Snape in his ear. Ex...cellent. When you added Wolfsbane to a potion he would mimic a wolf's cry as he dropped it in. This gained laughs from the whole class but it felt very personal between just the two of you as you always shared a grin afterwards.

He had softened. Well, as much as was possible for a Malfoy to soften. 

Your work was exceptional. Together you were top of the class and performing at a level much higher than that of your year group. Malfoy was smart, and you knew what you were doing. Snape had seldom given you both real praise but you had heard he had invited some other professors into his study to admire the accuracy of your work. 

This particular day was different, though. You had crossed a new line of closeness. He was absentmindedly stirring the cauldron. You both knew from previous experience that consistently stirring while adding final ingredients yielded the best results for this particular potion. So he was stirring, watching you lazily while you added in the last of the Lionfish scales.

He finished stirring and you wiped your brow, wiping some of the residue over your forehead as you did so.

He snorted when he looked up at you, and your eyebrows creased together for a moment.

"What?" You asked, laughing too now. 

"You're covered in Lionfish powder, you great mess."

You touched your forehead and when your hand came away it was covered in a yellow residue. 

Before you could think your hand shot out and swiped his cheek with the powder. You cackled, and he stopped and looked at you for a frightening moment before laughing with you. He grabbed the mortar and wiped his hand around the base of it, picking up as much of the substance as he could before trying to swipe at your own cheek with his hand. You giggled. _Giggled_ , and tried to get away from him but his other hand held you still. You struggled further, trying to bat at his face with your own hand until you were both laughing and his arm had snaked around your waist to keep you in place. 

The room which had once been buzzing with normal classroom chatter had quieted down with the disruption, everyone looking up from their cauldrons to watch your spectacle. 

You both eventually noticed how noiseless the room had become and stopped your antics. You both looked around, a little embarrassed, but there were still little laughs escaping your lips.

Malfoy looked around self consciously and saw Crabbe and Goyle both eyeing him, brows furrowed, frowning deeply. They both wore grimaces, watching the two of you with disgust. 

Malfoy suddenly felt incredibly foolish. How could he have allowed himself to get so carried away with a Hufflepuff girl he barely knew?

"Hope I haven't caught anything from you now," He said loudly, loud enough that everyone in the room could hear him. Your smile fell instantly. "Don't know what I could catch from a dirty thing like you." He laughed loudly and Crabbe and Goyle chorused him. 

You cast your eyes downward to your notes. Malfoy had drawn little scribbles on your parchment earlier and you stared at them, suddenly feeling the urge to cry. 

You turned back to shoot a look at Abeliene, but she was just staring at Malfoy with utter contempt.

You sat down slowly. You didn't retort or say anything else for the rest of the lesson and neither did he. 

At the end of the lesson you packed up your things and left without saying a word. Abeliene caught up to you with the hallway and said "Fucking Asshole" As Malfoy walked by you both with his cronies in tow. 

You watched as his shoulders tensed and then relaxed as he kept walking. Crabbe turned around to make an obscene gesture at the two of you but Abeliene just made one back.

Later you and Abeliene were sat up in your dorm together. You were on your front on your bed and she was on the floor, legs crossed, a book lying open over her knees.

"I can't believe I actually thought Draco Malfoy was alright." You said, looking at a diagram of a centaur in Abeliene's textbook.

She looked up from the page and fixed you with a strange look. "You should have seen his face after he said it though," She said, a frown coming over her soft features. "He looked like he felt bad for saying it."

You scoffed, rolling on to your back to stare at your canopy. "I don't think he feels bad about anything." You said bitterly. Instantly you felt childish for saying that. Of course he felt bad about things, he was human.

"He has an image to protect, Y/N. He can't be seen to be joking about with a Hufflepuff. His friends aren't really his friends. Don't you think that's actually more sad that anything else?"

You thought for a moment. "Yeah, you're right Abie. It is sad. Even that girlfriend he has doesn't seem to like him much."

Abeliene laughed, closing her book and coming closer, as though she was telling you a secret. "I heard it's a relationship of convenience." She gasped out. "I heard that they don't really care for each other at all and it's all just to do with their parents."

You fake gasped and she pushed your shoulders playfully. You both laughed as it grew late in the castle. A full moon rested outside of your dorm window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a wee one. Thank you for reading!


	3. Wine drunk with Trelawney

It was your third Potions lesson and things were going well. You had a double period of year Fives that morning who were revising for the OWL's. You had very quickly introduced yourself to their panicked faces then explained that there was plenty of time for revision before their exams and you would simply be here to explain anything they didn't understand and guide them through how to best answer questions and there would be practical tests closer to the time of their actual exams. They had simply nodded and spent the entire lesson with their heads down, frantically trying to understand Potion theory.

You had then had a group of First years in before lunch and that was a lot of fun. They were only four and a half months into their Hogwarts experience so you had planned a fun lesson where you showed them how to make things explode and Potions that can make people violently sick, and other such things that kids enjoy. You had enjoyed a whole lesson of Oo's and Aaa's before sending them away hoping some of them would have the same passion for Potions you did. After lunch was a double period of Third years. You had been dreading them all morning and here they were sitting in front of you looking suitably unimpressed.

"Hello," You started moving to the front of your desk to address them. "I am Miss Y/L/N. I am your new Potions master. I hope we can all work together to achieve the best understanding of Potions possible. This is a wonderful subject and I'm really looking forward to teaching you this year."

They stared at you blankly and you quickly moved around to your desk again to check your lesson plan. 

A student in the front row shot their hand up.

"Uh, Yes?" You said, not sure how there were questions already. 

"What age are you miss?" 

You blanched.

"I- I'm Twenty-Six, Mister-?" You replied before another student cut you off

"She looks about Eighteen!" A girl from the back row chimed in. 

"Are you qualified to be here?" A boy from the back called out and a wave of laughter washed over the class.

"Who did you screw to get this job?" A boy from the back called out, more laughter.

You just stood there dumbly for a minute while they laughed. You gathered yourself enough to move back around to front of your desk again and shout out: "That is enough!"

Before you had time to think about what to say next, Draco Malfoy had appeared from the door at the back of the room and was walking up the center of the classroom between the desks confidently. 

"Hello class!" He said loudly.

"Hello, Mister Malfoy." They all grumbled quietly, casting their eyes downwards at his sudden arrival.

"If you want to know what qualifies Miss Y/L/N to be here, how about you learn a few facts about her, hmm? How about the fact she's just worked in the investigative Potions department at the Ministry of Magic for the last Seven years? Or, better yet, how about the fact her parents own a potion making business whereby they also grow and rear their own ingredients?" 

He had commanded the room, they were all looking around at each other sheepishly now, some of them glancing at you, embarrassed. 

"Let's see how qualified you are to be here shall we? Devaux, tell me, are there any Valerian sprigs in a wideye potion?"

He was pointing to the boy who had asked how old you were. 

"Yes?" He answered meekly.

"Wrong! and why is that Miss Alford?" He moved to point at the girl who had asked if you were qualified to be here.

"I- I don't know?" She looked to you for help as if you would give it to her. 

"Wow, well its good to know all my hours teaching you sorry bunch wasn't for nothing, anyone else want to hazard a guess?" He spun round and flashed you a wicked smile. "What about you, Thomas?" He moved now to point at the boy who had asked if you had screwed someone to get this job. 

Malfoy moved to stand next to his desk. He was staring at just about everything else in the room but Malfoy. 

"Valerian root is used in calming and sleeping Potions, like Sleeping Draught, Professor." Thomas answered quietly. 

"Top of the class Thomas, not that that's saying much, mind you. Can you name me all four ingredients in a Sleeping Draught?" Malfoy was staring down at him, and he was staring at his desk.

"Lavender, Valerian root, standard ingredient and... I'm sorry professor I can't remember." Thomas' eyes were burning a hole into his desk now.

"Maybe," Malfoy bent down to his level, "You should spend a little more time with your head in the books and a little less time harassing your teacher." 

Malfoy stood up and walked back towards you.

"Miss Y/L/N, can you tell me the last component of Sleeping Draught please?" He was pointing at you now. 

You smiled, that smile that you do when someone has just been entirely too good and you can't deny it. 

"Flobberworm Mucus, Mister Malfoy." You replied, placing your hands on your hips. 

Malfoy joined you at the front of the class and addressed them all once again. 

"And that, everyone, is why she's here. You wouldn't behave this way in my classroom, so don't do it here." 

You stared at him for a long moment before you moved to the board and cast a charm to fill the board with notes for the lesson.   
"Alright," You said, a commanding tone in your voice now. "Today we are studying the effects of Forgetfullness Potion."

You turned your head away from the class and mouthed a quick 'Thank You' to Malfoy before continuing.

Now that you were feeling confident in your role as potions master, your lessons had been a breeze. You were learning from Malfoy. You could command a room, demand respect. You were nicer to the students than he was but you were able to be stern when it called for it. 

You were gaining the respect of the other Professors as well. Sometimes in the evening you would sit in the communal staff area and share stories of the days most funny goings-on, or discuss students you were concerned about, or simply revel in their achievements and thus your own. Other times, like on Friday nights you would sometimes partake in too much Butterbeer and find yourselves all merry and drunk and discussing their love lives.

The older professors would excuse themselves early and the rest of you would stay up late to gossip. Neville seemed to have most of the gossip, being Herbology professor.

"Everyone comes down to the greenhouses to fuck, I swear," He drawled one Friday night. You were all way past drunk and sprawled on the couches, laughing wildly. "I swear down to you, it's because they think no-one will be there." He looked sad for a moment before you laughed so loudly everyone else started laughing as well. 

You felt bad but you were so drunk you couldn't articulate properly so you just went: "Aw, Neville, that's not true, who wouldn't want to spend their free time in a hot, stinky greenhouse?" 

Everyone laughed as Neville looked impossibly more sad.

Malfoy was there tonight, too. He didn't attend every Friday staff night. He wasn't hugely sociable, you had noticed. Since he had stepped in to help you with your third years that day he had kept a respectful distance from you. 

Sometimes he would pop his head in to your classroom and make sure everything was alright but other than that you seldom saw him.

But he was there tonight and you couldn't help but keep stealing glances at him. He looked as drunk as you must have looked. His eyes were glazed over and shiny, a little red in his cheeks too. He was sitting on a sofa to himself at the edge of the circle. 

You were sharing a sofa with Trelawney, who always got wine-drunk and started talking about the students she knew were in love because she could see their pink auras.

"I'm just saying, no-one would sneak into a potions classroom to fuck.. I get no respect!" Neville reached forward to pick his drink up from the table in the center of the sofa arrangement, almost falling forward entirely. 

"No one sneaks into the potions classroom to fuck because no-one wants third degree burns on their japseye, Longbottom!" 

The room erupted in laughter again. You couldn't believe how crude you were being and you couldn't believe that these same conversations must have been happening when you were a student here too. Oh, what they must have said about you, you thought. 

As though you had been thinking the same thought, your eyes met Malfoy's at the same time. You would have usually looked away but you were drunk and confident, so you held his gaze. 

He just stared back at you with the same intensity until Trelawney moved into your line of vision. Her big eyes, rattling with drink, trying to focus on yours. 

"My dear," She started, dramatic as usual. "Your aura is so confused, you are full of so many emotions...." She gripped the side of your face when you looked away from her. "You are at war with yourself.. I can see it... or something." She dropped her hands away from you. 

She lay back on the couch and closed her eyes. 

"Huh, tuckered herself out," You commented before taking a drink from her bottle. 

Malfoy was still stealing little glances at you. You resolved not to look at him anymore.

The night went on, Neville informed everyone of a very scandalous Slytherin/Ravenclaw relationship. You all agreed houses didn't have the same rigid meaning they used to. You all avoided talking about the war, and wizard politics. Instead, discussing at one point, how many new bird species everyone had seen in the last year. Flitwick had seen a Puffin! How wonderful to your drunk mind. 

Eventually the night was drawing to a close. Neville had just passed out and that declared the end of the festivities.

You thought Malfoy had passed out too so you moved past him to leave and make your way back to your quarters. (The paintings were a wonderful help, excellent at giving directions)

You had made it to the doorway when you heard his voice behind you. 

"Y/N." 

He was up, off the couch and up against you in a moment.

He pushed you against the door way and tangled one hand in your hair. His eyes burned into yours. You could feel every inch of him against you. He was firm and warm. His eyes flashed down to look at your lips and without thinking your tongue flashed out to wet them.

He groaned. " _Y/N_." He said it so softly you could have sworn you never actually heard it. 

But before you could make any awful decisions he had let you go, and was staggering back to the couch to pass out. 

You stood, wavering in the doorway for a moment. Unsure if any of this was real. You decided it wasn't and set off down the hallway, back to your room. 

The next morning you had a ferocious hangover. You awoke in your office, having never made it to the bedroom, half-way between being on the sofa and being on the floor.

The moment you sat up you became nauseous. You cradled your head for a moment before suddenly getting up with a start and then running to the bathroom to just narrowly avoid missing the toilet where you were violently sick. 

You lay on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor for what you guessed was probably about an hour and a half before sitting up and staring around the room. Memories of last night flashed into your mind. Malfoy, right before you left. 

Why had he done that, grabbed you like that? Couldn't he leave well enough alone?

You forced yourself out of your bathroom and into your office. You had a cabinet of herbs and remedies, just in case, mounted on the far wall. You had stocked it on your first day, you thanked your past self as you put together a little hangover cure.

You forced yourself into the shower afterwards, letting the warm water slowly bring you back to life as the cure coursed through your body. You patted your skin dry and pulled on a long silk robe before you started moisturising. Another homegrown concoction your mother had taught you how to make for healthy skin.  
You were towel drying your hair when you heard a knock at your door. You pulled your robe closer to your body and thought, shit, no time to change, I'll just have to answer like this. 

When you opened the door you were surprised to find a Fourth year girl standing in front of you.

"Chalmers?" You said quizzically, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh god, sorry Miss," The girl said, noticing your state of undress. "I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something? Girl to girl."

You cocked your head. You hadn't expected to have one of your students turn up at your door looking for girl talk, but you were flattered she had come to you. 

"Of course, come on in." You moved aside to usher her in.

You got her sat down on one of the sofas, sitting on another sofa across from her. You cast a quick incendio into the fireplace to warm the room, and the atmosphere, as she spoke.

"I'm so sorry to come to you like this, Miss. I know you're busy being a teacher and all, but, you're young and, well-" She motioned to all of you, "So I thought you might know about.. affairs of the heart." The girl was looking at you hopefully, playing with her hands a little in her lap.

"Oh, I see," You smiled, "Relationship trouble. Well, I'm not a stranger to these things, I'll admit it's been a while for me but I'll do my best-"

"That's the thing, Miss.." She cut you off, looking embarrassingly down at her hands. "It's not a relationship at all. He spends all this time with me, seems so interested, you know? Then he just ignores me after a while, or he's just mean to me. It's like he's afraid with being of me."

You just blinked at her for a few moments. In front of you was yourself at the same age. A meeker and milder version mind you, but the situation was eerily familiar. You felt a million memories rush back to you all at once and you felt like your head was spinning. You had a chance to tell your younger self what you wish someone had told you.

"Miss Chalmers," You crossed your legs, turning towards her fully, leaning in a bit closer. "You like this boy a lot, yes?" She nodded her head slowly, looking regretful. "Have you ever addressed these issues, had it out with him? Asked why he treats you so badly?"

She nodded quickly. 

"Yes!" She said "So many times! He always says it's complicated, or that it's not as simple as just us being together. But he still takes me up to the astronomy tower and-"

"Okay!" You quickly cut her off, "I know where that's going and I don't want to hear it. Listen to me, seldom times it is really so complicated. Give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't choose you, then leave him and move on."

The girls eyebrows knitted together. "I know you like him a lot, I can see it on your face," You said gently, extending your hand out to cover hers, "But you are too young and too beautiful to have a boy treat you this way. If he doesn't know whether he wants you or not, then face him with an ultimatum. If he doesn't choose you, then move on and find someone who will."

She smiled weakly and nodded. She knew you were right, she had probably told herself the same thing a thousand times. The worst part was she wouldn't take your advice, because she was you, and you wouldn't have listened either.

"Thank you, Miss. I know you're right I just.. he's just really great when we're alone, you know?" She looked away sadly.

"I know exactly," You said, standing up and pulling her to stand with you. "But you have to be strong. Most of all, you have to not let this interfere with your work. I lost too many a grade to worrying about a boy." 

She smiled at you.

"Was that Mister Malfoy?" She asked cheekily.

Your face flashed in a frown. Chalmers noticed and immediately her eyes widened.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Miss, I didn't mean to.. shit. It's just that you and Mister Malfoy, we all talk about it, you both seem like you have a past or.. something now. God, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have misspoke." She was waving her arms about as though her flailing gestures would get rid of her social blunder.

You just let out an exasperated sigh. They all talk about it. You and Mister Malfoy.

"It's quite alright, Miss Chalmers. However I can assure you that Mister Malfoy and I are just work colleagues and nothing more." You smiled and pressed a hand on her back, walking her towards the door. You were suddenly feeling nauseous again.

Once standing outside of your door she gave you a look that said she knew you weren't telling her the whole story, having deliberately not confirmed or denied whether he was indeed the boy you were referring to when you told her you had missed out on grades for worrying about boys.

She thanked you for your council and you had squeezed her shoulder and told her to heed your advice. As she set off down the hall, away from your office, you saw Felus watching you with raised two-dimensional eyebrows from within his painting.

"Fun last night, Madam?" His heavy French accent drawled.

You rolled your eyes. You had probably woken him up when you returned.

He confirmed this by telling you a long and languid story about how you had returned, absolutely inebriated, tried to high five him through his painting, then proceeded to ask him the password to your office four times before finally getting it right and opening the door. Then you knocked your head against the frame as you walked in.

A lump on your forehead pulsated in proof. You groaned.

"To be interrupted two times while trying to sleep in my own painting, honestly." He huffed dramatically.

"Two times?" You asked.

"Oh yes," Felus said slyly. "A man turned up here around half an hour later, looked like he thought better of it and left again."

"Who?" You asked quickly, then chastised yourself for your eagerness. "What man?"

"The one with the gorgeous eyes and checkered past, Professor Malfoy."

You turned to go back inside, gripping the door a little tighter than was necessary. Why had he been here? Did it have something to do with the way he had grabbed you before you had left he staff room?

"You got a little something going on with our resident bad boy, hmm?" You heard Felus say before you slammed your office door closed.

* * *

  
It was only your third year and Malfoy had taken to making your life a living hell. Every time he saw you he would call out to you, say something about your parents or your low class status.   
You had ignored him at first, as no one had ever had it out for you before. You had never dealt with harassment. He could be as cruel as he liked to you, it didn't bother you that he had taken a dislike to you after your run-in during Potions class. Like Abeliene said, he had a reputation to protect, so you let him carry on, you didn't let him get under your skin.  


The first time he called you a dirty blood traitor you were walking through the hallway with Abeliene towards charms class. Malfoy was coming the opposite way towards you both, surrounded by a gang of Slytherins. He had shouted it at you, loud enough the whole hallway could hear, his face contorted in a cruel smile.  


"Imagine a pureblood being sorted into Hufflepuff and then consorting with half breeds. But what else can you expect from a poor, dirty witch." He had said it was so much disgust you thought he might just spit at your feet. He had slowed down to a stop so he could see if he could gain a reaction from you.  


You froze and felt a flash of anger run over you, your blood boiling, bubbling under your skin. You met his gaze with a fierce stare.   


"Did your daddy teach you that word?" You said in a mocking tone, cocking your head to the side. You narrowed your eyes at him as his face fell into a sneer. "How sad to live your life in someone else's shadow."   


Draco flew towards you pulling out his wand. One of the Slytherins grabbed his arm before he could point it at you and held him back.  


"Dirty bitch!" He spit the words venomously. You could see real, true anger on his face and you couldn't deny how good it felt to have put it there.   


You gave him a smile and continued walking down the hallway with Abeliene. You could hear him cursing for you with his friends, but you just kept walking. Abeliene was laughing loudly, hoping he could hear it.  


It continued like that for a while, he would harass you and insult you wherever he saw you and you would simply retort with something equally scathing. There were times where you would be throwing cruel words at each other and he would look almost impressed, as though you were catching him off guard with how ruthless you could be.  


It became sort of a game between you. That was until one day Goyle had said something about you in Potions. He said that it was a shame you were a Hufflepuff blood traitor because you were actually quite hot and would be good for a fuck.  


You had prickled at the words. You had heard them speaking about you being low born and a bitch and all the rest of it, but there had never been a sexual element. Malfoy had never insulted the way you looked, nor made obscene comments about you or your body.   


Abeliene was next to you at your desk. She had heard them and her back was tensed. Hearing your friend called a bitch by a bunch of arseholes was one thing, but to have them talk about her sexually was other thing entirely.  


Malfoy was quiet for a moment after Goyle made the comment. A part of you was scared he would go along with it, and speak about you like that. You weren't sure why, but that bothered you more that anything else ever could.   


"Don't be disgusting Goyle." He said finally, and you actually let out a breath of relief. "I wont even entertain the thought of fucking a thing like that."  


Bastard, you thought. It hurt to be spoken about like that, but for some reason you preferred him to shake off a conversation like that rather to entertain it and objectify you.  


Abeliene placed a hand on your arm and you shot her a weak smile. She gave you a sympathetic one back and then asked if you could both be excused to the healer for 'women's problems'. Snape had scrunched his face up and let you both go without any further questioning.  


Once you were out of the classroom Abeliene steered you in the direction of the great hall.   


"Let's get something to eat." She said, a pleasant note in her voice.   


You were sitting at your house table across from her, pushing potatoes around your plate while she listed all the ways she could hurt or inconvenience Malfoy.  


"Why don't we in-script the help of the Weasley twins? They seem good at fucking with people." Abeliene was nodding her head over to the two redheads, sitting at the Griffindor table next to yours.  


You laughed at the thought of Malfoy eating some of the boys famous homemade puking pastilles and throwing his guts up. Abeliene was flashing her eyes at you wildly.  


"Hello ladies." Said Fred, appearing by your table with George by his side.  


"Couldn't help but overhear you talking about us." Said George. "What can we do you for?"  


You smiled broadly at them.   


"Nothing," You started, still smiling. "Just have a little Malfoy problem that's all."   


"Oh, Malfoy." Said Fred, sitting down on the bench next to you, swinging his legs round to sit properly, George followed suit.   


"He's a nasty one, him." Said George. "He's been after our brother and his friends ever since day one in here."  


You nodded in agreement. Malfoy tormented everyone to some degree but Ron, Harry and Hermoine were particular benefactors of his cruelty.  


"We'd like to help you, love, but our father works with his father at the Ministry." Said Fred.  


"He'd probably have him fired if we messed with his precious son, he's a right bastard is Lucius." Said George.   


Your eyes danced between them, smile on your face as you watched them speak in tandem, as thought they were speaking from a hive mind.  


"Yeah, I know. We were just thinking of ways to make his life miserable because he wont leave her alone." Abeliene said, taking a drink from her goblet.  


"I heard you give as good at you get." Said Fred, a little playful smirk coming over his features. You laughed a little in response.  


"Oh yeah, heard you're a right feisty one, you." Said George cheekily. "And you're a Hufflepuff of all things."  


You quirked an eyebrow and gave them a look that said _oh yes I am_ and they shared a laugh between themselves.  


You looked up just to see Malfoy enter the great hall, his eyes landed on you almost instantly. He was looking at you with his usual look of disgust, but there was something else there too. He looked between Fred and George, then back to you. His scowl deepened.  


You heard him at the Slytherin table, talking loudly to his friends, still looking over at you.  


"Look at her talking to the Weasel twins. Surely even she wouldn't stoop so low as to go with one of them." You heard him say.   


You turned to catch his eye, sending him a glare. Why did he care who you spoke to.

Later you were sitting up in your room alone, thinking about Malfoy. You were lying on your back on your bed, an open textbook resting face down on your stomach as you stared up at the ceiling. Why did it bother you so much when he talked about you like that. He had said much worse to you in the past, spoke against your family and their business, your status, called you a blood traitor. So why did it only really bother you when he said you weren't even worth a fuck.  


You resolved not to think about it, but it kept pushing back to the forefront of your mind. It was annoying you, the way his face popped into your head sometimes. The way he looked when he was antagonising you, walking towards you slowly, his shoulders back, smug smile on his face.  


The way his fingers looked holding books as he strode through the castle. The way the light would catch is white blonde hair, parted in the middle, lying against his forehead. His grey eyes dancing while he gave you a ruthless smile.  


You groaned and got up from your bed. You couldn't believe you were thinking about him like this. He spoke to you like shit on his shoe and here you were in bed thinking about how pink his lips were.  


You paced the room you shared with Abeliene. She was out for the night on a date so you were left to your own devices. It had gotten dark over time and you hadn't noticed until you could barely see the words on the pages of the book you were pretending to read. You went to cast incendio into the fireplace before something caught your eye out the window. You saw someone out at the black lake. 

Hufflepuff house dorms looked out over the black lake. When the night fell you could hardly see it when it there was little moonlight, just the faint reflection of light on the ripples of the water. However tonight was a full moon and the sky was clear and bright. You could see the clouds and the ground below, everything bathed a soft blue light.   


You stepped closer to the window to see who was out by the lake, you noticed there were actually two people there, not one. You squinted a little bit, trying to see more clearly. You were curious as to who was out there at this time of night. You thought for a minute maybe it was Abeliene and her date.   


Upon closer inspection you realised it was Malfoy, his head of blonde hair unmistakable against the darkness of the water. He was out there with Pansy.   


They were far away. So far away that you would never have been able to hear what they were saying. You could just make out the way they were standing in front of one another.   


She was angry, obviously. Her body braced in a fighting stance and you assumed she must have been yelling. You saw her lunge towards him and push him. Your breath caught in your throat. You saw Malfoy push her back gently, so as to get her off him, but she was not to be reasoned with as she made another move towards him, grabbing his arm and trying to twist it.   


You just stood there watching it happen, he never fought back, just wrenched from her grasp and set off walking back to the castle. You were stuck dumb, ears filled with white noise, it was so quiet. You hadn't moved a muscle since you saw her push him. You stayed there for a minute, trying to process what you had seen. You didn't know what to make of it. Why had they been fighting? Why had she been so aggressive with him like that?  


Before you could decide whether it was a good idea or not you had set off out of your room, down the stairs, walking quickly through your common room. There were a few stragglers still sitting up and they shot you strange looks but you kept walking until you were out of the room and pacing the steps down to the dungeons.   


You walked out into the hallway and along a bit, just past the kitchens and Slytherin house and that's where you saw him, just rounding a corner, walking angrily back to his dorm, you presumed. 

Draco saw you then, his eyes went wide for a second then his face dropped back into a scowl.  


"Get out of my way." He said dismissively, shoulder checking you on the way past.   


You weren't sure why but you had run out into that hallway hoping to see him. You actually felt bad for him. You didn't know what had gone on between him and Pansy in their relationship but no-one should be treated like that.  


"Are you okay?" You found yourself asking, turning to face his direction. You felt foolish for asking, this was the boy who had tormented you for months, even though there were times where you didn't feel as though there was much malice in it.  


He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to you, his face wild.  


"What?" He asked, his tone sharp.  


"It's just.. I saw you, out at the lake with Pansy. I just wondered if you were okay." Your voice was soft and calm, the way that you spoke to your friends when you were consoling them or asking them difficult questions.  


He paced back towards you.   


"Were you _spying_ on me?" His voice was laced with anger and you recoiled a bit. This was such a stupid idea, you thought.  


"No! No. I just.. my room looks out over the lake and I just happened to see you two and I just thought it looked like she was.. a little rough." You back-pedalled, but he was already inching towards you, his face close, lips down-turned in disgust. 

"That is none of your fucking business." He spat, his eyes looking all over your face. "Don't ever spy on me again and stay out of my affairs, freak."   


You cast your eyes downward, mortified. You couldn't believe you had come running out into the hallway to help him and got the exact reaction you should have anticipated. Had you really thought he was going to pour his heart out to you?   


When you looked back up he was still staring at you, but his eyes had softened slightly. He was looking at you as if he was looking for something. But before you could speak he had turned on his heel and gone walking towards Slytherin house.  


When Abeliene returned to your room that night you didn't tell her what had happened. You were still embarrassed and just wanted to forget the whole thing and hear about her date. 

The day after that you had been walking alone to the library. You had seen Draco then, with Crabbe and Goyle as usual, walking down the hallway towards you. When your eyes flashed up you saw Crabbe eyeing you with a menacing expression. You breathed deeply, you were not in the mood for this today, not after the events of last night.  


"Look what we have here." Crabbe had called out, looking back to Malfoy.  


You braced yourself for whatever was coming, you could only imagine what ammunition you had given Malfoy last night.  


When you looked over to him he wasn't looking at you, he just kept moving past you.  


"Just leave it." You heard him say. You kept looking at him, trying to meet his eyes, but he faced forward.  


Crabbe looked to Goyle as if to ask what was going on. Goyle just shrugged and they kept walking past you too, giving you dirty looks as they did.  


You continued on to the library, face set in a frown.   


Why didn't he say anything?

Within the week Draco had reverted back to name calling and being generally unpleasant towards you, however there was considerably less of it. Some days he would see you and say nothing. Some days he would just watch you, walking alone to a class or to meet your friends. He saw you at a Quidditch match one week and actually moved out of the way so you could pass him as you entered the stands.   


It was unusual, but not un-welcomed. Maybe he was redeemable after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments! I hope you're enjoying it so far :)


	4. Moondance

It had been three months since you had started working at Hogwarts and things were going fantastically well. Your students were excelling in Potions, their grades a reflection of your brilliant newfound teaching methods. McGonagall had come to congratulate you personally for your efforts in teaching and told her she had already arranged a feature for you in the Daily Prophet if your fifth and sixth years achieved good results in their OWL's. You had built a rapport with your students, attributing that to your success in teaching them. They respected you and your great understanding of the art of Potion making, however they also found you to be fair and even fun.   


You spoke to the older students like they were friends. You were casual with them, had banter in the classroom and in the Great Hall. This rapport made it easier to bargain with them and let you educate and guide them.  


You had started after hours classes for both extra curriculars and also students who needed extra help. Your star students turned up to the weekly extra-curriculars and you couldn't help but feel like maybe you had picked favourites. What kind of mother were you?

You were sitting in your office with McGonagall, sharing a pot of tea. Now and then you would get together to discuss how things were going and how you were settling in. McGonagall was a very hands-on Headmistress, she did the rounds with all the Professors, making sure no-one wasn't having their concerns raised, or voices heard on matters that were important to them.   


"I must say, you continue to impress me, Y/N. I have never seen someone settle in so well to a role here before. I hope I can assume you will be with us for a while longer yet?" McGonagall asked, watching your reaction with curiosity.  
You looked away from her for a moment, looking around your office before settling your eyes back on her.  


"I think I will be, yes." You smiled warmly. "I haven't felt at home somewhere in a long time. I thought coming back here after the war would be awful if I'm honest. There are so many memories in this castle.. but I've actually found that I feel completely at home."   


McGonagall had prickled slightly at the mention of the war, but her resolve softened when you finished your sentence.  


"I know exactly what you mean." She started, her eyes becoming a little sad. "There are so many memories here. Things I'll never forget, but this place has a way of healing you."   


You were both silent for a minute, drinking from your cups.   


"I hear that you and Neville have been working on a project in the greenhouses." She changed the subject.   


You smiled widely at her.   


"Yes!" You said, beaming. "He asked if I would help with potting some new venomous Tentacula bulbs. I feel right at home in Herbology so I've been loving the chance to get in there. Malfoy had been a huge help as well, I've learned most of my teaching strategy from him if I'm being honest."  


She gave you a funny look, her eyes watching you for a long moment.  


"Malfoy." She said, looking around as though in thought. "There's a funny one."  


You didn't say anything, just sipped your tea and waited for her to continue.  


"You know I never wanted to hire him? After the war I.. couldn't stand the thought of him here. But the ministry had persuaded me to take him on, they had said that it would serve as an example of good relations between the different sides post war. He had been acquitted of his crimes in court, of course. I sat in on his lessons for a whole month when he first came here, could not trust him as far as I could throw him."   


She took a long sip of tea from her cup. "However, he was entirely different. The war had certainly affected him, I had no doubts about that, but I can honestly say he's not a shade of the boy he was when he was here."  


You looked into your cup, thinking over everything she was saying. At one point in time you knew him better than anyone else. You didn't know who he was now and that made you impossibly sad. 

"I think there has always been good in him, Minerva." You said. She was looking at you with sympathy again.  


She sipped from her tea again, looking away from you.  


"I might be inclined to believe you." She said.

You were walking towards Herbology to help Neville with his project. You were a little late as usual, all of your spare time was dedicated to grading homework assignments and drawing up lesson plans, so here you were walking quickly down the hallway towards the greenhouses in your casuals. There was something so nice about getting stuck in and working with plants. You felt like you were back on your farm and young again. You got to dress down to help out as well, and after months of dressing in button-downs and skirts you welcomed an activity where you didn't have to look professional.   


You were making your way past an empty classroom before you realised it wasn't empty.  


You recognised Malfoy's voice instantly, you would be able to hear it in a room of a hundred people all talking at once.   


You peered in as you passed by the door and saw he was in the classroom with a student. The student had been crying, their eyes all red, and they're voice was all brittle and weak when they spoke.   


You stopped outside the door, leaning against the wall so you could listen without being seen.  


"I just don't get it Mister Malfoy, I'm hopeless. I'm going to fail my OWL's." You heard the student choke out in little sobs. Your heart ached, you knew that feeling.   


Malfoy spoke then, and his voice was so gentle and careful you could have buckled right there against the stone cladding: "It's okay, not everything comes naturally to everyone. You are not hopeless at all. I want you to start staying behind after your last period with me on a Wednesday, alright? I'm going to start doing an extra support group. You will pass your OWL's, I promise you that."  


You smiled to yourself, your hand coming up to rest on your chest. "Okay? No more speaking like that, we'll get this sorted. Now go on and get to the hall before dinner is over."   


You heard them start to move and you realised they were going to leave the classroom. You panicked and ran off down the hallway, praying he wouldn't see you. The memory of his face the night he had asked you if you had been spying on him when he was down at the black lake flashed into your head, all contorted in rage.  


When you got to the greenhouses you were a little out of breath. You took a minute to compose yourself before going inside to greet Neville.   


"Hey, Y/N!" Neville waved you in excitedly. He was at the far back of the glass room, in front of the wall, the bench in front of him covered in bags of soil and fertiliser. "Where have you been?" He asked, but there was no anger in his voice at all.  


_Oh, you know, just stalking Malfoy and listening in on his private conversations, that's all_ , you thought.  


"Just busy grading essays." You half lied.   


You took a planting pot from the stack at the door and walked up to join him at the back. You started to fill your pot with soil.  


You spoke for a bit, you always had news for each other whenever you met up for a project. Just general chat about what was going on in the school, funny stories you had to tell, good books you had been reading.   
You were making your first little indent in the soil for your Tentacula bulbs, when Neville eyed you, brow furrowing slightly.   


"Can I ask you something?" He said.   


You didn't even look up from where you were making another indent in the soil.  


"Of course." You said casually, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  


"Did you and Malfoy used to.." He trailed off. "Back when we were kids?"   


Your eyes grew wide but you quickly neutralised your face.   


"Why do you ask?" You said, hoping your voice wasn't betraying you.  


"Well, it's just that I've heard some of the students talking about you both. I thought it was crazy at first but then when I thought about it, you two did have a strange relationship back then. It was like you didn't know whether to kill or kiss each other."   


You just stared at him for a long time, your eyes focused on his. You had absolutely no idea what to say, do you lie? Do you cover it up? What is a convincing lie?  


"Ah, I see." He said.   


You had already given him your answer in your silence. Fuck.   


"I bloody knew it." He said, looking back down to his own pot, dropping a bulb into the soil. He was smiling. "Well, not really, actually. You did a very good job of hiding it. I almost didn't believe it myself until I asked you just now. Thought you might go crazy when I asked."  


Yes, I could have gone crazy. That would have been better than just dumb, telling silence, you thought. A wave of anxiety rolled over you, someone knew. After all this time, someone knew. You had kept it hidden for years and Neville had just extracted the information from you whilst planting bulbs. You felt like an idiot.  


"Please don't tell anyone Neville." You implored. "It's one thing you know but I don't want the whole castle knowing my business."   


He nodded firmly, an understanding smile on his face.  


"Yeah, of course. I have to know, though.. how could you get with him? Back then he was a monster."   


His face flashed into your mind, memories of him with a sad little smile on his face, eyes red rimmed from crying. Him looking down at you, looking vulnerable and in awe. 

You stared ahead of you out of the glass of the greenhouse.  


"There's a lot you don't know about him, Neville. There's a lot everyone doesn't know about him. It was easy for us to pick the right side during the war. I used to think that everyone had a choice, but I know now that he never really did at all."  


You heard the sound of movement outside the greenhouse and your head whipped round.  


There was no one there, but you could have sworn you had seen a flash of blonde hair.  


"I used to hate him, you know that?" You heard Neville say from beside you, when you looked back to him he was now staring out of the glass in front of you both. "He made my time here miserable. But I remember the way his face looked that day he crossed over into Voldemort's arms. He looked like he really didn't want to go, and I believe now that that was true. I wanted to hate him after the war but every time I thought about him I just remembered the way his face looked that day. So maybe you're right."  


You stood in silence for a long moment. You weren't sure how to respond. You felt it would be too much to agree with him and gush about how Malfoy had just been a boy and thrown into a world of politics and war that he could have never fully understood, but you also couldn't dismiss his words, as they were absolutely true.   


"Anyway," He said, dropping a second bulb into his pot, "He still treats me like shit but It's not malicious like it was when we were kids. I think he's just broken, life made him bitter. When his father was sent to Azkaban no-one heard from him for two years. I have no idea what he's been through."  


You smiled up at Neville. It was truly astonishing how after everything he himself has been through, he can still have maturity and perspective about close personal issues. You told him so.  


You dropped your bulbs into the soil and started covering them over with more dirt. You could see Neville eyeing you in your peripheral.  


"Could I ask you one more thing? It's alright if you don't want to talk about it anymore, I've bombarded you with enough for one day."  


"It's okay." You said, urging him to go on.  


"Do you still.." He said, trailing off again. _Do you still love him?_ You knew exactly what he was asking.  


You just stared at him again, you couldn't imagine how terribly sad you must have looked.  


He flashed another understanding smile.  


"Hmm, I thought as much." He mused, nodding his head to himself. He shook himself out of his stupor and gave you a real smile this time. "Oh well, shall we get these into the boxes then?" He picked up his pot and nodded over to the boxes lining the walls of the greenhouse, full of different plant species.  


You nodded, giving him a weaker smile than the one he had given you.

You had been asked to join a committee for planning events for the students by Hagrid. He had said you seemed to have a way with them and being young you would know how to throw a good party. You had helped organize a couple of post Quidditch celebrations, just little get togethers in a pop up tent next to the pitch. A bit of fun, really.   
You can imagine your surprise when McGonagall cornered you in your office one morning before you set off for your classes that day, talking about hosting a dance for the leavers.   


"A whole, big... ball?! For the leaving students?" You had asked, a little exasperatedly.  


McGonagall had simply smiled and said she thought it would be lovely to have all the students get together for a bit of well-mannered fun before their N.E.W. T's and then leaving Hogwarts.  


She had left you with some ideas for a time and date, where to host it and how much help she thought you would need. She told you she would leave it to the committee. The committee, it had just occurred to you, you must have been head of.   


So then, with your already limited free time, you planned a dance for the seventh year students.   


Malfoy had been avoiding you since the last time your saw each other. The night where you had both been drunk, and he had grabbed you in the staff room. You had barely seen him since then, sometimes hoping you would run into him when you visited the kitchens in the evening to collect a Professors plate. When you wouldn't see him you would decide that it was for the best, and you didn't really want to see him anyway and this had been what you wanted. But after he helped you with your third years that day months ago you saw a difference in him, one you hadn't expected.   


It had curbed your opinion of him, suddenly he wasn't this abstract idea of this bastard that had hurt you, suddenly he was a very real, still kind of bastard that had survived a war and had his family torn apart. He was suddenly not an idea anymore, and he had changed more than you could have possibly predicted.   


Some things still ate away at you though, and you thought it best he stay away until you could settle yourself. Like why didn't he ever try to contact you after the war? You felt pain in your chest every time you thought of that one. You knew why he didn't.  


Within a month you had planned a full scale ball for Seventh Year. The theme being: A bright future! (This theme was used so you could just use a lot of lights in the Great Hall and make it seem cohesive). You had everything organised to final detail, approved everything with McGonagall and started creating flyers and spreading the word around Hogwarts that there was to be a dance.   


Seventh year girls were practically rippling out of their skin at the chance to dress up and be escorted to a ball. You had taken great care in assuring them that it was just a dance for the Hogwarts leavers and dates weren't necessary however they had taken it upon themselves to create this rule.   


Before the week was out half of Seventh year was paired up.   


You had bought a dress for the occasion, you had to attend as planner/ chaperone. You had mentioned that you didn't think eighteen-year old's needed to be chaperoned but McGonagall had said it's more like seeing them off with a big party that you get to be a part of. She would also be attending with any other teachers who wished to include themselves.  


By the time the day came you could feel the leavers all humming with excitement. It was a Saturday night therefore you had had all day to help them set up the hall and get everything ready.  


There was to be a feast, then the tables would be pushed back against the walls to make room for a dance floor. The band you had hired were arriving just before the feast to set up and you had created a separate area in the clock-tower courtyard for a more relaxed atmosphere. You imagined this was where they would all pile out to sober up from the whiskey in the flasks they would be pretending they didn't have on them.  


You excused yourself from setting up to get ready. You had purchased a dress from Madam Malkin's earlier in the month, anticipating your own requirement to dress formally. It was floor length and sleeveless, a little scandalous with a slit up the side of the leg but still appropriate for a dance.   


After a bath you curled your hair and did your make-up. Once you had the dress on you slipped into a pair of heels and turned to view yourself in a full length mirror.   


The dress hugged your every curve, hanging from your body exactly how it had been tailored to do so. A little peak of cleavage. A little flash of leg where the dress was cut. 

Your skin looked warm and sun kissed against the fabric. You took yourself in, turning slightly to see it from the back.   


You looked good.  


Without wasting any time, you prepared a small bag to bring with you and hurried down to the hall so you could be there when the students started arriving.   


You had organised smaller round tables instead of the usual long rows. You thought it made the place feel more like a formal event.   


The hall really did look beautiful. The roof had been turned into a clear nights sky full of stars, but the room was alight with candles and shimmering diamond lights. You had covered the exposed brick of the walls with some light fabric, and streams of ribbon and silk fell over top covered in more little lights. The tables were covered in the same light fabric, chairs the same. Big centerpieces sat in the center of each table.   


When the students started arriving you got them sat down. You had agonized over a seating chart for almost the entire time you had the names off everyone who was attending. You had finally worked out a way to have everyone seated, some with younger guests of course, so that there would be no feuding. The feuding would be for later on when everyone was drunk most likely.   


Teachers and Groundsmen attended too, sitting at tables with their respective houses. Malfoy had never registered any interest in coming to the meal, however did agree to coming along later to chaperone the festivities, so he wasn't there for the feast.   


You hated yourself for looking for him in every crowd. Every busy hallway between classes, every time you ate in the Great Hall, went to the kitchen, were in the library late at night. You were always looking for him.   


The meal was wonderful. You ate and drank and laughed and reminisced. The seventh years were so sad to be leaving but filled with that melancholy feeling you get when you have to leave something good behind, but always knew you would have too eventually. They were so happy to look back on their past year and you, having not known them long enough, got to hear all their stories of embarrassing moments, to their best triumphs, to their romantic failures. At one point you were laughing so much you were crying.   
The hall was alive with the sound of people making merry and it was all you could have hoped for.   


After the meal you flicked the tables back and opened up an empty space to create somewhere for the leavers to dance. The band set up and started to play classical ballroom music. Some seventh years paired up and started dancing, some of the others sitting off to the side waiting to be asked. You watched on from the back of room, smiling.   


You felt a presence beside you and turned to see Malfoy. He was standing straight, looking forward, watching the band play. He was wearing his classic all black suit, tailored to within an inch of him. His hair was slicked back and lay perfectly.  


You inhaled slowly upon seeing him and there it was, the smell of cologne and smoke with that little hint of green apple. You could never forget the way he smelled.  


He looked good.   


"This is impressive." He remarked, looking around at the decorations and the band.   


You smiled, feeling accomplished.  


"Thank you, I wanted to do something nice for them, you know? It's the end of their seventh year, and we-" _We got a war._ "-I would have loved something like this."  


He regarded you for a moment, his eyes softer than when he first came in.   


"You look beautiful tonight." A small smile quirked his lips after he said it, but his eyes were sad.  


"You don't look too bad yourself." You said, turning to look away from him, back to the floor where more kids were joining and twirling in circles, flexing the moves McGonagall must have taught them a few years prior.   


You saw McGonagall standing next to the tables on the other side of the room. She was looked on at the students with fondness.   


Malfoy moved in front of you then, his eyes were sparkling now, alive with boyish charm. He extended his hand for you to take.  


"May I have this dance?" He asked.   


You looked away for a moment, smiling like it was taking all your effort to say yes.   


"Okay, just a quick one." You took his hand and his eyebrows shot up.   


You batted his shoulder as he lead you on to the floor.  


"Not like that," You admonished him.   


He clasped one hand in yours and placed his other on your waist. Instinctively your free hand came up to rest on his shoulder. He started to lead you around the floor.   


You could hear the students looking at you both and whispering, you suddenly remembered what the Chalmers girl had told you when she visited your office. We all talk about it.   


He bent your body down and back to dip you and you let your head fall back, his hand moving up to cradle it. He pulled you back up and his hand didn't leave your body as it grazed down your back, back down to your waist.   


Every part of you he was touching felt like it was on fire. His hand was gentle against your waist but now and then he would apply a little more pressure to lead you into a twirl and it was making your head light. You had forgotten how it felt to have his hands on you.   


His other hand was cupping yours in typical dancing composure. But the way it felt to have skin to skin contact was indescribable. You thought your hands must be sweaty from being nervous about being in this proximity to him.   


You had been looking at the floor to watch your feet and looking around at the other students who were all staring and giving you encouraging looks.   


When you looked up at Malfoy you found he was already looking at you, his eyes deep and intense. You met them and became impossibly more aware of your closeness. 

You could feel his breath on your face now. He had pulled you closer with his hand pressed against the small of your back. You moved without thinking, almost pressing your chests together.   


Your feet were between each others as you moved around, you were that close. For a moment everything else melted away around you and you felt as though you were just here with him. His arm wrapped around your back now, your arm wrapped around his neck due to your closeness.   


He was intoxicating, the smell of him, his eyes boring into yours, the music was melting away now and it was like the two of you were dancing in a sea of black.   


He moved his lips to your ear and a shiver ran the entire length of your body.  


"This reminds me of the Yule ball." He said lowly. It was as through someone was pulling you from water where you had been previously submerged. You snapped back into reality. The sound of the band and the students all came flooding back into your ears.   


You pulled back from him quickly, dropping his hand and moving away from his grasp.  


"Y/N.." He started, trying to pull you back in to his embrace.  


"No, sorry. No." You shook your head and went off to get some air. He didn't follow.   


You pulled your grandfathers pipe from your bag and filled the bowl with tobacco and lavender. You took three large drags then shook your body out a bit.   


There were a few students out in the clock-tower courtyard already. A few couples sitting in on the stone benches, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. You couldn't help but watch them helplessly. You had never had that, out in the open for everyone to see, wrapped up in one another and oblivious to everyone else around you.   


When you returned to the hall Malfoy was no longer on the dance floor but instead standing off to the side surrounded by seventh year girls.   


He said something and they erupted into laughter. You supposed that some things never changed.  


The band changed the tempo per your request and started to play more lively songs. There was a ripple of a sound of agreement then more students joined the floor.  


You stood to the side for a moment before one of your favourite Hufflepuff students called you onto the floor to dance with his group. You scrunched your nose up a bit, not knowing if it was appropriate to dance with them.   


They gave you a look and pointed over to where Professor Flitwick was dancing in a circle of students who were clapping and cheering him on.  


You set your bag down and ran to join them.   


The rest of the night was a blur. You danced, you laughed, you spent a considerable chunk of time outside with the eighteen-year olds, smoking and sharing from a flask they were passing around. You decided that you were probably the worst teacher ever but didn't care.  


It was getting late now and the party was starting to die down. You were leaving the hall, looking back to see a few kids sitting at the tables at the side of the room, tie's undone and shirts unbuttoned, looking tired, a little bit drunk but happy. The sign of a good night.   


There were a few couples dancing slowly around the floor to no music, just holding one another. You smiled to yourself as you left. You remember how it felt to be that young and in love. You and Malfoy could never have danced like that in front of people. You wondered how many of those experiences you must have missed out on.   


The hallway that connected the great hall with the courtyard was speckled with students. Some just sitting on the benches hugging one another, drunk and emotional. A boy had a girl against the wall, running his hands through her hair, chatting her up. You walked through the mess out to the courtyard. A few of your students were there, and they called out for you when they saw you.   


You waved them off as you found a quiet spot to be alone for a minute.  


You were out on the edge of the courtyard, looking out over the scenery. The light from the courtyard was illuminating everything just enough that you could see out in front of you. The view was amazing, you were so high up here, just looking at the chasms below where the mountain joined and became apart from the castle.  


You were there for a while, looking out over the mountains. As much fun as you had been having, it was still nice to get away for a moments peace.  


You felt a jacket slip over your bare shoulders. You hadn't realised you were even cold before you felt the warmth of his suit jacket over your back.   


It was Malfoy, his scent hit you in an instant. It wasn't as clear now, mixed with drink and the smell of the hall, but it was him.   


His arms came around you next, and he held you like that. Just standing with hard arms around your body, his hands clasped just under your breasts, your back against his chest. You melted into him. Either you had had too much to drink or you simply didn't want to fight. You let him hold you there.  


He started swaying you lightly, tunelessly singing 'It's a wonderful night for a moon dance' slowly against your head.   


You fluttered your eyes closed and stayed like that for a while, swaying in the night air, his chest vibrating slightly as he hummed against your hair.   


"I've never forgotten that night Y/N.. at the Yule ball." He said quietly against your ear.  


You quickly pushed him off you, spinning round to face him, your eyes wide.  


You ripped his jacket off your shoulders and pushed it against his chest. He clutched it and made a grab for you but you wrenched out of his grasp.   


"Stop it," You said, your voice wavering. "I can't think about that."  


"Y/N, _Please_." His eyes were pleading as he moved towards you again. You moved back until your body hit the magical barrier.  


"Don't." You pushed him away and glided past him running back into the castle.  


You bumped into a student in the panic. 

"Woah, Miss Y/L/N, at least wait until I'm finished school." He joked.  


He noticed the look on your face and his brow furrowed.   


"Are you okay Miss?" He asked.  


You nodded your head and moved past him, rushing down the hallway away from everyone.>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is going to be a flashback to the yule ball i hope you are READY


	5. Yule Ball and Other Escapades

You walked into the ship arm and arm with your date for the night, a Hufflepuff boy in the year above who had asked you to the Yule ball three weeks ago. His name was James, you had met him a couple of months ago at a Quidditch match and become friendly. He had asked you on a few dates prior to you agreeing to go with him to the ball. You had kept saying no to going to Hogsmeade with him, you weren't into him that way, but when he asked to the ball you had thought you had better go with him, he had been trying for ages to take you out. You didn't even know why you had kept rejecting him, he was lovely and funny, a little goofy too. When he asked you something clicked and you thought, why not him? Why not anyone?

For weeks, you and the girls in your year had been preparing for the Yule ball. Late nights with you and Abeliene sitting up in your dorm discussing what to wear and who was going with whom. 

Abeliene was behind you, walking hand in hand with her own date, a girl from Ravenclaw who she had been having 'study sessions' with. Abeliene was calm and happy now, looking regal as she walked behind you in her black dress, as if she had not been shouting and ripping a comb through her tight curls not even an hour ago.

The ship was immaculate, you could hardly believe you were still on school grounds. You took in the way it had been transformed as you lined up to watch the Triwizard champions enter with their dates.

You clapped along with everyone else, whispering to Abeliene about how beautiful Cho looked next to Cedric, also commenting on you proud you were of the boy from your own house walking proudly with the other competitors. 

When you looked across the crowd you found Malfoy easily, his bright blonde hair made him stand out against other people. He was standing next to Pansy Parkinson looking suitably unimpressed, clapping half heartedly. He caught your gaze across the crowd and gave you and unreadable look. You quickly looked away. 

Since the night you had seen him out at the black lake things had been strange. Some days he was incessant with his teasing and you were back to cutting words and trading insults in the hallways and then other days he left you alone completely. When you returned for your fourth year you had thought he might have just forgotten about the whole thing entirely. However, much to your dismay he came back after the summer with an invigorated zest for teasing you. He was persistent and merciless with you. However before, he would be cutting and sometime's crossing a line no other person would ever cross with anyone, things you would never say, unwritten rules about even the most horrid of bullying. Now, he was more restrained, sometimes even jovial. There were times when you would be hitting out at each other, lost in the back and forth of your game of wits and you would find yourselves laughing before going back to demeaning the other. It was incredibly confusing. 

One night you had seen him in the library after hours and you had even shared a little conversation before he realised what he was doing and stormed away from you, telling you to leave him alone. It had hurt you that night, and you still weren't sure why it bothered you so much.

You felt a pang of jealousy when you saw him pull out Pansy's chair for her when you were seated at your tables. You reprimanded yourself in your head. You're not here with him, you're here with James, you thought. 

The night went quickly from then on. You ate your meal and danced and laughed and met James' friends. You exchanged stories and anecdotes at the table, you and Abeliene were a double act and loved entertaining people with your retelling of embarrassing moments, or how you could both poke fun at someone, escalating a joke, both of you going back and forth, the joke becoming more absurd while remaining cheeky and light hearted. When you joined the dance floor you had felt in your element. James and his friends seated with you at the table had brought flasks for the evening and had been topping everyone off with whiskey for the whole dinner so by the time you had watched the champions do their first dance and it was your turn to join the floor you had practically dragged James out with you, keen to start the festivities.

You danced for a while. The band was still playing soft ballroom music and you and Abeliene had been practicing in her room for weeks all the lifts and moves McGonagall had taught you in her dance class. James whispered jokes into your ear the entire time and you found yourself laughing, head light and wavy.

You had excused yourself to get you and James a drink after a song ended. 

You moved along the line at drinks table, filling your goblets with what you presumed was spiked punch. Or certainly, it was about to be spiked punch if James or his friends thought for a minute there wasn't any liquor in it. You heard the person next to you in the line being told to get out-of-the-way by an unmistakable voice and then suddenly Draco Malfoy was next to you, smirking to himself.

You ignored him, waiting for the punch bowl to be free. 

"Y/L/N." He addressed you coolly.

You gave him a sideways glance.

"Malfoy." You answered, just as coolly, looking back up the line.

He smirked to himself again.

"You look good tonight." He said casually and you could feel his eyes on you. 

You felt unseasonably warm. Must have been from all the dancing, you thought.

"Thank you." You replied curtly, not even bothering to look at him this time. You didn't know what game this was but you didn't want to play.

"What, you're not going to return the compliment?" He jested, that damn smirk still ever present on his face.

You turned to look at him properly this time. He did look good, unfortunately. His hair perfectly slicked back, expensive dress robes extenuating how much he had filled out since last year. Broad shoulders knocking against yours. He was so tall now, too, towering over you. 

"Oh yes, a vision in black and white." You said sarcastically. 

He gave you a self-satisfied smile.

"See, was that so hard?" He antagonised.

You got your punch and made your way back to James quickly, he was waving you over from the side of the dance floor. Your heart was beating so fast after your interaction with Malfoy, you chided yourself mentally. Stop it. 

You and James drained your goblets quickly before going back to dance. A new band had replaced the old one and now the music was up-tempo and heavy. He had taken the cup from your hand and thrown it down on a table behind you before giving you an excited look and grabbing your hand and pulling you into the amassing crowd.

He was a lot of fun, throwing you about and pulling some seriously questionable moves. You had forgotten about your altercation with Malfoy and were just having a good time now. At one point James had you up on his shoulders as you thrashed about to the music.

When you were gripping onto his hair for dear life, you caught sight of Malfoy across the room. He was stood off to the side, glaring at everyone. How sad, you thought, that he couldn't have fun like everyone else. 

Pansy was standing next to him looking put out. You saw her tug on his sleeve, but he brushed her off, he said something to her and she huffed and walked away from him.

He noticed you looking and his eyebrows shot up. Glancing between you and James, he gave you a disgusted look. You looked away quickly, shaking his gaze from your mind and went back to enjoying the music instead.

At one point Cedric came over to dance with you and James. They were friends through Quidditch, apparently. You had shouted over the music how amazing it was to see a Hufflepuff represent the school in the tournament. He had given you that winning, gracious smile and grabbed you for a little dance. You let him spin you in a circle and felt a little giddy afterwards. Until he also grabbed James to spin him in a circle. You felt less giddy after that. 

You saw Abeliene in the hallway adjacent to the main ballroom as you were heading outside. She had her date up against the wall with her thigh between her legs. You blushed a little and walked past them quickly. You supposed that's what happens at these sort of things. You weren't sure if that's what James wanted to happen. You also weren't sure if that's what you wanted to happen.

You found a spot outside away from everyone else. It was December and snow was covering the ground in a thick blanket of white. The chill hit you immediately and you cursed yourself for not bringing a shawl.

You pulled your pipe from your bag and packed the bowl with Tobacco before you lit it with a flick of your wand.

You stood there for a moment, enjoying your smoke before you heard a voice behind you. 

"I thought I saw you come out here." Malfoy's voice sent a shock wave through you. 

You turned to see him walking towards you smugly. He walked like he owned the place, you imagined he thought that he did.

"Are you following me?" You said, eyebrows raised. He had just admitted to seeing you leave and coming out to find you. 

He looked a bit taken aback for a moment before saying: "I know you smoke."

You looked down at your pipe and then rolled your eyes, extending your hand out to offer it to him. "I've had too much spiked punch to deny anyone such simple pleasures tonight."

He took it from your hand and took a couple of generous tokes, waggling his eyebrows. "Not those simple pleasures, you letch." You chased up your words quickly. 

He laughed a real, bright laugh then and caught you off guard. "This is nice, is it..?" He began, motioning to your pipe.

"It's my own blend, my grandfather used to have me prepare his pipe for him, it's his special infusion." You answered lightly. 

Why was he being so friendly?

"S'nice." He said, taking another drag, exhaling a large plume of smoke into the night air.

You looked at him for a long moment and the punch must have been in full effect because before you could stop yourself you were speaking.

"Why are you such an asshole to me?" You asked, no malice in your voice, just genuine curiosity.

He choked on the smoke his throat and coughed, before he started laughing incredulously. "What?" He asked in disbelief.

"We got on so well when we were paired up in Potions last year and then suddenly you just started being a dickhead to me for not reason."

He was staring at you now, the light from the ship behind him framed him. You continued. "Abie thinks it's because you have a reputation to protect, but I don't think that's it at all... I think it's because you're scared of me."

He let out a bitter laugh and his eyebrows shot into his hairline. "Scared of you, am I?" He asked teasingly, as if what you had said was plain ridiculous.

"Yes, you're scared of me, because you like me."

His features grew very dark and twisted into a snarl, still you continued to speak: "You like me and that scares you. I'm a pureblood, sure, but I'm also a Hufflpuff C-grade student from a working class family. You could never be associated with someone like me but you like me anyway and that scares you. That's why you're an asshole to me."

Your heart was beating wildly again. Pounding against your ribs so hard you felt like they could break. 

He moved towards you slightly, his features now contorted in pure contempt. "I was nice to you in Potions-" He started, venom lacing his tone, "-because I wanted a good grade and it's the only class you're passable in. The mere insinuation that I would ever be romantically interested in someone of your pedigree is laughable and frankly insulting."

He threw your pipe into the snow, the faint sound of the smoking herbs being extinguished was all you heard before he started talking again. "I treat you like shit because you are shit." He spat his words into your face.

You were staring at the ground when James rounded the corner, looking for you. 

"Y/N!" James said enthusiastically, upon seeing you.

Your head shot up and you gave him a smile so to cover up the obvious tension. You picked your pipe up quickly. 

"Hey, what you smoking?" He asked jokingly.

"Oh, it's tobacco." You answered in a laugh. Malfoy was still staring at you, his back to James.

"Oh, gross." James said. "Well, we're waiting for you inside. Do you want to come back and dance?"

He looked between you and Malfoy and a worried look passed over his face. "Is everything okay out here?" He asked carefully, looking at the back of Malfoy's head.

"Yes," You lied easily, "Malfoy was just bumming a smoke off me, I'll be back inside in a minute, yeah?" 

James looked between you again. "Okay." He said, not believing you but not getting involved. "Hurry up, yeah? I have a new move to show you." 

You laughed at him as he bounced away.

Your smile fell when he was out of sight, shooting Malfoy a glare. You emptied your pipes bowl into the snow before packing it away into your bag. 

You went to push past him, but he grabbed your arm.

"Do you like him?" He asked harshly. 

You twisted out of his grasp, giving him a look of pure disbelief. "None of your fucking business, I'm shit remember?" You spat. "Leave me alone." 

You marched away from him, holding your dress above the snow.

Back inside you saw Abie and her date. You grabbed them both and told them you wanted to dance. You joined James and his friends and drained whatever it was he was drinking from his goblet. It was strong, certainly not punch and whiskey, just mostly whiskey. You didn't care.

You threw yourself into the music and danced with everyone. At one point James had grabbed you and kissed you. You had let him. Abie and her date were cheering you both on while his friends all punched his shoulder.

When your broke away from the kiss you just flashed him a wide smile and went back to dancing. You couldn't help but look out over the crowd to find Malfoy had been watching you. 

You watched Malfoy march over to Pansy and grab her, kissing her aggressively. 

You turned away, not wanting to look. Not understanding why you suddenly felt so angry.

The night continued on like that until the wee hours of the morning. Eventually the band stopped playing and everyone started to disperse. Abie had given your arm a squeeze and asked if you wanted her to walk you to back to your dorm. You had shaken your head, and she looked a bit relieved before running off with her date.

James walked you back to the castle, all the way up to the Hufflepuff common room. He turned on his heel when inside and asked if you wanted to come to his room. 

"You know what James, I think I'm just gonna turn in. Thank you for a brilliant night, though."

He smiled respectfully before giving you a chaste kiss on your cheek.

"The offer is open, if you feel like coming by." He said before you departed.

You laughed as you mounted the stairs leading up to the girls dorms.

"Goodnight James." You called back. 

You had sort of wanted to go with James, but after your run in with Malfoy at the ball you were feeling a bit strange. You were also fairly certain that James wasn't a virgin and you were. You weren't sure if this is how you wanted it to be, or if he the one you wanted it to be with.

You pushed the door to your room open, so relieved that you had been given a single room this year. You could just crawl into bed without having to endure talk of the night.

But when you opened your door you found that there was already someone in your room.

Draco Malfoy was standing in the center of your room, in his dress robes. You barely had any time to process what was actually happening before he had moved across the room to you and crashed his lips onto yours.

He kissed you roughly, as if he was desperate. You felt his tongue on your bottom lip and before you knew what you were doing your tongues were in each others mouths. His hands moved to your hips, grabbing them tightly, holding you in place. Your hands found his hair as you grabbed a handful of it and pulled him impossibly closer to you. He tasted like wine and smoke and you couldn't get enough.

He groaned into your mouth at the action and you let out a whimper. You could feel him, hard against you and you moved your hips up to press against him. 

All you could hear were the wet sounds of your mouths moving against one another, and your panting breaths. 

You realised the door to your room was still open and you pulled away from him long enough to say - "Door." Before he slammed it closed and pushed you against it. 

His hands were roaming your body now, over your breasts, back down your back to your ass, he grabbed it firmly and you let out a gasp into his mouth. 

You could feel him smiling into the kiss but it was quickly gone, replaced with a desperate need. You pushed his tuxedo jacket off his shoulders. He broke the kiss just long enough to shrug it off before his lips were back attached to yours, his hands pressed against the sides of your face, holding you to him.

You didn't really know what was happening, Malfoy had just appeared in your room and now you were kissing and taking his clothes off. It all happened so fast you didn't have time to decide if it was a bad idea or not. In your more sober and rational brain you probably would have questioned what he was doing, why he was up here, why he wanted you. But your brain was clouded with lust as the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body felt electric.

Before you realised that you had been moving your legs hit the side of your bed. He pushed you back gently and lay you down onto the mattress. 

He crawled on top of you, his eyes hungry. He kissed down your neck, sucking on a sensitive spot above your collarbone. You moaned out and felt him breathe heavily against your skin. Your skin erupted in goosebumps. There was a persistent throbbing between your legs you couldn't ignore any longer and you thrust up to grind your pelvis against his.

You felt his hard length rub against you and your brain short circuited.

He hissed through his teeth and bit down on your neck. 

"Fuck." Was all you could manage as he licked a stripe across where he had bitten. 

You unbuttoned his waistcoat, and he tossed it away onto the floor somewhere. You started making quick work of the buttons on his shirt while he palmed your breast with one hand, the other supporting himself as he leaned over you, kissing you with a passion you had never felt before in your life.

As soon as his shirt was undone you threw the fabric back over his shoulders and marvelled at his chest. You had never seen so much of him before and your eyes couldn't drink him in fast enough before his shirt was all the way off, and he was back kissing you again. 

Your hands gripped his arms, moving up to his neck so you could grab his face to kiss him more deeply, your tongue rubbing against his sloppily. 

He pulled the straps of your dress down, so he could leave wet open mouth kisses on your shoulder, trailing them to your breasts. He yanked the front of your dress down, taking your bra with it. You felt the cool night air hit your nipples and let out a strangled sound when his lips closed over one of them.

It was rushed and sloppy and neither of you could get enough of the other. You were raking your nails down his back, then grabbing fistfuls of his hair, then grabbing his face to kiss him again. You loved the way he tasted. 

He pulled you to stand so he could unzip the back of your dress. It fell to the floor in a pool at your feet. He just stood in front of you for a moment, taking you in. He was looking at you in awe, breathing raggedly, as if he had never seen a woman in her underwear before. You realised that maybe he hadn't.

He was slower when he came back to you this time, strong arms coming around your back to unclasp your bra. He fiddled with the hooks a little bit, struggling slightly, but eventually he got it off. 

He threw your bra somewhere in the mess of clothes behind you and turned back around to focus his eyes on yours. 

He slowly took a hold of your face and kissed you, this time he was softer, moving a hand into your hair to angle your head, stroking his thumb across your cheek. 

You felt your thoughts start to come back into focus as you kissed him. A more reasonable part of your mind was engaged now, the part that didn't work on impulse alone.

You realised that standing there, your naked body pressed against Malfoy, his thumb running over your cheek, was all could have ever wanted. The reason that him spurning you bothered you so much, the reason you felt angry when he kissed Pansy, was because this is what you wanted. To be here with him, in your room, pressed against him.

He broke away and fixed you with an unreadable look. His eyes were searching yours for a moment before he dropped down to his knees on the floor.

From this angle you could see his hard dick pressing painfully against his dress trousers and the throbbing in your panties became so intense you almost begged him to touch you. 

He was face to face with your thong now. He looked up as if to ask for permission and you nodded, unable to speak. 

He brought both his hands up to curl his fingers under the waistband of your thong on both sides of your hips.

He pulled them down slowly, revealing yourself to him. You stepped out of them and kicked them into the pile of discarded garments littering the room.

He sucked in a breath when he saw you. He placed one hand on your thigh and used the other to push his thumb against your slit. 

He brushed your clit and you jolted forward, losing your footing. He looked up at you then, his dazzling silver eyes fixing on yours. 

"Good?" He asked, his voice horse. 

"God, yes." You said, involuntarily grinding against his palm. You would have felt embarrassed if he wasn't looking at you like you were the only person that existed. 

"Can I.. lick you?" He asked, moving his thumb in little circles over your nub.

You let out a moan and grabbed one of the posters of your bed to resist the urge to grab his head. 

"God yes, please." 

He used his free hand on your thigh to part your leg, you placed it up onto the bed frame to give him better access. 

He could really see you now and his eyes were looking over every inch of your heat. He moved his head forward, so he could replace where his thumb had been with his tongue. 

You moaned loudly at the contact. His tongue was warm and wet and you almost fell over as the sensation rushed over your whole body. He used his arms to steady you, wrapping them around the backs of your thighs as he continued. He sucked your clit lightly before licking around it, tasting you. Not all of his technique was good, but when you looked down and saw his blonde head in between your legs you thought you could have cum right then and there.

When he pulled away his mouth was red and shiny with spit and you. You could have taken a picture right at that moment, he looked so perfect. When he looked up at you again you didn't see the same boy who had been spitting insults at you earlier. You saw a boy who was panting and shaking and unsure of himself. 

He went to move you back onto the bed again.

"Lie down, I want to try something." He said, bracing an arm around your back to lay you down. 

"Wait." You pressed your hand onto his chest before meeting his eyes and touching your hand to the button of his dress trousers. He sucked in a breath and the look he gave you back made a jolt of arousal spark through your core. His eyes were clouded with lust at the thought of what you were about to do.

You looked down and you could feel his eyes still on you as you pulled his zipper down and pushed his trousers down his thighs. You could see the full outline of his cock now, straining against his underwear. 

You didn't really know what you were doing, your body was moving on pure instinct and need. You just wanted him, that was all.

You pulled his underwear down, careful of his dick. His cock sprang free of it's confines and came to rest on your stomach in between you. 

You could hear his heavy breathing above you but you didn't look up as you wrapped your hand around the base of his dick. 

He let out a strangled sound and bucked into your hand. 

"Shit." He choked out as you started pumping your hand up and down his shaft. You had never touched a dick before and didn't even know if this was right, but based on the sounds he was making, it must have been. You couldn't stop looking at it, feeling its weight in your hand, the feel of it.

"Stop." He stilled your movements with his hand. "I can't take it. Lie down, I need you."

You lay down on the bed, pulling him top of you. He had to balance himself on one arm, rolling off of you for a moment to wriggle out of his bottoms. You shared a laugh as he rolled back on top of you to capture your lips in another deep kiss. 

He was lying in between your open legs, one arm braced against the bed next to your head, other making circles on your inner thigh.

He moved his hand between your legs and you keened again, your hips thrusting upwards.

"Can I?" He asked, and you felt a finger probe at your entrance. 

You answered him by dragging his head down into a kiss. He pushed a finger into you and you let out a high-pitched moan against his mouth. 

He lay back to look at you again as he moved his pointer finger inside of you, in and then out. It felt different to when you had fingered yourself, or when another boy had done it. This was foreign, and it wasn't your own hand bent at an awkward angle, and it was Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy in your bed, with his finger inside of you.

He added a second finger after a moment, stretching you out a bit. You could feel your walls reacting to him, allowing him in. 

He let you get used to the feeling of his fingers inside you before curling them against your g-spot. You threw your head back and cried out. It was so good. Too much and not enough at the same time.

He started moving his fingers up and down inside you, hitting your g-spot each time. He increased his pace and soon you were a panting, writhing, moaning, incoherent mess. 

He was moving his whole arm with the pressure he was applying to your heat. He had braced himself up on his arm now, looming over you as he fucked you with his fingers. 

Your eyes were squeezed shut, the feeling of just entirely too much racking your body. You felt like trying to get away from him and never ever letting him leave you at the same time.

"Look at me." You heard him say from above you. You forced yourself to open your eyes and found him watching you intensely. His face was slightly strained from effort but his eyes were still that dazzling silver, alive with desire.

Your vision was blurring from the ecstasy of what he was doing to you but you forced yourself to keep your eyes on his. At one point your hand shot out to hold his arm, but you didn't still him. 

"Incredible," He bit out, panting from the exertion. "You're incredible."

You felt a feeling growing inside of you, a deep building feeling. You dug your nails into his arm to keep from thrashing around as he brought you closer and closer to the edge. You looked down to see his hard cock resting against his thigh then back up to his flushed face and completely came undone. 

You weren't sure if you had made a single sound because the moment you came, everything ceased around you and all you could feel was your orgasm. 

Everything came back into focus after a moment and Malfoy slowed his movements inside you before carefully removing his fingers. He was just watching you, his expression seemed almost worried, as if you were going to have some sort of post-orgasm clarity and throw him out.

You reached up to smooth his hair away from his forehead, it was stuck there with sweat. You stared at each other for minute, letting your heart rate drop back down. You let out a breathless 'wow' and his face changed, a soft smile coming over his features.

He bent down to kiss you and you pulled him back on top of you. You felt his cock push against your folds and you both moaned. 

"I want you, Malfoy." You said as he kissed a spot behind your ear. 

"Draco," He said against your neck, "I'm about to be inside you, you may as well call me by my first name."

You stilled a little underneath him. He was about to be inside you. Feeling you tense he removed his lips from your neck to lean back and look at you. He was searching your face for any sign of apprehension or worry but he did not find any.

"Draco," You said fondly, running your hands through his hair again, before grabbing fistfuls by the root and looking into his eyes. "Fuck me."

He sucked in a wavering breath and positioned his cock at your entrance.

He spit into his hand and coated his dick. He pressed his hand against your heat and then looked up at you. 

"It has to be wet." He said, his face was betraying how nervous he felt. "You're so wet." He let out a breathless laugh but his face was still unsure. 

You put your arms around his neck, and he looked at you properly. 

"I've never.." He glanced down at your position and your eyebrows shot up. He had never had sex before either. But he had a girlfriend? So he had never been with pansy? 

You neutralised your face before giving him a sheepish smile.

"I've never.. either." You admitted.

His lips quirked in a smile before he stroked your side with one of his hands. 

"It's meant to hurt, for girls I mean." He said, looking at you sympathetically. "That's why I tried to get you ready.."

You knew this, you had discussed sex at length with the older girls in your house. However now you were here about to do it, it didn't seem as though they'd prepared you for any of this.

"I'm going to go slow, just tell me if it hurts too much and I'll stop." He said. 

You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice.

He lined himself up again and you felt his tip enter you. He was glancing between your face and between your legs. He pushed in further until you both could tell there was resistance.

He let out a shaky breath. "You okay?" He asked, closing his eyes for a moment. 

"Yeah, just give me a second to get used to it." You said, trying to calm your breathing. You could never have imagined it would feel like this, to have someone pushing inside of you. To have Draco pushing inside of you.

"God, Y/N. It just feels so good." He shook out. He must have been trying so hard not to push further in without your consent. 

You took his head in your hands and made him look at you. 

"It's okay, go." You said. 

He pursed his lips together and pushed further into you. You felt the resistance break, and he was fully inside of you. 

It was sore. You had grimaced and let out a little whimper. He had closed his eyes and was now far away from you, lost in the feeling of having his cock buried inside someone.

You both stayed like that for a minute. You were taking deep breaths, preparing for him moving. The pain was strong, but the longer he let you adjust, the more it became tolerable. You felt as though you had been pierced there with a blade. 

His eyes opened again to watch you as his hips jerked involuntarily.

"I'm going to move, okay?" He said, but his face said I am going to have to move whether you like it or not because I'm inside you now and there's nothing else I can do.

You nodded and he pulled back out. The pain was there again, sharp and raw. However when he pushed back in the second time it was better.

You tried to just focus on his face instead of the pain and watch the way his facial features contorted in sweet agony as he moved in and out of you. When he opened his eyes he looked at you with such genuine affection you let out a little gasp. 

He buried his head into your neck.

"What was that?" He smiled against your skin. "You like that?" 

You hadn't really, but it was getting better now. The pain was still present but now you could feel what was underneath, what it was meant to feel like.

"Draco," You moaned softly as he changed the positioning of his hips slightly and hit a spot inside you that felt so good. The same spot he had found deep in you with his hand.

"Fuck, yes, Y/N. Say my name." He said into your neck as he grabbed your hips and started to increase his pace inside you. 

"Draco, Draco, Draco!" You chanted his name like a mantra as he pumped in and out of you. He was going fast now, chasing his own high. 

"Fuck, Y/N, So good, Fuck. I can't.. I'm gonna-" He choked the words out before he let out a low guttural groan and spilled inside you. 

He collapsed on top of you but made no move to pull out. You lay like that for a while, lightly running your fingertips up and down his back, listening to his gentle breathing.

You had always wondered how you would feel after you had sex for the first time, like maybe you would feel different. You weren't sure if you would feel as though you had lost something, your bargaining chip. The virtue that was the only weaponry in your arsenal. But as you lay there, feeling Draco's weight heavy on you, head resting in the crook of your neck, you realised that you didn't feel different at all. If anything, you felt as though you had gained something, an experience, a poignant moment in your life, an invigorated sense of your own sexuality.

You must have both fallen asleep because you awoke a couple of hours later, tangled together in your bed.

You moved your head a little to look down at him, still lying with his head pressed into your neck. His short shallow breaths tickling the little hairs there.

He stirred then, blinking his eyes open groggily. When he saw you he gave you a brilliant smile and rested his head back into the crook of your neck. 

"What time is it?" He asked sleepily, his voice lower than usual. 

You reached out to grab the clock on your bedside table, knocking over a couple of books and a glass in doing so. You scrunched your face up as you looked at it, eyes misty from sleep. 

"Five AM." You said, throwing the clock back onto the bedside table, knocking something else over. 

He groaned against you and wrapped his arms tighter around you. 

"I better go." He said, moving his head up to look at you, a lopsided smile on his face.

You had never seen him like this before. All fresh from sleep and soft and cute? You realised quickly that you really didn't want him to go. You couldn't even believe that all this was real and had actually happened. You imagined that whatever this was had an expiration date and that was probably as soon as he walked out your door. 

He had noticed your face and grabbed it to lay a lazy kiss on your lips. 

"Or not?" He said, smiling against your mouth as he kissed you again, deepening it slightly, moving in the bed to rest in between your legs again. 

When you both looked down you saw there was blood on the bed. On the bed, on him and on you. You scrunched your nose up at the sight before picking up your wand from your bedside table and casting a quick cleaning spell on the area. You watched the blood disappear slowly, before casting a quick incendio into the dying fire.

Draco took your wand from your hand and cast a healing spell on you. You watched the little bursts of light filter from your want to settle in between your legs. You couldn't believe your wand had answered to him. You didn't even want to consider what that meant.

You shared an embarrassed laugh before he kissed you again, more forcefully this time. 

Before long you could feel him hard against you again. This time you reached down to grab his cock, earning a groan from him, before lining it up at your entrance.

This time was different. It wasn't as sore, slightly uncomfortable at first, yes. But not sore.

This time when he moved inside you it felt good, really good. At one point you thought to yourself that this was why everyone talked about sex. It wasn't an illusive mystery to you anymore.

Draco could sense that you were enjoying it more this time and it only spurred him on. He was moving in and out of you with more precision this time. His thrusts were more deliberate, like he was listening your body. Every shake, every reflex, he was responding to it. 

You were a moaning, panting mess before long, gripping onto him for dear life as he pumped in and out of you hard and fast.

His thrusts were becoming more erratic when you stilled him. He gave you a look and you realised he must have thought you were about to ask him to stop, but you only pushed him back until you could sit up. He realised what you were trying to do and he re-positioned himself so that his legs were under you then. He lifted you from him and he pulled out from you. You quickly sat up on him, knees either side of his legs and guided him back into you.

You were face to face now, sitting up and moving against each other. 

It was different like this. He felt different inside you. He was deeper, and at a different angle. 

From this position you could grind against his groin and create friction between his pelvis and your clit. 

He was just watching you as you moved your hips, rolling them against his and meeting him thrust for thrust. Every time you rolled your hips against his, you brushed your clit against him and you could feel your orgasm building already. Your nub was swollen and over stimulated and you were chasing your orgasm, rutting against him frantically, not able to get enough of what you were feeling. Draco was just watching you, his face slack, hands on your hips loosely as you took control. He was moving his hips up to meet you out of instinct.

You were grabbing his shoulders, feeling that orgasm rising within you as your clit throbbed.

"Draco," You moaned out desperately, face contorted as you chased your high. "Draco, I'm gonna.."

Draco looked at you with wide eyes, moving his own hips faster now.

"Yeah?" He replied, moving fervently, grabbing your hips harder and using his strength to guide you to him. 

"Yes, fuck, Yes!" You screamed out when you came, leaving little track marks in his shoulders. 

Draco came soon after you, unable to stop himself.

You both just sat there for a moment, panting heavily.

You were first one to laugh. You weren't sure why you were laughing but you felt it bubble inside you and it just came out. Maybe it was the absurdity of the situation, or maybe it was the fact you had just sex with Draco Malfoy for the second time that morning. But you found yourself genuinely laughing while his dick softened inside of you. 

He stared at you for a moment, regarding your strange behaviour before something clicked inside him as well, and he was laughing too. 

"This is insane." You said, pushing your hair back from your face. 

He took your hand and kissed the back of it.

"Good insane, or bad?" He asked, pressing your hand to his smiling mouth.

You just looked at him. You had to remember this moment, you thought. How he looks right now, under you, the smell of him, his body, his dick, all of it.

"Good."

You got dressed wordlessly. He pulled his trousers and shirt back on, throwing his suit jacket over his arm. He toed into his dress shoes but neglected to do up the laces. You pulled an oversized jumper on over your head and a pair of pajama bottoms. 

He was over at your door before you had a chance to ask what was going on between you. Why he had already been in your room when you returned from the ball, why he had given you the most incredible night of your life and treated you with so much care and affection before disappearing.

"No one can know." He said. He turned to look back at you but you didn't know what to say. 

You felt a sharp pang of hurt nip at your heart even though you had anticipated the minute he left your bed he would be back to his old self again. Part of you wanted to scream and shout and cuss him out, the other part of you understood completely. 

You just nodded. He nodded back and left without another word. 

You waited until Abeliene returned from Ravenclaw tower that morning. You heard her footsteps move past your door, and then the sound of her door opening and closing. 

You got up and padded to her room quietly. You pushed the door open and stepped inside. She was in bed already. When you came in she gave you a tired smile and motioned for you to come and sit on her bed.

"Abie, do you know any fertility spells?" You asked, standing struck dumb in the middle of her room. 

Abeliene sat up in bed and frowned at you.

"You know that I'm gay right?" She said seriously. 

You looked at her for a long moment before you burst into laughter. She started laughing too, giving you a look of pure astonishment. 

You threw yourself forward onto her bed dramatically.

"Oh my god Aibe, I'm so stupid, sorry." 

She just laughed again, before your question finally clicked in her head. 

"Wait," She said, her eyes wide and a smile curving upwards on her lips. "Did you get with James last night?!" 

You grimaced and shook your head, looking up at her from where you had buried yourself in her bed sheets.

"What? Then Who?!" She practically yelled, sitting up fully now and crossing her legs, body swaying with excitement. 

"I don't think you would even believe me if I told you." You said into the bed.

"Hang on," Abeliene said, moving off her bed to find a diary on her desk. "I think I might have something written down." 

She came to the bed and showed you the diary. You stood up and took it from her. 

"Here," She pointed to the spell on the page. "That should work. I keep notes of all this stuff just in case the other girls need it."

You cast the spell over yourself. You looked at Abeliene and said-

"Well, do I look different?" 

Abeliene regarded you for a moment. 

"What, for having just cast a fertility spell on yourself? No. But if you mean for having just lost your virginity? Also no."

You glared at her and sat back down on her bed.

"Now, are you gonna tell me who it was or are you gonna keep me in suspense?" Abeliene asked pointedly, her hands on her hips.

You stared at the floor in front of her feet for a moment. 

"Draco Malfoy." You said it as if you were unsure.

Abeliene's eyes became impossibly large and her hand actually flew up to her mouth.

" _Draco Malfoy_?!" She shouted. 

You shushed her, frowning.

"No-one can know, Abie." You said seriously. "He would probably kill me just for telling you."

She started to pace the floor in front of you. 

"How did this even happen? He's treated you like shit for like a year now.. oh my god, that's why! Of course, I should have known. That's how straight people show they like each other." 

You groaned and got under the covers. Abeliene got into the bed with you. You stared up at her, and she fixed you with a sympathetic look.

"This is going to be very complicated isn't it?" She asked.

You nodded into her pillow.

She pulled you into a hug and stroked your hair for a minute. "Are you okay? It must have hurt." She asked, you nodded again. 

She hummed thoughtfully. "Was it.. Good?" 

You turned to look at her and gave her a smile. "Yeah." You said breathlessly. 

She nodded this time. "And also, his first time too," You added.

Abeliene's expression changed from caring to deviously curious.

"So he's never.. With Pansy?" 

You shook your head. "How interesting." Abeliene said with a sardonic smile.

You shot her a look and then sat up on your elbow.

"So," You said, changing the subject, "Tell me about that Ravenclaw girl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeee, hope you enjoyed this one. the next couple of chapters are going to be purely flashbacks before we get back into present day


	6. The Fourth Year Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is an attempted non-con scene in this chapter, if you wish to avoid reading it stop reading at the line: 'You glanced over to your bathroom door' and start reading again at 'You let your head catch up with what was going on and pushed yourself in front of Draco'  
> Thank you for your kudos!

The next time you saw Draco was two days after the night of the Yule ball. You had Divination with Slytherin this year and had previously been studiously ignoring his presence in the class before the events of that night. It was one of the classes you couldn't seem to evade his teasing. Often he would be prophesizing from the tea leaves and shout out that the leaves told him you were a bitch. It was fairly mundane stuff but you weren't sure if that was going to continue now.  


You were walking to the Divination tower with Abeliene. She was talking about how much of a farce the class was and how she had fabricated the homework assignment because no-one can actually prophesize anything from tea leaves anyway. Her voice was just background noise as you walked along worrying about seeing Draco again.   


She was in the middle of telling you she was thinking about blowing off that Ravenclaw girl she had taken to the Yule ball when you entered the tower and took your seats.  


"Oh, lover boy is here." She said, nudging your shoulder and nodding her head over to where Draco was sitting, three seats away.   


You bumped her shoulder back, sending her a look. You looked back over to Draco. He looked good, as usual. His hair falling over his eyes slightly as he unpacked his textbook and opened it in front of him on his table.  


His eyes flicked up and met yours. You didn't know what to do, as you were unsure of your relationship to him. Were you just two people who had sex and were now strangers again? More than strangers, the enemies that you were before? You just stared at him for a moment, and he did the same before he quirked his eyebrows, one side of his lips curling up.  


You quickly looked away and Abeliene just stared forward to where Trelawney was burning sage, moving in what looked like interpretive dance around the center of the room.   


"Okay then." Abeliene said, accepting what she was seeing and you looked down at your own textbook, fighting a smile that was pushing it's way onto your face.  
The rest of the class entered and took their seats, including Pansy Parkinson, who sat down next to Draco. You couldn't help but flash your eyes over to watch them. He barely acknowledged her when she took her seat next to him, instead stealing a glance at you. You just adverted your eyes again, not wanting to seem like you were bothered about his interactions with his girlfriend.   


_Girlfriend_ , you thought. _So what does that make you? The other woman? The mistake?_  


The lesson that day was about interpreting the messages in the smoke of a crystal ball. Trelawney spoke at great length about how the messages were concealed in smoke shapes and you had to decipher the different shapes to understand the meanings.   


At one point she said something so absurd the whole class rippled with snorts of laughter. You turned your head to give Abeliene a look, but caught Draco's eye as you did so. He nodded over to Trelawney and gave you a look that said what the fuck?  


You shot him a similar look back, and he looked down to smile at his textbook.  


Each pair was given their own crystal ball and your challenge for that lesson was to write down a prediction. Abeliene looked into the swirling fog of the crystal ball, she rolled her eyes back into her head and let her fingers dance over it.   


You played along with her, gripping her shoulders.  


"What do you see Abie?! War, famine?" You said dramatically.   


"I see.." She said, her hands floating around her head, "I see me.. blowing off that Ravenclaw girl."  


You both laughed loudly. Trelawney hated when people joked around in her class and was by your sides in an instant, asking you to make a prediction. You said something about an old stranger from your past coming back into your life, and that you should be wary of their intentions. She seemed happy enough with your answer, so she floated off to ask someone else.   


Abeliene nodded her head at you, impressed.  


"Good save. Even I couldn't come up with that much bullshit on the spot." She said, writing it down on her parchment. "Gonna use that one."  


"It must be the Slytherin in me, thank my mother." You said.  


Abeliene looked up and choked back a laugh. You realised what you had said and just looked down at your textbook, mortified.  


"You do have a lot of Slytherin in you these days." Abeliene commented, holding back another laugh.  


You looked over to where Draco and Pansy were both staring boredly into their own crystal ball. You didn't think he had said a word to her all lesson. He caught your eye again and flashed you a smile. This time Pansy saw you and whipped her head round to stare at Draco incredulously.   


You quickly grabbed your quill and started writing more bullshit predictions. You didn't look back over for the rest of the lesson.   


When the class finally ended everyone packed up their things quickly, desperate to scuttle out of the room. You had a free period next but Abeliene had an elective, so she left before you. You helped Trelawney put away the crystal balls, feeling bad for making fun of her. You were curious as to why Draco hadn't heckled you once during the lesson. You found yourself wondering if your time together did have an expiration date like you had previously thought.  


You were the last one to leave. You thought you would make use of a free period and go to library to study. You were breezing down a hallway when a hand shot out and grabbed you, pulling you into an empty classroom.   


You yelped and grabbed the arm of whoever had grabbed you, but when you looked up you saw it was Draco. He kicked the door closed and pushed you against it, kissing you hard.  


You let out a sound of surprise when you felt his lips on yours, your mind was reeling with questions and confusion, but then you melted into his arms, your hands finding his hair and kissing him back just as forcefully.  


"Want to know what my crystal ball said?" He asked breathlessly, placing kisses down your neck. You hummed slightly, not able to even form words when his mouth was doing those things.   


"It said you were overcome with lust at the sight of me and I should take you into an empty classroom and fuck you the minute that stupid lesson was over."  


You laughed, before gasping again at the feel of his hands on your breasts.  


"Is that right?" You asked sarcastically. He grinned against your collarbone before you pulled his head back up to kiss him again.   


He ran his hand up your thigh, your leg coming up to brush against his hip.  


"Oh, yes." He said, spinning you around, so he could push you against a table, grabbing your hips to force you to sit up on it.  


He stood between your legs, his hands moving up your thighs.   


"The fates haves spoken." You said into his mouth as he grabbed your head and crashed his lips against yours.  


It was rushed and frantic, not like the other night after the ball at all. He made quick work of his trousers and pulled his cock free, he pushed your skirt up to bunch around your hips, pulled your panties to the side and soon he was inside you.  


You let out a loud moan when you felt him enter you. He groaned and threw his head back, beginning to fuck you fast and hard against the table.   


You were making so much noise he shot his hand out to cover your mouth.  


"Quiet, you'll get us caught." He hissed against your ear before pulling back to fuck you even harder. You were whimpering against his hand, your eyes rolling back into your head.   


His brow was furrowed, mouth open slightly, his face contorted in pleasure as he rammed into you. He looked like he was losing himself in you, and you could feel him getting close already.   


You had been gripping the sides of the table, holding on for dear life, but when you felt his thrusts become erratic you pressed your hand against his chest, slowing him down.  


He took his hand away from your mouth as he began to slow his movements. You met his eyes and tried not to let out another moan at the feel of him pumping in and out of you slowly.  


"Not yet." You said. He looked at you as if to ask how you knew he was close. You just reached down to grab his cock and pull it out of you. He let out a strangled sound and gave you an indignant look. "I want to try something else." You said.   


You removed his cock and hoped down from the table, you turned around in front of him and bent over the desk, pulling your skirt back up from where it had previously fallen.  


When you looked back around to see his reaction he had that same look of awe on his face he had had when he had seen you naked just a couple of nights previous.  


"Holy shit." Was all he managed before taking his dick in his hand and lining it up at your entrance. You hadn't done it like this before, and he had to spread you slightly to find it. 

You felt him push forward, meeting the resistance of your tight walls being made impossibly tighter by the position. He pushed forward slowly then, savoring the feeling of you around his dick as he gently eased in.  


"F-fuck." He stuttered out, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he started moving in and out of you, his pace increasing. He was back to fucking you fast and hard again, the table rattling underneath you as you gripped the edges. Your feet were just touching the floor, but he was fucking you so hard that they kept leaving the floor and you kept losing your footing.   


The edge of the table was digging into your pelvis as he pounded you, but none of it mattered, because it felt impossibly good. At this angle he was hitting that sweet spot inside you with every thrust. You could hear him now, he had just reprimanded you for being loud but now he was groaning and panting out expletives.   


You were whimpering underneath him, he felt bigger like this, if that was even possible, the feeling of being so full made your whole body shake.  


You let out another loud moan as he changed the positioning of his thrusts, and he stopped altogether. You whined and pushed back against him, but he stilled you with his hands.  


He leaned down so he could talk in your ear. His chest was against your back, his torso pressed again you.   


"What did I say about being loud?" He said before putting his hand over your mouth again. You made an indignant sound before he started fucking you again and this time it was better still.  


Your body was shaking with sensation, throaty sounds trying to break through where his hand was against your mouth. The feeling was so good you felt like you could cum if you just get a bit of friction between your legs. He was whispering in your ear now, his breath hot against you as he spoke. You were so overpowered with sensation you could only catch little snippets as he fucked you.  


"So hot."  
"So tight."  
"So good."  
"Be quiet for me and I'll let you cum."   


Your vision was blurring and your body felt like a coiled spring, wound tight with tension, as he kept giving you pleasure you could have only imagined.  


His thrusts were becoming erratic again, you could feel it, he was close. He inhaled a sharp breath against your ear before telling you to make yourself come.   
Your arm shot between your legs, it was uncomfortable as it was wedged between the table and your body but your fingers soon found your clit and after a minute you were coming right underneath him, his hand becoming tight against your face as your body thrashed around in ecstasy.  


He spilled inside you soon after, not stopping his movements inside of you until he was almost soft again. He removed his hand from your mouth and you breathed deeply as you both stood up. You adjusted your uniform, smoothing everything out and back into its proper place, He did the same, tucking his dick away back into his trousers before zipping them up.  


You leaned against the table a bit for support. Your legs were weak from being bent over for so long. He moved back closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You were feeling sheepish now, which was ridiculous, you thought, because he'd just fucked you over a table.  


He was smiling down at you lazily, totally spent.  


"I just couldn't wait to be back inside you again." He said, his eyes looking over where you imagined your face must have been red from having his hand pressed against it.  


He leaned down to kiss you and you gratefully responded, giving him a long, deep kiss.

  
For a while it was like that, stolen kisses in broom cupboards and empty classrooms. A blowjob in the Quidditch tent after hours, sex on every surface you could find that was away from prying eyes. Draco had told you that it had to be a secret, that people couldn't know about the two of you, for both your sakes. He wanted you, but it was not something he could profess publicly. His status as highborn pureblood aristocracy prevented him from making his own decisions about who he was allowed to be seen with, and he had a sham relationship with Pansy to preserve.  


He had, however, stopped being cruel to you when he saw you. He told you that he would not harass you in classes anymore or around the school. He assured you that if he ever said anything horrible to you it was because it was because his friends were questioning his loyalties, that it was either him or them that did it. The only time when he had ever harassed you from that moment forward was when you had been walking through the courtyard with Abeleine, your eyes wet from laughing so much, and he had called out to you- "Come here darling and I'll give you something to cry about!"   


Horrifyingly, it had just turned you on so you could hardly count it. When he pulled you into a broom closet later that day you had just asked him to call you darling again.   


You hadn't had sex in your room since the night you had sex for the first time. Whenever you got with Draco it was always somewhere outwith both your dormitories. Once you had sex on the Quidditch pitch in the middle of the night, that was something. But never in your room.  


One night he left a note in your Divination textbook asking you to meet him in the astronomy tower after dark. You had got used to sneaking around at night for your meetings so you crept around the castle with practised ease.   


He was already there when you arrived, standing in front of the open spaces in the wall. You moved to stand next to him, but he hadn't acknowledged you yet. It was a clear night, the sky was littered with stars, shining bright against the dark blackness of the night. Draco was looking up at them, the moonlight reflecting on his silver eyes, making them seen translucent.  


You stayed like that for a moment, both staring out at the sky. You pressed a hand on his arm and pointed out to a cluster of stars.   


"Do you see that constellation? That one there that looks like, well, a hangman's noose actually." You were pointing out at the sky but realised that your finger was impossible to follow in the huge expanse.   


Draco furrowed his brows.  


"Yes? I think so, why?" He gave you a glance.  


"That's Draco." You beamed.   


He flashed you a smile and turned around to wrap his arms around you.   


"I didn't know I had a constellation named after me." He said, leaning down to kiss you.  


You hummed against his lips.  


"You are actually named after a constellation, Draco, not the other way around."  


He gave you a self-important look before kissing you again, his hand coming up to the back of your head to cradle it, moving you to an angle, so he could kiss you deeply, his tongue finding its way into your mouth.  


Before long you were up against one of the walls, one of your legs up around his waist, his hands in your panties, rubbing circles around your clit. You were panting and moaning, and he was whispering sinful things in your ear.  


At one point you couldn't take it anymore and pushed him to the ground, crawling on top of him to straddle his waist. You made quick work of freeing his cock from his trousers and pushed your skirt up around your hips and before you knew it he was inside you.  


You both hissed when he entered you, no matter how many times you both had sex it still felt like coming home every time you felt him fill you.   


You rode him like you were possessed, your thighs aching as you thrust down him, both of you writhing in the moonlight. His hands were holding your hips so tight you felt as though you might break as you ground your hips against his, your clit brushing his pubic bone each time.   


When you came, you cried out, and he pulled you down, so he could hold your face close to his, watching you come undone.   


He flipped you over then, so he was on top of you and he entered you again. He was fast and passionate and you were gripping his shirt, and he was grunting and panting as he came closer to cumming. He let out a low groan when he came and you held his face close to yours just as he had done to you.   


Afterwards you lay on the floor of the tower for a while, you curled into his side, just listening to each other breathing. His was stroking your arm lazily, staring off into space.  


You weren't entirely sure what to make of it. Usually when you met up it was dirty and hot and fun. You were always both so excited to see one another it wasn't long before you were fucking hard and fast. You would lie together afterwards but you would just talk about school or a book one of you was reading.   


You felt a wave of guilt wash over you. Draco had assured you that Pansy and him were just a couple for show and the union was to keep their parents happy. But you didn't entirely believe it was like that for Pansy and you didn't understand why he would continue the facade if he was sleeping with someone else, even if no-one was allowed to know about it. Could he not let her be free to be with whomever she wanted? Someone that wanted her back maybe.  


The guilt you felt was stemming from how intimate the moment was between you.   


He had taken your hand and was holding it up in front of you both, playing with your fingers. You were playing with his rings, twisting them around and admiring them before his own fingers intertwined with yours. You talked about your families. He broached the subject first, talking about how his dad had this task to do, and how you wouldn't understand but it was putting strain on his family.   


You then spoke at great length about your family histories. He recanted generations of pure-blood marriages to you, their accomplishments, their property and businesses.  


You had spoken of your mother, how she had been a highborn pure=blood herself before meeting your father and leaving that world behind.  


"Her father, my grandfather, used to beat her black and blue," You said, looking at Draco. His brow was set into a frown. "She used to come back after break with great welts on her back from being flogged. My father used to make up healing ointment for her, looked after her during term. They started dating, and it was a scandal of course. He was a Hufflepuff you see."  


Draco's eyebrows shot up and you wondered if the irony wasn't lost on him too.  


"But they were determined to be together. Her father found out and the next time she returned after break her arm was broken. My father said he never let her go back home after that, and she lived with him and my grandfather after that until they were married."   


Draco was just looking at you now, his face unreadable. His eyes was flickering over your face, like he was searching for something.   


"So, she started helping my father and grandfather with the family business, and she's lived on our farm with my dad ever since. It wasn't the life she was set up to have, but she says she never misses all the money. She says money makes people false."  


Draco scoffed.   


"Do you believe that?" He asked, cocking his head slightly at you.  


"Don't you?" You replied, keeping eye contact with him.   


He looked away.   


It was quiet between you for while before he spoke again.  


"I could never do that, what your mum did, I mean. Just leave like that."  


You turned onto your side to face him, but he stayed on his back, looking up at the ceiling.  


"My father would kill me." He said sternly. Something in his voice made you think he wasn't being hyperbolic. You ran your hand over his chest, and he grabbed your hand in his, stilling your movements. He finally turned his head to meet your eyes, his own eyes were shiny.  


"He really would kill me."   


You didn't know what to say so you just pulled him into a hug. You hugged him for a long time up on that astronomy tower that night. You remember how he trembled slightly in your arms.  


At some point you were kissing again, but this time it was like everything had been slowed right down. His tongue moved against yours slowly, savouring the feeling and the taste of you. One of his hands was on your face, holding you to him, and you just existed like that for a while, kissing passionately. Everything felt enhanced, every sound he made, every movement. Like you were truly tuned in to one another.  


He pulled you on top of him and you kissed like that for a while, your hips moving against his, but there was no urgency. You just ground against him, feeling him hard. Small sounds escaped your lips now and then, and he would smile against your mouth.   


He broke away from you, and you sat back a bit to look at him. He looked amazing in the blue light of the moon, like he wasn't real. He didn't say anything, just pulled the hem of your shirt up until you grasped it yourself and removed it.   


He looked at the new skin on show like he was looking at art. His hand came up to touch your neck, before he grazed it down your body, down through the valley between your breasts, before resting on the hem of your skirt.   


You leaned forward and lifted the hem of his own shirt before he sat up slightly to pull it off. You ran both your hands down his chest slowly, all the way down his stomach to his navel. He was so strong, his body taught and firm under your hands. You ran your hands up his arms then, feeling every vein, every scar, every muscle.   


He pushed his hands up your thighs under your skirt until he came to your hips. He rubbed small circles there, his eyes boring into yours. You broke your gaze to move to get your skirt off. While you were off him you unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down his legs, and he kicked them off. You came back straddle him, leaning in again to kiss him deeply again.   


The air was cool against your bodies as you both lay bare on the floor of the tower. You were seldom naked together, it was usually rushed moments in public places where you could get caught. It was usually a half-dressed affair, open shirts and hiked up skirts. But now you were naked together and you could feel all of his skin against yours. When you were kissing him it felt as though you fit together like a jigsaw, like your body was made for him.   


Your hips moved slowly against him, his cock was hard, sat against his belly and you were grinding it against your folds, moving over it. Little sounds escaped you both but you never stopped kissing.   


Eventually you sat up and looked down at him, that same look of awe was still on his face. It was so quiet in the tower all you could hear was the two of you, the little sounds the stone made under your knees, the way it sounded when his skin brushed against yours.   


You guided him into you slowly. You sank down his length at an excruciatingly slow pace but it felt right. This was meant to be slow. When he was all the way inside you, you threw your head back and shut your eyes. His hands were smoothing up and down the sides of your body, stroking gently. You started moving slowly, your hips making those same small movements they were before he was inside you.   


He was so deep in you. You never thrust up and down onto him, just kept him deep inside while you moved your hips forward and back. When you opened your eyes to look down he was still watching you, his eyes slightly glazed over with the intensity of the moment. It was as if you were using your bodies to convey messages you would never have been able to find the words to speak aloud.  


You moved together like that for a while, just savouring each other, taking in every detail. It was one of the most intimate moments of your life. When you came, you threw your head back and Draco sat up so to embrace you, holding him to you as you shook.   


He followed you almost instantly, letting go and spilling into you. You took his face in your hands and kissed him again. You were aware of the fact that you were living inside of what you knew would become a poignant memory. You drank in the way he looked, naked under you, his eyes sparkling. You wanted to remember everything.  


"Do you want to come to my room?" You asked into his hair, his arms still around you. He nodded wordlessly.

He slept in your bed that night. It was from that night onward that he made a habit of visiting your room. He came and stayed with you at least three nights a week, waiting until the cover of darkness to sneak in. It was surprisingly easy to sneak about with so many extra students in the school. It became quite usual to enter the common room and find people from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons there, so sneaking about during the day became easier.  


Sex with Draco became less rushed and fervent. Most of the nights he was with you both fucked for hours, sometimes not really actively having sex at all. You would lie next to him in the bed and stroke his cock gently while he told you about his day, you had both so entirely surrendered your bodies to one another you were never not touching when you were alone. You were always naked, the minute you let him into your room both your clothes were off.   


It made seeing him outside of your affair quite strange, watching him shout hateful things at Potter and his friends and then have him in your bed wrapping tendrils of your hair around his fingers as you talked with him was like living in two worlds. It was like there were two of him and you weren't sure if you were with the real one or not.  


One night he was lazily tracing around your nipples with his lithe fingers while discussing how much effort he had put into making the 'potter stinks' pins you had seen a lot of students wearing. You imagined him in his room slaving over a button press and actually laughed aloud. He presented as this bully, this cold and hard, unfeeling posh boy. But he was this artistic, intelligent, to be fair arrogant, man with desires and flairs that no one could even have predicted he had.  


Abeliene was still the only person who knew about the arrangement. She hadn't been thrilled about the fact he had asked you to keep it a secret, saying that you probably shouldn't sleep with someone who was ashamed of you. However, she also thought the whole thing was utterly scandalous and it tickled her to no end, so she complied and covered for you when it was necessary.  


The second task of the Triwizard tournament came and went and soon the whole school was buzzing with excitement for the final task. Draco didn't talk about Potter much, it wasn't exactly pillow talk and you knew his feelings about him perfectly well so you didn't breach the subject. You would discuss the Tournament, but in a more general way. He thought that Cedric Diggory was going to win, much to his distaste.   


Nothing could have prepared you for the day of the last trial. Seeing Cedric's lifeless body appear with Harry's crying form hunched over him. You remember the feeling of nothing but sickness washing over you in a hot wave. You could have been sick right there in the stands.  


Everyone had been ushered out of the stands and Abeliene had held your hand the whole way back to the castle, you both never said a word the entire way.  


By the time you had made it back to the castle you felt bile in your throat and you had to run over be sick in a bush. You had never seen death before, and never someone you knew. He had spoken with you a few times in the common room after meeting you at the Yule ball. But more than that, it was fear. Harry had clutched Cedric's lifeless body and proclaimed that the Dark Lord was back.   


You and Abeliene had sat on the steps outside the front entrance to the castle for a while, just pressed against one another.   


By the time you got back to your room Draco was already there.  


You ran straight into his arms the moment you saw him, tears spilling over your cheeks. He held you to him tightly, stroking the back of your head. He was whispering against your hair.  


"I know, I know, it's okay."   


You stood like that for a while until the tears stopped. He pulled back from you just enough to place his hands on your face, rubbing his thumbs across your cheeks to wipe the drying tears away. You were crying from shock.  


"I've never seen death before." You said, looking out of the window behind Draco. "And I knew him too, fuck." You felt your eyes well up again but you caught yourself and took a deep breath.  


Draco pulled you back to him and rubbed his hands up and down your back.   


You heard a bang on your door and you jumped. You looked at Draco and his eyes were just as wide as yours.   


"Get in to the bathroom, go! Close the door." You ushered him into your en suite quickly before your door flew open.   


It was James, and he was drunk. You and James hadn't spoken all that much since the Yule ball. Friendly chit chat in the common room, but you had started seeing Draco after that night so had just sort of forgotten about him.  


He was staggering towards you, his eyes were red and his cheeks wet. He had been crying.   


He fell against you, his body heavy on yours. You regained your footing and patted his back.  


"He was my friend, Y/N." James wailed, his arms wrapped around your back now.  


You felt a pang of deep sympathy for him. He and Cedric had been friends, that's how you had known Cedric at all. You couldn't imagine what that must have felt like to lose someone so close to you.   


You stood with him for a moment, patting his back, letting him lean on you. You were becoming acutely aware of the fact that Draco was hiding in your bathroom still.  


You glanced over to your bathroom door, as you did you felt James' hands start to move down your body. You froze completely when you felt his both his hands cup your ass.  


Your reflexes kicked in and you pushed him off you, stepping back from him.  


His eyes were unfocused and his face slack, like he wasn't there.  


"Make me feel better." He said, coming towards you again to grab you. You put your hands against his chest and pushed as hard as you could.  


"James, no!" You said, incredulous. He had never been like this with you before, you weren't sure if these were the actions of someone grief stricken or intoxicated.  


He grabbed your arm and twisted it, you whimpered.  


"Just do this for me." He said, eyes dark, pulling your body against him.   


"James, stop!" You cried, you didn't even recognise your own voice when you heard it, shrill and panicked.  


Before you knew what was happening, Draco had stormed out of the bathroom and stupefied him. James flew back and hit against the wall, letting out a bark of pain as he crumpled onto the floor.  


"Sick bastard!" Draco has shouted at him, walking towards his limp frame, his wand still in hand. "I should fucking kill you!"  


You let your head catch up with what was going on and pushed yourself in front of Draco, placing your hands on his arms. You couldn't speak for fear of your voice betraying you so you just looked at him with pleading eyes.  


He shrugged you off and opened your door. He moved back to grab James by his collar and throw him out into the hallway.  


He slammed the door closed and cast a locking spell.  


When he turned back to you his eyes were wild, he took hold of your shoulders and searched your face.  


"Are you okay, did he hurt you?" He asked.  


You nodded, feeling out of sorts. You didn't know what could have happened if Draco hadn't been there. There was a sickly feeling building in your stomach, it was making you feel angry.  


James had treated you like a body, someone to make him feel better, to use. You realised that he wasn't the only one doing that.  


Draco went to pull you in for a hug and but you lashed out at him, pushing him off you. His eyes flashed with hurt before he concealed it.  


"Get off me!" You shouted, sneering at him. "I wont be your whore anymore. Get out."  


Draco's face flashed with concern.  


"You don't mean that, you know that's not what this is. You're just still processing what's happened. It's okay, I'm here." He said, going to touch your arm.   


You ripped it back from him.   


"No. I wont be your play thing anymore. I am not your whore just like I'm not his. Now get the fuck out of my room." You stood still, face stern and serious.  


Draco's face resumed it's usual impassive look, all his features relaxing into their usual brooding form. It was like watching someone lose every bit of emotion from their body.  


He turned and unlocked the door, opening it and slamming it behind it him as he left.  


The minute you saw the door close you fell to the floor, bursting into tears. Deep sobs racked your body as you curled against the floorboards. You didn't really want him to go but all the sneaking around and hiding had been draining you without you realising. The emotional burden of being with someone who was with someone else.  


You saw James again the next day and your stomach curdled. He just gave you a sad smile and polite 'Hello' as he passed you in the common room. He was sitting with his friends, they were all grief stricken and talking about Cedric.  


You realised that either he had been so drunk he didn't remember what he had done, or that Draco Malfoy had been in your room and hexed him, or Draco had chased him down and obvliviated him. You shuddered to think that both were realistic possibilities.


	7. The Fifth Year Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mentions of non-con, abuse, blood and Umbridge >:(

It would be fifth year before you would see Draco again, in Kings Cross station, boarding the Hogwarts Express with Pansy Parkinson. You were standing with Abeliene on the platform, unable not to look at him. He was wearing a tailored black suit, his hair slightly longer that last year, but still falling into his face as usual.   


You felt a spark of anxiety when you saw him. You had spent all summer thinking about him and now here he was, boarding a train with the reason you had called the whole thing off, his girlfriend.  


He had glanced at you just as he was getting on the train, shaking his head as though to shake your gaze from him.   


Abeliene noticed him and pressed a hand against your back, rubbing slightly. You gave her a passive look.  


"So we fooled around a bit in fourth year, doesn't matter does it?" You said bitterly.  


She gave you a knowing look. A look that said _don't give me that shit._  


"It wasn't just fooling around thought, was it?" She asked rhetorically. You didn't say anything, it really was rhetorical.  


You sat with Abeliene in a carriage with a couple of other friends from your Hufflepuff. You all caught up on how your summers had been and discussed how all of your parents didn't want to send you back after the events at the end of last term.  


Your father had almost insisted you didn't go back after Cedric's death at the final Triwizard challenge, claiming he believed Harry, despite what the papers were printing about him, that Lord Voldemort really was back.  


Your mother had said that true or not, the safest place for you was and always will be Hogwarts. So there you were on the train going back.   


You had been given your own room again that year. Abeliene had cussed you out for having such good luck but you weren't sure if you did. You liked to be alone, sure, but you still thought it might be nice to feel someone in the room with you when you slept. You had gotten used to hearing draco's shallow breaths next you in your bed last year. Sometimes you would wake up in the middle of night and just watch his chest rising and falling. There were many nights over the summer that you woke in a cold sweat, your hands searching for him in your bed, now to be so close to him in the castle and not have him there with you seemed like torture.  


You didn't have anyone to share your free room with this year. Maybe you would though, you thought hopefully, maybe you would meet someone else. You felt a jolt of sadness when you realised that there was only one person you actually wanted to share that space with, and he had a little black haired shadow chasing him around the castle.  


When Dumbledore introduced Dolores Umbridge to the great hall that day, you knew that something was wrong. Her interjected speech set you on edge. Your group had all exchanged worried glances at one another after she had sat down. Other people were laughing at her, but you weren't.   


You knew when someone was rotten.  


As the year progressed, your worst fears were realised. Hogwarts became a place of rules and restrictions. No-one was allowed to use magic anymore and your grades slipped even further as now you were learning magic theory, not even real practical magic.  


Soon rumours were circulating around the school of Umbridge's punishments. You were yet to be on the receiving end of one but just the stories alone were frightening.   


The whole school was on edge, professors included. She had appeared in your divination class one day asking Trelawney prying questions, and forced her to come up with a prediction on the spot.   


You had felt impossibly bad for Trelawney, but all you could do was watch on as she fumbled something out of her mouth only to have Umbridge turn to her and look dissatisfied as she wrote something down on her clipboard.  


The night that Abeliene came to your room shaking and clutching your hand was when it had become real.  


She had stood in your doorway, tears filling her eyes as blood spotted on the floor in front of her feet.   


You had taken her inside and set her on your bed at once. She shook out that Umbridge had caught her with a Griffindor girl in the stairwell outside defense against the dark arts.  


You quickly made her up a healing ointment from some supplies your mother had packed you just in case. When you pulled back her hand gently to assess and treat the damage you had gasped and clamped your hand over your mouth.   


There on the side of her left hand, running all the way up her thumb were the scarred, bleeding words ' _I must not kiss girls_ '   


You had felt tears fill your eyes immediately and you could not stop them falling when you blinked. You had applied the ointment to her hand and dressed it in a clean bandage with your shaky hands.   


You knew it was going to scar. Those words would be there forever, etched into her skin. You held her for a long time that night, just rocking her back and forth as you cradled her head, brushing over her hair as she let out little sobs.

Soon there was word that Harry had started a club for the teaching of defensive spells. You had never really spoken to Potter, you had never been put in a position where you would have to. You had never gone out of your way too, either.  


Spurned by the grief of her assault, Abeliene joined the club. She told you that Harry was calling it Dumbledore's army and it was a clear act of defiance against the Ministry's new oppressive regime, that Harry believed there was a fight coming and everyone needed to be able to defend themselves.  


Abeleine had asked you to join her on many occasions, but you had always refused. For some reason you couldn't bring yourself to be a part of it. You believed in Harry and his cause, you were friends with many of the people involved, you just felt something telling you to stay away.  


Abeliene had been passing along the knowledge to you and your other friends. Whenever she learned something new she would try and teach it to you. To be frank, she was a horrible teacher and most of the time it ended it chaos.   


You had considered it one night, adding your name to the list and attending. You were a Hufflepuff and known well in the year, it wouldn't have been an issue, but you found yourself somewhere else instead.  


Draco was in the empty library. When you rounded the corner of one of the aisles you saw him. He looked practically ethereal. The warm glow of candlelight bounced off his white blonde hair, his jawline was chiselled and sharp as he stood with his head upturned, looking for a book on a high shelf.  


You had barely seen him since term started, you spent your time in classes or studying in your room. OWLs were fast approaching and your grades were shot. You barely ate in the great hall anymore, a horrible feeling had settled over the school since Umbridge's reign of terror started so you hated being in public spaces for fear of her watchful eye on you. There had been no chance of seeing Draco anymore, which you had been grateful for until you saw him at that moment. Not seeing him for a while had allowed you forget how good he looked, but then he was right in front of you looking like _that_.  


You didn't know how to navigate being around him now you were faced with it. Your heart was tied up in knots but given his proximity to Pansy at the beginning of term, his was not.  


"Draco." You said dumbly, alerting him to your presence.  
He turned and saw you, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in months. You felt like you were full of electricity and it was buzzing all over your body, spilling out of you.  


He smirked at you and your face fell, you weren't really talking to him, he had his front on.  


"Stalking me in the library, are you?" He drawled. He turned towards you and you saw the light catch a piece of metal pinned to his robes.  


Before you could think about what you were doing you moved towards him, assessing the badge.  


"The inquisitorial squad?" You said incredulously. "You must be joking."  


He frowned at you and straightened his robes, pushing your hand away from his badge.  


"Umbridge hand selected me to keep an eye on goings-on around here. I know Potter is up to something. Have you heard about his little club?"  


Your lips quirked slightly.  


"I can neither confirm nor deny knowledge of any such activity." You said innocently.  


He shot you a look.  


"It's not the worst thing though, is it? If there was a club, which again, I can not confirm nor deny the existence of such, but would it really be so bad?" You said, cocking your head.  


Draco frowned and went to say something but you continued speaking:  


"We are here to learn, Draco. Potter believes there's something coming, and we're not getting taught any practical spells. Is it so bad that he is maybe or maybe not trying to teach people how to defend themselves?"   


Draco stared at you for a long moment.  


"What do you want anyway?" He said eventually, changing the subject.  


"I want exactly that." You said confidently. "I want to learn how to use defensive spells and how to defend myself properly. I want you to teach me."  


Draco barked out a laugh.   


"Are you serious?" He said, laughing right in your face.  


You kept your chin up and kept his gaze.  


"I want to learn, Draco. There is no other student in this entire castle more equipt to teach defensive spells, other than Potter, than you. I dont' want to be a part of the club which may or may not exist, so I'm asking you to teach me."   


He eyed you for a moment, as if he were assessing if this was a trick or a game.  


"Why the fuck would I teach you anything? Magic is prohibited and if Umbridge found out my fate would be worse than death. I've got her on my side so why would I jeopardise that, especially for you?" He asked, his face set in stone.  


"Well, if you don't I could tell everyone about our little affair last year." You said calmly.   


His eyes shot up to yours, wide and angry.   


"You wouldn't." He said, but his voice was unsure.  


"Why not?" You started, eyeing him dangerously. "It'll look bad for you, not me. I'm not the sanctimonious prick pureblood Slytherin that saunters about spitting on those beneath him. It would ruin your reputation and destroy your image. I'm just a sweet little Hufflepuff girl that caught up with a Malfoy, whereas you are a contradictory adulterer."  


He stared at you, his eyes wild. He was gripping the desk next to him, his face contorting in rage. You kept your face neutral, looking straight into his eyes.  


"Are you blackmailing me? So much for a sweet little Hufflepuff girl." He bit out.  


"My mother was a Slytherin, remember? I'm not all sweetness and light. I want you to help me and this is the only way I'll get you to do it."  


For a moment you thought he might actually look impressed, but it quickly turned back to rage.  


"Fine. But this buys your silence, not a word to anyone. We'll have to stay away from the castle in case we get seen, meet me on the grounds across from the viaduct tomorrow night, nine 'o'clock sharp." He spoke as though he had this all planned out, like it had been his idea in the first place.  


He didn't let you reply before he breezed past you and out of the library. You smiled a little to yourself. You could always get him to do what you wanted, extortion was a hard bargain but you had still managed it, and dare you say, enjoyed it?

The next day came and went and before you knew it you were leaving the castle just before Nine 'o'clock to meet Draco on the field across the bridge.  
You had arrived first and stood by an old oak tree in the cold of the night waiting for him, wishing you had brought a jacket. For a minute you thought he might not show up, he was nowhere to be seen. You realised that you had threatened him to get him to do this, maybe he knew that you would never actually make good on your threat.  
You were about to turn and leave before you saw him coming over the hill, the light from the castle casting a glow around him as he strode over to you, his blonde hair shining in the light.   


He was wearing his black suit again and you quickly looked him up and down, hoping he wouldn't notice. When you dared to look at his face you found that he was doing the same thing. He noticed you watching him and shook his head.  


"I haven't seen you out of your robes in a while." Was all he said. That was a loaded statement, you thought.  


During your downtime at Hogwarts you didn't wear your school robes, no-one did. Tonight you were wearing a plaid skirt and a long sleeve jumper. Didn't seem revolutionary, but it had caught his attention all the same.  


"Alright, let's begin then." He said curtly, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it on a tree branch. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to the elbow and pulled out his wand.  


You tried to ignore the veins on his arms and how good they looked, pulling out your own wand. He came to stand in front of you, a considerable distance away.  


"Tonight I'm going to teach you a disarming spell. This is a critical spell to know when duelling an adversary, it knocks the want from their hand before they even have to chance to use it. It is the ultimate defence." He spoke as though he was born for teaching, his voice firm and clear. "Now, watch the motion of my wand, the way my wrist moves when I cast it and the shape it creates."  


He held his wand out in front of him and flicked his wand expertly.  


"Expelliarmus." He said loudly, a burst of light shooting from his wand towards you. Your wand was thrown from your hand into the grass a couple of feet away. You looked shell shocked for a moment but Draco didn't gloat. He just looked at you.   


"Did you watch the pattern? I want you to try now." He said. There was no inflection in his voice. No teasing or cruel tone. He was taking this seriously.  


You grabbed your wand from the grass and went back to stand in front of him. You took a deep breath and copied his movements.  


"Expelliarmus!" You said, just as loud as he had said it, and light burst from your wand. His wand went shooting upwards into the air, and he caught it with one hand.  


You smiled, it had actually worked.  


"That was good, but you need to work on the power behind it. You don't want to inconvenience someone by throwing their wand in the air, you want to entirely disarm them, but that was a very good first attempt." He said, his face neutral.  


The lesson continued like that for an hour or so, Draco refining your technique. Teaching you about proper grip, movement of the wrist, correct annunciation and stance.  


He was patient and calm, explaining everything in great detail, taking his time to say things in a way that would make the most sense to you. Metaphors and analogies he used himself to remember things. You were actually learning, absorbing the information completely, heeding his every word.   


When the hour was up he pulled his sleeves back down and buttoned them and then plucked his suit jacket from the tree and put it on, doing up just one button. You watched him as he did so, eyes following his every movement. You were trying to be mad at yourself for falling back into your old feelings so easily but your head was so fuzzy just from being around him that you couldn't focus enough to do so.  


"Same time again next week?" He asked, although it was more of an order.  


He was walking back over the hill back to castle before you could say anything. You watched him go, looking at the way his shoulders moved when he walked, and the way his long legs carried him about in a strut.  


You suddenly felt very foolish stood there in the cold. You had been the one to call off the whole arrangement, you didn't know if he had been hurt by it initially or if he had gotten over it easily. The fact was he didn't seem bothered by you anymore, and that hurt you, but you knew you had no right to be hurt because you were the one that told him to leave that night and you hadn't spoken to him since.   


You thought about him all the way back to your dormitory. Thought about how the only reason you called it all off was because he had a girlfriend he didn't want to leave. How he had to protect his reputation so badly he wouldn't be with you publicly, even now he was still doing that.   


You decided that you were being stupid and full of hormones and needed to move past it. But his lessons would be invaluable, you would continue with those.

Weeks turned to months and you continued to receive lessons from Draco after hours. The first few lessons were all much the same, focusing solely on the defensive spells, no other conversation. He remained neutral and calm and spoke only when he was directing you.  


Then something changed. A warmness grew between you again, like a plant coming back to life after near death by being watered. It was subtle at first, little smiles and soft glances. Then it became a joke, a laugh shared between the two of you. Before long you were greeting each other on the hill with broad smiles and jovial conversation.  


You found yourself looking forward to each meeting. The only difficulty was that you had to lie to Abeliene about it. She couldn't know that you were meeting Draco for teaching rendezvous. Since joining DA she had become fiercely hateful of Slytherins. She never liked them much before but now that they were benefiting from the new hierarchy and using it to torment the other students, her hatred was blinding.   


Abeliene's hatred of Slytherin was eclipsed only by her hatred for Slytherins on the inquisitorial squad. They threatened what she was fighting for, defending a regime that only sought to make everyone's lives miserable. The regime that had scarred her. Draco was the head of the squad, making him her least favourite person, besides Umbridge.  


As much as you hated yourself for it, you lied to her. Or rather, you merely didn't tell her where you were going, or who you would be with. You told yourself that retaining information is better than bare faced lying.  


It was spring and the nights were getting lighter. The sun didn't set until around Nine 'o'clock at night, the usual time you would meet Draco. When he came over the hill one night the sky was a rich tapestry of pink and orange. The magic hour, the muggles called it.   


His eyes were the most beautiful like this, you thought. They were so light they reflected whatever was around them, and that night they were like a sunset, his white blonde hair taking on a pink hue too as he stood bathed in the evening light.  


"Let's blow off a lesson tonight." You had said, taking his hand in yours as you led him over the hill back to the bridge. "I want to show you something."  
He did not drop your hand, just pulled you back by it, stopping you.  


"Are you mad?" He asked, "We can't just go wandering about the castle after hours, if someone caught us.. have you not seen what she does to people?"   


You winced, thinking about Abeliene's hand.   


"I'm sorry, are you not on the inquisitorial squad?" You asked, cocking your head, "If someone catches us just flash your badge and say you've caught me sneaking about and you're taking me to Umbridge at once." You couldn't help your mocking tone as you said it. He knew how you felt about the squad. There were times when you didn't believe he took it seriously at all either.  


He thought for a moment before he stopped pulling you back. You smiled and started pulling him along again.   


"Okay," You heard him from behind you. "But I hope you know this is risky."  


When inside the castle you were both very careful, peering around every corner before you walked down a hallway, moving quickly and silently. At one point you heard Filch coming towards you, his voice echoing around a passageway just ahead of you two.  


Draco had grabbed you and pulled you into a closet, squashing in against you in the tiny confines of the room. You both stayed dead still, slowing your breathing as you stared at one another, waiting for Filch to pass. You waited until you could no longer hear his steps or his voice, making sure he was far enough away that it was safe to leave the closet.   


You practically burst out of the closet, wanting to be out of such a proximity to Draco. It was difficult to be near him still, but to be pressed against him, smelling his scent and feeling his breath fanning your face. It was too much. All those feelings from last year were still there.  


You made your way to the kitchens without any further diversion. When you arrived there you saw your prize stacked up on a table on a silver plate, a simple preserving spell lying over them. You had looked back to see Draco's face, and he had given you a quirked eyebrow and a half smile.  


"Pastries?" He asked.   


"Pastries." You had confirmed, pushing your hand through the thin barrier of the spell to take one, you handed it to him and then grabbed your own.   
He was looking at you like you were mad. You just smiled and sat down at one of the benches backwards, your feet facing outwards rather that under the table, he joined you. You ate in a comfortable silence for a moment.  


"Abie took me down here in our second year," You said, smiling at the memory, "She had figured out when the elves retired for bed, then she figured out there was a window of opportunity before all the food disappeared to be ready for the next day." You said. "Nine 'o'clock sharp."   


He was smiling at you with soft eyes, a distinct fondness on his face.  


"We still come down here sometimes, in the evening if we missed dinner or if we want a pastry before bed." You continued. "It's a nice trick for you to know when you're up late stalking about the castle looking for Potter and his pals with your squad."   


He looked away from you, going silent. You felt bad for a moment before thinking that actually, he was happily working alongside Umbridge to facilitate the demise of the school.  


After a while he spoke.  


"You sound stupid." He said, shaking his head.  


You blanched. You hated that word, and was there something that you were missing? Were you not justified in your distaste for his little gang of grasses?  


"My father hates that word." You said, looking at him. He avoided your gaze as you continued. "He says no one is stupid, just ill-informed. You should never call someone stupid, you should educate them."  


Draco turned to meet your eyes, his eyes were soft and full of sadness. Memories flashed through his head. Every time his father had clipped him with his cane and spat the words 'stupid boy' at him. When he was a child and would do something foolish and get hurt Lucius would push his hand against the wound and tell him it was his own fault for being idiotic. Draco would have cried out and then blamed himself. Stupid boy, he would think.  


"You don't understand." Said Draco ruefully. Something about the way he looked at you made you realise there was more to this that you first thought.  


You placed your hand on his carefully.   


"Then explain it to me." You said gently.  


He looked at you for a moment, his eyes looking over your face. You wondered what he was thinking, maybe whether or not to tell you the truth.  


"Things are.. Happening. At the Ministry." He said, his voice low. "There is something coming, Y/N. Something big, a war. My father is involved, he and Umbridge are associates. My allegiance to her is nothing but family politics. I know what she does to people, Merlin, I've seen it myself. But if I were to go against her, to bring shame to the family, my father would.." He trailed off.   


A memory flashed through your head of that night you were in the astronomy tower together. He would kill me, Draco had said.  
You kept your eyes on him, you couldn't find words so you just gave him a look which urged him to continue.  


"The Dark Lord is back, Y/N. I can tell you that for a fact." Draco said, his voice was wavering. A million thoughts raced through your head. All the chatter you had heard over the years about Lucius being a death eater, that the Malfoy's had dealings with the Dark Arts. It was all piecing together right in front of you, while you looked at this scared boy.  


"He is going to start a war." Draco said, swallowing thickly. "And when the time comes, I won't get to pick which side I'm on. My family are involved in this, my father is involved. He would sooner see me dead than betray the Malfoy name." He was looking away now, staring at the seeming abyss in front of him.   


"You get to decide who you want to fight for." He said, he was trembling slightly. The hand that you had placed over his you now clasped around his own, squeezing slightly. "You get to decide what's right or wrong. It doesn't matter what I think. My status, my wealth, my lineage, it's trapped me on.. his side."  


He was shaking now, his eyes looking shiny and full of fear. You moved from the bench to the floor in front of where he sat, on your knees between his legs. He met your eyes and he looked terrified.   


"I have no choice." He said, shaking harder now. You had never seen him like this and the magnitude of the situation was weighing heavily on you. The realisation of the reason why Draco was the way he was, the pain that he was feeling, you felt it too.  


You held his hand tighter, his eyes were still glassy as he looked at you.  


"You always have a choice." You said adamantly. "My mother was just the same as you, Draco. She was a high-born pureblood from a wealthy family, and she left it all. My grandfather had connections to the Dark Lord and knowing he's back, and he could call on my mother at any moment terrifies me so much I can barely think. But she still has a choice, Draco. So do you."  


He shook his head as though he was shaking your words away, frustrated.   


"You don't _understand._ " He said, trying to free his hand from your grasp.   


You placed both your hands on the side of his head and looked deep into those silver eyes.  


"Yes I do. You are good, Draco. This wouldn't bother you so much if you weren't." You said, your voice wavering slightly. You felt him shake his head against your palms and you continued, just as fiercely. "There is so much good in you, I've seen it so many times. Do you think I would have been sleeping with some horrid, irredeemable asshole? You are good, Draco Malfoy."  


His eyes were wide as they looked at you. He looked like he was scared by the words you were saying, but you continued. You moved your hands from his face, one cupping his jaw and the other stroking his hair.   


"You are good." You said again, much softer this time.   


He pulled you into a hug, crushing your body to his. His arms came around your back and held you to him firmly. You stayed like that for a long time, one of your hands stroking the back of his head.  


When he eventually pulled back, you didn't pull away from each other. You stayed close, your faces inches from one another.  


His eyes searched your face for a while, you were doing the same. Searching his face for something, you weren't sure what until he pressed his lips against yours.  


The kiss was soft and gentile, both of your lips just pressed together for a moment, before he moved his head slightly to kiss you properly, your lips moving against one another.  


You didn't know if this was right or wrong or if it made you foolish or crazy. All you knew is that all you wanted right now was to be right here in the kitchens with him, kissing him and running your hands through his hair.  


When you broke the kiss you just leaned your forehead against his. He was blinking slowly, his face a little sad.  


"Could you say it again?" He asked, you felt his breath across your mouth and it made you shudder. It smelled like the pecan pastry you had given him earlier.  
"You are good." You said in a whisper.   


He sucked in a breath and kissed you again, harder this time.   


Passions were rising quickly between you as he pulled you up into his lap, you gripped his strong arms as he held you in place, your legs either side of his on the bench.   


His hand was in your hair, holding you possessively, angling your head to kiss you deeply.  


You ground down against him and felt him hard underneath you. It had been so long since you had felt him and you moaned into his mouth. You had missed this, all of it.  


You felt his hands cup your ass and then his arms flexing as he stood up. You wrapped your legs around his hips as he placed you onto the top of the table, standing in front of you, never breaking the kiss.   


He kissed down your neck, stopping and nipping at the skin where he knew you were most sensitive. All those nights together in fourth year, he knew you inside out, every sensitive spot on your skin, every freckle, every mark. You were gripping onto his shoulders, fistfuls of his shirt in your hands. It had been so long since you had felt this way and you were entirely lost in the moment, having him on you this, it was like coming home after a long trip.  


He moved onto his knees in front of you. You could only look down at him as he looked back up at you from his position on the floor. He pushed your skirt up your legs slowly, holding your gaze. You could only watch him, your eyes glazed over with want.  


"I have to taste you." He said hoarsely. He moved your skirt up around your hips before pulling your panties off, down your legs to be thrown somewhere behind him on the kitchen floor. When you re-opened your legs for him he just stared at your heat for a moment, you imagined the look on his face matched the look on yours exactly, just pure desire.  


He wasted no time in burying his mouth in your heat, finding your clit as he had so many times before. He knew exactly how to work you, where to put his tongue, how to make you keen and moan and buck up against him. You felt his fingers at your entrance and you actually moved your hips down onto then, fucking yourself against him before he could even ask if you wanted them. You felt him smile against your wet heat and start pumping up and against your g-spot, your hips matching his rhythm.   


He sucked your clit until it was swollen and almost sore. Your face was contorted in agony as you tried to keep quiet but could feel your orgasm fast approaching.   


When you came you blacked out for a moment, you felt like you had gone blind and deaf all at once as it hit you. You couldn't help but gasp out a moan when you did, not able to hold it in anymore.   


You were vaguely aware of him as you returned to your senses, but he had stood back up and was kissing you again before you were fully tuned back in. You kissed him lazily, tasting yourself on his tongue as he persisted, kissing you with more urgency.   


You reached forward and grasped his cock through his trousers, and he let out a low groan, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead on yours.   


"I need you." He whispered, his breath hot against your face, all you could smell was you on his face.  


You pulled back to look at him and saw his eyes watching you, as if he was waiting for you to tell him no.   


You unbuttoned his trousers and pulled his dick free. He sucked in a breath as he realised that this was going to happen. His cock brushed against your gently as you grabbed his face to kiss him again, pulling back to fix him with a look of absolute adoration.   


"I need you too." You said, and it felt like a loaded statement. It occurred to you that there was far more meaning in it than just sexual desire.  


He pushed in to you then and you cried out, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull you to him. You needed to be closer, impossibly close. Like everything was not enough.  


He started fucking you slow before increasing the pace slightly, your heads pressed together as you closed your eyes and just let yourself feel.   


You could smell him, his cologne, the smoke, the apples. You could feel his breath on your face as he panted, letting out short breaths of exertion and how excruciating it was to feel so good. You could feel how warm he was against you, how soft the hair on the nape of his neck was as you pushed your hand into it, steadying yourself.  


His eyes were closed too, one hand on your hips as he held you close to him while he pumped in and out of you, the other hand in your hair, keeping your head against his as he let the sensation of being with you again wash over him in waves.  


"Love.. You." He grit out, his breaths becoming shorter as his pace increased, sweat forming on his brow.  


You would have frozen if it was possible but at that moment it felt right, like there was no question of it anymore.   


"I love you." You managed to get out before whimpering as he fucked you harder.  


You felt him gasp against your face as though he hadn't expected you to say it back. It occurred to you how ridiculous that was but you were too caught up at the moment to care about anything but just the two of you right there, right then.  


He stilled in you and spilled inside you with a low groan, his forehead still against yours.   


When he pulled back to look at you it was there, the look of genuine affection you had come to realise. You pushed his hair back, his fringe had become slick with sweat during and now it was hanging over his face.  


He withdrew from you, tucking his cock away as you smoothed your skirt over your aching legs, still sitting on the tabletop.  


He turned away from you for a moment as if in thought. A sharp feeling of anxiety hit your chest as you realised that maybe he hadn't meant to say it, or he wished he could take it back. You have never expected to hear those words from him in your entire life, you thought that maybe he had never expected he would ever want to say them.  


He turned his head to look back at you and you just looked at him with a softened expression.   


"Did you mean that?" He asked, his voice was cold but you knew him well enough to know that he was being reserved because he was afraid.  


"Yes." You replied simply.   


He turned back away from you for a moment and you thought it might have been the longest minute of your life. Just sitting there, waiting for him to go through the five stages of grief before he could turn back and face you.  


When he turned back around you were just sitting there, not impatiently, just watching him.   


He moved back over to you to stand in front of you, you parted your legs slightly, despite the effort it took, and he stood between them. His hand reached out to cup your face, and you instinctively nudged your head further against it. He smiled softly but there was a look his face that said that maybe you were in too deep.  


"I meant it too." He said, so quietly you almost couldn't hear him. You looked up to meet his eyes.  


"Does that scare you?" You asked.  


"More that you can imagine." He replied.  


You suggested you head back to Hufflepuff tower, it was growing late in the castle and as much fun as it was to abuse Draco's prefect status plus his preffered status with Umbridge, it really wasn't something you wanted to chance, being caught wandering about after hours.  


You were just leaving the kitchens when you heard Filtch again. He was talking to himself and sounded as though he was walking quickly down the corridor. Before you had a chance to hide he rounded the corner and started shouting after you.   


Draco grabbed your hand and said 'Run.' He set off running, dragging you behind him, you quickly caught up, both speeding down the hallway hand in hand. You could hear Filtch yelling after you both but his voice was getting further and further away as you ran through the dungeons. Draco looked back at one point and you saw he was laughing, his face bright. You couldn't help but start laughing too.   


You reached the steps to Hufflepuff tower and ran up a few of them, just till you were out off sight from the entrance below. You both stayed dead still, laughs still escaping your lips as he held you against the wall.   


You both silenced as you heard Filtch walk by the entrance, grumbling about 'damn kids' before his voice disappeared again. You just stared at each other, waiting until he passed, little smiles on your faces.   


When you were both sure Filtch was gone you let out the laughs you had been holding. Draco grabbed your face and kissed you right there in the stairwell. You smiled against him before kissing him back.   


"I have to go." He said when he pulled away from you. He kept his hand in your hair, looking at you with soft eyes, a smile still gracing his lips.   


"Same time next week?" You asked, smiling back as though you already knew the answer.  


"Merlin, yes." You heard him say before he kissed you again.   


He left you in the stairwell, smiling like an idiot to yourself. You made your way back up into the tower, feeling giddy the whole way. You walked through your common room, it was empty and dark, the fire had gone out long ago. It was sad that no-one even stayed up in their own houses anymore for fear of the curfew.  


When you got to your door, you heard the door next to you open and Abeliene stepped out of her room.   


"I've been waiting for you, where have you been?" She asked, her voice incredulous.  


You just motioned her inside, but she was already pushing past you to get in. You got inside and lit your fire and a few candles. Abeliene was standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips when you turned back to her.  


"So? Where have you been all this time, it's way past curfew. You know what happens when they catch you after hours." She said and your hands flashed down to the healing scar on her hand. You winced. They, you thought. The inquisitorial squad. You had just been with one of them.  


Abeliene continued: "In fact, where have you been sneaking off to for weeks now? Every Friday you're gone for hours."   


You didn't know what to say. You couldn't lie to her. You could withhold the truth but you couldn't lie.  


"Oh my god, you've been with him." She said, her face turning into a snarl.   


You just froze. You were in trouble now. You shook your head and moved forward towards her.  


"Abie, it's not like th-" You started, but she cut you off:  


"Are you taking the piss, Y/N? He's on that fucking squad! He's working under that fucking monster. He's the reason I have this scar. How could you?" She was spitting the words at you. You had never seen her this mad before in the whole time you had known her. It had frozen you to the spot, not knowing how to deal with confronting someone you cared about, to see them so angry with you.  


"I suppose I should have known." She started talking again, her voice bitter. "All purebloods stick together don't they? That's why you haven't come to DA with me, isn't it? Because it doesn't actually matter what side of the war you're on. You know you'll be fine. Especially now you're fucking the enemy."   


Her words cut through you like a knife. You felt tears fill your eyes immediately and tried to blink them back as she stood facing you, her soft features covered with disgust.  


"Abeliene, you can't believe that." You said, your voice betrayed every single emotion you felt but you kept talking anyway, not bothering to compose yourself. "When has me being a pureblood ever made one damn bit of difference in our friendship? I've been your friend since day one!"   


She was eyeing you now, her own face trembling as she fought back tears.  


"Do you know what I've been doing with him?" You asked, tears spilling over your cheeks now, desperate to make this right. "He's been teaching me defensive spells. I've been meeting with him for months, so I can learn too, because when this war comes, Abie, I will be fighting right alongside you."  


Tears slipped down her own cheeks now, as she crossed her arms over her chest.  


"I love you, Abie. I love you so much but I will never ask you to tolerate something you can't." Your voice was getting stronger as you spoke now, the realization that you would have to give Draco up to have your best friend.   


Abie stood there for a while, viciously rubbing away tears from her cheeks, before her shouldered relaxed, and she let out a breath.  


"I would never ask you to give anything up for me, Y/N." She said, her eyes closing. "I love you too. I'm so sorry about what I said, I don't really believe that, I was just angry."   


You flew over to her, pulling her into a hug, more tears spilling from your eyes.   


"I know." You said comfortingly. The truth was you didn't know that. Even as you held her against you, the words she had spoken rattled around in your head. All purebloods stick together. She had been so quick to say that.  


"Abie." You said, pulling back from her, watching her face. "If I really believed that Draco actually subscribed to the ideas of his family I would never have let him near me. 

There's so much about him that you don't know."   


She stared at you for a second, her eyes weak and red from crying.   


"Does he love you?" She asked.  


"Yes, I think he does." You replied honestly.  


She looked around the room for a minute, biting her lip. It was as if she was searching for something.  


"I don't like this, Y/N. I'm not going to make any secret of this. He represents everything I hate about this place and this world, but, you love him, the bastard. I would do anything for you so.. I'm with you on this. Don't make me regret saying this." Abeliene watched your reaction closely. You nodded curtly, making sure she knew you understood that this was serious and being given another chance was a mercy.  


You turned to walk over to your bed, sitting down and scooting back to make room for her, you motioned for her to join you. She came and sat down too.  


"You know that I think we were sorted into the wrong houses?" You asked, giving Abeliene a soft look. "I think that there's more of my mother in me than I could know and I should have been put in Slytherin. You should have been in Ravenclaw, you write every little thing down, I never see you without a book in your hand or a new girl on your arm. I think that we were put in Hufflepuff together so that we could meet and become friends."  


Abeliene's face relaxed into a smile.   


"Also we're both emotional wrecks." You bit out a laugh, wiping at your cheeks. She laughed too, one of those sad little laughs you let out after you've been crying but someone makes a joke.   


She lay back on your bed and stared up at you, sitting cross-legged next to her.   


"Maybe you're right." Abeliene said, watching you for a moment. "So tell me, how did you manage to get Malfoy to tutor you?"   


You picked at a thread on your covers in front of you, smiling a little bit.   


"I blackmailed him." You said sheepishly.   


She let out a bright laugh and you brightened yourself just from hearing it.   


"You are a Slytherin!" She said, pushing your shoulder. You almost fell back off the bed completely before she grabbed your arm, the both of you laughing.

Draco continued to teach you every Friday. He also continued to take it very seriously, as did you. For that hour that you were out on the hill beyond the viaduct you and he were teacher and student. You weren't going to pretend you didn't enjoy the power dynamic and that it didn't result in sex so dirty that would bring a tear to your mothers eye.  


When the hour was up, and he was satisfied with your progress, you would slip back in to being yourselves again. As the summer approached the nights had become so light and warm and sometimes you would sit out on the grassy knoll for hours until the darkness enveloped you both.   


Draco being on the inquisitorial squad meant that you could meet a few nights a week, when he was meant to be patrolling the castle. It gave him a reason to be out after hours and you an alibi if you were ever caught together.   


Often times you would find yourself in the kitchen, eating pastries together just like you had on the night he told you he loved you for the first time. He hadn't said it since, you thought it probably took everything he had to say it that first night, so you didn't pressure him to say it again. You didn't need him to because you felt it. Every time you met in the dungeons after dark and you saw his face when he saw you, you felt it. Every time his arms were around you as you shook from coming so hard, you felt it.   


Draco was careful to make sure that no-one found out. He ignored you entirely when he saw you around the castle during school hours, so not to rise suspicion. He said that it could even be perceived as suspicious that he spent so much time taunting you, that his friends and Pansy would eventually catch on that his teasing of you was bordering on an obsession.  


The only class you had with him that year was History of Magic. You received reasonable grades, not one of your worst subjects but you struggled to remember dates and names. Once you were given a surprise pop quiz and half the answers were looking for dates and names of poignant moments and persons in history. Draco knew this, as sometimes you would bring your textbooks with you to your little meet-ups, desperate to cram in revision at all times. Well, until he would throw the book across the room and pick you up and slam you against a table. He had sent a paper bird flying over to you during the quiz, doing it to a few others to be conspicuous, when it landed on your desk you opened it, it had a little drawing of a stick man dying on it. You tapped your wand on it and the picture dissolved away to reveal the answers to all the questions. You had smiled to yourself and hidden it under your parchment as you copied from it.  


Sometimes he would leave notes or drawings in your books when you were alone together after hours for you to find the next time you opened them. You remembered back in potions in third year he used to doodle on your parchment when you were taking notes, that felt like a lifetime ago now. You wondered if he had ever been able to explore his artistic predilections or if it was something that his father would have found non-desirable.  


Your meetings became more frequent as the summer was almost upon you both. You saw each other almost every night for a month. You would meet when he was meant to be patrolling with the squad, but then he would come to your room once his rounds were finished. He was always waiting at the door to Hufflepuff house every night at Twelve 'o'clock sharp. Your heart would be just about bursting out of your chest when you raced down the steps to let him in.   


The nights Draco wasn't patrolling he came to you as early as he could. He had been in the restricted section of the library and found an invisibility charm. It wasn't flawless, you could still see the vague outline of him when he was moving, but it was covert enough that he could get from the common room up to your own room without being spotted by anyone. You had created a little knocking sequence so you knew it was him when he arrived. Hearing the knocks would make your heart beat wildly in your chest, no matter how many times you heard them.  


With Draco, there were good nights and bad nights. Some nights he would come to you and he would be relaxed and carefree, you would share jokes and talk for hours, tangled up together in your sheets by the firelight. Other nights he would come to you and he was stressed and anxious for reasons he struggled to tell you, on those nights you just held him to you and stroked his hair while he told you minimal details of his fears.  


One night he had told you that Umbridge was planning on using Veritaserum on one of the suspected members of Potter's elusive club. Your mind had flashed to thoughts of Abeliene getting caught. You asked him if he felt right about what he was going to be asked to do, he said that it would good to finally catch Potter in the act, but that didn't mean he felt good about what he had to do in order to get that information.  


You had told Abeliene not to go to DA the next day. She had demanded to know why but you just said not to go, and to trust you. She never went, she stayed in your room until around Eleven before she went to bed. Draco arrived at your door much later than usual that night, it was two in the morning when you heard his knocks. When you opened your door and he came back into view, he looked exhausted.   


He collapsed on you and said that Dumbledore was gone. You didn't know what he meant, so he explained the entire story to you at great length. Umbridge was now free to be promoted to Headmaster. His eyes were sad as he spoke. You realised that he really didn't want to have anything to do with this. The only satisfaction he gained was from outsmarting Harry.  


"You know I tried to be friends with Potter in first year?" Draco asked, he was lying with his head in your lap and you were stroking his hair absentmindedly, feeling tired but not wanting to go to sleep. You made a sound in your throat that let him know you didn't know that. "Father said that it was important that I make friends with him, said he was important. When he rebuffed me I had to tell my father in one of my owls I sent back to him at the manor. He was furious at me, sent me a howler. Or rather, with my father it's more a nipper."   


You just listened to him, your hand still moving over his hair.  


"He was the reason my father was mad, you see. He would rather be friends with a weasel and a mud- a non magic person that with me. When I got home that Christmas, my father, he.."   


You acknowledged that he avoided using the term mudblood without mentioning it. You had told him back in fourth year that you had many non magical friends and were not interested in hearing such a word used around you. He had agreed not to say it, and he was still true to his word.  


He had trailed off, now just staring at the wall in front of your bed. You just kept stroking his hair slowly, running your hands through the soft strands, waiting until he was ready to continue. He spoke again:  


"He gave me black eye. It had only just healed before we came back after New Years. I suppose that's why I hate him. That, and his smug little band of do-gooders that follow him around everywhere." His voice was bitter and scathing as he spoke. You thought it funny he could sound so cold and callous when he had his head in your lap, like the two facets of his personality coming together looked so odd side by side.  


You realised that Draco hated Harry because Harry never wanted to be his friend. Draco had got everything he ever wanted up until that point in his life and Harry's friendship wasn't something he could buy or gain by intimidation. As the years drew on Draco's life had become difficult and pressurised, his home environment was toxic and abusive, he didn't have real friends, and he was not at liberty to enjoy any of his true passions in life due to his familial expectations. He was to join the ministry like his father. His whole life was mapped out in front of him and didn't even want it. There Harry was with a life full of love, friends that would do anything for him, surrogate family that loved him as their own and fame that would carry his name through generations. He had everything that Draco did not have.  


"I heard Harry's family were horrible to him when he was growing up." You said quietly. "Maybe you and him are not so different. Neither of you have a choice about what your life has to be."  


Draco never replied he just stayed staring at the wall.

The next day news of Dumbledore's escape from the castle after his attempted arrest coupled with the revelation of a secret club Potter had been running with his friends was all anyone could talk about. Abeliene was angry with you for not telling her explicitly why you had stopped her from going to DA, but she knew that if you had told her then she would have tried to stop it and have ended up getting hurt anyway. She begrudgingly accepted that you had her best interests at heart, as well as self-preservation as you couldn't have had your relationship with Draco exposed when Harry would have undoubtedly asked where this information had come from had Abeliene warned him.   


The school was then impossible to enjoy. Umbridge had been promoted to Headmaster. The inquisitorial squad had disbanded so there were no late night kitchen runs with Draco. You didn't even risk sneaking out at night to practice defensive spells on the hill anymore as it was just too risky, for getting caught performing magic inside on school grounds there would be a nightmarish punishment, regardless of Draco's status.   


He still came to your room most nights but that in itself was incredibly risky. Luckily you had been taking every precaution not to get caught when it was just about protecting Draco's reputation so you were well practiced at being discreet. His status as a prefect allowed him to move around more freely than most, too.   


He didn't come to see you one whole weekend near the end of the school year. You had been waiting for him to show for three nights. You had sit your OWL's and without the ever looming anxiety of exams hanging over you all you wanted was to spend time with him and have your evenings together be entirely about just being together before a whole summer apart. When he didn't show for three nights in a row you felt as though someone had stolen your heart from you.  


You saw Abeliene and the rest of your friends but you felt wilted and lost. Draco had never gone that long without seeing you since the first night in the kitchen when he told you he loved you. You thought that maybe it had all become more trouble that it was worth, or maybe something bad had happened to his family, and he wasn't even in the castle anymore. You felt hopeless.  


He came to your room on the Monday night and when you heard your secret knock your heart shot into your throat and you ran to the door to let him in. You kissed him as soon as you saw him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you. You had no idea how you were going to spend a whole summer away from him.   


That night he was being distant and strange, still attentive to you but a part of him wasn't engaged like he was usually. You figured he had become drained and affected by Umbridge's cruelty just as everyone else had, or he had started to doubt your relationship. Either way you were not content with just letting him feel bad, you told him that consequences be dammed, you were going to sneak into the kitchen in time for the nine 'o'clock pastries. He had given you a humorously menacing look and agreed.   


You were sitting down on one of the benches finishing a pastry while Draco stood at the adjacent table, deciding which pastry to choose next. You had been talking absently about trivial things, it was what you did when you felt his head was full of stress and rage to calm him down. Force him to talk about a book he had been reading or something he had seen recently that was interesting or nice.   


You were discussing how his friends had noticed a change in him since he had been seeing you again, that his nature had become more well-mannered and softer, you had laughed and told him it must be your divine influence. He said that even Zabini had asked him if he was feeling aright when he refused to scare a group of first years as they strode around the courtyard.   


A thought occurred to you as you sat there, watching the way his mouth looked when he spoke, his teeth bared, soft lips stretched into a smile.   


"Does it not bother Pansy that you dont sleep with her? She's technically been your girlfriend for years now and yet you've never..?" You asked with a hint of a smile on your face, it was out of self satisfaction, mostly.  


Draco froze where he stood. He looked at you for a long moment, entirely silent.   


A sick feeling washed over you. You felt bile in your throat as you kept his gaze, still he said nothing.   


"Bastard.." You said quietly, the reality of what his silence meant crashing around you.  


You stood up from the bench, moving towards him.  


"Bastard!" You shouted, this time. "You've slept with her? How could you? Think you could have us both at the same time, did you?"   


He still just stood frozen to the spot, his eyes pleading with you.  


"And now you're too much of a coward to just admit it, you really are sick. Does this just mean nothing to you?" You got closer to him, your voice laced with rage, you thought you might swing for him. All those nights, tangled in your bed together, small smiles and long kisses. The nights where he would come to you sad and broken and you would rub his back and soothe him.   


"Go on then! Say something you fucking assh-"  


"She gave me a love potion!" Draco's voice cut through yours. He rushed the words out, his voice was stern but shaken.   


You stopped dead where you were. The sick feeling was back but for another reason entirely. Your eyes immediately filled with tears and you shook as you sat down against the bench behind you, putting your arm out to balance as you felt impossibly weak just from hearing those words come from him.  


"I wouldn't sleep with her, so she gave me a love potion." Draco said, quietly this time, his eyes were down turned, focused on the floor. His face looked pale and stricken with grief. You yearned to reach out and touch him but your felt so sick you couldn't move.  


"Draco.." You managed, your voice sounded so small in the vastness of the room. "She.." You couldn't finish your sentence, couldn't bear to say it out loud.   


"I know." He said, his voice equally as small.   


Tears spilled over your cheeks, you couldn't stop them as your eyes were now brimming with them. You felt them drag streaks down your face but you didn't wipe them away.  


"Why did you not tell me?" You asked after a moment, your eyes rising to look at him.   


He did not meet your eyes when he started to speak again:  


"I wanted to forget about it. That's the thing though, I don't even actually remember it. Love potions make you black out, the only reason I know it happened is because Zabini and Nott found me in my bed naked babbling about Pansy and knew something was wrong. They took me to Snape right away and he fixed me with an antidote."   


You blinked out more tears as you hunched over on the bench. You couldn't believe this was happening, that Pansy was capable of doing something so evil.   


"Draco, you have to tell someone, this isn't right." You said, looking up at him. His face was tight, he was shutting down, you could see it.  


"What? That I had sex with my girlfriend? Hardly a crime is it?" He said, his was voice was bitter and hard.  


You flew up from the bench and were over to him in seconds. You put your hands on his shoulders and forced him to look at you properly.  


"Don't you dare do that, Draco Malfoy. Don't you dare shut down on me. It was wrong and you know that, do not minimise this. Nothing is expected of you because she is your girlfriend, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to. She took from you Draco, something that is nobody's to take. I am so sorry." You were crying again, your grip on his arms loosening the weaker you felt.  


You looked away from him, feeling helpless. You didn't know what to do, how to make him realize that he had to leave her, that it wasn't right. That her giving him a love potion to take from him was wrong beyond all rational belief. You felt rage underneath it all, imagining him under the influence of the potion, being with Pansy. You felt like screaming and breaking things and going to Slytherin house to find her right then and hex her. But being aggressive and angry wasn't what Draco needed right now. He needed someone to be there for him.  


When you looked back to him his eyes had filled with tears too, one was threatening to spill over when he finally made eye contact with you again.  


You made a hugging gesture with your arms without touching him.  


"Can I?" You asked. You thought that maybe he would be sensitive to touch, feeling violated by the potions affects on him.  


He breathed out quickly: "Merlin, yes."  


Your arms were around him in a second, your arms coming around his neck to pull him close to you. You were both crying now, you could feel his chest shaking with the effort of trying not to sob.  


"I will never not want to touch you, Y/N." You felt him say into your hair. You breathed out a quick breath you didn't realise you had been holding as more tears fell from your eyes. "I'm not scared of you, please dont let this change us. I still... you know I do."   


"I know." You said desperately. "I know and I love you too, this isn't your fault, Draco. Please know that. You didn't ask for this, no-one ever does." You clung to him impossibly tighter.   


He was holding onto you for dear life, his body hunched over to be embraced by you with the same vigour.  


You stayed like that for a while, crying silently, holding one another. You took him back to your room afterwards and just lay with him. He didn't sleep at all that night so neither did you. You didn't say much either, just stroked your hands over his clothed chest. He didn't take this clothes off like he usually did and you did not protest the fact. You showered him with affection but did not once make him feel as though he owed you anything.  


It would be two weeks before Draco would be naked in your bed again. Two weeks of tears and inner conflict. He came to you every night in those two weeks, sometimes crying, sometimes just wanting to be held. He had broken up with Pansy, something she did not take well. Draco said that he believed his father would not take it well either, but he had more important things to worry about at that time but when he was able to deal with Draco again he imagined his punishment would be severe.  


He came to you on Friday night after weeks of disillusionment and kissed you softly, a slow, long kiss. He told you he wanted to be with someone he wanted to be with and Merlin, he wanted you. You had slow, careful, incredible sex. It was as though he was coming back to you in mind as well as body. You felt truly whole for the first time since you found out about what Pansy did to him.  


You had a week of orgasms and sharing a bed before Umbridge found you both in the kitchen one night.   


You had been stealing pastries as usual, sharing laughs together. You thought that Draco's barking laugh might have been the best sound you had ever heard in your life. It wasn't often he laughed so loud and bright with you, it felt like a gift, especially given the events of that time.  


You thought you might have been sick when you saw her pink suit appear in the doorway to the kitchens, that ominous tight smile pulled over her face.   


Your heart started racing, you had always feared her finding you both creeping around the castle but had become lazy at hiding yourselves, you had been doing it for so long you had forgotten the risk.  


Draco stood up immediately, turning away from you and changing his face back to the serious scowl most only ever saw him wear. He told Umbridge that he had found you down here out of bounds and that he would be taking you back to your dorm right away, threatening you with a hex for your insolence.   


She had looked between the two of you, her eyes narrowing slightly. It occurred to you that this woman could probably smell a lie a mile away and might have already figured out the real relationship you had to one another.  


"Not necessary, Mister Malfoy. I think this direct disobedience calls for more strict measures of discipline, don't you? Help Miss Y/L/N to my office, will you please." She had said it that sickly sweet voice you had come to understand as passive aggressive and foreboding.  


She had set off back to her office and Draco came back over to you to put his hand around your arm, pulling you along behind her, following her the length of the castle back to her office. Draco's face was impassive, as it always was when he was hiding something. But his eyes were slightly wider than usual. You tried to look at him as you followed behind Umbridge, but he did not look at you once.  


You passed Pansy Parkinson on the way there, and she gave you both a sickening but curious look, as if she was connecting dots in her head. You prayed she didn't draw any conclusions from Draco's strange behaviour and his often disappearances from the Slytherin dorms.  


When you arrived in Umbridge's office, she motioned for Draco to sit you down at a table in front of her desk. Your chest had become painfully tight as memories of Abeliene's bleeding hand flashed through your mind. You were having a panic attack, but you couldn't do anything to stop the awful contracting in your chest without betraying to Umbridge how scared you really were.  


You looked at the quill and parchment in front of you and realised what was about to happen, you had heard about this, seen it with your own eyes. You had been so careful, and now here you were. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to regulate your breathing. You thought it must have been obvious to her despite your best efforts to hide it, your chest was shuddering with labored breaths.  


Draco stood next to the table with you, not wanting to leave your side. You didn't want him go as embarrassing at it was to have him see you like this, the thought of facing anything without him seemed impossible.  


"Miss Y/L/N, isn't it?" Umbridge finally spoke. You head shot up and you forced your eyes back down to the desk, nodding quickly. "I knew your mother, when she was here. She was a Slytherin like me you see."  


She moved around the room and your eyes followed her movements while staying on the desk.  


"How.. fascinating, her story is. To run away from aristocracy and her good family name, to be with a shop boy. Truly, fascinating." Umbridge's words scared you more than her threat of violence. She knew who you were, who your mother used to be. "How embarrassing for her to have her only daughter sorted into such a weak house. Although, it seems she likes the simpler things in life." Umbridge let out a little squeak of laughter and your blood curdled.  


"Draco, sit." She said. She had moved to stand beside him and her hands came on his shoulders and pushed him into a chair on the left side of the small table.   


Your eyes shot up to her, and she just gave you that tight smile, but her eyes were dancing with deviancy. Draco finally met your eyes for the first time since Umbridge had caught you both and you just stared back at him, both of you were unsure of what was about to happen.  


"It seems as though you have inherited your father's uncanny ability to make even the most righteous people stray from their beliefs." Umbridge walked slowly back over to her postion on the right of the table by the window, all you could hear were the gentle thuds of her kitten heels hitting the stone floor and the cats in her office mewing in their plated portraits.  


You looked back at the table, away from Draco. You couldn't bear to look at him anymore.  


"Draco, I want you to do some lines for me today. Unorthodox, I know. But I promise I have your best interests at heart."  


You could have snorted at her mere insinuation she even had a heart if you weren't scared to death.  


Draco's head had shot up to look at her. He was confused, mostly, but there was fear in this eyes too, something you had come to recognise in him after knowing him for so long.  


Draco reached forward and picked up the quill slowly. He pulled the parchment towards him and looked back up at Umbridge for further instruction.  


"Now, ten lines should do it. 'I will not be lead to temptation', Please."   


Your face must have looked stricken with panic now, because Draco mimicked your expression. You tried desperately to neutralize your face when you looked at him, to soften it. To try to tell him wordlessly that it was going to be okay.  


He nodded almost imperceptibly. He hesitated to start writing at first, anticipating the pain but then his quill finally met the parchment, and he wrote his first word.  


You let out a shocked sound of pain as your hand started burning. Your other hand shot up to cover it, to try and dull the pain by compressing it.   


Draco's head shot up to look at you, his face flashing wildly between your own face and your hand. His head then shot over to look at Umbridge who just gave him another sweet smile.  


She was going to punish both of you for being seen together. This was as much his punishment as it was yours. He was going to have to carve words into your skin to atone for his desires.  


"Umbridge.." Draco said, his voice was small.  


"It's okay." You felt yourself say, your voice smaller than this. "Continue."   


He looked at you for a moment before putting his quill back to the paper.  


He finished writing the full line and you let out an exerted breath from the pain. Draco couldn't look at you know, just started writing the lines faster and faster, desperate to finish them.  


By line five, your non-affected hand shot out to grip the edge of the table, you needed to steady yourself as the pain was washing over you in waves then, making your head light.  


Draco finished the other five lines as quickly as he could, each line cutting deeper and deeper into your skin each time. The blood was forming in little beads around each letter, you could only watch helplessly as Draco shook the quill slightly against the page and shot a cut up your thumb.  


When he was finished, you let out a breath you had been holding so not to cry out.   


Umbridge gave a self-satisfied smile before pouring herself a tea from her stewing pot. You watched the warm liquid pour from the spout into the cup and started trying to convince yourself this wasn't actually real.  


She picked up the teacup and brought it to her lips sipping gently as the liquid was still hot.  


"Mmm, chamomile." She said warmly, but you could barely hear her against the pain that was rattled around in your head. "I think you could manage another ten, dont you, Draco?" She spoke as though it was really a question. You both knew it wasn't.  


You let out a whimper at the thought of having to endure it again. Draco flashed his eyes between you and Umbridge before putting his quill back to the paper.  


He managed one more line before he stopped, his quill hovering over the page.  


"My father.. he wouldn't like this." Draco bit out, and for the first time in your life you had never been so glad for him playing the daddy card.  


Almost as if Umbridge had been broken out of a trance, she snapped her head up from looking at your mangled hand and a look of worry passed over her features.  


"Yes. Yes, you're probably right, that's enough for tonight. Perhaps you and I will continue another night, alone, Miss Y/L/N?" Umbridge said, her voice still remaining sweet but stern despite her obvious misgivings about what she had done.  


You didn't reply, didn't say anything. Just waited to be excused from the room. As you and Draco were walking out you heard her voice again. You thought that it could happily have been the last time you ever heard it, little did you know it would be.  


"I better not see the two of you together again."  


After you left Draco went with you to your room, you told him not to follow you but he insisted. Both of your houses were in the dungeons so it wouldn't look suspicious to walk back together, if he just walked a couple of meters behind you.   


When you got back to the dungeons he just kept walking with you until he reached Hufflepuff house and brazenly followed you up and into the tower. No-one was in the common room when you came back and you let Draco place his hand on your back and guide you up the stairs to your room.  


Once inside, he took your hand and observed it closely. He got his wand out and started to recite a healing charm but you stopped him. He gave you an incredulous look but you just went over your desk and made up the same healing potion you had made for Abeliene when the exact same thing happened to her.  


"My dad's healing ointment." You said sharply, hissing when you applied it to your bleeding hand. "Best in the business and it reduces scarring. Luckily it's not that deep.. Yet."   


You shuddered to imagine yourself up in that lavender scented office ripping lines into your skin with her watching you, all alone.  


"I'm so sorry." You heard Draco behind you. He hadn't sat down since he entered your room, just stood watching you, feeling helpless.  


You bandaged your hand and turned to face him, your brow furrowed. He noticed your expression and spoke again:  


"This was my fault. I did that to you. I should have told her no, that I wouldn't do it.."   


You moved towards him quickly, you felt selfish for not considering that it had hurt him as much to do it to you as it felt for you to have it done to you.  


"Draco, there was nothing you could have done. We weren't leaving that office until she saw blood, and it was never going to be yours." You spoke calmly as you reached out to stroke the side of his face. His silver eyes met yours and you smiled slowly.  


"I'll be okay, I don't blame you for a second. If anything, her hatred of my mother didn't help either."  


Draco just gave you an unconvinced look before he took your unaffected hand and walked you to your bed, lying down with you. You lay in the dark for a while, with just the small light from your desk candle burning in the corner of the room.  


"I'm going to have to go away for a while." He said, breaking the long silence.  


"Why?" You asked instantly, your voice stern.  


He sighed, and you realised that this was going to be one of those things he couldn't tell you fully.  


"My father.. Has to do something, and I'm going to have to leave the castle while he does it, just for a few days. I'll be back before summer break, but I don't know if I'll see you."   


You felt the sudden urge to cry. You might not see him before a whole summer apart. You hadn't cried the entire time Umbridge was torturing you but now you felt like wailing.  


"Please try and see me before you go, I know It's a lot to ask because I know things are more conflicted than I understand but, come back to me." You said. It was a loaded statement.   


He nodded against your hair and you fell asleep like that.

You would see Draco again, days later. He came to your room at two in the morning the night before you were all leaving for summer break and told you that something had happened in the Ministry and his father was in trouble. His eyes were shiny and his voice was shaking. You just held him while he told you that Umbridge was returning to the ministry and that Dumbledore would be reinstated as headmaster. It was wonderful news but it didn't feel like it.   


"I think my father is going to Azkaban." He said as you held him, his head against your chest as you lay on his bed.  


You just held him tighter. You knew his father's affiliations with the Dark Lord, and his status as an active death-eater. You couldn't help but wonder what happened at the Ministry but you were sure you would hear all about it. At that moment all you could do was hold Draco and tell him you were there. Even if no-one else was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	8. Be Safe

You were pacing around your office, biting at your nails. You had left the ball and run the full length of the castle back to your safe haven the minute Malfoy had even dared to bring up your night together at the Yule ball.

Now, back in the quiet of your office it seemed as though the proverbial flood gates of your mind had been opened and waves of memories were pouring forth. It was everything, not just the night you had lost your virginity to one another, it was all of it. Every time you had been together, all the moments your head was thrown back in ecstasy, the way his hands felt against your bare skin, the heavy breathing and the feel of him inside you. It was the moments where you were naked in bed together, your leg gently running over his as you laughed together, lazily watching each other through lidded eyes. It was every moment you had cried together, he had come to your room and fallen against you and you had held him, all the times he held you. That last time on the hill just past the viaduct..

You pushed your hands through your hair aggressively, pushing it back from your face only to have it falls back forward. You couldn't do this, couldn't think about him like this. Draco was in the past and it had taken you so long to move past him, you felt like crying when you realised that really, you had never moved past him at all, just become accustomed to the feeling of him not being there, numbed by it.

You heard your door open behind you and you cursed yourself for not locking it. When you turned to see who it was, Malfoy was standing there in the doorway. The expression he wore was pleading, his eyes wide as he looked at you. His suit jacket must have been discarded on his walk through the school as he was just in his shirt now. His chest was heaving slightly, as if he was anxious to be there. You just gave him a reprimanding look:

"Don't." You said softly, but he was already walking into the room. Your heart rate had sped up the minute you saw him and now it was racing as he made his way over to where you were standing. You took him in for the first time properly since you had arrived at Hogwarts. He truly was just as handsome as he had ever been, his hair a honey blonde now, his skin sun kissed and tan which made his silver eyes shine like pearl. He had stubble forming now and you wondered how it would feel against your face if you kissed him.

You shook your head and shot your hand out to still him when he got close enough you could touch him. You pressed your hand flat against his chest and you felt the electricity again. The feeling you get when you touch someone and that spark is there. You ignored the spark and gently applied a little pressure so to keep him at a distance from you.

"I mean it, Malfoy. _Don 't_." You spoke again but your voice was betraying how you really felt. Scared. Scared because you knew that if he got any closer you would lose all self-control and walls you had built up around yourself for years would crumble.

"Please, Y/N." He spoke quietly in a low voice. He placed his hand over your own on his chest and you ripped it back from him, walking around to stand behind your desk.

"No, Draco!" You felt yourself get heated, like you were angry at him for even existing and trying to rekindle a flame you had been stepping on for your entire adult life. "Don't you get it? Too much has happened between us. Death and pain and things neither of us can forget. We don't get to exist together anymore."

He was just watching you, his face wasn't pleading anymore, a brooding look of discontent had come over his features. He was just watching you, flustered and trying to tell him you couldn't be together, his eyes dark.

"I know you don't mean that. It's been seven years and I still feel that connection between us, and I know you feel it too." He said, standing still across from your desk, his face blazing with intensity.

You looked at him for a long moment, your face was pleading now. You couldn't take this, all the water rushing under your bridge felt like it was rushing in your ears now as he made a move to walk around your desk to stand in front of you. You could smell him again, your head felt light just from being in such a close proximity to him but it was always the smell of cologne and smoke that was the most intoxicating thing about him. His eyes were fixed on yours, the same look of intensity still present on his face as he watched you.

He reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and you shuddered involuntarily at the feel of his hand against your face. You almost leaned into him on reflex but caught yourself.

His eyes flashed down to your lips then back up to look into your eyes again. You felt like you had both never wanted anything more in your life and less in your life at the same time.

Before he gave you any more time to think he leaned down and placed his lips against yours. The kiss was chaste and light. Just placed his lips against yours then pulled back again to gauge your reaction.

Your brain had stopped thinking entirely and before you knew it you had wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and were kissing him again only this time your lips crashed onto his and you were moving your mouths against each others hungrily. He placed his hands on your hips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into your mouth. You let out a moan and responded by sliding your own tongue over his, your panting breaths filling the room.

You felt him reach out and brush his hand over the desk, clearing a space amongst all the paperwork. He picked you and placed you down on the desk then, standing in between your legs as you kissed him aggressively.

You felt like you were on fire, every nerve in your body reacting to him, just being this close again, after all this time.

You were broken from your trance when you felt his hand graze your thigh. You broke the kiss, pushing him away from you. 

The minute you broke apart Draco made a strangled sound and tried to come back to you. You got off the desk and backed away from him. He was hurt, he couldn't hide it. He went to speak but you were already backing away from him towards the door.

"I can't do this." You managed to say before opening the door and rushing off down the hallway, leaving him alone in your office.

* * *

You were back home with your parents in the cottage for summer. Your father had grabbed you and pulled you into a hug the moment you had stepped off the train in London, quickly using the floo network to return to your home and tears had brimmed in his eyes as he told you how relieved he was to have you back with them. You mother had given you a kiss on the forehead and told you that you back where you belong, at home in the highlands.

The floo network had been suspended for guests and now could only be used to travel to known addresses if you could prove that you were returning to your actual residence. Since Cornelius Fudge had confirmed the return of the Dark Lord many services had been suspended or the restrictions tightened as death eaters were supposedly using the floo network to move around.

It was a beautiful summer in Scotland, the weather unusually bright and sunny. You had filled your days with tasks and chores, trying to keep your mind occupied to stop yourself from thinking of Draco. Your days consisted of helping your mother and father on the farm, cutting and tending to your plants and crops. You helped them with their business, too, as you always had. 

There was a greenhouse on your land that your family used for the creation and bottling of their potions and elixirs to be sold on the various markets in the wizarding world. It was honest work, and the graft hard enough that you found yourself focused on something else rather than wondering where Draco was or what he was doing.

You wondered what he would make of your modest house and your family's business. Maybe he would think it was all very rudimentary and quaint, you thought he would probably turn his nose up at seeing you with your hair scraped back, a bandana over your head as you pulled turnips from the plots in your garden, baking in the July heat. Or maybe he would have thought it was a simpler life than the one he was given. Maybe all he really wanted was to be somewhere he felt free. You couldn't imagine him pulling up turnips though.

It had been another day in the greenhouse, you and your mother sticking labels onto bottles of sleeping draught with your family's brand when an owl arrived at an open window.

Your mother had frozen when she saw it, her face contorted into fear. You had thought her reaction curious, and turned to give her a confused smile.

"What's wrong? It's just an owl. Probably asking where all these sleeping draughts are, I'm pretty sure that shop in Diagon Alley asked for these weeks ago." You said easily. She just stared at the owl a moment longer, as if she had never heard your words.

"That's an Eostrix. It's a Malfoy owl." Your mother finally spoke. She hadn't moved, just eyed it from across the room, still holding a bottle in her hand. You looked back to the window. A Malfoy owl.

Had Draco send you a letter? You hadn't expected to hear from him all summer. The last time you saw him he had told you that he was going back home that summer to his manor but it would not be a pleasant break for him. You hadn't pushed to know more information as Draco seldom told you details of his family life.

You walked towards the window and took the scroll from the Owl's talons. The owl scraped its talons across your hand as you took the letter and you pulled your hand back from it, hissing a bit from the pain. You looked down at your hand and the fresh scar now appearing on your flesh. You looked at the faint marks that were all you had left of Umbridge to remember her by. You father could barely make out the letters when he treated it upon your arrival home, you thanked Merlin that she had only managed ten lines on your skin before Draco stopped her. All that remained of the scars were little faded marks where letters used to be.

Your mind flashed to Abeliene before you took the scroll back over to your work bench. You heard a rustle of feathers and when you looked up the owl was already flying away. You thought that whoever sent it must have instructed the owl not to stay long. Your mother was just staring at the scroll, her once scared features now as curious as your own.

"It doesn't have the Malfoy seal on it." She observed. She was right, it was held together in a roll with a piece of green ribbon, no wax seal to be seen. You realised that this was not a letter from the Malfoy's summoning your mother to their home for high society tea, this was from Draco and your mother naturally was going to ask why on earth Draco Malfoy was sending you an owl.

"Maybe I should read it first." You said to her, but your voice was, as always, a telltale sign that you were hiding something.

Your mother narrowed her eyes at you before snatching the scroll from your hands and pulling the ribbon loose, unfurling the scroll to read it. You just stood there, frozen yourself now. You hoped to god it was just a simple letter asking how your summer was going and not detailing your illicit affair over the past year. You could only imagine what sinful things Draco was capable of writing.

You watched your mother read over the parchment, her face growing more and more horrified as her eyes ran back and forth down the page. She let out a gasp and dropped the scroll on the bench before taking off, running out of the greenhouse.

The paper rolled back into a loose shape on the table before you grabbed it and unrolled it again, your stomach twisting trying to imagine what she had read.

Seeing Draco's handwriting had been almost as good as seeing him, it made your heart swell in your chest, imagining him sitting as his desk with his quill and paper writing a letter to you. But as you read over the scroll your heart fell down to your feet.

_' My dearest Y/N,_

_It has taken my every precaution in order to get this letter to your home._

_I cannot explain how I have come to possess such knowledge but I know that your mother is going to be inscripted by the Dark Lord as she is the last living Heir to her family bloodline. She must flee if she is to avoid this._

_Please burn this letter upon its arrival to you, for both of us._

_Be safe,_

_Draco.'_

You read over the page five or six times before the reality of his words truly began to sink in. You imagined how your mother must have felt reading it. She had to go, she had to run away from this place and go into hiding if she were to evade the Dark Lord.

Your stomach churned as you processed the reality of what was happening. Your family was going to be separated. You ran back into your house where you found your parents in the kitchen. Your mother was clutching your father, crying against his chest, mumbling into his shirt about how she had tried to leave that world behind and her past was coming back to haunt her.

You stopped dead in the kitchen, in front of the table. You had left the backdoor open to let air in earlier but as soon as your mother heard your footsteps scrape against the stone floor her head shot up. Her eyes were wild as she looked at you, tears were staining her face but she was not crying anymore.

" _My dearest Y/N_" She mimicked the letter, her voice seething. You swallowed thickly. You took a deep breath and opened your mouth:

"I can expl-"

"Have you lost your mind?" You mother cut you off. She had pulled away from your father and turned towards you. You suddenly felt very grateful there was a table in between you two. "Now I know you're not telling me that you have been running around with a fucking _Malfoy?!_"

You cast your eyes downwards in shame. You should have anticipated this reaction from her. You supposed that you would probably never have to tell her and she would just never know. When you didn't reply she let out a sound of bitter disbelief and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, as if she was looking to a higher power for support. Your father just stood there, eyes cast downwards like yourself, he couldn't even look at you.

"Your Grandfather would have loved this, you know that? To see his Granddaughter on the arm of a Malfoy, oh I bet he's grinning in his fucking grave." She spat her words at you and you recoiled. She had never spoken so harshly to you before. "Don't you understand that is why I left that world behind? So that you didn't end up with a boy like Draco Malfoy! How could you do this to me?"

Your eyes shot up to meet hers, your brow furrowing. You felt anger in the pit of stomach rising up into your chest.

"You have no idea what he's like!" You shouted at her, it felt childish even as the words were leaving your mouth but you continued still. "Do you know how dangerous it must have been for him to send that owl? Do you know what his father would do to him if he knew about that? But he did it to protect you, to protect me. Doesn't that tell you about the sort of person he is?"

Your mother looked away, out of the window for a moment, her face still fixed in a snarl.

"He's not a bad person, mum. I don't think he really believes in any of it." You said, quieter this time.

She turned back to look at you again, this time her face was calmer.

"It doesn't matter if he believes it or not, Y/N. The point is he belongs to a family that is tied up in pain and darkness. Wherever he will go, death will follow him. His father wears the mark, we've known that for years. I cannot see you run back into the life that I left behind." She said sternly. 

"So you're robbing me of the same choice you had?" You asked. It was baiting and stupid, you knew that, to ask her if she was taking a choice from you about whether you wanted to run into the mouth of a beast and let it swallow you rather than run away from it. She just looked at you, disappointed.

"This is the exact opposite of what I wanted for you, Y/N." You mother started, exasperated. "When I found out that you had been sorted into Hufflepuff like your father I was over the moon. I thought finally, the chain is broken, and she will meet some nice Hufflepuff boy and get to have the positive experiences your father and I didn't get to have. But instead you've run headfirst at a boy who is shrouded in danger."

You scoffed slightly, turning your head away from her.

"A nice Hufflepuff boy?" You said bitterly. "A nice Hufflepuff boy tried to assault me in my Fourth year, and if it weren't for Draco he might have succeeded. So next time you think about making general statements why don't you remember that you used to be like him too. You were pure-blood and high-born and you wanted to leave just like he does."

Your mother stared at you for a long time, her chest rising and falling in what you presumed could only be anger, before she turned to your father and told him to put a pot of tea on because she would need energy to pack her things before leaving the cottage.

After your explosive argument time moved very quickly. Your mother and father had to flee the cottage and take only what they needed with them. They had to go into hiding before Voldemort could send death eaters out to your home to collect her. They were packed and gone that very night. She gave you a long hug and told you that you would be back together soon and to make only good choices and look after yourself. It was a loaded statement but you didn't antagonize her as you were all scared and didn't know the next time you would be together again. Your father held you tight and whispered in your ear that maybe you are more like him than he had ever thought before they were gone into the night.

You could only watch as they both gripped their portkey tightly and then in flash of blue light they were gone.

You were to go and stay with Abeliene and her muggle mother. You hadn't actually visited Abeliene before in her muggle home because you seldom visited the muggle world at all. During the school breaks you were usually just too busy so you would send her the occasional letter and instruct your owl to wait about at her house so she could write you back. Now you were going to have to go and stay in her home as it was the safest place for you. You could not stay at the cottage alone as the death eaters would likely come looking for your mother there.

You left the cottage that night and turned to take one last look at it before you set off down the old path that led to the road. You tried to memorize how it looked, remember all the little details as you weren't sure if it would still be standing when it was safe to come back. After a very jarring ride on the night bus, you had arrived at Abeliene's house in a small town outside Oxford.

Her house was probably about the same size as yours and you recognized it instantly from some photographs she had shown you of her and her mother standing outside the front door where there were two hanging flower baskets. You had walked up to the door and knocked loudly. It was almost Eleven 'o'clock at night and you felt impossibly rude. When Abeliene opened the door and saw you her face shot into panic, which then turned to a frown.

"Y/N? Oh my god, what are you doing here? Come inside." She had said. When you saw you your whole body flooded with relief.

You had carried your case into her house and that is where you stayed for the whole summer.

Staying with Abeliene was curious. Her house was strange. She had lots of normal things, her house wasn't entirely unlike your own, but there was no magic. Her pots didn't clean themselves and their newspapers didn't move. Everyone there dressed a little differently to you too. It was two sides of the same coin, only your side of the coin was from a world which appeared much older than hers.

It made you wonder how strange Abeliene must have thought you were. You didn't have a television in your house but Abeliene and her mother sat down every night to watch hers after their dinner. You didn't have a car as you simply had no need for one, but every morning Abeliene's mother would leave her house and get in the thing to go to her job. Even the lights were electronic. You thought it strange how their lives revolved around technology and how fortunate you had been to be raised around the adequacy of magic and all its practical uses. You did like the television, though, you would miss that.

One sunday morning you and Abeliene were sitting at her kitchen table while her mother made pancakes for you both. Abeliene's mother was called Audrey, and she was fascinated by you. She had asked many questions about your mother and father since that first night you turned up on her doorstep. When you had first met her she had pulled you into a hug as soon as Abeliene told her your name. She had agreed to have you to stay without question. That was, until the questions started.

Audrey was very curious about your life in the highlands. You had told her the answer to everything she asked, which pleased her greatly. You weren't sure if you were breaking some sort of magic code by telling her so much about your world but given her daughter attended Hogwarts you thought she was probably safe to indulge. That, and the fact that Abeliene's father had been from your world, but he had left when she was very young.

The new term was fast approaching and you suddenly felt very disconnected from Hogwarts and your life. You had no idea what was happening in your world, hadn't seen a daily profit or a quibbler in a month. You were starting to worry about what sort of life you would be going back to when you returned to Hogwarts for your sixth year. You and Abeliene had been discussing such matters that Sunday morning.

Audrey knew little about the Dark Lord and his power but Dumbledore had assured all the parents via a letter that school would continue as normal as possible, despite the new knowledge of Voldemort's return.

"It just seems crazy to still be attending school while the Dark Lord is running about, recruiting new death eaters." You said, sipping your orange juice. It came in a carton instead of a bottle, strange.

"I don't think Hogwarts would even be open if it wasn't safe, Y/N." Abeliene had said, but it felt foreboding her even saying it.

Audrey had been moving her spatula around the edges of a pancake on the skillet behind you before she spoke.

"Now, I don't know much about this Dark Lord, but let me tell you that in times of war you would be surprised not only by how many people can be unaffected by it but also how normal life can continue to be in the face of it." Her voice was smooth and warm like butter. Audrey had the same way of speaking that Abeliene had. It put you at ease but it was still sharp enough to make you listen.

She turned around and shook a pancake onto your plate from the spatula. You thanked her while she turned around and you heard the sound of more batter hitting the hot skillet.

"My mother still attended school during the second world war and her mother kept having babies. One of my aunties was born during the blitz. You would be surprised how many people carry on during times of distress. Now, I don't know much about this Dumbledore but I would bet he would never let anything happen to his students, wouldn't you?"

You just looked at her for a moment before nodding your head and giving her a polite smile. The truth was you actually didn't think you could bet on that.

Despite your misgivings, you were still happy to be getting on the train in Kings Cross station with Abeliene again. You didn't see Draco this time and worried that maybe he hadn't come back this year. You had to see him, to thank him for protecting your mother and kiss him. You had to kiss him.

You had spent to two weeks leading up to the new term fantasizing about what it would be like to see him again. The way he had risked his life to send you that scroll warning your mother made you love him more, if it were even possible. You remembered how it felt to have to burn all you had of him, throwing the letter into your living room fire at the cottage had felt sacrilegious.

You were sitting in a carriage with Abeliene and a couple of your other friends from Hufflepuff, just as you had at the same time last year. You remembered how you had felt then, travelling on the train after seeing Draco with Pansy. You had finished things with him and had no idea how much would change in the space of a year. You were screwing up your face, looking out of the window when Abeliene touched your arm.

"What's up?" She asked. Your other friends watched you curiously while you gave a small laugh. "I'm just thinking about what your mum said, is all. About how we're safe at Hogwarts."

They all just looked at you.

"Yeah?" Said Abeliene, but it was more like a question.

"Well," You started, your voice a little unconvinced, "Remember back in second year when there was a huge fifty-foot snake slithering about the pipes? That just doesn't seem so safe to me. Plus, it's Harry that Voldemort is after, right? What is to stop You-Know-Who turning up at the school to get him?"

Your three friends just looked at you, the only sound was the rattling of the train on the tracks outside.

Abeliene was the first to laugh, hitting your shoulder, before the others laughed too.

"Don't be mad, Y/N." Abeliene said. "You-Know-Who would never come to Hogwarts as long as Dumbledore is there."


	9. I Need You

Draco found you in the astronomy tower. You didn't know what time it was, you figured maybe three or four in the morning by this point. You were sitting on a window ledge, your legs hanging over the side of the stone tower facing outwards, staring out into the night. You had always thought Hogwarts looked the most beautiful from up here, you could see up and over the top of all the turrets and stone. You could see the grounds from all directions, the Quidditch pitch and the black lake in your view as you stared over it all, toking from your pipe.

The students from the ball had retired to their common rooms for the night, probably to carry on the festivities, but you couldn't see any of them in the courtyard anymore, couldn't hear their voices. When you had run from your office you thought that Draco would never come looking for you in the astronomy tower, too many bad memories had been had by him in this place, but when you heard his footsteps behind you realised that actually before that night he was up here with Dumbledore you had both shared many good memories here.

You heard him behind you but did not acknowledge him, just placed your pipe to your lips and puffed. You weren't in the mood to fight anymore, you didn't think you had it in you to endure more arguments and desperate attempts to rebuff him.

He came close to you and then moved into the space next to you on the window pane, swinging his legs round to dangle next to yours. You could smell him again. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply, your lungs contracting to let in as much of him as you could.

You sat there for a moment, looking out into the darkness silently, neither one of you spoke. It served as a contrast for all the nights you had spent together talking and laughing, a sharp reminder that all those memories were seven years old and here you were all those years later, aged and changed by your life after the war.

You moved your arm to offer him your pipe. He looked at it for a moment before accepting it and puffing from it himself. He exhaled into the night air and you watched the smoke dissipate in front of you. You had always thought it looked so beautiful for something so poisonous.

Draco smiled, you knew because he made a sound in his throat he would only make if it was accompanying a smile.

"You Grandfather's blend?" He asked, a note of nostalgia in his voice.

You gave him a similarly nostalgic smile too, a hint of melancholy in your voice when you spoke again.

"Yes, as always."

Silence fell over you both again as you stayed there, comfortable just to be with one another for a while longer. You couldn't deny how light you felt around him, like you were unburdened and relaxed when he was near. You wondered how long you had been carrying stress around on your shoulders before this very moment when he was next to you and you felt it all break away.

"You know I waited for you?" Draco spoke, and his voice sounded loud in the calm of the quiet night. "I thought that maybe you would write to me, after the war. Every day for two years every time an owl appeared at the Manor I would run to it, hoping it would be a letter from you."

You watched him from your peripheral, you couldn't meet his eyes but you stayed quiet, allowing him to continue.

"I realised after a while that you were not going to write to me, and I thought 'Why would she?' The last time you saw me I was fleeing from a battlefield with my parents. It never stopped me wishing you would, though."

You let out a deep breath of frustration.

"Why did you never write to me?" You asked, your voice wasn't accusatory but there was a hint of hurt in it.

Draco just looked at you with sad eyes.

"Because I was the one who left, chose the wrong side. It wasn't my decision to have you in my life after what I had done, it was yours. After my father was sent to Azkaban I was put on trial for my crimes, too. The Daily Prophet followed the trial very closely, I thought that would have bound to have seen that I had been acquitted and returned to the Manor with my mother. I thought that maybe after it all had been said and done you would want to talk to me again."

You tried to steady your breathing and not react harshly. You had never spoken to him because he had looked you right in the eyes and left you that day, and you knew that was how it had to be. You didn't get a happy ending, you had to move on.

As if Draco had sensed what you were thinking he spoke:

"That day, in the courtyard, when Voldemort asked me to come over to his side, I remember the way you looked at me. I was so scared that you were going to try and come to me then, and that's why I walked right out and over to my family. If you had stood next to me that day and taken my hand I couldn't have left you and he would have killed us both on the spot. I realised that in order for us both to live, I had to submit to him."

You felt tears prick your eyes now and when you finally looked over to Draco he was staring out at the black lake, his pearl eyes shiny too.

"When my family found out that Voldemort had been defeated we knew what happened next. We knew that my father would be jailed and there was a chance I would be too. All I could think about when we found out was you. If you were okay, if something had happened to you during the fight. I had just left, I couldn't protect you."

Tears spilled over your eyes now, remembering the fight, all the blood and death and pain. You took in a shuddering breath and Draco put his hand over yours. You intertwined your hands as he continued.

"When I heard you were alive I had never felt so grateful and depressed at the same time. My life became a blur of trials and confinement to my home and the Ministry, I watched my father go down for his war crimes and I wondered if it would be me too. The first two years after I was acquitted I stayed at the Manor with my mother. We were monitored day and night, our floo network was open to Aurors and Ministry officials who would come whenever they wanted and survey us."

Draco sucked in a deep breath and a small smile came across his face.

"My time at the Manor wasn't all bleak, I actually came to realize that without having my father around, life could be very pleasant, don't think bad of me for saying that."

You looked at him and gave him a knowing smile.

"I would never judge you for feeling freed by his departure from your life." You said softly, squeezing his hand lightly. He gave you a small smile in return.

"I did everything for my mother over those two years, all our staff left us you see, I don't blame them. I learned to cook- got quite good at it if I do say so myself. I had to learn to wash and press my own clothes, how to sew and fix garments, I even had to wash our floors."

You gave him a look of dramatic sarcastic sympathy, and he bumped your shoulder, a bright smile on his face.

"Eventually, after those two years my mother had become worried about me. She said it was time I went back out into the world, I had always been top of every class, you knew that. She said that there would be limitations but I should still try to make something of myself. I remember one night I sat down in my fathers office and smoked one of his cigars at his desk, tried to imagine myself like him, at the ministry. It made me feel so sick I left the room and locked the door and never went back inside."

Tears were still falling from your eyes now, but they weren't from an immediate or painful sadness, they were tears of a sadness that had been living inside you for a long time and you couldn't help the involuntary emotional response you were having just listening to Draco tell you about his experiences during your time apart.

"That's when I thought of you the most. When I was thinking of where I would go, what I would do for work. I imagined how you would look if you could see me, if you would be proud. Everything I ever did after the war I just wanted you to see me and know that you had shaped me, that you had influenced my choices, that you made me a better man."

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt a surge of tears fill your eyes. You blinked them out as you watched him blearily as he turned to look at you.

"You shaped me, Y/N. When I saw the teaching position become available I saw your face in my mind, us out on that hill past the bridge in Fifth year, remember when I taught you all those defensive spells? I thought that you would be so proud to see me teaching, not stuffed away in an office at the Ministry."

Without thinking, you reached out and touched his face, smoothing your thumb over his cheek. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. All this time you had thought he had moved on and you had been convincing yourself to move on too. You were trying to find the right words to convey to him how deeply moving his words were, but he reached up to take your hand from his face, holding it instead.

"I still hoped I would hear from you, even years later. Then I heard you were working at the Ministry and had started seeing some Durmstrang Auror. I had never been so mad in my life, I remember I returned to the Manor that night and smashed every plate we owned. My mother had to come and calm me down, I couldn't bear the thought of someone else's hands on you. I told my mother everything, and she told me that it was never meant to be and I should just move on. She arranged a marriage with one of the Greengrass girls, she said that they were probably one of the few families that would still have me. I agreed at first, decided that it was better to just move on and forget about you, but then you came to me in a dream. You were standing out on the black lake and calling out to me, telling me not to let you go. When I woke up after that dream I told my mother to call the engagement off. Everyone was furious but I thought that maybe it meant that our paths would cross again, which they did." He motioned your hands.

You were just staring at him now in pure astonishment. You were surprised to find that you were upset to hear that he had been engaged, even thought it was at the same time you were seeing the Auror. You had no right to be upset by it but it still hurt, a hurt as fresh and raw as if someone had told you back in your Seventh year. Draco gave you an embarrassed laugh, looking away from you.

"You probably think I sound mad." He said. You squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"No." You said it with absolute conviction, and he turned to look back at you again. "I don't think you're mad at all." You looked back out at the expanse across from you, over at the mountains built up around the grounds as if they had been placed there.

You considered for a moment before speaking:

"When I was seeing that Auror, Adrian, he would often tell me that he felt I wasn't really there when we were together. He used to say it was like half of me was somewhere else, that maybe I had left half of me with someone else before he had met me. I had always told him he was being ridiculous, and I was just a little broken from the war but I think he always knew it was more than that. One night we were having sex and I said your name. He broke up with me that very night, said he would not share me with you. He never told anyone why we had split and neither did I, I was always grateful for that."

Draco just looked at you, he was the one unable to form a response now.

"I cursed you in my head, you know that? I was furious with you as if it was your fault that my relationship had ended. When really it was me not being able to get over you. It pains me to admit it but I think I have carried you around inside of me for all of these seven years."

Draco took the back of your head in his hand, his long fingers tangled in your hair to force him to look at you. When your eyes met you felt as though the planets had aligned, as though every move you had made in both your lives had led you to this very moment.

You kissed then, both of you moving forward to press your lips together. It was a long and romantic kiss. While your eyes were closed you could still feel light against them as the sun began to rise, peering over the horizon as if to ask for permission.

When you pulled back from each other you stayed silent again, just watching the sun move through the sky, filling the darkness with light and changing the once blue sky into a rich amalgamation of pink and orange.

You thought that it must be one of the most incredible moments of your life.

* * *

You didn't see Draco until he appeared in the great hall at the start of term. He, Harry and Luna had all arrived late to the feast and missed the sorting ceremony.

When you saw him walking up to the Slytherin table you couldn't take your eyes off him. His hair was slicked back off his face, lying perfectly. It was shorter now, more appropriate for his age, you guessed. You could have imagined his father saying something about how long it was getting. He looked pale and drawn, his eyes were nervously scanning over the crowd as he took his seat. Usually when he addressed his peers he was cocky and making jokes, trying to be the center of attention, but now he was just tight-lipped and quiet, joining his house wordlessly.

Harry arrived next with blood on his face and you felt your eyes widen. Draco. You knew it had to have been him that drew blood from Potter's nose. You pieced the puzzle together then looked back at him again once Harry took his seat, instantly being fawned over by his friends.

Draco met your eyes from across the room and you saw him soften for a moment, before he looked away from you as Dumbledore started speaking. You had all been searched upon your arrival that evening. You, Abeliene and your other friends that had shared a train carriage with you on the Hogwarts express had ridden in a self-drawn carriage back up to the castle after having your luggage inspected.

You had watched all the other groups of students around you being searched and agreed. You had frowned but handed over your things, accepting that every precaution must have been being taken to ensure the safety of those residing in the castle. Your friends had been quickly dismissed as Hufflepuff's that 'probably had nothing to do with anything' and told to head on up to the school, but they kept you behind to inspect your things more closely.

You had watched in shock as they pulled each individual item from your cases and inspected each piece of parchment and photograph closely.

"Try to understand, Miss Y/L/N, this is just procedure, to protect each student." Droned Snape, looking through your textbooks. "Those with parental affiliations must be checked more closely."

You snarled at him, snatching your luggage back and zipping all the cases closed, picking them up and throwing them onto the carriage where your friends waited for you.

"My mother left all that behind when she was my age, don't be so ridiculous to think she or I have any affiliation to that monster." You seethed.

Snape just raised one of his eyebrows before turning and walking away from you. When you jumped up onto the back of the carriage all your friends had started talking about how ridiculous it was that you had been singled out like that. Their voices turned to white noise as you thought that actually, you did have an affiliation to that monster. You had been running around with a death-eater's son for years.

Draco left the great hall before everyone else. During Dumbledore's speech he said that the greatest power the dark forces have is us, and you wondered how Draco must have felt. While you were on the train Luna had brought you old newspapers from the past couple of months as she always did for the muggle-born people so they could catch up on magical events. It was in those that you saw Draco and his mother on a page with a whole article about his father's arrest and imprisonment. Your heart had shot into your throat when you saw him in the picture, flashes going off and reflecting against his solemn face. It was all you think about as you as Dumbledore spoke, you had no idea what his life at home had been like over the summer. From what you could see he barely ate anything then excused himself. You saw him leave and decided to go after him. Abeliene gave you a disapproving look before squeezing your arm and telling you to be careful.

You ran off out of the hall and down the hallway hoping to catch him. As you moved quickly into a new corridor you thought you might have lost him, he was nowhere to be seen in the long expanse in front of you, dimly lit with candles so it was, but you still couldn't see that flash of white blonde hair.

You felt a sharp tug on your arm and for a moment you could have sworn you were in fourth year again, being pulled into an empty classroom, and there it was, that flash of white blonde hair.

Draco closed the door quickly and turned around and you got a good look at him up close. For a moment you had forgotten all your woes and worries as you were just so happy to see him after a summer apart, but as he came into focus in front of you everything came screaming back. He looked worse up close, as handsome as ever, yes, but the bags under his eyes did not lie and you knew he had been having sleepless nights and long days. His suit still fitted him perfectly but you knew he had lost weight and his expression wore only worry. He gripped your shoulders and you came to your senses fully.

"Did you receive my owl?" He asked sharply. His eyes were deadly serious. You nodded fervently and he looked visibly relieved.

"We received it, yes. My mother and father went into hiding the same day we got it." You said, but looking at him now you were just growing more and more concerned.

"Good." He said shorty, taking his hands from your shoulders and turning away to look absently at a wall in front of you. "Good." He said again but his voice made him sound as if he was far away from you.

You stood there for a minute, just watching him, his movements were jilted and strange. He looked as though he was in distress. This look on him was not unfamiliar to you, many nights he had come to you at the end of fourth year and you had seen a similar look, but under it there was, fear. Fear was not an emotion you had seen Draco exhibit too many times. His face reminded you of the way it looked when you had been in the astronomy tower together the night he told you that his father would kill him if he ever tried to leave his life the way your mother had.

You reached out to touch his arm, your fingers just grazing it before he ripped it away from you.

"Draco? Are you okay?" You asked, your voice soft.

He just stood there for a moment, his face unsure, turned away from you slightly. He had his own hand around his forearm, you noted it but tried to shake the thought as you looked back to his face.

"What about you, were you safe?" He asked, with regard to his owl.

"Yes, I stayed with Abeliene for the rest of the summer in the muggle world. My mum explained that You-Know-Who wouldn't want me, my blood is pure but has been dirtied by my father's 'weak' lineage, so he wouldn't pose a threat to me personally. So I was with Abie."

Draco just nodded, relaxing the grip on his arm.

"The muggle world?" He asked and to your great relief there was hint of a smile in his voice. "How was it? I hear they have machines that wash their dirty dishes."

You gave him a bright smile and a little laugh.

"Yes, they do. It was strange, but not as odd as I thought it would be. I can't say I'm in a hurry to move there but it certainly gave me a new perspective on them and their lives." You said, and you meant it.

Having spend very little time in the muggle world you were relieved to find that as much as it was different it was also very much the same. You felt your time with Abeliene and her mother had helped you to understand her more, all muggles and magic people from non-magic families in fact. It made you realize that once you step into someones world and walk around in it, no one is all that different.

Draco eyed you curiously, that little hint of a smile was gone and now he looked sad. You wanted to reach out to him again but couldn't bear the thought of another rejection. You just stood and waited for him to come to you.

"I have to go." Draco said, and he moved towards the door.

You suddenly felt hurt. He had pulled you into this room after a summer separated and not even placed a single kiss on your lips.

"I missed you." You said, and even to your own ears it was pathetic. You sounded desperate.

He opened the door and shot you one last look before disappearing out of the room.

You just stood there, amongst the dark and the dust, wondering what on earth was going on with him.

Weeks went by into the new term and Draco barely spoke to you. Whenever he saw you he blanked you, or left the room. You shared advanced potion making together that year and when he bothered to turn up for the class he barely spared you a second glance. You thought that maybe he was just continuing with avoiding you as he had done last year so not to arouse suspicion about your relationship, but that couldn't have been that because he also hadn't come up to your room once.

In advanced potion making Professor Slughorn had seemed very taken with you, fascinated by your father's business but more-so by your mother's life story. He had taught her himself back when she attended Hogwarts as a student and had been curious about her then, when she was still a pure-blood Slytherin belonging to a powerful family. To hear that she had abandoned her status to marry your father had shocked and intrigued him, in his own words. He had asked for your company after hours for discussions in detail on the matter, you had politely agreed, but his intentions were unclear.

Losing Draco had made your time at Hogwarts unbearable. Every time he saw you and looked away or avoided you while walking around the castle you felt another piece of your heart fall away. You had thought that returning to a new year without Umbridge would have been amazing, to have all your little freedoms back and to learn without fear of torture and punishment. It turned out that having your freedom was no match for having Draco in your bed. He had not come to you once, and it made you ache.

Abeliene put her hand over yours once night and asked how you were when you had been staring down at your textbook with unfocused eyes while she told you a story of a new Ravenclaw girl she had started seeing. The moment you heard those words you had burst into tears. She had quickly scooped you up into a hug and asked you to tell her the whole story. So you did. You told her everything, how hurt you were, how you hadn't spoken to him in months and now Christmas break was approaching and you couldn't face being alone in the castle not knowing what was going on.

Abeliene had insisted that you come to her home for a muggle Christmas and that whatever was wrong with Draco would be largely in relation to his father being in Azkaban and his affiliation to a certain Dark Lord who had most definitely returned. You had nodded and wiped the tears from your eyes, feeling selfish. Of course Draco was upset and not being himself. His father had been imprisoned after the night that Potter and some of his fellow DA attendees broke into the Ministry. You couldn't imagine the toll this was taking on him and his family. The fact that he knew enough about Voldemort's plans to send a letter to your cottage to warm your mother told you his affiliations were more than likely conspiratorial.

You thought that maybe you had lost him already, the ever looming threat of your relationship's eventual demise had sat in the back of your head for the whole two years you had been tangled up together as lovers. You knew that one day he was going to have to leave you, or you him. Your lives were too different and your allegiances polar opposite. Draco was involved in a world that sought to destroy everything that you held dear and despite his obvious misgivings about it, he was on that side. After everything your mother had fought for, you couldn't even consider him a realistic option. Your mothers word rang in your ears: I left that world behind so that you didn't end up with a boy like Draco Malfoy.

You had still hoped it would not end so soon, that you would manage to pull a couple more years of stolen kisses and late night rendezvous from him. Perhaps that was the most selfish thing of all, your desperation to continue seeing Draco when he was nothing but bad news. You could have met someone else by now, been having cute dates at Hogsmeade like all your friends. Although you would never admit that there was a dark little part of your brain that secretly enjoyed it, all the running around. The threat of being caught. It didn't seen so fun anymore now that Draco was in deeper into his world than he ever had been.

One night you were up late in the library, it must have gone midnight at least. You had taken advanced Defense against the dark arts that year on a whim, you couldn't believe Snape had actually let you into the class, however after your private lessons with Draco last year you had improved immeasurably. You were considering a job in the Ministry, you weren't sure what yet but all your professors had told you that you stood a better chance with a few advanced classes on your achievements paper in your NEWT grades.

The amount of work you had taken on was insane. You could handle Advanced Potion Making fine enough and your herbology work had always been exemplary as you had grown up on a farm and you were being tested on things your father taught you how to do when you were a child, but Advanced DADA was kicking your arse.

As you flicked through your textbook, scribbling notes, you mentally cursed yourself. You weren't cut out for this class, you wondered if Snape had allowed you to take it just to watch you suffer. Your candle had almost burned down to the bottom of the candlestick next to you and you decided it was a sign that you should just go to bed. You wet your fingers with some wax from the well around the flame and pinched the fire out. It was still light in the library as there were enchanted candles all over the walls but you still felt satisfied that it was the end of your night.

You were walking back out of the Library when you caught sight of someone in the restricted section. You stopped in front of the door and peered closer, through the glass and that's when you saw that flash of white blonde hair. Draco.

You watched him for a moment, trying to figure out what he was doing. What could he possibly be looking for in the restricted section? You shuddered to think.

He looked up all of a sudden and saw you there, through the door. His eyed grew wide, and he flew towards the door, he had obviously thought he was alone in the library. He opened the door and came out, a book tucked behind his back in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asked sharply. You felt anger in your chest again and you moved towards him.

"I could ask you the same thing!" You said in an angry whisper. He looked away from you, his face blazing with frustration. He tried to move past you then, shoulder checking you in on the way past, but you were in no mood to be ignored any longer.

"Don't you dare run away from me again, Draco." You said, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn to face you again.

"Don't." He said, softly this time.

You removed your hand from his arm, but he stayed there.

"What is going on with you?" You asked, but your tone was not accusatory, it was concerned.

He just looked away from you once more, as if he was thinking about whether he should tell you or not.

"I think it's best we just stay away from each other." He said finally, still not meeting your eyes.

The anger you already felt mixed with desperation and you felt words come tumbling out of your mouth before you even had a chance to think through them properly:

"No. I am not leaving you alone. I can't imagine how difficult this summer must have been for you Draco, but you can't just shut me out."

He finally met your gaze and his eyes were wide and scared, your blood ran cold when he dropped his brow and his face became impassive.

"Maybe I don't want you anymore, have you ever considered that?" His voice was cold as he spoke.

You actually bit out a laugh and the sheer ridiculousness of what he was trying to do.

"Do you actually think I'm going to believe that?" You asked, an incredulous but bitter smile on your face. "Do you think I don't know you well enough now to know that all this bravado is just for show? I know that a lot has happened to you over these past few months but I also know that your feelings for me won't have changed since you sent me that letter informing me of my mother's inscription."

His face betrayed him and anger flashed across his features. He let out an exasperated breath and grabbed your arm, pulling you close to him.

"And just how do you think I would come to possess such knowledge?" He whispered bitterly.

You met him with the same angry stare he was giving you as you realised that whatever he was involved in regarding the Dark Lord must have serious.

"I don't care." You said, matching his tone. "I'm not letting you shut me out because you're afraid. We have come too far now to just go back to being strangers."

His face twitched slightly, softening. He was at war with himself, you could see it.

"Don't you understand?" He spoke again, only this time his voice was pleading. "I can't protect you if you're involved."

Your expression changed from anger to sadness. He wasn't trying to shut you out to protect himself, it was to protect you, just like he always had, with Umbridge, the letter to your mother, with DA.

"I will decide what is right for me, Draco." You said, and you almost surprised yourself with how strong your voice sounded. "I can't let you go now. Just let me help you, let me in."

You stood there in silence for a moment, his hand still wrapped around your arm. His grip had loosened and you hoped he wouldn't let you go. This was the closest you had been to him since last term and even though you were fighting, it was still as intoxicating as ever to be around him.

"If I let you in, you might not like what you find." He said quietly.

You could have burst with how many thoughts were racing around inside you, you wanted to tell him in detail how deeply you cared for him, and how you would have moved the very heavens to see him happy. Instead, you just reached out and cupped his face with your free hand. He flinched, but then relaxed into your caress.

"I will never not like what I find, Draco Malfoy. The truth of it all is, I need you." You said, your voice warm and gentle.

His face relaxed entirely, and he gave a cautionary look to the restricted section behind you before he lost himself completely.

"Merlin, I need you too." He breathed out before pressing his lips to yours.

He let go of your arm only to move his hands onto your waist instead, holding you against him as he kissed you. You dropped your books and heard the sound of them crashing to the floor, but neither of you noticed. You wrapped your arms around his neck to envelope him, kissing him back with such fervor you thought the two of you could have been one person you were that close.

The kiss was desperate and needy, he was holding onto you with an almost painful grip, but you didn't care. You wanted him, you had wanted to have him like this ever since he had left your room for the last time back before the summer. You felt him move his hands down to palm your ass with his big hands. You moaned into the kiss, and he let out a sound of total desperation.

He picked you up and placed you onto a desk, his mouth moved down to press kisses onto your neck and your collarbone. You keened into him, wrapping your legs around his waist and moving forward on the table to press against him. You felt him hard against you and it made your head so light you could have blacked out from how badly you wanted him. He moaned into the kiss this time, feeling the contact of your heat against his length.

He moved his hands away from you to the button on his trousers, quickly undoing them and pulling his cock free. Everything was happening so fast but it felt so good to have him again. You reached down to wrap your hands around his dick, pumping slowly. He inhaled sharply against your lips at the feeling, reveling in it for a moment. He seemed to snap out of the pleasure he was feeling and used his hand to reach down under your skirt and push your panties to the side.

He gave you no more time to think as he grabbed his cock and pushed it inside of you. You both moaned loudly when he entered you, your voices echoing around the library. You caught each others eye as if to share a look that said 'fuck, we have to be quiet' before he started moving in and out of you, fast and frantic.

Every possible thought you had about someone else being in the library or someone walking in and finding you two like that disappeared from your head as he started fucking you hard on the desk. You were shaking and panting, grabbing onto his shoulders, not able to get enough of him. He was just watching you, his eyes clouded over with lust as he moved inside of you.

You could feel yourself getting close already but by the movements of Draco's hips you thought might get there before you did. You grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his head back so you could meet his eyes, but when he looked at you, you saw that his eyes were shiny and glazed over.

You released his hair from your grip and his movements slowed to a stop as he let out a shuddering breath. Your hand instead found his face and you smoothed your fingers over his cheekbone, your eyes full of love and concern as you watched him. He returned your gaze, his eyes still filling with tears. You couldn't speak, couldn't find words to tell him that it was okay, okay to be emotional in the face of it all. Sometimes coming back to someone after a long time was not happy, but melancholy, as the case was between the two of you, tangled in a secret affair.

You couldn't speak so just tried to convey the message to him with your face and your gentle movements over his skin with your hands. He kept his eyes on you for a long moment, until the tears were gone and his eyes were clear again.

He was still inside you, and when he pushed forward again you let out a sound of surprise to find him still hard. He continued again, moving inside you, but this time he was slow and did not take his eyes off you once. He just rolled his hips into you, gripping onto you as he made love to you.

When he came he let out a deep groan and grabbed the back of your head, but all the while his eyes stayed on you.

Once it was over he withdrew from you and you both stood, straightening out your clothes. It had been a while since you had been sneaking around at night having sex in public places. It reminded you of your fourth year, the first year you had gotten with Draco, and the most explosive in terms of wild sexual activities.

Draco did this thing where he would read your mind. Just as you were thinking of how much this moment reminded you of your fourth year, smiling to yourself, you looked over to find him smiling at you already. A small, knowing smile. You shot him a look of fondness, and he returned it and no more was said on the subject. You didn't need to speak sometimes, it was all there in the context and exchanged looks.

You walked back to the dungeons together silently. It was not a heavy silence, but a light and comfortable one. You were both holding your books loosely in your hands and now and then your fingers would brush and you would smile to yourselves. When you looked down at the book he was holding you noticed it was a book about curses. 

You were not satisfied with not knowing Draco's reason for being in the restricted section, why he had taken a book about curses, who he was intending on using that knowledge on, not knowing what was going on in his personal life that was causing him so much distress, however just being with him in the library gave you hope.

He said he needed you, and you needed him too, and for now that was enough.


	10. Empty Threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up becoming very busy this week, sorry this took so long to go up! Hope you enjoy!

Malfoy and you had sat up on that ledge in the astronomy tower for a long time, his head leaned against yours as you watched the sunrise. It had seemed so perfectly comfortable you had forgotten all the reasons you had run away from him up to the tower in the first place.

Your head had started to swim with thoughts, did he want to be with you? Were all those words about how you had shaped him and your confessions to each other about never being able to get over the other a declaration of love? You had told each other you loved one another before but it had never meant that all of a sudden you were in a real public relationship.

So much had happened since the war, were you able to be with him now? But what would everyone think? You could only imagine your mother's face if you told her that after all those years after she had found out about the two of you, you had gone and found him again. After the war your relationship with your mother became strained. She was furious that you had continued to see Malfoy even though you knew of his involvement with Voldemort. You couldn't bare having to justify being with him to her, not least your father, although something told you maybe he would understand.

You could also picture McGonagall's face, and Neville's too. You thought that there would no doubt be backlash for wanting to be with him. Malfoy had grown and changed exponentially over the past seven years since the war, Minerva had said so herself, but that didn't mean that people wouldn't think less of you for jumping into bed with him.

You squeezed your eyes shut, grateful that he couldn't see your face from the angle you were both sitting at. You weren't even sure if he wanted to be with you, maybe he wanted to have another secret romance. You could have cried at the very thought, you had sworn to yourself once your tryst with him ended that you would never run around with someone again in secret. No more lies and complications, it was exhausting and you had hurt too many people by doing it before.

You strained your eyes to glance down between your bodies where your hands were still interlocked. You looked at his strong hands and wondered how many nights you had thought about them, about him. How many nights you had longed for him, cried for him. If this could be the real thing how could you possibly say no? You felt as though you had waited a lifetime to see him again.

You felt his head move from yours and your body moved towards him involuntarily from the loss of contact, you had been resting your whole weight on him without realizing. He only moved enough to turn his head to place a kiss onto your temple, resting his lips there afterwards, just breathing against you.

You eyes fluttered closed and you wished that could just enjoy it. You wished that you weren't scared, that you could just open your heart to him again, but maybe too much had happened, maybe it was not that easy anymore. You weren’t a teenager anymore, blinded by love and devotion. You were a woman with a job and responsibilities. You had been in other relationships, you understood life more now, but you still felt that tug at your heart when you looked at him, couldn't deny that he was truly the only man who had ever really understood you.

Draco suddenly spoke, his voice breaking through the sounds of the morning, birds chirping and flying overhead:

"I saw you once at the Ministry, you know that?"

You pulled back from him to look at him and a frown flashed over your features. You had certainly never seen him. You would have remembered that.

"It was years ago now. The Ministry invited me in for an investigation before I could be offered the teaching position here. Luna Lovegood had been performing psych evaluations at the Ministry for everyone. They had to make sure I was fit for the job and that I didn't have any more loyalty to.. him." Malfoy continued.

You nodded, blinking quickly.

"Yes, I know. I had many therapy sessions with Luna when I worked there. It was a newfangled idea back then, therapy." You said.

It was true, you had seen her every month for a year and a half before you had started to accept the events of the war. She had always given you that peculiar look that she did, as if she knew you weren't giving her the whole story. You had spoken of Malfoy a few times, how hurt you had been by him leaving before the fight resumed. She had never judged you, just given you that impartial look of understanding and never commented on why you could possibly have been so upset about Malfoy, a boy you should have barely known.

"I was standing in the foyer, watching everyone skirt about, and then there you were.. walking to the lift with a bunch of books in your arms. You looked beautiful. I had almost hoped you would turn and see me there, but you never did." Malfoy finished, his eyes slightly sad.

You squeezed his hand lightly and gave him a sad smile, it hurt to know that at one point he had been so close to you and you hadn't even known it. You were going to ask why he never called out to you, tried to speak, but you knew that after the war he had been waiting for you to talk to him and when you didn't, he figured you must have hated him.

You held his gaze another moment.

"I never really hated you." You said softly.

He nodded, but his face was not convinced.

"I would understand if you had," He began, "But I hoped now that you can see the man I've become, maybe you could want me again."

You looked away from him. The sun was up now, a bright shining glow was cast over the grounds. It was a beautiful morning and you had been up all night. You were mortified to think that students were going to be getting up for breakfast soon and see you walking about the castle in your dress.

"It's like I said before," You said, turning back to look at him again, "I just don’t know if I can put it all behind me. So much happened, Malfoy, It was almost like we were never meant to be together."

He looked at you for a minute, brow furrowed, before he reached out to cup your face with his hand.

"Please call me Draco."

* * *

After your night in the Library you did not see Draco again until he came to your room a week later. He had not been turning up to advanced potion making and you were starting to get worried about him. Either he was sick, or the more likely option, he was away reading his curses book from the restricted section and planning something.

You were up late revising for defense against the dark arts again. You had been sat at your desk, quietly working away, the fire crackling away beside you. Your desk was in front of your window so you could look out and see the black lake when you needed a minute to calm your worried mind. _Weren't Hufflepuff meant to be laid back?_ You thought.

That was when you heard his knock, those four short raps against your door. You shot to your feet and looked at the door in surprise, you had been hoping for it, for him to come to you again but now that he was really there you felt nervous.

You walked over and opened the door to see him standing there, tight lipped and nervous as he always seemed to look since he came back into the new term. You gave him a breathless smile and pulled him inside. He moved stiffly into your room, he was uncomfortable, you could tell. You knew why, when you had been in the library together he had tried to break things off and keep you out of whatever was going on with him in order to protect you. It was understandable that now he was in your room he was accepting the defeat of wanting to see you but still being torn about wanting to keep you away from him.

You resolved not to pry any further into his business, you figured he would have to tell you eventually. Or some vague version of the truth of it, so you would wait.

You locked your door and walked back over to him, talking his hands in yours and moving you both to sit down on your bed.

He wasn't looking at you, but you couldn't stop looking at him. Having him back in your room, his weight on your bed, his scent, his hands in yours. It felt overwhelming. He was looking around the room as if he had missed it, but his face was still tight and drawn.

When he eventually met your eyes you gave him a warm smile and rubbed your thumb over his knuckles. He couldn't give you one back but that was okay, maybe in time.

"Do you want to lie down for a while?" You asked carefully.

He just looked at you and nodded wordlessly.

You gave him another small smile and pulled him back onto the bed so you could lie down together. He rested his head in the crook of your neck and curled his body against yours. You ran your hands through his hair until you could hear his shallow breaths and feel the relaxation of his rigid body that let you know he was asleep.

You stayed up a while longer, running your hands over his arms as he slept, thinking. You had never seen him in such a state and you were worried.

Eventually you also fell asleep, the gentle sounds of Draco's breathing allowing you to drift off as well, you were exhausted, to many late night study sessions had left you tired most of the time.

At some point in the early hours of the morning Draco awoke, stirring in your arms. He caused you to wake too, both of you groggy and fresh from being pulled from unconsciousness. Usually you would share a smile and a lazy kiss, spoon for a while before his hands found you and you were both gasping and writhing against your covers, him inside you.

This was not one of those times. When he awoke properly and wiped the sleep from his eyes his body stiffened again. You ran your hands back through his hair to try and soothe him. Your hands were practiced in this work, although now his hair was shorter it wasn't as satisfying, but you knew it made him feel better as you had done it many times before.

His breathing started to regulate then, and you carried on your gentle movements, every now and again letting your hand drift down to his shoulders to leave little circles there.

You must have lay like that for at least half an hour before he spoke:

"I have to do something." He said shortly.

You didn't reply. You didn't want to interject, so you just nodded against his head and kept on with your movements over his hair, allowing him to continue.

"I've been entrusted with.. a task. I can't tell you what it is, for your sake, but I want you to know that it has been taking up a lot of my time, and that is why I wont be able to see you much. I shouldn't really be seeing you at all but as it turns out I do need you."

Once he had finished talking you still kept quiet, just drawing circles on his shoulder again.

You moved to get up from the bed, placing a kiss on his forehead before standing upright on the cold wood floor, going over to the fireplace to throw another log onto the dying flames, casting another incendio onto the wood to keep it burning.

You turned back around to him and crossed your arms, partially because you were cold in just your night robe and partially as some sort of reflex body language, like you were guarding yourself.

"And you really cant-" You started.

"I really cannot tell you what it is." Draco cut you off, answering the question he anticipated you asking.

Your arms grew tighter around you, your hands splayed over your sides. Draco was still lying on your bed in his full suit. He hadn't underdressed to lie down with you. A horrid thought occurred to you about why that might be but you squashed it, thinking that it was wrong to even presume he was wearing the mark. He had slept in your bed clothed many times last year as well, it was just something he did when he felt vulnerable.

You had a million questions. You wanted to know what this 'task' was, who had set it for him, how serious were the consequences of it, did it have everything to do with the curses book he was carrying in the library, also, what the fuck was going on?

Instead of bombarding him, you just accepted the small victory of getting him to divulge even just a little bit of information.

You saw relief on his face when you walked back over the bed and lay down with him again. This time you lay on your side and he wrapped his arms around you from behind as you fell back asleep once more.

When you woke later it was almost half past ten. You squinted at your bedside clock from your position on the bed, Draco’s arm still flung loosely over your body. He had gone to sleep with it wrapped very tightly around you but when he finally fell asleep he became relaxed enough his grip lessened.

You made a sound of complaint and rolled over under Draco’s arm to face him. You were meant to be seeing Abeliene that day, you were going to watch the quidditch tryouts. You had both always found them so entertaining, there was always drama to witness and it’s where Abeliene had met one of her Ravenclaw conquests last year.

Draco stirred at your movement, very slowly becoming awake in front of you. He was always perfect like this, you thought, fresh from sleep and smiling lazily. He had pushed his head into the pillow in an act of defiance against being conscious, you could only see half of his face like this, the bright morning sun illuminating his strong jawline, a little crease in his cheek where a small smile was forming, his eyes still closed.

For a moment it was as if this barrier between you had lifted, as though his problems had been forgotten. He opened one eye and squinted at you as you sat up slightly, resting on your arm. Draco lifted his head slightly and moved his arm from your waist up to the loose neckline of your night robe. He pulled it down over your shoulder. He placed a kiss on your there, grinning into the skin for a short moment before he pulled back enough that you could grab his head and kiss him properly.

Draco responded to you instantly, you felt his hand on your waist as you kissed him, gripping you tightly. Before long your tongues were in each other’s mouths and you were pushing your hands into his hair and moving your leg to brush against his as you both deepened the kiss further.

You wrapped your arms around his neck fully when he moved on top of you. You felt your robe ride all the way up to your hips when you spread your legs so he could settle in between them, grinding against you. You both let out a moan at the feeling of his length against your heat.

It was different from how it had been before, in the library. The last time it was rushed and fevered and frankly this was too however it felt different. In the library it had been a passionate tryst where Draco got out his frustration and desperation, this was just two people who wanted nothing more than each other while present in a moment together.

You took your hands put of his hair only to move them down to the button on his trousers. You felt him smile into the kiss against your lips and you couldn’t help but smile back. You got his trousers undone and reached inside to pull his cock free and tried to get your hand around it to jerk him but he started grinding against your pelvis in an attempt to get some friction. You moved your hands back to his hair and focused on kissing him again.

You were aware of the fact his suit jacket was still on because it occurred to you that it must have been uncomfortable on his arms to be holding himself up on top of you but still have a constricting piece of clothing on. You ran your fingers lightly down the neckline of the garment before beginning to pull it back over his shoulders.

Draco tensed noticeably and you panicked for a moment at the thought that you might have done something wrong and ruined the moment, popping whatever momentary bubble of relaxed happiness you were both inside. Much to your relief he pulled the jacket off awkwardly on his own one arm at a time and came back to rest his arms at the side of your shoulders as your lips reconnected.

You felt him move his hand down to position his dick at your entrance, looking down at you to silently ask for permission. You just gave him a long look of complete lust, you couldn’t believe how wet you were already, you felt like you whole body was crying out for him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and felt him push inside of you. You both groaned at the feeling as he started to move.

You linked your ankles together, crossed over Draco’s back as he fucked into you. Your hands were gripping the tops of his arms as he panted in your ear. His torso was rubbing against yours, the fabric of his shirt meshing against the fabric of your robe, he was close to you, not pulling out very far before pushing back inside of your heat.

Your body was wracked with sensation as you felt your head start to move back on it’s own accord, pressing into the pillow. Draco was barely thrusting back out and into you again, just pulling back slightly before moving back inside you. He was so deep in you and seemed to be going impossibly deeper. Your mouth parted and you felt your eyes starting to roll back into your head as the powerful feeling of pleasure started to erupt from your heat, sending waves over your body.

You could hear Draco letting out strangled sounds somewhere above you but you were in a state of euphoria as you felt, somewhere in the midst of the pleasure you were feeling, an orgasm start to build. You tried to open your eyes to look at him but could barely keep them focused as you felt him brushing a spot inside you that made your face go slack.

You finally found the strength to open your eyes to look at Draco and found that he was already looking at you, a sheet on sweat on his forehead, a pained and awed expression on his face as he watched you.

You imagined he looked much how you looked, and the thought that it was so gratifying, to know he was enjoying it as much as you did. The thought floated through your mind but you found that you had lost all thoughts from your brain entirely when he increased his pace inside you and you almost blacked out.

You head was back, pressed against he pillow, your eyes now squeezed shut as you dug your nails into his arms, the fabric bunching under your fingers as you came closer and closer to unravelling.

You felt the pressurized feeling inside of you loosen and then the intense pleasure was ripping through your body. The sounds you made when you came were not the typical cries you usually expelled but you were more lost for breath. You panted and breathed out a string of profanities, the words dying in your throat as you struggled to come back to yourself, you mouth eventually hanging open as you enjoyed the intensity of your orgasm.

Draco was not long behind you, judging by the sweat on his head you could only imagine that he had been holding back for some time in order to make you cum before he gave into his own needs. He came deep within you and you could feel him pulsing inside you as he released. He let out a deep guttural groan and you could only watch as his mouth hung open, his eyes closing slowly.

It took you both a while to come back to yourselves. You realized you were still gripping his shoulders when you opened your eyes to look at him properly, your knuckles white and contrasting against his black shirt. You released your strong hold on him and looked up to give him an apologetic look.

He simply smiled lazily and used one of his hands to push your hair back from your face. When you had been writhing about under him it had started to mat together and stick to your perspiring head. He was always so careful when he touched you like this, after you had sex. It was as though he understood that this was when you were at your most fragile. He would always place the most gentle kisses against your face and your shoulders, as though he was making sure you were okay and you were still there.

You stroked your hand over his face lazily and then dropped your legs from around his waist, stretching them at an uncomfortable angle to get some relief from the muscle tension. Draco pulled out of you and tucked himself away, zipping his trousers back up. He rolled over into the space beside you where he had been previously, he was in that post-sex daze you had both found yourself in many times. You couldn’t help but notice that around where his trousers had been rubbing against you both, you had left evidence of your tryst. You felt suddenly bashful despite the fact you had just been gasping and coming underneath him.

You rolled onto your side to look at him. He was staring out off into the distance, looking as though he was not even on this earth at all. You extended your arm to touch his, squeezing his bicep and bringing him out of his daze and back to you. He tensed slightly, as he had before, then relaxed again.

You leaned forward and kissed his neck, moving your body closer so you could press against his side.

“I’ve probably left marks all over your arms through your shirt.” You smiled into his neck.

You hand found the cuff of his shirt and you played with it slightly, trying to find the buttons which held it closed.

The moment that Draco felt you sliding your fingers up the sleeve of his shirt, with clear intentions of unbuttoning it, he jolted away from you. His movements were sharp and fearful and his face screwed up from the contact. He sat up and got off the bed.

You were alarmed at the reaction and moved onto your knees on the bed. He was standing next to it, with his eyes focused on the floor, wide and angry. You moved forward on your knees to the edge to try and reach for him, but he moved away from you again.

“ _Draco,_ ” You pleaded, “Please tell me what is going on. I know something is wrong.. has your father done something to you?”

Your tone was careful but Draco still shot you a look of contempt. You knew that Lucius could be violent and Draco had been on the receiving end of his temper many times. It was something that Draco had confided in you in your last year, that his father would often mentally or physically reprimand him if he felt his behavior was not acceptable.

Lucius was in Azkaban, but that was not to say that his deeds could not still be carried out by his affiliates in his name.

Draco made for the door and you leaped out of bed to chase him there, you got to the door before him and pressed your hand against it to stop him from opening it.

“Draco.” You addressed him forcefully, your tone was not gentle anymore. You supposed you would just have to speak to him in a language he understands. “I have not asked about what your ‘task’ is, even though I dread to imagine, and I have not once pressured you to see me or divulge me with any details of what is going on in your life but this-“ You motioned between you. “-This is not anything if you don’t talk to me even just a little bit. I want to help you and be there for you, but I cannot do that if you don’t let me in.”

You weren’t sure why you never asked specifically about why he jerked away from you whenever you touched his arm. You supposed that the reality of the situation is that everyone was now speculating wildly about him wearing the mark and you didn’t know if you could process the reality of it being true.

You had heard a lot of talk about him since you returned for sixth year. His father was in Azkaban and supposedly had ties to the Dark Lord himself, he was a known death eater back in his youth and this lead most of your year to believe that Draco would now bear the mark as well.

The reason it troubled you so much is because you knew how much Draco craved the acceptance of his family, specifically his father. His allegiance to his lineage and what he believed was a superior bloodline made him weak and agreeable to dark and sordid influences. Knowing him as well as you did made you think that deep down, you already knew he must already have the mark, you were just unable to entertain the thought without becoming nauseous.

Draco grabbed his jacket from your bed and put it back on, shrugging his shoulders as the tailored material shaped to his body. You hated that he still looked good, even when he was like that, all shaken up and frustrated.

When he came back to your door you were still there with your hand splayed against the wood, your eyes intense and serious as you watched him.

He put one of his hands on your cheek, cupping it softly. It caught you off guard for a moment, your resolve softening at the feel of his hands on you in such a delicate way, but you stiffened again and kept your hand on the door.

“Such beautiful eyes.” He commented, his own looking between yours.

You heard the fabric of his jacket move and when you looked down you saw he had pulled his wand on you.

You gasped in shock and your hand left the door, placing it instead on your hip where your wand would usually have been.

You looked panickedly between his wand and his face. You couldn’t believe that now you were in the face of it, you weren’t actually sure if he would really do anything or not. You couldn’t be sure if he would hex you or if he just wasn’t capable of it, and it was an empty threat.

He brought his wand up closer to your face and you took a step back from him and the door, your hands coming up as if to surrender but then just getting stuck halfway there.

Draco took a step towards you, his wand still extended out, pointing at your face.

You suddenly felt anger, and then acceptance. The acceptance came when you realized that he would never actually hurt you and you knew that. What made you so angry was the fact he was trying to make you think that he would.

You rested your arms at your side again, but your hands were bunched into fists.

You kept your gaze on him as he reached out and traced the tip of his wand over your face, from your temple down to your lips. Your eyes were blazing, and he looked practically sadistic, as though he was enjoying it.

He looked down at your mouth, the tip of his wand pressed into your lower lip. He looked back up to your eyes and found them staring at him. He pulled back, retracting his wand from you.

“I’ll be back tonight.” He said quickly, before opening your door and disappearing out of your room.

Once the door was closed you just breathed. You took in some long, deep breaths and tried to be calm. Draco had never once threatened you or pulled his wand on you. That wasn’t exactly a threat, he had never implied he would do you any harm, if anything it had been more a display of sensual power on his part but it still infuriated you that instead of answering a simple question he had felt the need to pull his wand on you, and you knew where that learned behavior came from.

You and Abeliene were attending the Quidditch tryouts. A part of you had wondered if Draco would be there that afternoon but unsurprisingly, he was not. You had realized that he had dropped Quidditch once he returned to Hogwarts despite his guaranteed spot on the team.

You and Abeliene were sitting in the stands with the other houses. Everyone mixed houses when they were just there to watch the different squads competing within themselves to secure positions on their respective teams.

The stands were not very full, just a few people turned out in support of whoever was trying out. Others just there out of pure curiosity. You and Abeliene were both, you had agreed to go with her out of fascination and also because she had promised a Gryffindor girl that she was seeing that she would come and cheer her on. You had rolled your eyes at her when she told you why she was so keen to go that day, but you couldn’t help but admire her dedication.

It was November so it was painfully cold, you and Abeliene were dressed to sit in the stands, your chunky, yellow Hufflepuff scarves wrapped tightly around your necks as you pulled your jackets closer to your bodies.

You watched the Gryffindor tryouts with great fascination. You noticed that Ron Weasley had gone for the same position as Cormac McLaggen, to which your eyes had met Abeliene’s with confusion. McLaggen was, in Abeliene’s own words, a ‘right dick but sick on a broom’ so you were shocked to find that Ron was absolutely obliterating him during the tryouts.

You watched Ron block every shot that came towards the goals and you wondered if maybe he was as skilled as McLaggen and you had simply never noticed.

Halfway through the Gryffindor tryouts, while you were watching all the game play with a sort of a bewildered expression, Abeliene nudged your arm with hers and nodded over to Hermione Granger, who was no doubt there to support her two best friends.

“What do you think of Granger?” Abeliene asked curiously, surveying Hermione like she was wondering what her chances were.

You smiled, but you were also frowning, looking at Abeliene watching Granger with a comically doubtful expression.

“Hermione is.. nice enough, yeah.” You said slowly, smirking a little. “Also straight, and I believe in love with Ron Weasley.”

Abeliene huffed.

“They always are.” She said annoyedly, going back to watching the pitch.

You watched McLaggen dodge a bludger and look right at Hermione in the stands, his face smug. You nudged Abeliene this time and nodded over to the way Hermione was studiously ignoring him.

“Looks like you’re not the only one with your eyes on Granger.” You said, and Abeliene followed your eyeline back to Cormac. She let out a bark of laughter and hit your knee.

“I know I was being ambitious, but even I have more chance with her than he does.” She said and you laughed and linked your arm with hers for warmth.

Abeliene waved over to the girl she was seeing when she flew by the stands. You waved too, not sure if it was weird or not.

“Hang on, unlink arms with me, I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.” Abeliene was already pulling her arm out of your grasp, the cold attacking your arm in her absence. You looked back over to Abeliene’s love interest and she was watching you both with squinted eyes from her broom.

You rolled your eyes at her and instead folded your arms, tucking your bare hands under your armpits.

You cast another look over at Hermione, curiously. Abeliene mentioning her was funny to you as you had never considered her to be an object of affection, bar the night of the Yule Ball. Granger was intelligent and brave, but not the type to worry about her looks and you had never even heard of her with anyone else besides Victor Krum.

When you were looking over at her you noticed her place her hand over he mouth and mumble something under her breath. You heard Ron yell from the goalposts, letting everyone know he had saved another shot.

“I guess that’s why Weasley is playing so well.” Abeliene said in a hushed tone, turning back to you.

You shot her an amused look and decided you would just keep it to yourselves.

You were in your room that night, it was late and you were up studying again. Abeliene had spent the rest of the day with you, hanging out in your room until she was almost falling asleep against your headboard telling you a story. You had told her to go back to her room and get some sleep, and she had made a comment about how she had to think of a way to congratulate her latest Gryffindor conquest on her victory in landing a spot on the Quidditch team, waggled her eyebrows and left.

As it approached midnight you wondered if Draco was going to come or not. He had said he would when he left you earlier that day. You couldn’t stop thinking about how he looked when he traced his wand along your face, how it felt to have the cool varnished wood run over your skin, how it had excited you and made you impossibly angry at the same time.

It was then that you heard a knock at your door, those four short raps. Draco.

You stood up, not sure if you were happy or not. You were happy to see him, yes, but the way you had left things that morning had been so confusing and worrying.

You opened the door and he came back into view. He looked terrible, as drawn and pale as he always seemed to look since he returned after the summer.

He looked embarrassed, his eyes downcast. You moved aside to let him in and closed the door behind him, turning around to watch him.

He walked into the center of your room and turned back to look at you also. His eyes were worried, how you imagined yourself looking too.

You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to it.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and the genuine tone in his voice caught you off guard.

There had been times where Draco had apologized and it felt like it was the same tone he must have used on his father when he was being chastised but didn’t really believe he was wrong. Other times he would explain himself, try to justify his actions, before eventually having to admit that perhaps you were right and there were some things you just shouldn’t do. Like when you reprimanded him for bullying the first years, he said it was funny, you told him it was not, and he did not have much of an argument after that.

You moved towards him slowly, as though you were waiting for him to become defensive again. You avoided looking at his arm, too many unconfirmed fears lay underneath his shirt and you tried to suppress the desire to just rip his sleeve open and find out once and for all if what everyone was saying was true.

The moment you were close enough to him he pulled you into a hug, his arms coming around your back and embracing you. You stiffened initially before melting into him, your own hands coming up around his neck to hug him back.

“Don’t you ever threaten me again, Draco Malfoy.” You said into his neck.

He only nodded in agreement.

Once you pulled back from one another you led him over to the bed to sit him down, clasping one of his hands in both of yours. You sat like that for a moment, trying to find the right words to let him know that he didn’t need to think of you as an enemy. Once again, he spoke first.

“I wont ever do that again.” He started. He was frowning and looking away from you, as if he were thinking of the memory. “You are the only person here that I truly trust, and I can’t believe that I turned on you. Don’t think badly of me, I just.. get scared sometimes.”

You felt yourself becoming weaker and weaker the more he spoke. Draco was such a hard person, rarely ever seen to show mercy to anyone outside of you and him. When he spoke softly and apologetically to you, you couldn’t help but feel appreciative of his divergence from his usual harsh and cocky self.

You imagined that Draco had never had to apologize for anything, that his mother and father would have told him that the world lay at his feet and he could do what he wanted with it. There were nights back in fourth year when you first started meeting where you would have to tell him to stop speaking over you, or to not be so demanding or crude. He had been shocked at first, sometimes even indignant, but after a while he had eventually come around to the idea that he could fuck with everyone else, but not you. That’s why when he pulled his wand on you that morning, you had become irrationally angry.

“I would never threaten you, Draco. I only want to understand so I can help. I am not your enemy, you should know that by now. I stuck by you when you were wandering about his castle working under Umbridge, does that not say it all?” You gave him a small smile.

Draco looked impossibly sad. You knew there was more, more that he was not telling you but as always, he was a hard shell it took months to penetrate before you could unlock the secrets hiding inside. You wished he would just confide in you. You could see he was at war with himself and all that anxiety and torment was just rattling around inside of his head.

He nodded his head slowly, his eyes looked shiny and he seemed as though he might break. Instead of persisting you just took him into your arms and held him to you, just as you always had done before.

After a moment you spoke again, your tone changed.

“I’m not saying that I enjoyed it or anything.. but..” You trailed off, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

Draco’s head came up from your chest and you saw he was smirking now.

“Really?” He asked, his interest peaked.

You were trying to control a smile that was fighting its way to the surface, while Draco’s eyebrows shot into his hairline.

He pushed you back onto the bed, holding you down by the throat. You let out a laugh and then were quickly silenced by his fingers around the sides of your throat. You both smiled wickedly at each other as he reached into his pocket to pull out his wand.


	11. Inscription

The sun was high in the sky before you left the astronomy tower that day. 

You felt as though the moment you had shared with Malfoy had been so perfect that you didn’t want to leave it. You knew that the moment you walked down those stairs a decision had to be made, conclusions had to be drawn from the conversation you just had.

Malfoy had placed his hand on the small of your back as you both walked down the mountain of stairs to get back to the main hallway of the castle. Even now, after everything, his touch still sent little electric shocks through you.

Draco had turned to you at the bottom of the stairs and placed his hand on your arm to get you to face him, the expression he was wearing was apprehensive, but hopeful.

“Do you want to come to my room?” He asked, a small smile present on his face.

You felt as though you were seventeen again in that moment. Draco Malfoy had invited you to his room and you were practically giddy at the thought. When the rational part of your brain suddenly engaged you realised the reality of the question he was asking.

If you went to his room, that meant that you would end up in his bed, shaking and moaning, it was as predicable as it had been seven years ago when you were teenagers. However if you ended up back in his room now, after hours of confiding your feelings to one another then it meant that this was all real and not a dream you had been having for years after the war. 

Something about it being real troubled you. Your memories of him existed in some sort of dream state, as If they were barely real at all. Sometimes you questioned if some of it really happened, maybe you had just made it up. If you felt him inside you once again, then you couldn’t deny that you were in love with him, and you would give him another opportunity to hurt you again.

Malfoy could sense your apprehension and reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, smoothing the back of his hand over your cheek. You leaned into him and cursed your traitorous reflexes. 

You could only meet his eyes and stare up at him, wishing that he would make this decision for you so you could stop agonising over whether it was the right thing to do or not.

You heard footsteps fast approaching from round a corner, the sound of heels against the stone floor startled you both. 

You had just enough time to share a panicked look before putting space between your bodies, moving back from each other. If you had time to think, you would have thought it was funny that even seven years on, and after a war, you were still panicking and trying not to look guilty around one another, some habits really did die hard.

McGonagall came into sight from around the corner and saw you both, her face flashed with relief but then confusion as she looked between you two, and your state of dress.

“What are you two..” McGonagall trailed off, her eyes flying between you wildly, before she shook her head and kept speaking, stopping in front of you both. “I’ve been looking for you two, you weren't in your offices so I’ve been scouring the castle, but here you are so now that I’ve got you I must let you know that I received a letter from the Ministry this morning requesting both your presence at a meeting.”

Malfoy and you shared a look, before looking back to McGonagall.

“A meeting?” You said curiously, a hint of worry in your voice you were hoping you were hiding. “Regarding what, may I ask?”

McGonagall gave you a look that implied she did not know and Draco furrowed his brow, obviously concerned at the thought of being hailed to the Ministry. From what you knew, his presence there had never been for anything good. 

“I am not sure about the reasoning behind it, Y/N, however they were very insistent that they have an audience with you two and Mister Longbottom today, as soon as possible.” McGonagall explained. 

“Neville?” You asked.

You could not imagine why you three of all people would be asked to attend a meeting at the Ministry. You didn’t think it would be a young teachers of the year award, that was for certain.

McGonagall nodded her head then placed her hands on both you and Malfoy’s arms, as if you hurry you along.

“Yes, they have requested Mister Longbottom’s presence as well. Now, if you would like to both go and change into more.. suitable attire, you can use the floo system in my office to travel. Be quick, they do not like to be kept waiting.” McGonagall persisted, trying to move you along the hallway.

You and Draco shared another worried look and then set off down the hallway, breaking off at the end as you reached the stairs to go to your respective offices to change.

You had showered quickly, and tried to make yourself look as presentable as possible in your limited time. 

When you arrived at McGonagall’s office you found that Malfoy and Neville were already there. McGonagall looked relieved and motioned for you to come over to the fireplace where you were to floo into the Ministry. Malfoy was in his black suit again, usually he wore it casually; without the jacket, his sleeves rolled up, but now he was wearing it in its entirety, the fabric pressed and steamed, moulding to him perfectly.

"Now, you are representing the school while you are there, remember that." McGonagall said. 

You nodded curtly and shot her a weak smile over your shoulder before stepping into the fireplace. 

A flash of green fire covered your vision for a brief moment before you three found yourselves in the foyer of the Ministry.

It felt strange to be back in your old place of work, even stranger still to be back and not even sure why you were there. It looked exactly the same as how you had left it, black brick walls and high ceilings. You weren't sure if it was nostalgia you felt, or rather a strange sense of melancholy. You had left your positon here for a reason, and coming back felt ominous.

You informed the main reception that you and your fellow professors had arrived and they instructed you to go to a meeting room at the end of a hallway extending from the main hub.

You thanked the receptionist and you, Neville and Malfoy started walking down the hallway the receptionist had motioned at, walking quickly with both of them at your side.

"What do you think this is about?" You asked, keeping your head facing forward.

"I honestly don't know." Neville replied.

It had never been said explicitly but it seemed understood between you all that being called to the Ministry for an impromptu meeting could never be a good thing. The tension between you all was palpable, worry was vibrating through all of you and bouncing off the walls.

You snuck a glance at Malfoy, he was walking with his usual lilt of confidence but his face betrayed him. He looked impossibly nervous, his face pale and lips tight. He had never had good experiences here; his trial, twice over his fathers prosecution, countless meetings scrutinising his past and deliberating over his future. No wonder he looked sick.

You reached out to brush your hand against his before locking your hands together and giving his a squeeze before letting go again. He shot you a thankful smile but his face then returned to worry.

When you reached the end of the corridor there was only one door in front of you so you knew this was it. You looked between Neville and Malfoy once more before knocking lightly. 

You heard a voice on the other side tell you to come in so you took the handle and opened it cautiously to reveal Hermione Granger and someone else you didn't know standing in front of a board covered in pictures with pins and string attached to them, all branching off in several directions, connected to more pictures of locations and newspaper articles. There was a table in front of her littered with paper and scrolls, everything seemed disorganised which was so very not Hermione. 

Panic rose in you for a moment at the sight of her. When you were called to the Ministry you did not believe that you would be having an audience with the Minister of Magic herself, let alone regarding what looked to be a criminal case.

Hermione looked bedraggled, her sleeves rolled up to her elbow, her hair haphazardly pulled back into a low bun. It was not her usual pristine image you were used to seeing, she was always so professional and poised, but now she looked stressed beyond belief. Her male counterpart looked similarly distressed, his face was more angry, though.

Hermione looked up at you and motioned for you to come into the room and sit down. In front of the table she was behind were three chairs that looked as though they had been thrown there. You took in the scene in front of you before sitting down, looking at the board behind her where there were moving pictures of known felons connected to various sights in London. You sat between Neville and Malfoy, acting as a buffer once again.

"I'm so sorry to do this," Hermione started, running her hand through her fringe, she wasn't even looking at any of you three, just looking down at the papers in front of her, as if she was missing something. "I would not have called you here unless it was our only option."

You looked between Neville and Malfoy quickly, sharing looks with them both before turning back to Hermione to try and catch her gaze.

You had only interacted with Hermione on a couple of occasions during your time in her employment. She oversaw every single detail of the governing body of the wizarding world. You had spent your time at the Ministry tucked away in a workroom testing the properties of potions, you had never had a reason to talk her unless you were bringing her a very important bit of information or, the last time you saw her, handing in your notice.

Hermione finally looked up at you and you saw a desperate, pained expression on her face. You realised that she was going to ask you for something. It was the look someone gave you when they were about to ask you to do them a favour.

You stayed quiet, not wanting to interject or say anything that could inflame the situation. You didn't know what you were about to be asked yet so it was best to stay silent and let Hermione talk you through why you were in a room with a cork board covered in string with Draco Malfoy and Neville Longbottom of all combinations.

"We have.. reason to believe that there is a wizard working to form a pro pure-blood group. We have been keeping an eye on him for a while and he didn't seem too much of an immediate threat. However recently we have received intelligence that the group he has been trying to form is rapidly picking up in numbers." Hermione said in the most composed version of her voice she could manage.

She turned to the board and pointed to a picture of a mugshot of a man with dark hair and dark eyes, smirking into the camera.

You suddenly felt incredibly tense. A pro pure-blood group of wizards trying to ignite the old flames of a war long past? It seemed archaic. What made you tense was wondering why you in particular were sitting in front of her.

All three of you stayed quiet, not saying a word, just looking at Hermione. She looked a bit flustered for a moment before continuing talking:

"They call themselves the regulators. What we know is that he is working out of a nightclub here in London. Unfortunately he caught on to our methods of extracting information and had profiled just about every Ministry employee here, rendering our aurors and our efforts useless." 

"I'm sorry Hermione, what does this have to do with us?" Neville asked, finally breaking your collective silence.

Hermione looked back down at the desk, and then to the man to her right. He looked as lost as she did, frankly. She took a deep breath and sat down at the table across from you. Her eyes were heavy and dark bags lay underneath them. You could almost predict what was coming but the sheer idea of it seemed so ridiculous you kept trying to squash the idea in your head.

"My employees have become obsolete in the task of extracting vital information about the regulator movement. Now, I know this seems mad and to be honest with you I am beginning to question just how mad right now but.. Neville, you have experience as an auror and Y/N and Malfoy, well, you have certain.. connections which could make you easy to appear trustworthy in the eyes of a pure-blood sympathiser." She said. You could have choked at the word 'sympathiser'.

Your eyes bulged for a moment and you could see Malfoy gripping the arm of his chair next to you.

"You want us to try and infiltrate a gang?" You asked incredulously. 

Hermione looked embarrassed for a moment before calming her expression. Neville had whipped his head round to you and then back to Hermione in pure disbelief.

"What?" Neville started but Hermione cut him short:

"Believe me, this is not how I ever imagined this investigation going. But, with circumstances changing and my Ministry in jeopardy, I have had to improvise. We have been chasing this man, Josiah Rosalind, for months. We finally got a lead on him and his whereabouts and then he sent me a list of every single person who works here, even those undercover. I realised that if I was going to be able to extract the information I need I would have to send in people that don't actually work here, people that he would not suspect." Hermione nodded to Neville. "And people he would trust." She nodded to Malfoy.

You just blinked at her for a moment, so did Neville. Malfoy was gripping the arm of his chair so hard his knuckles were white and you could hear the wood scratching under his nails. You wondered if she realised that there must be a mole in her organisation if this Rosalind had information on every one of her employees.

You looked at Hermione with distaste for a moment, your protective instincts kicking in for Draco. You took a deep breath and calmed yourself, this was not about Malfoy it was about what was happening right now, what the Ministry were asking you to do.

You looked behind her and saw the list of names this Rosalind must have sent her, pages and pages bound together with two columns of names on either side. It was pinned to the board behind her and you wondered why use pins at all? Everything could be suspended together with magic. You wondered if Hermione strayed far from her muggle roots.

"So.." You started slowly, trying to make sense of the information she was giving you, "This man, on the board, is he trying to emulate the ideologies of Voldemort? Does he believe in a perfect pure-blood society or..?" You trailed off, talking about the war in any capacity was still difficult.

Hermione tensed at the mention of the Dark Lord's name, it was difficult for everyone to come to terms with the loss and trauma that burdened everyone after the events of 1998.

You heard Draco scratch the arm of the chair sharply and your head whipped round to him. He was just staring at the table in front of you, looking pained and anxious. 

You reached out to smooth your hand over his and his grip on the wood softened. He shot you a worried look and you just gave him a sympathetic smile before pulling your hand away again.

Hermione looked between the two of you for a moment before shaking her head as though to shake a thought away.

"Eh, no. No, they don't seem to have any interest in Voldemort's cause or creating any inequality between the blood groups, however they are angry and dangerous. We believe that there is conspiracy to plot an attack on the Ministry itself. That's why you three are here. I need people to pose as wizards interested in the cause to get close to him, or simply just break into his office and find out any information you can on this supposed attack."

You snuck a glance over at Neville and saw he was frowning sightly, but his face looked as though he was considering it. Neville had been an auror himself for a few years before he transferred to teaching, you thought that maybe he would like to have one last job before he retired to a life of weeds and plants forever.

Hermione was watching you all for a moment, trying to get a gauge on your reactions. Malfoy was white as sheet and you imagined that when he found his voice to speak he would tell them no, he was not doing it. You were hurt for him, that they still considered him to be untrustworthy, someone to be put forth for this sort of mission because he was still regarded as a criminal, even after all these years.

"Hermione.." You started, your voice unconvinced, "Neville is the only person here with auror experience, and if this man has names of all your current employees then surely he will have knowledge of all previous employees as well, in case you try and bring old ones out of retirement, like Neville here." You motioned to Neville but he looked almost convinced already.

"I know, I thought of that." Hermione said in her matter-of-fact way. "But Neville is almost unrecognisable from how he looked back when he worked here, and we would give him an alias to work under, of course."

You nodded slowly, she had thought of everything. You looked up at the ceiling for a moment before speaking again:

"Okay, but Malfoy and I have no experience as aurors. Yes, we're inconspicuous as well known pure-bloods but we are not skilled in the act of espionage. I wouldn't know how best to go about breaking into somewhere and finding this needle of information in the proverbial haystack."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at you for a short second before sitting down at the desk in front of you so she was eye level with the three of you now. She clasped her hands together and lay them on the table, leaning forward slightly. The man behind her was still eyeing you all closely.

"Here is the thing, Y/N, Neville has the experience, he would be the brains of the operation, and not to be presumptive, but I think that Malfoy would have some knowledge in the area of gaining people's trust and breaking into things. And you, from what Minerva tells me, you have a particular set of personable skills, getting people to like you, trust you, let their guard down. She tells me students come to you with their problems all the time, no?"

You cast your eyes down to the wooden desk in front of you, looking at the grain of the wood and how the lines all swirled together, losing yourself in it for a second, lost in thought. You had been hand selected by Hermione because of information that McGonagall had been reporting back to her, and Malfoy had been singled out and penalised because there was still bad blood between him and the golden trio, also the fact his wide-known presence in the wizarding world would make it unsurprising that he was goading some sort of pure-blood rebellion.

You took another deep breath and looked back up at her, you were about to speak when you heard Malfoy from next to you:

"So you want me to tarnish my name and be publicly affiliated with a pure-blood cause so I can get you some information. Do you know how long i've been trying to get away from my past?" He bit out.

Hermione looked surpised at his tone for a second before she relaxed again.

"Mister Malfoy, once the investigation is complete, obviously we would release a statement acquitting you of any affiliations of any pure-blood groups. " Hermione said, in her best Ministerial voice. 

You kept looking at her. You didn't want to do this, plain and simple. You were a potion maker, a teacher, not an auror running about in the muggle world putting yourself in danger.

You went to speak again, but the man behind Hermione finally spoke:

"You don't really have a choice, I hope you all understand that." His low and gruff voice caused you, Neville and Malfoy to all look up at him at once. 

Oh, you saw how it was, this was never really a discussion at all.

Over the next hour, Hermione and who you then discovered was her leading investigative auror talked you though all the information you needed to get started on finding the information she needed.

Hermione explained that Rosalind operated from a muggle 'night club'. You, Neville and Malfoy all had to ask what that was, and Hermione explained that it was like a tavern, only the music was impossibly loud, it was incredibly dark and no one wore many clothes. You had all scrunched your faces up but you had in fact heard of these places, your fascination with muggles had continued into your adult life. When you had been staying near London for work at the Ministry you had ventured out among them a few times, just to see what their shops were like, you had gone into a bar and tasted their alcohol, been chatted up by the muggle men, it was all very curious.

Hermione went on to explain that Rosalind used a muggle club as a cover for his groups meeting place. Just another club in muggle London. She explained that his group, the regulators, were gathering more traction and becoming known in the wizarding world. If you knew the right people, they would point you in his direction. As with all knowledge as it starts to circulate more freely, the aurors at the Ministry found out and that was when Rosalind sent the list of employees, so that Hermione would know that if anyone working for the Ministry walked into this club, he would know and deal with them himself. 

The head detective auror joined Hermione at the desk and went through photos they had of Rosalind himself, some of his associates and fellow group members and his club in London. He went on to explain that the best way to find the information would be to try and approach him and show interest in the regulators movement. However, he is apparently not an easily trusting person so it may end up you would just have to break into his office located in the back of the club and find anything that could be connected to plans to harm the Ministry.

Neville started discussing strategy and getting a better idea of Rosalind's movements from what Hermione's team knew about him, but you just started to tune out. You could practically feel Malfoy's nausea coming off him in waves. He was silent for the rest of your meeting.

You occasionally interjected to ask a question about a piece of information or put forth an idea on how best to convince this man you were genuine supporters of his cause. You also helped Neville pick out an undercover name, all the while Malfoy was silent. 

When Hermione excused you from the meeting she instructed you three to attend another meeting before the following Saturday where you would attend his nightclub and try and either convince him to trust you all or rob him blind. You were to be given pardons from your teaching duties while working for her, until she was satisfied she had gotten what she needed, then you would be able to continue on with your life as normal. 

You left the Ministry with the boys in tow, furious. You couldn't believe you were being forced to do this, forced to put yourself in danger for your government without being given a choice. Hermione had described it as 'civic wizarding duty' but it certainly did not feel like that.

You found yourselves in a small independently owned coffee shop in Camden town. It was somewhere you remembered visiting on one of your trips into muggle London. You were sitting with Neville and Malfoy around a small round table next to the big window by the door. It was cosy, the coffee shop, the building was old and had been kept in perfect condition. Original mouldings still on the ceiling, the style reminded you of the wizarding world, you supposed that's why you liked it.

You were facing the window, watching the fast paced world outside buzz along. Buses and cars and people all rushing to go wherever they were going. It was always just too fast here, you thought. No one ever slows down. But if you were going to be spending more time than you really cared to here, you may as well try and get used to it. 

Draco had removed his suit jacket and was sitting with his sleeves rolled up once again. Now he was away from the oppressive darkness of the Ministry building he felt comfortable again. You could see the brief outline of his mark from this close. It just looked like pink scar tissue now, the darkness of the mark had dissolved years ago after Voldemort's death.

You couldn't help but remember the day you had first seen it on him, it felt like a lifetime ago now. It was at one point in time the most frightening and saddening thing you had ever seen, and now here it was, reduced to nothing. You got a strange feeling when you looked at it, the way you look at things that once held so much power but are now so weak, almost in disbelief that they ever had any power at all.

Neville took a sip from his cup, Chamomile tea, you thought it funny when you made your orders. Malfoy; black coffee, no sugar. You; hazelnut flavour with creamer and extra sugar to boot and Neville: a chamomile tea for his nerves. If there was ever a personality test for people, ordering coffee would be it. It also served as a bleak reminder that Malfoy and you still thought it best to fill yourselves with caffeine when you were stressed rather than calm down, a startling insight into your coping mechanisms, or lack thereof.

You had not spoken much on your way there, just about how it was unfair you had been chosen and that was it, but something was bothered you now. Neville noticed and eyed you.

"What's on your mind?" Neville asked, placing his cup back into the saucer.

You had your elbows on the table, your own cup held up to you face, but you were not drinking from it, just hovered there over your pursed lips.

"I've just been thinking about where I've heard 'the regulators' before. I couldn't remember at first when we were at the Ministry." You finally sipped from your cup and instantly felt comforted by the rich warm taste filling your mouth and body.

Neville just gave you a look to continue. You noticed that Malfoy had raised his head as well, watching you quietly.

You swallowed again and started explaining: "It was a movement back in the eighteenth century, an uprising in the muggle British colonies of north Carolina, back when America was just 'the colonies' to us. The regulators were actually fighting against unfair conditions for the poorer people living in the colonies, they were being heavily taxed and prosecuted unfairly, being held against the whims of the colonial officials who were benefiting from the power structure." 

The boys were both listening intently, Neville taking a gulp of his chamomile tea.

"What do you think that means?" Malfoy asked, leaning back on his chair, in his usual power pose. You glanced down and admired it for a second before continuing.

"It makes me think that these pure-blood 'regulators' might not be interested in flipping the power structure, or have any belief in pure-blood superiority. It sounds more like they feel that they're being treated unfairly, and they're rising up against it."

Both boys frowned, looking down at their cups, Neville swirled his around in his hands, watching some of the loose leaf tea move inside the mug.

"There's no denying that since the war, being a pure-blood hasn't been easy." You started. It was an unspoken understanding in the new world after Voldemort's demise. "When a war is waged on half-bloods and people from non-magical families by pure-bloods then it's only to be expected that after the conclusion of the war, the power structure is different. I mean, Hermione Granger is the Minster of Magic and shes a muggle born. I think it's wonderful, yes, but not if it comes at the cost of me being penalised for being of pure magic blood."

Malfoy placed his cup back into the saucer forcefully, the clattering made you and Neville look over to him where he was sitting back on his chair, rubbing his face, stressed. 

Malfoy had been affected by the newfound pure-blood prejudice the most, mostly because he had been on the wrong side of the war. He was the poster boy for evil pure-bloods that think they are superior to everyone else, what was worse is despite his growing up and learning tolerance and understanding, he was still that person to a lot of wizards and because of that, other pure-bloods had started to be grouped into the same category.

Mostly, it was just pure-blood's of status that experienced the prejudice. Wizard aristocracy, as Malfoy had been, before his family's name was tarnished and his father incarcerated. The high born pure-bloods were seen as the most immediate threat. Many of them fought in the war against Voldemort, but that did not matter once the war was over. Being the thing that Voldemort loved most, of pure magical blood, made you suspicious, and sometimes even hated in the new wizarding world.

You reached out across the table to put your hand over Malfoy's. He looked up at you and you just kept your eyes on him for moment, rubbing your thumb over his. 

"It's okay." You said softly. 

You could see Neville in your peripheral watching you both before quickly adverting his eyes back down to his cup. 

You shook yourself out of your moment with Malfoy and pulled your hand back. 

"What are you saying then? That this guy has a point?" Neville asked, but his tone was not accusatory, just curious. 

You shook your head and finished your drink, tipping the mug and draining it. 

"No, violence in the face of adversity is not always the answer and I would never encourage it, but if Rosalind thinks as I believe he does, then it's possible that we could resolve this by getting Hermione to speak with him face-to-face, and discuss his issues with the governing body and their strange feelings towards pure-bloods." You said, setting your mug down. You had been gesticulating wildly with it in your hand and Neville and Malfoy were now watching you, amused.

"You know, a part of me actually hopes you're wrong about it," Malfoy said, leaning back forward to sit more properly at the table. "Because if he actually has any real cause to be heading, any real genuine reasons to be upset about the treatment of pure-blood wizards, then this will become a fuck of a lot more complicated that if he was simply just crazy and could simply just be thrown into a cell at Azkaban." 

Malfoy winced a bit at his own mention of the prison his father was locked inside, you wanted to reach out for him again, but Neville had already started talking.

"I understand what you mean," Neville said, looking across to Malfoy, "If he does have probable cause to be upset with the Ministry then this could turn into a huge political riot, not just a little undercover operation to get rid of him."

Malfoy nodded solemly and Neville mimicked him. 

You only wished you could have enjoyed watching them interact in a friendly manner, but you were too busy worrying about what you were going to find out on Saturday.

"So what happened, to the regulators, I mean." Malfoy asked you.

You gave him a woeful look and stared out the window again.

"Well, they lost." 

* * *

Your visits from Draco were sporadic and unpredictable. Sometimes we would come to you every night of a week, his moods different each time. Some nights he would lie in your arms for hours, other nights he would be angry and you would have to calm him down, then there were the good nights where he would pepper your face with kisses and laugh with you about nothing in particular. Other weeks he would see you maybe twice and you would be sick with worry until he arrived at your door, his face dark and brooding and order you to get on your bed.

It was exhausting, loving him, but there was still a part of you that felt glad that you were the one he came to and no-one else. Sometimes you would think of Pansy, watching him in their classes together, catching a glimpse of him in their common room and your heart would rage with anger. To think that he had ever belonged to anyone else made you feel ill with jealousy, not least that he belonged to a monster who abused him.

Abeliene had continued to be your rock throughout the whole affair. She would sometimes come through and sleep in your bed on the nights where she wouldn't hear him turn up. She always came when it was gone three in the morning and it was safe to assume he would not be coming to your room. She would crawl into your bed just so you could feel the presence of another person there.

You had confided in Abeliene that you found it hard to sleep when there was no one in your bed, often you would have nightmares if you were alone. Once you told her this she would listen out for his arrival, she was a light sleeper and was woken by his knocks on your door most nights when he came to you, so when she never heard them, she would come to you instead. 

Abeliene had been reserved about your relationship with Draco, but whenever she said she felt like screaming at you for being so foolish as to be with him she would remember the letter he sent to your house in the summer alerting your mother to the Dark Lord's intentions with her, and Abeliene said that she could not fault him for that.

Winter came and once again Hogwarts was covered in a blanket of snow. It truly was a special place during that time and you loved it. Abeliene had noticed that you were feeling exhausted and down and suggested that you go to hogsmeade with her, just the two of you.

You had brightened at the sheer thought of spending some carefree time outside of the castle. You had been studying so hard and in your spare time you were too busy worrying about Draco to just let loose and enjoy yourself.

You and Abeliene had been having a wonderful day, you ran into some friends from your class in the three broomsticks and sat with them and chatted for a while about how school was going, shared some laughs about Professor Slughorn only for him to turn up to your table asking about you and whether you would be interested in joining his club. They had then proceeded to torment you to no end about it once he had left. Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting at a table nearby and Slughorn gave them the same treatment. You were already dreading attending his club.

You then went to Honeydukes to get some sweets for yourselves as a treat for being so miserable all of the term so far. Once you stepped back out into the cold, you looked around at Hogsmeade in the snow and felt weight lifting from your shoulders at the sight of it, so homely and strangely nostalgic. 

You met with a couple more friends outside and started walking back to the castle together, laughing about something Lavender Brown had said about Ron Weasley in one of their classes with her. 

That's where you heard it, the scream. It was somewhere off in the distance, there was a bridge ahead of you and you could have sworn that's where it came from. 

You and all your friends have looked between each other with wide eyes and started speeding off in the direction of the scream.

When you finally arrived at the scene you found that Hagrid was already carrying the body of Katie Bell back up to the castle and the golden trio were not far behind him.

Everyone who had witnessed it was discussing it and giving your group the details of what had happened. She had been under the imperious curse, and was bringing a cursed artefact up to the castle without her knowledge or consent.

Your stomach had dropped when heard the details, your mind instantly going to Draco. You had not seen him in a couple of nights and all you could think of was the book on curses in his hand the night you found him in the library.

You had tried not to be too obvious and look as though you were guilty or you knew something, instead forcing yourself to look as concerned as your friends did. You were of course concerned for Bell's well-being, but the sickness in your stomach was all from worry that if she did not survive, you had a feeling that her blood would be on Draco's hands.

You and your friends all stayed up in the common room that night, discussing what had happened that day. You had received the news that Katie was alive and you could have almost cried in relief. The whole castle was in shock, a student cursed in Hogsmeade, not a mile from the castle was most unsettling. Everyone was on edge and needed the comfort of friends around that night. 

It must have been gone one in the morning before you all departed to your rooms. When you opened the door to yours you were still saying goodnight to your friends and almost yelped when you saw Draco standing in front of your desk.

You went inside and shut your door behind you, locking it quickly. Once inside you cast a soundproofing charm over the room as you sometimes did. The stone walls of the castle were forgiving so it was not always necessary but tonight you felt it was.

"You have a lot of nerve to show up here tonight." You said bitterly once you had turned back round to face Draco.

His eyes flashed in panic, but he was quick to keep his face neutral.

"Why do you say that?" He asked, his voice was flat calm and that just made you angrier.

"Draco, I am going to ask you this and please just be honest with me: did you curse Katie Bell?" You were trying hard to keep your voice level and calm but you could feel yourself shaking as you spoke.

Draco broke his impassive expression to give you a look of shock and disbelief.

"Did I what?" He asked, but his tone was off, it was too dramatic, not convincing enough to be genuine.

"Do not lie to me, Draco Malfoy." You said, your tone was hard and your voice was getting louder when you spoke.

Draco stopped, as though in thought. He was watching you carefully, his eyes a little wild. You knew he was thinking about what to do, to continue to lie to your further or just fly out of the room and never speak to you again.

Eventually he straightened up and you saw his face set again.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said calmly, once again.

You flew into a rage, weeks of anger and frustration, anxiety and worry bubbled over the surface and you flew towards him.

"You fucking liar." You bit out. 

Draco had backed up until he hit your desk when he saw you coming towards him, his face flashed in panic and then rage as you made a move to grab his arm.

Somewhere in the conflict he had shouted 'no' but it was lost in the sounds of struggle as you tried to rip as his shirt sleeve. 

He was holding you back, his hands on your arms. His grip was tight, he was scared and angry and his face was both panicked and furious as he restrained you.

"I'm sick of this." You said, finding the strength to wrench out of his grasp. In a flash you had taken both of your hands to the little hole of space on his left shirt sleeve where the buttons connected the cuff together and ripped as hard as you could.

All you could do was wretch out a whimper of fear when the dark mark was revealed to you, dark and black against his pale skin. His shirt had torn all the way up to the crevice of his elbow and you could see all of it, writhing against his arm.

You had started shaking, your breathing becoming irregular as you looked at it. You were transfixed, unable to stop looking at it as it stared back at you, menacing, as though it was tormenting you from it's spot on your lovers body.

You couldn't believe it was true. All those fears you had been having confirmed. All the hearsay, the speculation about Draco and his father, his affiliations, his loyalties. All of it was true. He wore the mark.

"You fucking bitch!" He yelled, but made no move to hide it. He stayed where he was against the desk, his eyes were furious, burning in the gentle light. "Go on then, tell me you hate me, tell me you're disgusted by me and never want to see me again."

You were still shaking, your eyes moving between his arm and his face. You felt sick, you felt as though you could easily have thrown up at his feet right that moment.

Draco's face contorted in anger when you didn't reply and his body braced in an aggressive position as he yelled once more.

"Go on then! Do it!" His voice was loud and pained, rage was present but also fear. 

You felt your eyes prick with tears as you met his, his face was still screwed up in a fierce rage.

"I'm so sorry." You managed to get out, your voice weak.

Draco's eyes softened, his face was still angry, but his eyes had become sad, glazing over as tears started to form in them too.

"I'm so sorry they did this to you, Draco." You felt a tear spill over your cheek and you involuntarily let out a sob.

Draco broke, his body becoming limp, where he was once braced, his body tight in anger, he was now holding himself up against your desk. Tears started spilling forth from his eyes and he looked away from you.

"Come to me." Was all you said, moving towards him as if on instinct. He fell into your arms, his body racking with sobs. The sound of him crying was one of the most painful things you had ever heard. 

His head was against your shoulder, you could feel his tears soaking through the fabric of your shirt as you embraced him.

You felt your legs get weak and you and Draco both dropped to the floor of your bedroom, you were on your knees, him curled against you, gripping onto you, his arms around your body. You felt ill at the thought of the mark being pressed against you as he held on to you. 

"I thought I wanted it," He choked out against your collarbone. "I thought I wanted it but I don't." 

You could barely speak, so you just pulled him close to you and kept stroking over his hair, the tears falling from your eyes freely now.

You sat in a crumpled heap on the floor for a moment, both of you clinging to each other. Draco was still crying into your neck when you pulled his head back, placing both your hands on the side of his face.

"You have to tell me what your task is, Draco." You said, your voice was pleading but strong.

Draco looked afraid, he was still crying, his face screwed up. He tried to shake his head but you still him with your hands.

"Draco, you have to tell me, I can't help you if I don't know." You said, but your voice was starting to crack.

Draco looked at you and his eyes were full of pain. You had never seen his silver eyes so red rimmed and bloodshot, it was jarring.

"No one can help me now." He cried out and you bit back another sob.

Your hands loosened their grip on his face seemingly on their own, you felt hopeless and absolutely lost. 

The boy you had fallen in love with was wearing the sickening mark that represented everything hateful and evil in your world. Worse still, he did not even want it, he had once been taken in by his fathers words, but as he had gotten older and saw what it all really meant he had started to pull away, and now he wore a mark that bonded him to the Dark Lord. He was stuck in an impossible situation and it killed you.

You grabbed his hands and clasped them tightly, catching his gaze and holding it. 

"Draco, if you tell me, maybe there's a way out of it. Who were you trying to curse? Just tell me what you have to do." Your words were as jumbled as your mind.

Draco looked up and his face looked drained of all hope. He let out a sharp breath and spoke:

"He's commanded me to kill Dumbledore." 

Silent tears fell from his eyes as he squeezed them shut. 

You let out all the air in your lungs, your chest feeling impossibly tight all of a sudden. You felt like everything around you was going black, a hopeless feeling settling over you.

"Fuck-" Was all you managed before grabbing Draco and pulling him back to you, rocking him as he continued to cry.

Draco slept in your room that night, he had left a jumper in your room last year that you had taken home with you for the summer. It had travelled with you to Abeliene's then back to Hogwarts for sixth year. You liked to sleep in it sometimes when it was cold. He wore that to bed to hide the mark.

Neither of you really slept at all, Draco woke many times in the night thrashing around or crying. You had woken each time and pulled him to you, whispering in his ear that you loved him and everything was okay. 

You were lying. Everything was not okay, everything was monumentally fucked up and there was not a thing you could do about it. You were whispering the words to yourself as much as you were to him, soothing both of you with sweet lies until the morning light came and illuminated how wrong everything really was.

When the morning came you woke up to find Draco sitting on the edge of your bed, looking down at the floor.

"How can you still love me?" He asked quietly. 

You sat up and watched him for a moment. If you were honest, you did not know how or why you still loved him the same as before you saw the mark. 

"Because you don't want it." You answered simply, the words coming to you before you could even really think about speaking them. "I know you, Draco. I know that you're good. That's why."

You couldn't help but think back to fifth year where you held his face in your hands and told him he was good over and over, even when he was inside of you, you were saying it still. That felt like it was years ago now, both of your lives becoming even more complicated since then.

Draco must have remembered it too, because you could see a bitter smile creep onto his face from the side where you were watching him.

"You are good." He said harshly, mimicking you, reminiscing the memory. You knew now that he did not believe those words like had when you first said them. "How could you have ever said that to me." 

You looked away from him, down at your sheets. You felt like you could cry again, but there was nothing left. Your head hurt from all the crying, you could feel your face was puffy and swollen. A good cry had always felt cathartic before, but that time did not feel good at all.

You wanted to scream and tell him that he was good, that the fact he had broken down in tears and wailed on your hardwood floor, had lamented about the fact he did not want the mark, bawled over the task he had been set, clearly not having the stomach for it, you wanted to tell him all of it made it obvious that he was not the merciless death eater his father had tried to create. 

Instead you just looked back over to him, he was still facing forward, away from you. 

"You are good." You said, as if it was a fact. Simple, common knowledge.

He breathed out heavily, as though you had winded him. 

You sat like that, the two of you, until Draco eventually stood up. He picked up his suit jacket from a chair he must have discarded it on before you arrived last night, draping it over his arm.

"I have to go." He said curtly.

It was Monday morning and you both had classes in a few hours, no doubt Draco also had some more plotting to do. The sheer notion tied your stomach in knots.

You gave him a small nod, not moving from the bed, just meeting his eyes and trying to let them speak for you. 

He turned to the door but paused just as his hand was lingering over the knob. He turned back to look at you. 

"Could I still.. see you?" He asked carefully, as though he was expecting to be brushed off immediately.

You gave him a look that said a million times over _'how could you even ask that?'_ and nodded your head. 

"Of course." Was all you replied and then without another word he was gone.

You were then left in the cold light of the morning, sitting with the burden of your new knowledge. Everything started to digest then, you started to wonder if you should still see him, if it was a bad idea to continue on with your secret relationship now that he was quite literally about to become a war criminal, just like his father. 

You hated that even when you were having these conversations with yourself in your head, you knew that you weren't really deliberating over anything. You knew that you would not leave him, you were in too deep and too committed to him to let anything come between you.

You would love him until it killed one of you.


	12. A Mistake If I've Ever Seen One

It was Friday night, tomorrow you were to go to Rosalind's club and try and break into his office.

You had been feeling ill with worry all week. You, Malfoy and Neville had continued teaching your classes, deciding that your students should not suffer because you had been given a job to do by the Ministry. You were only going to take the time off from work that was absolutely necessary, you actually enjoyed your job now and you would rather you did not have to take any time off at all.

The three of you met every night to discuss the plan, the plan being: Go to the club, distract whoever was on security, break into Rosalind's office, steal whatever looks useful and then boost out of there.

You and Malfoy thought it was a master plan, look the part and get in and out, however Neville wanted to prepare for every eventuality. He discussed what you would do in every probable situation: What if Rosalind was already in there? What if he walked in while you were in the office? What if his security found you? What if a fight were to break out? What if, what if, what if.

It was then that you agreed that if Rosalind were to find you in his office, or recognised you, believed you to be suspicious in any way- you would have to convince him you were there to join the cause.

Having to convince Rosalind that you wanted to be a part of his uprising was your worst fear. To end up becoming immersed in political intrigue and living some double life all for the sake of the Ministry was your absolute nightmare, only considering it if you were put in a position where you had to infiltrate the Regulators for fear of death.

As much as you appreciated Neville's preparation, it was exhausting to have to rehash details of his strategy every night. He had also given you a profile sheet on Rosalind himself and told you and Malfoy to read up about him, find out what he's like in case you would have to appeal to his human side to gain his trust.

You had been reading his profile in between classes, taking to eating your lunch at your desk to learn as much as you could. You hoped that it would not come to that, having to actually join the regulators, you hoped you could in and find the information and get back out again.

Rosalind was curious, as you discovered when reading his profile. He had fought against Voldemort during the war of '98 but still considered himself a 'proud pureblood' not believing that his blood status made him more or less important that anyone else, but more proud of his lineage and ancient magical connections.

Rosalind had written articles in an independently published newspaper detailing his belief in the Ministries newfound prejudiced against some pureblood's after the war. He claimed that they were being unfairly treated and that they were being put at a disadvantage because of their blood, being trailed unfairly resulting in longer jail sentences for lesser crimes that non pure-bloods.

The reading material made you uneasy, if there was any truth to what Rosalind was writing then there would be an uprising coming whether you thwarted one particular attack on the Ministry or not.

Neville had copied a muggle blueprint of the club itself, marking all the exits and scribbling little theories on which spells could be protecting them. You had tried to memorise this more carefully, as when you got what information you thought Hermione wanted, you would be getting the hell out of there.

Things with Malfoy had been paused entirely. Every night you would leave Neville's office late and send each other a fond look before departing back to your own quarters. There was no time to even consider any romantic endeavours until you had finished your task for the Ministry.

You were still confused about Malfoy, and as much as this job had come between you, you were glad of the space to think.

Every night you would both sit in front of Neville at his desk and you would all discuss how you would make Saturday a successful operation. But every time he looked at you and your eyes met, you felt that spark shoot through you, every time he passed you something and your hands brushed you felt like your skin was on fire.

Neville had noticed you and Malfoy stealing looks at each other and chosen not to comment on it. You remembered you conversation with him in the Herbology greenhouses that day you were helping him with a project, when he asked in a round about way if you still loved Malfoy and you couldn't even reply.

You wondered what Neville must have thought of you both.

You had been sitting at your desk one lunchtime, elbows on the table with your hands clasped against your face, lost in thought, when Malfoy walked in with two cups of tea in his hands.

You had watched him walk through the work benches up to your desk and given him a warm smile.

He had returned it and placed the mug on your desk in the only free space near you that wasn't covered in parchment and mess.

You took the mug gratefully, clasping it in both your hands, blowing off some of the steam to cool it down.

"I wanted to see how you were doing." He said, pulling up a bench from one of the tables to sit behind your desk.

You gave him a confused smile and shook your head.

"I've just been thinking a lot about what's going on, you know?" You started.

Malfoy nodded and brought his own mug of tea to his lips, you followed the movement and zoned out for a split second before zoning right back in.

"I mean, if Granger wanted us to go undercover for her, then why invite us all to the Ministry? All three of us turn up to the Ministry on Sunday, then the following Saturday we all turn up to Rosalind's club? If he has a mole on the inside, they would have surely spotted us already." You rushed out your thoughts, feeling them spilling from your mouth before you could consider whether to say them or not.

You had always told Malfoy everything, and even now you still felt that part of you engaged when you were around him.

"Plus, I've been thinking a lot about Minerva. She was so kind to me when I started here, and now I find out shes been feeding information back to Granger.. It feels strange, I thought she was my friend. Although, I suppose her closeness to the Minster doesn't afford her any loyalty to me." You looked down at your mug.

Malfoy had a strange look on his face, he was thinking about whether he should tell you something or not, you knew that look.

"Can I tell you something? You might not like it." He asked, his voice careful.

"Always." You replied, but your voice was cautious.

Malfoy let out a little sigh, as though he was trying to find the right words to speak.

"McGonagall didn't want to hire you at first, it was actually me who convinced her."

You felt your eyes become wide and your eyebrows lift. Your lips parted as though to speak but instead you just waited for Malfoy to continue.

"I saw your application on her desk one day, way back when. I was in her office looking for something. I mentioned it to her, said I knew of you in school and about your family's potion business and said you would be a good fit here. She told me there were quite enough pure-bloods in the school as it was."

You felt your eyebrows drop low into an expression of concern. Malfoy looked pained, as though he wished he wasn't telling you this.

"She didn't want to hire me? and because I'm a pure-blood?" You asked, your voice was angry, but more hurt.

"Yes, I'm sorry. She said that by hiring me, she had already done her bit for the effort of repairing the trust for us after the war. She did not want another person with high-society connections teaching here." Malfoy gave you a sympathetic look.

You just looked right back at him, holding his gaze, suddenly feeling impossibly hurt. McGonagall was meant to be your friend.

"But, of course, I fought your corner. I told her it was unfair to penalise you for your blood status and that your family were not like mine in any way. I told her that you were the best person for the job and if she did not hire you, then she would be putting her own beliefs above the good of the school. That seemed to get through to her because a month later, there you were in the Herbology greenhouse with Longbottom." He smiled, but his smile was a little weak.

You just kept staring at him, his face was a little crumpled in embarrassment. Even after all this time he still hated to admit he had fought for someone, or fought against something he believed was wrong, it was like he was not allowed to.

"Thank you, Draco." You said, your voice full of genuine affection.

A real smile came over his face at the use of his first name, bright and wide. He then caught himself, looking down at his cup, the smile still trying to push it's way on to his face.

"Anyway," He started, his tone brighter, "The relationship you have with her now, is possibly genuine. You came here, you've been a great professor, you've helped the students, you organised a whole ball for them. Whatever ideas McGonagall had about you prior to you working here have probably been changed now. But, that does not mean that she's not going to discuss you with Granger. I know for a fact that she still discusses me, they're just not trusting of us yet."

You frowned at your cup before taking a gulp from it, looking at Malfoy as you placed the cup back onto your desk in the only empty spot.

"My mother would scream if I told her that her past was still getting me in trouble."

He gave you a sympathic smile before asking if you would like to go to Hogsmeade with him after classes were over for the day. You told him that you were going to into the muggle world to find something to wear for tomorrow. You doubted that even your more scandalous outfits would be anything like what the muggle's wore to their 'clubs'.

Malfoy had told you that was probably an outing for you alone and said he would ask Neville instead. They had become closer as a result of having to do work for the Ministry, you would go as far as to say they were friends. They finally had common ground to respect each other on, both of them seeing their opposite strengths on each other.

You did go into the Muggle world after classes were over. You spoke to a girl in one of the shops and explained you needed an outfit for going to a 'club' in the least suspicious way you could. She helped you pick out a little black dress and told you that it was classic and you could never go wrong with one.

When you returned to the castle that evening you were exhausted again. Being in the muggle world was always draining, and now that the task of finding information for Hermione was fast approaching you were full of nerves too.

You stopped by Neville's office but he wasn't there, the staff room empty too, you figured the usual Friday night club were out at the three broomsticks like Malfoy had suggested earlier.

You considered going down to meet them, have a drink and take the edge off, it would make it easier to sleep tonight.

You checked yourself in your mirror, combing through your hair with your hands before flipping your head upside down and shaking it out.

You decided to walk down to Hogsmeade as you thought you could use the air. On the way you saw a few straggling students making their way back towards the castle, waving and calling out to you, obviously merry themselves. It was Friday after all and you were under no illusions about students consuming alcohol, it's not like you weren't at the same age.

When you arrived at the Three Broomsticks you found your fellow professors easily. The biggest and loudest table in the place, as usual, with everyone gathered around it, laughing and swigging from their tankards. Malfoy had not just asked Neville. Trelawney, Flitwick, Hagrid and a couple of apprentice healers had come along for drinks too.

They cheered when they saw you come round one of the beams, Hagrid seeing you first and raising his drink to you, everyone else following suit.

Malfoy's eyes had lit up when he saw you, a wide beaming smile coming across his face, his eyes sparkling with more than just the effect of the beer. He looked to either side of him but there were no seats next to him with Flitwick on his one side and an apprentice healer on the other.

You tried to avoid his gaze as you sat down in the only free chair next to Hagrid and asked him about his crop was growing that season.

After a couple of Butterbeers you felt loose and relaxed. After the week of stress and no free time, to be sitting around a table making jokes and sharing laughs felt incredible.

Everyone was tipsy, maybe borderline just drunk at this point. Hagrid slapped your back when you made a joke, laughing hard and forgetting his strength. You had a mouth full of Butterbeer and sprayed it over the table when his giant hand clapped your back.

Laughs erupted around the table and you gained dirty looks from everyone else in the tavern as you all started yelling and making fun of each other in jest, shouting across the table, your drinks swashing about wildly.

Madam Rosmerta was rolling her eyes fondly from behind the bar with her barmaids. She would usually have had such a rowdy bunch thrown out but she had a soft spot for all of you at Hogwarts.

In the midst of the laughter you looked over at Malfoy at the end of the table, just in time to see one of the apprentice healers laugh at something he had said, reaching out to touch his arm while she threw her head back.

You felt a pang of jealousy rip through you when you saw her touch him, she was flirting with him, obviously, and of course you knew why.  
Malfoy was a well known acquitted war criminal but if you knew anything about him now you would know that he's not a shade of the boy he was when he was younger. He was funny and intelligent and just cocky enough that women would still swoon over his powerful attitude.

It made you realise that he must have been in bars in this exact situation so many times, women touching him and leaning into him, laughing at his jokes and whispering in his ear. You wondered how many times exaclty, and how many of them he had bedded.

You suddenly felt ill. You couldn't cope with the sheer image of him with his hands in someone else's hair, of him inside someone else, that there were women in this world that knew how he felt with his weight on top of them, how he sounded when he came undone.

You had to leave. The loudness of the room suddenly felt suffocating, it was blurring as though you were hearing it though a wall, white noise ringing in your ears.  
Hagrid put his hand on your arm and brought you back to reality, all the sound in the room surging back in.

You kept casual, you were good at hiding your emotions and putting a brave face on, you wondered if Hermione knew that about you as well. You stood from the table and announced it was late and you were going to head back up to the castle.

Everyone agreed it was getting late and it was best to turn in, all standing up with you. One by one all of the group started funnelling off into the floo to get back to Hogwarts.

You told them not to wait up for you, but you were going to walk back as you needed the air and could do with sobering up a bit before tomorrow.

You had set off out of the tavern, walking quickly. The cold night air felt good against your skin, the tavern was impossibly hot with all the bodies and fire so when you stepped out and felt the chill you welcomed it.

You were walking out of Hogsmeade, just past the last old stone building towards the path that lead you all the way back to the castle when you heard footsteps from behind you, rushing to catch up to your pace.

When you turned you saw Malfoy, his hands in his pockets doing a half-jog towards you.

You must have looked surprised to see him because he shot you a bright smile and said that he wanted to make sure you were alright walking on your own in the dark.

You walked back together, discussing the night at the Three Broomsticks. Recanting some of the funnier moments from when you were there, the most hilarious jokes, when Hagrid hit your back and you sprayed everyone with beer.

You were both laughing, staggering slightly, happily drunk and following the path.

A silence fell over the two of you but it was not uncomfortable, you crossed over the hill and Hogwarts came back into view fully.

Malfoy's voice came from next to you, but even to your non-sober mind it sounded serious.

"How do you feel about tomorrow?" He asked.

You considered for a moment, almost tripping over the grass as you walked down the hill, catching yourself, earning a chuckle from Malfoy.

"Well, right now I am drunk therefore feel quite good about it, however when I wake up tomorrow I know I'll be back to shitting myself."

Malfoy smiled a knowing smile, his eyebrows quirking up.

You walked along the viaduct, careful not to lose your footing. There was a forcefield around the bridge so no-one could fall off and suffer the drop but your drunk mind didn't trust it.

"Yes, I know what you mean. I only hope that we can just get in and get back out again. Do a clean sweep of his office and be done with Granger and the Ministry." He said, his voice was a little more slurred now but you still got the effect of his words.

When you got the front door past the courtyard he stopped you. You turned to face him, eyes slightly unfocused as you watched him.

He moved closer to you, his eyes were searching yours.

"When this is over, the investigation, I mean, could we.. talk? about.. us?" He sort of trailed off, frowning.

He sighed, looking as though he was trying to think of the right words to use but couldn't find them.

You just watched him until he met your eyes again. He really was perfect, you thought. His eyes shone in the dull warm light of the torches outside, shadows cast over the angular sharpness of his face.

You suddenly felt sad, imagining all the women who must have looked at him the same way in the past seven years. The image of the healer's hand on his in the Three Broomsticks flashed in your mind again and you remembered how long it had really been since you were teenagers.

"Goodnight, Malfoy." You said, your voice was warm but the words were not.

Hurt flashed across his face and it pained you to know it was you who had put it there, but you still continued to turn around and walk back inside the castle, walking to your office speedily, not stopping until you were inside and the door was locked.

* * *

Slughorn had invited you to a dinner party he was hosting, as well as other students he found interesting. From what you understood about him, he liked to collect people.  
You weren't sure if it was compliment that he found you interesting enough to invite or if you should be wary of him. He was nice enough, had an endearing nature, however there was something oddly unsettling about him and his behaviour towards the students. Sort of impassive, as though he didn't really care about any of you.

You had told yourself to put Draco to one side in your mind that night, that you had to rip your thoughts away from him long enough to contribute to discussions and behave like a normal student who was not now inadvertantly involved her secret boyfriend's war crimes.

You were sat around a large table with the rest of the informally named 'Slug club'. You had come in a nice shirt and a skirt, unsure of the dress code.

Slughorn was prising information from everyone as he went around the table, many of the others he had some connection to, he knew their family or friends. Harry was there, of course. You could not have imagined Slughorn not inviting the most interesting boy in the school to join his group.

He suddenly made eye contact with you and you could have jumped at the attention, looking at him from across the table over your dessert.

"And what of you, Miss Y/N? How is your mother?" Slughorn asked.

Everyone else at the table was watching you now, waiting for your answer as they continued to eat.

You gave him a smile that covered whatever real emotion you were feeling.

"She is well, thank you." You said easily. "The business with my father is booming, they're doing well for themselves."

You tried not to let your smile falter as you thought about them. You did not know where they were and if they were safe or not. Business had been booming but now they were in hiding and losing money by the day. That was none of Slughorn or any one else at the tables business though.

"Yes, very good. Remarkable woman, your mother. I knew your grandfather, you see." He said.

You just looked down at your dessert, pushing a choux bun around your bowl before replying.

"I actually didn't know him.." You trailed off, meeting Slughorn's eyes in time to give him a smile that let him know it was okay that he had brought him up.

"Oh, yes, of course. Nasty business, all that with your mother. I should have thought, anyway." He started talking to another student but some of the eyes around the table were still on you.

Hermione was eyeing you curiously, so were Harry and Ginny. It was as though they were trying to figure out what that 'nasty business' was, or simply intrigued by the vague nature of the way you spoke about it.

You hoped that they did not press on it any further, or tried to find out more information. The last thing you needed was for the golden trio to find out your mother was ex pure-blood aristocracy and your grandfather had strong connections to the dark arts. After discovering Draco's task set for him by the Dark Lord himself, you felt nervous enough around them, by simply withholding that information, you could be considered to be conspiring with him.

The night continued on and at one point Hermione divulged that her father was a dentist, you had piped up that you knew what that was as you had spent time in the muggle world that summer. Hermione had given you a bright smile and looked relieved to not have to desperately explain herself.

You took note of the way that McLaggen was looking at Hermione and saved that titbit of gossip for Abeliene and your other friends later.

When Slughorn excused you all, you noticed that Harry had stayed behind in his office. You thought nothing of it, Harry was always hanging around the Professors, it seemed.

You were anxious to get back to you common room and discuss the night as the minute that you told your friends you were attending an exclusive dinner party hosted by Professor Slughorn they had insisted that they would wait up for you and when you returned you would talk about it at length.

Sure enough, when you entered the Hufflepuff common room that night they were all sitting on a sofa, nearest to the fire, waiting for you.

You had sat down and told them every detail, what Slughorn had asked everyone, including you, and also what everyone had replied. You also recanted in dramatic detail, the way that Cormac had been sensually staring Hermione down, earning screams from all your friends, and laughs from a few others in the room, listening in.

You had only wished that Draco had been there, so you could have told him all about it. It was in those moments that you longed for a normal relationship with him the most, the moments where you were surrounded by friends in a normal setting, laughing and sharing jokes. You wished he could be there too, a part of you life completely, not secretly.

After the revelation that Draco had been ordered to kill Dumbledore, and was now wearing the dark mark, you were strangely calm.

It was as though it had all built up for so long, the wondering, the not knowing what he was trying to do or why he was avoiding you and hearing conspiracy about him having the mark. Now that you knew everything, more or less, even though it was more awful that you could have ever predicted, you felt strangely at peace with it.

You wondered if you were in the eye of a storm, the storm being some sort of nervous breakdown and you were in the flat calm part before you lost it completely, but it did not feel as though you were repressing anything.

You were just relieved to finally know what was happening in his life, no matter how terrible it was. It's not like you were going anywhere.

He continued to come to you at night, each time in a later stage of distress. He had taken to sleeping in your bed with you again, under the covers, but now he always wore a long sleeve shirt to bed to hide the mark. You knew he hated being clothed in bed, but he nor you could handle seeing the thing.

Some nights he would come to you in pieces, crying and shouting, and you would have to sit him down on the bed and console him. Sometimes you stroked his sleeve, over where the mark was on his arm. It felt impossibly wrong but it comforted him and that was all you could do.

Arguments were had the first couple of nights he returned to your room, you crying and distressingly asking him why he had to do it, was there really no way out of it, why had he specifically been trusted with the task of murder. Draco had become frustrated and lashed out, telling you that he was trapped inside of the arrangement, his family were at risk and he should be grateful that he is considered so capable by the Dark Lord.

You would become enraged and threaten to throw him out, call him disgusting for enjoying the feeling of being 'chosen' by someone so evil. You would belittle him, ask him if his jealously and hatred for Potter over being 'the chosen one' led him to a point where he would be happy being chosen by anyone as long as he got the validation he craved.

He would shout and leave your room, slamming the door behind him, only to return a couple of hours later with a pained expression on his face, admitting that you were right.  
After that, it was just as it had always been, the two of you together in all the ways that two people could be together.

Some nights you had sex, and it felt wrong and right at the same time, you would writhe around on top of him, looking at the clothed portion of his arm that was holding your hips and know that the mark was writhing against his skin and feel sick but unable to stop. You wanted him in the way no one else could have him, even if now you were doing it knowing what he was, a death eater.

Other nights he would come to you and be in agony. The morality inside him was breaking through more and more each day, and it was eating away at him, what he had been asked to do.

You asked him once if his heart was really in it, if he truly wanted to succeed, wanted to kill Dumbledore. He had just looked at you for a long time with big, sad eyes. You knew that his actions were not the actions of someone who truly believed in what they were doing.

You had not told Abeliene anything about the mark or Draco's task so when she asked how things were between you, all you could do was say he was struggling with his father being incarcerated in Azkaban and Abeliene would make a comment about him being where he belonged and she would ask no further questions. It ate you up inside to hide things from her, especially huge, monumental, life changing things.

You had been excited to get a break from the cycle of Draco, studying and classes as a Quidditch game was due that weekend.

You had made plans with your friends to all attend and watch it together as it was Slytherin versus Gryffindor, and despite it not being either of your houses, the tension between them was palpable and you loved to watch the drama unfold.

You had been speculating with Abeliene about whether Harry really did put that vile of liquid luck into Ron Weasley's drink that morning like you had thought you had seen him do, when the match concluded with a Gryffindor victory.

You cheered for them, not feeling a bias to either house. Sometimes you felt as though you were meant to hate the Slytherins, because of the way everyone spoke about them, but that seemed ridiculous. You couldn't hate all of them, just like you couldn't like all of Gryffindor just because they had a good reputation.

You wondered if that was the Hufflepuff in you, to always search for the good in people, or to be diplomatic.

Once the match was over, the party Gryffindor were throwing in celebration could be heard from most of the castle. Abeliene said they were relaxing the inter-house rules and everyone had been invited. She was going, she had her eyes on someone in Gryffindor now, hopefully not still Hermione, and had begged you to come with her to and try and have some fun.

You agreed, hesitantly, not sure if getting drunk was the best idea. Abeliene picked you out something to wear, desperate to see you in anything other than school robes and oversized jumpers.

You were walking to Gryffindor house, the hallway littered with others heading in the same direction. The moment you walked in, someone grabbed you and showed you where the drink was, and said to help yourself. You grabbed Abeliene's hand and brought her over to the table covered entirely with bottles.

"Time to catch up?" You suggested, looking around.

Everyone was half way to drunk when you arrived and you felt painfully sober in the face of it.

You measured out three shots each and counted down from three before necking them all one after the other.

Some other people saw you and came over to take some more with you, turning it into a game.

Once you felt loosened up enough, you started making the rounds. You found Neville Longbottom, someone you frequently spoke to in advanced Herbology and asked him how his Tentaculas were getting on, included yourself in a conversation about Snape's somewhat illegal methods of discipline with a bunch of Ravenclaws and then looped back round to find Abeliene pressed up against her aforementioned new Gryffindor girl.

You were chatting with someone from Hufflepuff you only knew from a couple of shared classes by the drinks table when a group of people lifted Ron Weasley into the air on their shoulders, cheering wildly.

You joined in the cheering, loose enough to not concern yourself with worrying about being embarrassed.

Ron was dropped back to the ground by a very inebriated Dean Thomas only to be captured in a kiss by Lavender Brown.

You had turned to the people around you in mock shock, before jeering loudly with everyone else in the room. When you turned back to grab your drink you noticed Hermione looking grief-stricken before disappearing into the crowd.

You ceased your laughing, furrowing your brow as you watched Harry set off after her. You realised that your speculation about her being in love with Ron was correct. You turned back to see Ron still attached to Lavender, kissing her forcefully in the middle of the crowd, you grimaced when you realised that he must have not felt the same way.

Your drunk mind was buzzing, thinking suddenly of Draco. You could not imagine how you would feel if you saw him kissing someone else. It was hard enough just to see him walking alongside Pansy Parkinson, let alone even entertain the pain you felt when you found out he had slept with her under the influence of a love potion.

The common room suddenly felt impossibly loud, you looked around at everyone, so merry and in good spirits, the music lying under their chatter as they joked and kissed and hung off one another.

You realised you had to leave at that moment, the air felt warm and constricting. You politely moved through the crowd to get to the door, people you knew calling out to you and saying hello as you passed. You gave everyone big smiles but continued on your way out into the hallway.

There were some stragglers outside the door, some making out, some getting air the same as you.

You set off down the hallway, wanting to get away from it. You couldn't shake Hermione's face from your mind, that pained look on her face. You were thinking about Draco again, what it would be like to never see him again, feel his lips against yours, his skin on your skin.

You tried to find somewhere to smoke, pulling your pipe from your shoulder bag and packing the bowl tight.

You walked up a flight of stairs, thankful it did not move once you stepped on. You were walking further up in and into the castle, almost away from the sound of the party below.

You knew there was a balcony here somewhere, it sat next to Gryffindor tower, a large open section of the wall railed off, looking out over the courtyard.

When you finally found it, you had company. A tall figure was leaning against the railing, looking out at the falling snow. For a moment you panicked as you thought maybe it was a teacher, but when you came closer you realised it was Draco.

He turned to see you when he heard your footsteps behind him, he was startled for a moment before he saw it was you, then his face relaxed into a smile.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked in a cool voice.

You weren't listening, already packing your pipe back into your bag and moving towards him, picking up you pace until you were on him.

You grabbed his face and kissed him. A long and passionate kiss. He had made a little sound of surprise when you had first pressed your lips against his, but then he relaxed into it.

When you pulled back he gave you a confused smile, waiting for you to explain what had gotten into you.

A frown flashed over his face for a split second.

"Have you been drinking?" He asked, his tone was not mad, more surprised.

"Yes," You replied, "I went to the Gryffindor party they're having to celebrate the win today."

Draco scoffed and tried to turn his head away but you stilled it with your hands.

"I don't care about that right now, I only care about you." You managed to get out before kissing him again, with more force than before.

He responded immediately, his arms coming around your waist to hold you to him, his tongue sliding into your mouth as you moved your hands into his hair. You were kissing him so fervently, like you couldn't get enough of him, like you couldn't be close enough.

When you pulled back from him again you were both panting slightly, knocked back by the kiss you had just shared. You placed another one of his lips, just a quick one, not able to stop.

"What has gotten into you?" He asked, a chuckle escaping his lips before you kissed him again. "I heard some of the lads saying alcohol makes women feral, maybe they were right."

You just breathed out a laugh and kissed him again.

"I just," You huffed, trying to find the right words, "I just can't," You breathed out sharply in a smile, "I just realised how much I need you." You finally finished.

Draco's eyes changed, where they were once creased, watching you with a smile they were now soft, his face looked almost desperate.

He kissed you again, this time he held your jaw in his hand and pressed a long close mouthed kiss to your lips. He kissed you like he meant it and you felt everything it was intended with.

Once he pulled back you looked at each other for a moment, a conversation spoken between you without words.

He then wrapped his arm around your back and pulled you close to him, you tucked your head under his chin as you both stared back out at the snow falling heavily from the sky.

He was holding you to him, his grip strong, and you wondered if this was one of your favourite feelings, to be held against him, safe and protected.

You watched the snow for a while before he spoke again.

"I like to come up here sometimes," He started, still looking out across the grounds. "It's calm, you know. I like to come here just to think."

You stayed quiet for a minute, before replying:

"What do you think about?"

You pulled back from him to see his face, he was still staring out across the grounds but his eyes were unfocused, his mind somewhere else.

"Everything." He answered, his voice distant, "My family, my task, school, my future.. You." He turned to give you an affectionate smile.

You returned the smile, leaning in to kiss him again. It felt more melancholy this time. Thinking of you, and how you would never be able to be together, and the uncertainty of your lives with the impending conflict.

When you pulled back from him you could hear giggling from down below, at the base of Gryffindor tower.

You and Draco both leaned over the railing to see who was making the sound only to discover Ron Weasely and Lavender Brown kissing sloppily and giggling, running up into the tower, presumably looking for an empty room.

You an Draco both met each other's eyes and let out a laugh.

"Fuck." You said, and Draco chuckled. "That's a mistake if ever I've seen one."

Your thoughts returned to Hermione but you shook them away, it was not your pain to fixate on, however it did still trouble you to imagine her so hurt when she found out.

Draco gave you a woeful smile and pulled you back close to him again, kissing the top of your head as you ignored the obvious word 'mistake' hanging in between you ominously.


	13. Another Promise

You were on your way to Slughorn's Christmas party with Abeliene, following behind Harry and Luna, walking down the hallway to his office. When Slughorn had announced he was throwing a party for his club and you could invite partners if you wished, Abeliene had begged you to take her. She was facinated by the exclusivity of it and desperate to be a fly on the wall. 

You had told her that there's no one else you would rather take but then lectured her about being civilised while you were there; no jokes to or about Slughorn, leave Hermione alone, you can talk to Luna but do not veer into the subjects of conspiracy theories or invisible creatures and careful not to bruise Cormac McLaggen's ego by rolling your eyes so obviously at everything he says. 

Abeliene had rolled her eyes at you and agreed to your conditions. She had then proceeded to dress you up in one of her dresses and play around with your hair, saying 'I've never been seen with a bedraggled date, I wont start now'. 

You were speculating on who everyone was bringing as dates as you walked together arm in arm through the hall to the party when you saw Draco sitting in an alcove, almost imperceptible if you weren't always looking for that flash of white blonde hair. You thanked Merlin that Harry had not seen him, glancing in front of you to make sure he and Luna were far enough away. 

You gave Abeliene a smile and told her to go on ahead, she looked back behind you and saw Malfoy. She gave you a nod and told you she would cover for you, but don't be too long. 

You turned back towards the alcove when Abeliene walked off, walking closer until Draco noticed you approaching. His face was hard, his features set. You squeezed into the window seat beside him, pulling your pipe from your purse, packing the bowl and lighting it before passing it over to him. 

He looked over to where your hand was holding the pipe in front of him, eyeing it for a moment before taking it, bringing it to his lips and toking from it, the bowl flashing red as the tobacco burned, smoke bellowing from it. 

Draco exhaled into the night air out of the window, before passing the pipe back to you. 

He was still looking at you out of the corner of his eyes, his face impassive. 

"You look good." He said, his voice was sharp but you knew it was just one of his moods. 

You exhaled smoke from your mouth slowly, tilting your head upwards to expel it into the air above you both. 

"Thank you. It's Slughorn's Christmas party tonight, remember I told you about it?" You asked, although you knew that he remembered. He was sitting in an alcove a floor away from Slughorn's office. 

"Yes, I recall." He said, taking the pipe from you once more. 

You both finished smoking what was left in the bowl silently and then you tapped the ash out onto the window ledge, leaning over Draco to do so. 

"Come and see me later, after the party." You said, pressing a kiss to his temple before getting up and walking down to Slughorn's office. Draco just remained sat, rigid in the alcove. 

Abeliene gave you a concerned smile when you walked into the party, touching your arm and asking if everything was okay, You smiled at her and told her everything was fine, she seemed unconvinced but more concerned about the drama unfolding in front of you. 

"So," She said, turned round to a side table from where she plucked two glasses of wine, handing one to you, "Ginny Weasley is here with Dean Thomas but has been staring at Potter since they arrived, and Hermione Granger is here with Cormac McLaggen of all people, but she's been studiously avoiding him this whole time, in fact I don't actually know where she is." 

Abeliene looked around for Hermione but couldn't spot her. 

"What do you think my chances with her are now?" She asked, making a curious face. 

You raised your hand, flat in the air, wavering it slightly. 

"Better." You said in a high voice and Abeliene nodded, self satisfied. 

You rolled your eyes and bumped her shoulder, before telling her you should both mix with the others. 

You ended up speaking to Neville for a while, he was not there as an attendee of the club but rather as a server. You ate almost all the hors d'oeuvres off his plate as the two of you spoke. He was updating you on how big his Shrivelfigs were getting when McLaggen cut in, moving in front of Neville and greeting you. 

Neville gave the back of McLaggen's head a stare before moving away, going back to refill his plate. 

You told Neville you would speak to him later as he walked away, turning back to McLaggen, narrowing your eyes, watching him while you sipped from your glass. 

"That was rude." You said, an inflection in your voice. It was casual, but sharp. 

McLaggen looked over to you, his face smug. He was leaning against the bookcase behind you nonchalantly, chewing on a toothpick from one of the hors d'oeuvres presumably. 

"I thought I would introduce myself properly." He smirked, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

You looked down at his hand but left it hanging in the air, instead taking another sip of wine. 

"How about you worry more about where your date is tonight. You know, the one that's been hiding from you all evening?" You said, that same tone in your voice. 

He was not phased by your retort, dropping his hand back down and giving you a shit eating grin. 

"You can't be everyone's favourite can you?" He gave you another smirk and you decided that you were done with that conversation, giving him a baffled look before walking over to speak with Luna Lovegood instead, who was now standing by herself looking around dazedly. 

You had caught Snape watching you all evening. You thought maybe you had pissed him off somehow, his stare was dark and contemptuous. Your mind raced with reasons for why he would have been keeping an eye on you but you were pretty sure you had handed in every piece of coursework due before Christmas. 

You decided to try and ignore Snape, although catching his face from the corner of your eye, staring you down, was nothing if not off-putting. 

You had been speaking with Luna and giving Abeliene threatening looks over her shoulder as she dramatically edged closer to Hermione, sending you defiant looks back when you heard the commotion coming from the entrance to the office. 

You recognised Draco's voice immediately, and then you saw him, being held by the collar of his suit by Filtch. Draco was cursing him and calling him a squib, ordering him to let him go. 

You were so shocked to see him it barely registered in your brain until you looked around and saw everyone looking at him the way you were meant to be looking at him, with surprise and a little bit of contempt. You were making big concerned eyes at him, all wide and soft. 

You caught yourself and changed your expression in time for Draco to confess he was gate-crashing the party after not being invited. You wondered if he had crashed it to keep an eye on you, but that didn't seem right. With Draco, there always had to be a more sinister reason. 

Snape had flown towards him and offered to escort him out of the party and back to his house. Draco had given him a vicious look but agreed, and his eyes flashed and met yours for a split second before they disappeared together. 

Slughorn was quick to gloss over the interruption, telling everyone to continue on as they were, nothing to be concerned about, a known death-eater's son crashing your Christmas party and threatening your caretaker. 

You heard McLaggen scoff next to you as noise filtered back into the room as everyone started talking again. 

"Pathetic, that. He couldn't get into the club so he tries to crash it instead." Cormac said, his voice loud and pompous. 

You turned to look at him, his eyebrow raising at you did so. 

"He tried to join the Slug club?" You asked curiously. 

"Oh, yes. Couldn't get in though, Slughorn doesn't want a man like him in his club, not after what happened to him before." McLaggen answered. 

You frowned. You had no idea that Draco had tried to get into the Slug club, and why on earth he would even want to be in it. Draco hated the whole concept of it. When you had first mentioned it he had scoffed and said it was beneath him, therefore beneath you, to be one of Slughorn's collectables. 

Cormac said something else to you but you ignored him as you made a move to leave the office and go after Draco. You caught Abeliene's waist on the way past and whispered you would be right back. She gave you a knowing look and nodded. 

You followed the sound of Draco and Snape arguing down a hallway. You stopped when you heard them stop, pressing your back against a wall so not to be seen. 

You peered round the corner of the hallway to see what was happening and found that Snape had Draco up against the wall. You stayed dead still, watching on. 

You could not hear too well from around the corner as they were speaking in hushed tones, but you heard Draco tell Snape that he had been chosen, him. Chosen to furfill the Dark Lord's command. He sounded petulant, and perhaps as though he felt oddly proud of his being chosen to kill someone. You knew that was not true, not if any of the nights you two shared where he was crying and shaking were anything to go by. 

Your heart was racing as you stood there, dead still in the darkness of the adjacent hallway. Snape knew. Snape knew about Draco and what he had been asked to do. You heard Draco say that an unbreakable vow had been made and your hand flew up to your mouth. You let out a small gasp and turned back around to press your back against the wall again. 

That was why Draco had no choice, that was why his family were in danger. An unbreakable vow had been made. If Draco could not complete the task, he would die. 

Your chest constricted painfully as you tried to regulate your breathing. You felt as though someone had stolen the air from your lungs, suddenly feeling weak and sick. 

You steadied yourself against the wall and peaked around the corner to watch them once more. 

"Does she know?" Asked Snape. 

You squinted and could see Draco look up at him in surprise, his pale eyes wide. 

"Who?" Draco asked, his voice small. 

Snape's grip on the lapel of Draco's jacket tightened, pulling him up into his face. 

"Don't play the fool with me, boy. The girl, does she know." Snape's voice was as slow and cold as it always was. 

You felt a chill run through your whole body. You. He was talking about you. You were the girl, that was why he had been watching you all night, he knew about you and Draco. 

Your breathing was picking up again, your chest heaving slightly as you watched Draco advert his eyes from Snape. 

"Idiot." You heard Snape say, before he took Draco's arm and continued roughly yanking him down the hallway and out of sight. 

You waited until you could no longer see them and then you stepped forward, away from the wall, running your hands through your hair. 

You heard the scuff of shoes on stone and whipped around to see who had made the noise. 

Harry was standing in the dark, his eyes on you. He must have followed Snape and Draco out there to listen in as well. You both just stared at one another in the dark for a second before he turned on his heel and walked swiftly back to the party. 

Draco still came to your room that night after the party was over. You were ready for him this time. When you heard his knocks you swung the door on it's hinges an pulled him inside. 

"Does she know. Does the girl know?" You mimicked Snape's words from earlier. 

Draco looked at you confusedly for a second, before realising where he had heard those words previously and his face fell. 

"You were spying on me." He said, but his voice was not angry, it was far away, he was realising that you heard everything that was said. 

You let out a shaky breath and closed your eyes for a second before reopening them and looking at Draco. He finally looked up and met your gaze. 

"How does Snape know?" You asked sternly. 

Draco held your gaze before his eyes dropped down to the floor. 

"He saw us, back in fourth year. I told him it was a one off but he didn't believe me, said I was too distracted and moon-eyed, he knew it must have been serious." Draco explained. 

Your own eyes dropped to the floor then, your chest rising and falling as you panicked. 

"He would never tell anyone, he doesn't really care, only if it infringes on my task. I told him it wouldn't, and that you were keeping my secret." Draco said, as if it made everything better. 

Your eyes flashed back to Draco. 

"So Snape knows about your task?" You asked, incredulous. "How involved is he?" 

Draco's face was starting to break, his soft features screwing up. 

You moved towards him in an instant, pulling him into a hug, embracing him tightly. You took the back of his head in one of your hands to bring him closer to you, kissing the side of his head. 

"The unbreakable vow?" You asked quietly. 

Draco just nodded against your hair and you hugged him tighter. 

The night before everyone was leaving for Christmas break Draco was back in your room. He was shaking and crying, his eyes clouded over as he told you that he was scared to return to the Manor. 

You had watched him break, it was worse than you had ever seen him before. You could feel your face screw up as your lip began to shake as you held back more tears. 

"I don't know if I can handle two weeks without you." He had said against your neck. 

You felt as though you could feel your heart physically breaking, the burden of guilt ripping through you. It had always troubled you the most that there was nothing you could really do for Draco. He was tangled up in a situation far more complex than the two of you could ever unravel. 

You had held him against you and told him that he would be okay, and that it was only two weeks and then you would be together again. 

It was then that he pulled a ring from his finger. It was the ring you most admired, often running your fingers over it when you were playing with his hands. The ring was silver, his family crest embossed into it, it was stunning. He pulled it from his finger and placed it on yours. 

"This is a promise." He said, his voice stronger. "A promise I'll come back." 

You did not want to ask what that meant, instead just looked down at your ring finger where he had placed the ring. It was invaluable, and you felt silly for even having it on, but what it represented was so powerful. You were more concerned about his use of words, he was promising to return to you, to Hogwarts. 

You did not dare to think that there was a chance he might not come back after the break. 

He was the most vulnerable you had ever seen him, later he was lying with his head in your lap as you sat up against the headboard of your bed. You were combing your hands through his short hair, running your nails lightly over his scalp before smoothing his hair back down. His breathing had regulated but he was not asleep, just calm. 

You were looking down at his head, marvelling at the white blonde strands you were gently brushing over, you couldn't believe it was his natural colour, all the way to the root. 

While you were admiring him your mind started to wander, he was the most shaken he had ever been and you knew there must have been more about his home life he was not telling you. You knew his father was still in Azkaban, and it would no doubt be a quiet Christmas with just him and his mother, perhaps some other relatives, but the way he had looked at your earlier when he was gasping for breath made you think that it was much worse than that. 

Draco had not talked about the Dark Lord much, you knew that he must have interacted with him at some point, as he wore the mark and had been given a direct order from him. The thought chilled you to the bone, imagining your Draco in front of the most dangerous and feared creature in your world, knowing there was no way you could protect him. 

You considered the likelihood of Draco having to meet with Voldemort over his Christmas break, to discuss his progress, a report on what he had been doing in order to secure Dumbledore's death. He had not succeeded yet, and it made your heart race to imagine that the Dark Lord would be angry with him, lash out at him spitefully for having not completed his task yet. 

The thought of Draco being hurt made your heart constrict tightly in your chest. You could not hide him away, there was no alternative, he had to return to the Manor and to god knows what was waiting for him. You knew he had a good relationship with his mother but that mattered little now, she could not protect him either. You and Narcissa were more alike than you cared to realise. 

Before Draco left in the morning you had sex, and it was as if you were having sex for the last time. He was holding you so tight, like he was trying to hold a storm in his hands, and you were wrapped around him with just as much urgency, the two of you so close it was impossible to tell where one of you ended and the other one began. 

He moved inside you slowly, as if he was savouring every moment you were together. When he came, you pulled his head back to watch him release, you loved to see him have true relief, and he only really lost himself completely when he was inside you. 

The Hogwarts express was leaving in an hour when you said goodbye at the door to your bedroom. He gave you a long kiss, holding your face in his hands, breathing you in one last time before you shared a look and he was gone. 

Abeliene must have been listening out for Draco leaving because she appeared at your door with her bag a minute later. She was giving you her brightest smile, asking if you were ready to go yet. 

Abeliene loved Christmas, even more so now that she was sharing it with you. Her mother had arranged for you to come back an spend it at her home in the muggle world. You had resisted at first but Abeliene had insisted, her mother even sent you a letter insisting you come as well, not being able to bear the thought of you alone at Christmas in Hogwarts by yourself. 

You had been prepared to be alone that year but could not deny you were relieved to be asked to stay by Audrey. 

You gave Abeliene a real smile and picked up your bag, following her out of your room. 

You were boarding the Hogwarts Express when you saw Draco again, his luggage being carried on by some of his peers as he watched on with dead eyes. He caught your gaze and held it too long before breaking it and boarding his carriage. 

On the train you sat in a compartment with your friends and discussed their various Christmas plans. You couldn't help but feel a tugging at your heart as you imagined your parents somewhere far away. Your first ever Christmas without them, in a strange place. You loved Abeliene and Audrey but it was not the same as being with family. 

Abeliene's excitement was pulling you from your brain fog, making you grateful that you had a friend that cared for you so much, and was determined to show you how wonderful a muggle Christmas could be. 

When you reached the Platform in Kings Cross, you said goodbye and Merry Christmas to everyone you knew before departing with Abeliene. Neville had given you a grin and a wave, Luna lovegood said something ominous but sweet and you gave her a hug. You hugged all your Hufflepuff peers and told them to keep in touch, but it was only two weeks and then you would be back in the common room gossiping again. 

You searched for Draco in the busy crowd on the platform, but could not see him, presumably he had already left, not one for sticking around to say his goodbyes. 

Audrey was waiting for you and Abeliene outside the station in her car. You packed your luggage into the compartment in the back and eyed the machine. You had looked at it sceptically before getting inside, sitting in the back seat as Abeliene got in the front next to her mother. 

You had felt comfortable with the idea of being in a car before Audrey started the engine and it roared to life, purring loudly as it rumbled around you. 

Abeliene turned around in her seat to look at you, giving you a look that asked if you were okay. 

You just nodded, unconvinced as Audrey pulled out of her parking space. 

The journey back was relatively painless, Audrey asked how Hogwarts had been, how classes were going, if there had been any new developments regarding your safety or mentions of You-Know-Who. 

You had observed in fascination as Audrey navigated the roads, not understanding fully what the rules were, and how people didn't just crash into each other all the time. 

When Christmas day came you had woken early and felt desperately sad. You had left Abeliene's room and padded downstairs to sit by the window and look out onto the dark street. You missed your family so much, knowing exactly what your mother would be doing at that moment if it were a normal Christmas, she would be up already, prepping vegetables in the kitchen for your roast. 

You missed Draco too, you mind full of worry for him. You had not stopped thinking about him for a minute while you were in Oxford. 

Later in the morning, Abeliene and her mother woke and you watched from her sofa as she unwrapped her presents on the floor. You were sat with your legs up, having made yourself at home in Abeliene's house. 

The television was on again, there was an entire channel dedicated just to music and they were playing Christmas songs all day. The jingly music was playing lowly in the background as Audrey joked with you about Christmas being a carry on and costing too much money. You had felt comfortable, and as though your worries were melting away. 

Audrey had decorated her house to within an inch of it's life, and the Christmas tree stood tall and immaculate in her living room by the fireplace. 

Muggle Christmas did not seem very different to your Christmas at all, you imagined this was because it was a custom you had adopted from them, so they should not be different at all. 

Abeliene had handed you a present from her and her mother and you had felt yourself get emotional before saying it was too much, and just her hospitality was enough of a gift. Audrey had told you to shush and open it. You had unwrapped it carefully and found a sweater inside the paper. 

"Abie tells me how much you love cosy jumpers, so I made you one." Audrey beamed, before gathering all the discarded wrapping paper up to take through to the bin in the kitchen. 

You had held it up in front of you. It was deep red and burgundy, a chunky cable knit jumper, beautifully knit by Audrey herself. 

You had felt tears prick your eyes before Abeliene gave you a smile and jumped up onto the sofa to give you a hug. 

Once the gift-giving was over, you joined Audrey in the kitchen and helped her prep the vegetables for Christmas dinner. She marvelled at how fast and capable you were with a knife and you enjoyed a long conversation with her about your farm and the sort of work you did there. 

You had got three things into their electronic kiln, and four pots going on all four burners, moving between everything, prodding at potatoes and checking the roastedness of carrots when Abeliene's family arrived. 

Abeliene had told you her Christmases were not very big, her two aunts came, only one of them married, and her grandfather, all on her mothers side. You had told her that how many people you have around the table does not matter, it only matters the quality of the people there. 

You hear the door open, her family letting themselves in and coming into the living room. You turned at the stove to see them, looking through into the living room from the kitchen. 

They were all wishing each other a merry Christmas, embracing and commenting on how well the other looked. 

You had turned back to the stove, not wanting to impose on a family moment. You felt suddenly lonely again, as though you had been rudely reminded of the fact that it was not your family and you were a guest in another families Christmas day. 

Audrey had come into the kitchen soon after and told you to go through and sit down, you had done enough work already and you should try and enjoy the day. 

You had been grabbed into a hug by one of Abie's aunties immediately, her pulling you into a hug and wishing you a Merry Christmas. You had responded in kind, laughing with her about the warm reception. 

She had sat you down next to her on the Sofa closest to the fireplace and put her hand over yours. 

"First Christmas alone can be tough, darling. We'll look after you." She said, her voice warm like butter. You had just given her the most grateful smile and Abeliene had given you a wink over her Granddad's shoulder as she embraced him. 

The rest of the day was wonderful. You helped Audrey dress the table before she shooed you away, and then sat down for a beautiful dinner which you allowed them to give you credit for. 

You had sat around the table and shared stories and jokes. Muggle's had exploding tubes at their dinner table which had gifts inside, you had all popped them and put on the tissue paper hats inside, joshing with each other about how big your heads were and how the hats could not fit. 

Abeliene's family were fascinated by you. They did not know the situation with your parents, nor did you tell them. They were more curious about your life, your family business, growing up on a farm in the highlands and what else you were good at. 

You had shared many genuine laughs before retiring through to the living room in the evening to eat your dessert. 

The night had drawn in and you were all sitting own on the sofas, absently watching whatever Christmas film was being shown on the television. You had watched most of them in the past few days you had been at Abie's house, with little else to do. 

You were all full of good food and the wine that Audrey had allowed you to drink at dinner. You were discussing knitting patterns with one of Abeliene's aunties when you realised that your heart felt full. 

You had collected everyone's dessert bowls and taken them through to wash them up, not allowing Audrey to argue with you. 

Abeliene joined you in the kitchen next to the sink while you filled the basin with hot water. 

"Today has been so perfect, Abie. I cannot thank you enough for giving me a real Christmas." You said honestly. 

She just beamed at you, her whole face lighting up, before telling you that she would not have had it any other way. 

You were dropping the bowls into the water when a frown came over your face. 

"Why do they think I'm here? Your family, I mean. They don't know about my situation do they?" You asked. 

Abeliene shot you a wicked smile and shook her head. 

"No, of course not. We couldn't tell them about that. They just think that you're my girlfriend." She said, jesting you. 

You turned around with your hands still in the sink, at an awkward angle. 

"They what?" You asked incredulously. 

"I'm out, Y/N. They walk into my house and see a pretty girl, obviously they think we're together." Abie said, a cheeky smile on her lips. 

You gave her a comically shocked look before throwing a towel at her, telling her to dry the dishes. 

"You better tell them we're not." You said, no malice in your voice. You just didn't want to be ex communicated when eventually there was no wedding. 

Abie looked as though she was considering it, before nodding her head. 

"Yeah, sure. Eventually." She said menacingly. 

You lifted your hand from the sink to flick water at her, the both of you laughing as her family watched on from the living room. 

Returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas break had you vibrating out of your skin. Your two weeks away from Draco had been relaxing and needed but now that you were back at Kings Cross and knew he was near again you had to see him. 

Draco had been so scared about returning to his own home for the break and you had to know what had happened and if he was okay. 

You did not see him on the platform despite looking for him. On the train journey you tried to squash fears that he had not returned to Hogwarts while chatting with your friends about how their Christmases had been. They were joking about you and Abeliene becoming more and more like a couple each day but all you could think was that Draco promised. He had promised he would return to you. 

When you entered the great hall that night and saw him at the Slytherin table your heart jumped in your chest wildly. He looked even more pale and drawn that he had the term before but at least he was there, and that meant you could see him. 

You did not know what had happened over break but he looked impossibly worse. His face was sour and down-turned while everyone buzzed and regrouped around him. His friends were sat all around him, laughing and catching up, but he just sat off to the side of them, his head resting against his hand. 

You looked away from him, deciding that you had been looking for too long, and that's where you caught Snape's eye from the professors table. He was watching you with the cool stare he gave everyone, but his eyes were intense. You suddenly felt stupid for being so obvious about looking at Draco. 

When you returned to your room that evening Draco was there, standing in the middle of your room as always. 

The moment you saw him you slammed the door behind you and flew towards him. 

He grabbed you and kissed you, hard. You felt his arms come around you, resting on your hips, gripping them tight and forcing his own against yours. 

Your arms were around his neck, kissing him back with such passion your head felt light. You had been craving him for two weeks, desperate to get back to him. His scent was intoxicating, engulfing you and you couldn't get enough. 

The feel of his lips on yours after what felt like too long was incredible. You had wanted to see him to talk about what happened at the Manor but now he was pushing his body against yours you were forgetting your own name, let alone what you wanted to ask him. 

"Draco." You said into the kiss, trying to get his attention. 

"No talking." Draco said, just pulling back from you long enough to get the words out before he was back kissing you again. 

You felt your legs become weak at the sound of his assertive voice. You didn't know if he knew you loved it when he was commanding but he surely did now that you were dragging him towards the bed. 

You moved him back until his legs hit the wood then pushed him down onto the mattress, crawling on top of him to squeeze your thighs against his as you kissed him hungrily. 

You both moaned into each other's mouths when you ground down on him to find him painfully hard underneath you. 

You were getting lost in the feeling of being with him again, grinding yourself against him wildly, feeling the friction of your bodies together, it felt so good to feel his clothed cock brushing against your clit. You had missed him so much. 

He pushed his hand into your hair to move it from your face, holding it back as he kissed down your neck. You were whining against him, still grinding against his hard dick before he had enough and flipped you over. 

You sat up just enough to get your shirt over your head. This was happening, you realised, and you couldn't have gotten your clothes off fast enough. 

Once your shirt was gone you made quick work of your bra and then attached yourself back to Draco's lips, whispering sinful things against his cheek and making him groan. 

You could feel your toes curling as a spark of arousal shot to your core when you felt his cock brush against you again. 

Now, it had to be now, you decided. 

You lifted yourself slightly, just enough to get your hands under the waistband of your jeans to rip them down, discarding them somewhere in your room. 

Draco was shimmying out of his trousers and briefs, moving around on top of you at awkward angles, trying not to move too far away from you but still get them off. 

Once he settled back in between your legs you shared a long and hard kiss that left you both panting when you pulled apart. You were shaking from the want, your body was screaming for him, for all of him. You needed to feel his skin against your skin. 

You were unbuttoning his shirt on pure muscle memory. It felt like how it used to be between you, before things became overly complicated, when the two of you would meet and just get lost in each other. 

You were ripping the shirt back off his shoulders and down his arms when he positioned himself at your entrance. You felt him push in slightly and you legs came up around his waist on reflex. Your body wound tight, ready for the release. 

He pushed all the way inside you and your hands gripped his shirt that was still half way down his arms, your head falling back as you breathed out profanities, overwhelmed by the feeling. 

You tugged the shirt down the rest of his arms, letting him take it off fully. 

That's when you saw it. The mark. The mark you had forgot he had. 

Your body stiffened, looking at it, dark and black and moving against his skin. 

Draco noticed what had stopped you so abruptly and he stilled himself. He looked away in shame, he had forgotten himself, you could tell. He would not have let you pull his shirt off otherwise. 

He went to pull his shirt back on but you stopped him, taking the shirt from him an throwing it out into the room. 

"No." You managed, reaching out to stroke the side of his face. "Please, just don't stop." 

You wanted to feel him, all of him, against you, inside of you. 

It had been so long since you had seen and felt his bare arms and chest, you couldn't stand the thought of him covering himself as he had been so many nights before. 

You wanted him, in all the ways that he was. 

He gave you a long look, as though he was thinking about whether it was right or wrong, before he captured your lips in another long kiss and started moving inside of you. 

You had pressed your bodies together, a film of sweat forming on both your torsos from the heat and it felt like sweet agony, the friction created as you moved against him, him fucking in and out of you, faster and faster. 

He reached his high before you, groaning and spilling inside of you. 

You relished the feeling, peppering little kisses on his face as he came down, a small smile appearing on his lips. 

He reached his hand into your hair to push some sweaty strands away from your face and you caught sight of the mark, dark and sinister against his arm. 

You must have made a face because he retracted it almost immediately, pulling out and moving to lie beside you where he could hide it from your view, his face screwed up with anger and guilt. 

You had looked at where his arm was tucked behind him, thinking of the mark, wondering if it should bother you more than it did. 

You moved to lie against him, moulding your body against his. 

You had missed being able to lie with him, completely naked. It was an incredible feeling, you had spent most of your fourth year together naked, it seemed like that was so long ago, that you couldn't have known how lucky you were to have that time with him until it was past. 

You pulled his ring from your finger, offering it back to him. 

"You kept your promise." You said, your head fitting into the crook of his neck, placing a kiss there. 

He didn't react so you lifted your head to look at him. He looked back at you with lidded eyes, his face looked sleepy, he must have not been getting much rest sleeping without you the last two weeks, amongst whatever other terrors he was dealing with. 

"You keep it, call it another promise." He said, before dropping his head onto your pillow and closing his eyes. 

You did not ask what that promise was, just slid it back onto your ring finger and settled down against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited this while drunk on Christmas day so I hope it's okay. Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it!


	14. Ghostbar and the Adventures of Being Amish

Saturday night came faster than you wanted it to. You had been discussing and planning your operation all week since Hermione had recruited you for the Ministry but now that the day had actually arrived, you were concerned that something might go wrong.

You had been in a muggle bar before, but from what you understood a nightclub was different, and you had to look like you belonged there. You had thought you would just have to observe what the other people there were doing and replicate it, so not to look suspicious. 

You were slightly apprehensive about what you were wearing, too. You knew that muggle fashion was more modern that yours but the dress you had bought was tiny. You had not worn something like it before. Your outfits were hardly conservative however to have so much skin on show was something new entirely.

You were looking over the blueprints of the club after a bath, wearing your bath robe and sitting down at your desk in your office, the door to your sleeping quarters slightly ajar as you played with strands of your wet hair.

You heard a knock at your office door and padded over to open it to find Neville standing there. He adverted his eyes immediately when he saw your state of undress. You were completely covered in a rob however Neville's nobility must have told him that it was not appropriate to see you like that.

You were surprised it had taken him this long to come to your room to remind you of the schedule. The sun had already set and darkness was creeping over the castle. 

Neville had been so determinedly organising your operation, copying sheets of reading material, going into muggle London to get the blueprints of the club, researching the regulators, that you had thought that now the day had arrived to infiltrate Rosalind's club Neville would have had you and Draco up at the crack of dawn to start planning.

You invited Neville inside but he declined your offer, his hands coming up over his eyes to block you from his view. He insisted that he should not enter your office when you are so clearly undressed, however he did want to remind you that you were all to meet an hour before apparating into London to go over the finer details of your mission.

You had laughed at his honourable nature, agreeing and assuring him you would meet him in his office as he had asked, before saying your goodbyes and closing the door on him, seeing him banging into the wall as he left, his hands still over his eyes.

You had spent a little more time thinking over tonight and how you were going to navigate not only a new experience in a different world, but also a job designed for an actual trained auror.

The best thing to do now was get ready, you thought. You had styled yourself as you thought would be the most appropriate. Timeless and classic hair and makeup, and then squeezed yourself into your tiny black dress.

You were standing in your bedroom, looking in the mirror there. You turned to view yourself from all angles in the dress and almost blushed at how scandalous it was, and that Malfoy was going to see you in it.

You decided that you looked as though you fit into the muggle world, that you would not stand out as obviously a magical person. You thought his bouncers would be looking out for people who were noticeably different. You could only hope that they were not magical people and did not recognise Malfoy immediately.

You pushed your feet into a pair of heels and prepared a small shoulder bag, putting your pipe and your wand inside. You frowned when you looked at it, should you bring matches to light the pipe? You cant use your wand. Muggles wont even smoke pipes, you thought. You would have to buy muggle cigarettes.

You shook your head as you closed the bag, as if you were shaking away the stupidity of your own thoughts. You had not fully considered how different your worlds were, and it was important that you convinced the people there that you were just like everyone else. 

You threw a long robe over your dress before you left your office to go to Neville's. You did not want your students seeing you in the little dress, there was enough talk about You passed a few of your pupils in the halls and they gave you a smile and a good evening, eyeing your long robe curiously. You thought it was better a strange glance than whatever look they would have given your non existent dress.

When you arrived at Neville's office, you knocked twice before opening the door yourself, he was expecting you after all. 

You found him and Malfoy already inside, looking at the blueprints of the club just as you had been, the large thick Mylar page hovering in the air in front of them. They both had their back to you, turning their heads when you entered.

You gave them an apprehensive smile and closed the door behind you, walking up to be beside them, on Neville's right side.

"We were just discussing our movements tonight." Neville explained, pointing at the blueprint.

You nodded, waiting for him to continue. 

Malfoy was next to him, giving you a sideways glance as he took note of your hair, styled perfectly, sitting exactly as you had intended it to. Your lips were soft and plump, covered in a cherry balm. He was watching them.

"Okay, so we know that this is where we will enter, this is where the main room is, for dancing, I mean. And this is where his office is, no doubt there will be bouncers inside so we'll just have to be careful, perhaps you could distract them, I'm not sure we'll gauge it when we get there. Anyway, there is a 'fire exit' just here, close to the office. Once we have what we want we get out, through that door and apparate back here."

You followed Neville's fingers as he talked as he traced a path with them on the map in front of you both. You had raised your eyebrows when he implied you could distract the bouncers but stayed silent as he kept talking.

"Security cameras?" You asked, regarding the spot he had decided to apparate from outside the fire exit.

"None, it's out next to the bins." Malfoy replied. 

You nodded your head, good.

"Now, if you can distract the bouncers that's great, if not you will be in the room with us." Neville addressed you as you started moving around his desk.

You were nodding, knowing there was more to come.

"So, we know what we are looking for, right? Anything that looks to be of magical possession or correspondence. Muggle paper is different to ours, sift through all that and see if we can find any hard or prosecutable evidence he's up to something." Neville was looking at both you and Malfoy now, his face serious.

You felt bad that you thought it sort of funny, seeing Neville so assertive. 

Neville was in charge of the operation but Malfoy still had that effortless masculine energy about him, he was leaning against Neville's desk looking painfully good, his face relaxed but set. He was wearing his full black suit again, only he was wearing it as the muggle's did, with the jacket open and the first few buttons of the shirt undone.

You tried not to watch him so obviously, it was painful enough to have him leaning there, looking gorgeous, without embarrassing yourself by mooning over him like you were a schoolgirl again.

Malfoy had a look on his face that told you that Neville had been talking about this a lot before you had arrived and he was well versed in the objective and the means by which to reach it.

You simply nodded you head, confirming that you were listening and understanding him. 

Neville did find it difficult to tolerate people who ignored him or underestimated him, something which he seemed to develop after his valiant efforts during the war. Once he had proved himself and outgrown his unfortunate childhood looks, he could not handle people making him feel small anymore.

Neville was dressed similarly to Malfoy, wearing a shirt and trousers. You wondered briefly if they looked too formal but thought better of it. Men's fashion was classic, you imagined they would simply look distinguished.

You walked around to Neville's chair, dropping your bag from your shoulders. 

"Just one thing," You said. They both turned to look at you. "How will I distract a bouncer, if it comes to it?"

With that question you dropped your robe from your shoulders to reveal your dress. 

Both Neville and Malfoy stared at you. Malfoy's eyes narrowed in lust, you knew that look on him, and it made heat shoot to your core. You had seen that look so many times, but to see it now, when so much of you was bare before him, made you feel weak and giddy. Neville's eyes had just become comically wide and he looked as though he was seeing something he shouldn't be seeing.

"Probably.. like that." Was all Neville said before ripping his eyes away from your body, shaking his head to shake the image from his head as he rolled up the blueprint and packed it away in a locked box.

Neville looked back at you once he had locked the box an quickly adverted his eyes again, as though he was shocked you were still there.

"Is that.." Malfoy spoke, but his voice was raspy.

He cleared his throat as he stood up straight, gathering himself.

"Is that what they wear in the muggle world, then." He asked, his voice stronger this time.

You nodded, spinning around a little, to prove a point.

You heard Neville choke from the other side of the desk but Malfoy's lips just curled up into a smirk.

You suddenly did not feel insecure about wearing the dress anymore.

Neville announced that it was time to leave, and that McGonagall had spoken with him earlier and told him that it is your duty to protect the school above all else. If something were to go wrong, you were not to bring a fight back to the school. It was to be settled by the Ministry and not her.

You had nodded your head and given Neville a look that said _'of course'_ and he gave you a nervous one back as you gathered together to apparate at the same time, slinging the thin strap of your bag over your shoulder.

Draco was not allowed to apparate anymore. Since the war he was ordered to move around using the floo system so his movements could be tracked easily. There was a spell on him that notified the Ministry if he tried to apparate or use a portkey to travel. Hermione had told him she would lift the ban on his restrictions just for that night as he was working for her.

You all stood together in Neville's office, eyeing one another before Neville asked if you both remembered where you had agreed to go first, an alley a street away from Rosalind's club.

Malfoy and you both nodded and after the count of three you had arrived, in an uncomfortable and twisty fashion, in the aforementioned alley. You all looked around at each other, making sure you were all there and in one piece.

"Okay." Neville said, slightly breathlessly. He was nervous. "So we all know what we have to do, get in and look convincing." 

Neville pulled some muggle money from his pocket and handed it to you and Malfoy, explaining it was for if an entry fee was required and to a buy a drink if needs be, if you were going to appear casual.

You stepped out of the alley onto the pavement, and when you looked along the street you could see the bright, glowing sign that sat on Rosalind's club building.

"There it is, Ghostbar. Right, are you ready to go?" Neville asked, fixing you both with a look.

You looked behind you to move out of the way for a group of people walking up the street towards you and noticed there was a small lit up corner shop at the end of the road.

"Could I actually get something to smoke? I'm out of my wits tonight." You asked, motioning to the shop.

Neville had rolled his eyes slightly but agreed, he told you to be wuick and you rushed along to the shop as fast as your heels would allow you.

Malfoy took several strides and caught up with you, telling you that you were not going anywhere alone looking like _that_. 

You had agreed, and he followed you inside. 

There was a queue at the till so you had to wait behind some other customers before you could be served. You stood with Malfoy, trying to act cool and not like being close to him made you insane. Things between you were still completely up in the air, having not been able to have a conversation about what was said between you in the astronomy tower yet.

The truth was, you were not sure if either of you were the same person you had been when you had loved each other before. You had been though a war and seven years of grief and hardship. Who was to say that you were even compatible anymore?

You were looking around the shop in curiosity. There was a couple in front of you in the queue, and you looked at the way they were dressed, very different to you and Malfoy, that was for sure. They were already drunk, kissing each other, their arms wrapped around one another. You looked away from them, thinking it embarrassing, especially with Malfoy right next to you.

You cast your eyes over to the products on sale on a stand in front of you. You felt like you must have been squinting at the harshness of the florescent muggle lights.

Their marketing was strange, all their signs were garish and colourful, it felt abrasive. You looked down at the products in the plastic boxes and found that they were condoms, of all different favours and descriptions. 

You felt your face get hot for a second before you looked away, not wanting Malfoy to catch you looking at them. You snuck a look up at him and found him facing forward, a small smirk on his face. Bastard.

You were looking around still, moving up slightly in the queue so it was just you waiting behind the amorous couple being served. You imagined everyone else in this shop was heading in the same direction as you, everyone dressed up and buzzing with the excitement of a night out.

You looked over to the door, a boy and his friend were standing at the end of the aisle in front of it. The boy was looking at you, his eyes scanning your body from head to toe, his face wore an expression you did not like. It was lust, but there was something else there too, something that made you move closer to Malfoy.

You narrowed your eyes at him but he kept his gaze on yours. It was then that you felt Malfoy's hand snake around you waist and pull you closer to his side.

You felt it again, the warmth that spread through you whenever he touched you. It was more like fire. You couldn't believe he was doing this, not only protecting you from the advances of creepy men, but also being dominant and possessive, something you were incapable of not being turned on by.

When you reached the front of the line you asked for cigarettes and the cashier just stared at you.

You realised that there would have been lots of different kinds of cigarettes and were angry at yourself for not thinking ahead.

You remembered seeing an old advert on television years ago when your home television intercepted the muggle broadcasting system and asked for Marlboro, and a lighter.

You tried not to look like an idiot when you handed him the money and told him to keep the change as you had no use for it.

As you were leaving the shop you passed the creepy man at the door and Malfoy stood in front of him, blocking him from you as he opened the door to let you out.

You thanked him and once you were out onto the street you groaned at how badly you had handled that muggle experience. 

"It's okay he probably just thought we were Amish or in a weird cult." Malfoy tried to comfort you but that just made it worse, then you laughed, and thought well maybe that did make it better.

Neville found you both just as you were lighting one of your cigarettes, holding the pack towards Malfoy who took one graciously.

You pressed down on the flint of the lighter and watched as it sparked to life, the flame burning tall and bright, wavering slightly in the night air.

You all stopped and looked impressed at the creation you were holding.

Malfoy leaned in to light the end of his cigarette on the flame before taking a drag from it.

You both looked at one another, not too impressed with the Muggle tobacco.

Neville watched you both, clearly impatient. You offered him one from your pack but he shook his head. 

You started walking up towards Ghostbar, wondering if all clubs had cheesy names, when you saw a line to get inside. You screwed up your face and shot Neville a look. You did not think that the first hurdle was going to be even getting into the place.

You walked up to where the line started, in front of the door, looking at all the people standing waiting to get in. You finished your cigarette and dropped it onto the ground, looking at it. You stepped on it to stop it burning, not realising that the paper did not stop unless you put it out.

The doorman was watching you curiously, even in your peripheral you could see him looking you up and down. You tried not to look uncomfortable at being checked out while feeling entirely on show but it must have showed. 

You looked over to catch the doorman's eye, wondering if his interest in how you looked would aid you in getting inside the club, but found him to be eyeing Malfoy and Neville just as curiously.

"You guys aren't from around here, are you?" He asked, his mouth quirking up into a smile.

You blanched, shocked that he had seen through your guise so easily. You remembered what Malfoy had said and reacted quickly.

"We're Amish." You said.

Malfoy and Neville choked a bit behind you, not realising that you were going to make up an entire story in to get in.

The doorman eyed you, wary.

"Really?" He asked, his interest piqued. 

You turned back to Malfoy, giving him a look that told him to go with it. He stepped forward to stand next to you.

"Oh, yes. We are out for Rumspringa, it is where we are allowed out to experience life outside of the colony." Malfoy said, so convincingly you almost believed him yourself.

You had forgotton what an incredible liar he was.

Neville nodded behind you both furiously.

The doorman laughed a bright, real laugh. He found it hilarious to think that you were actual, real life Amish people, out on the town getting a taste of the real world.

"No shit?" He said. "I knew there was something about you guys, you have a weird vibe. You look like you've never smoked a cigarette before."

You pulled your pipe from your bag excitedly.

"I haven't!" You said, realising that your pipe would only further embellish your story. "I usually smoke from this." You held up the pipe to him.

The doorman took the pipe from your hands and examined it, his face was twisted in a strange joy at meeting what he must have considered interesting people. How little he knew.

He handed the pipe back, laughing again. He turned and motioned for the bouncer to open the main door to the Ghostbar. He opened the heavy door and the muffled sound of loud music filtered out into the night.

"Do you know what, you guys go ahead. Enjoy your time here, I can't believe I've met actual Amish people, man." He laughed, motioning for you all to enter.

The people waiting at the front of the queue watched you walk past them into the club with fury on their faces, you just breezed through, making sure you could feel Malfoy behind you.

Once inside, you turned to the boys and shared a laugh. None of you could believe you had just managed to swing that. 

You turned to enter the club fully, walking down a narrow hallway covered in posters and advertisements, the music getting louder and louder until you turned at the end of it and followed it round into the main dance floor, the music assaulting your ears as you walked further into the room.

It was unlike anything you had ever seen before, the music was electronic and bouncy, loud and demanding as it filled the room. It was dark, the only lights were colourful and strobing across the room from their position on the walls. 

It was packed with people, everyone dancing and drinking, moving with the beat of the music. Some were at the bar, buying drinks, everyone else moving and gyrating to the song playing.

You turned to look at Malfoy and Neville to see their reactions, wondering if their faces were as stunned as your own. 

Neville looked on in disbelief, he seemed both in and out of his comfort zone. Malfoy's face was impassive, mostly, a hint of a smirk on his lips as he looked around.

You turned back around and noticed that everyone was holding a drink or had at least clearly been drinking. Neville had noticed too as he moved close to Malfoy to shout in his ear that he should get us some drinks so we can blend it better.

Malfoy had nodded, sending you a look before walking over to the bar to order you all something alcoholic.

When you turned back to look at the dance floor again you wondered if there was any need to try and blend in when everyone seemed so totally in their own little world, lost in the nature of the place. It was so loud and dark, exciting and suffocating at the same time.

You did, however notice there was a bouncer standing off to the side of the dance floor, and he was watching you and Neville.

You remembered that is why you needed to blend in, so that you could move around inside of the club, not obvious to anyone. So you could get to Rosalind's office and find the information for Hermione without getting caught.

You looked at Neville who had also clocked that you were both being watched by the bouncer. You looked over the all the people dancing and turned back to Neville, grabbing his hands and pulling him towards the floor.

"We have to dance!" You shouted over the music, your voice straining to get loud enough to be heard.

Neville nodded, allowing you to pull him into the messy crowd of muggles.

You heard, or rather felt, the tempo of the song change as you moved into the crowd. Everyone around you started yelling out loudly in applause as the ground started to vibrate with the bassy friction of the sound system. People started jumping wildly, others throwing themselves into the music completely. 

Someone bumped into Neville and he just laughed, you both did, before you started thrashing about along to the music as well, taking Neville's hands to steady yourself as you both got into it.

The tempo of the song changed again and although you could still feel the floor vibrating, everyone around you started to change, now moving more purposefully, their bodies swaying and hips moving in a way you know McGonagall never would have tolerated in her dance class.

You started to mimic their movements, allowing your body to feel this new music, new sounds and feelings in this new setting. You watched the others and found yourself feeling suddenly incredibly free.

You understood it all at once, why the muggles did this.

Neville was cutting some seriously questionable shapes but he too was lost in this very specific feeling, the both of you smiling broadly at each other.

You looked over and found Malfoy was at the bar ordering your drinks, you watched him hand the barman a note and then hold his hand up to tell him to keep the change.

He leaned back against the bar then, his eyes on you. You were still moving in tandem with the beat, moving your body as everyone else was. 

The music was loud and unlike anything you had ever heard before. It had you in a trance like state, just lost inside of it.

Malfoy kept his eyes on you from his position against the bar. He was holding a neat drink, no ice. He scooped it back in one swoop and then banged it against the bar. His eyes never leaving you once, they were hungry. The feeling of him watching you was giving you a buzz, just the feeling of everything combined was so overpowering.

Everything was so loud and so hot and the lights so bright and it was all just too much.

The song ended and you and Neville were grabbing each other's arms and laughing, feeling totally lost in the moment, almost forgetting altogether why you were there in the first place.

A new song came on but this one was slower, more bassy but less jumpy. You turned back to look at the bar but Malfoy had disappeared because he was entering the crowd now with your drinks. 

He handed you and Neville your drinks and you scooped them back quickly, gulping them down to get rid of them. He had ordered you something with Cranberry in it. You smiled to yourself after you tasted it, he remembered. 

Malfoy was still watching you, as though he was transfixed by you. 

Neville took your glass from your hand and said in Malfoy's ear loudly that he was going to scope the place out and he would return when he had his bearings.

You nodded at Neville to let him know that you had heard him, and then he was gone, out of the crowd. 

Malfoy was still watching you, his face so intense that you felt ever hotter than you already did surrounded by a sea of bodies.

Your body was still moving on instinct to the sound that was filling the room. He moved closer, placing his hands on your hips as you moved them. A smirk was tugging at his lips and you couldn't really believe that you were seeing him like this.

His face illuminated by the ever changing lights that were flashing across his face. His eyes changing with them, reflecting everything in sight.

You felt yourself turn around in his grasp to press your back against his torso, moving your body against him. 

It was fuzzy and confusing, being sweaty and surrounded by strangers, but you could swear you could hear him curse and grow hard against you.

His hands were on your hips, open palms splayed against your sides as he followed your movements. You felt his head tuck into your neck and you turned to press the side of your face against his. 

The song slowed down and became intense and he turned you around in his arms. You both stared at each other, now both of you not moving in the middle of the moving mass of people. 

He pushed a hand into your hair, the bottom of his palm coming to rest on the side of your face. His face was dead set, and there was emotion there. You could feel him coming towards you and it snapped you out of your moment with him. 

It felt as though everything came screaming back into your senses, everything always melted away with him, like it was just the two of you. 

Once you snapped back you broke his gaze, moving away from him, pushing through the crowd to get out of the room, you were walking as fast as you could to a door that lead you to a separate smokers area.

You pushed the carton up to your lips and pulled a cigarette from the box. You almost reached into your bag for your wand to simply cast incendio before you remembered that you were in the muggle world.

Not being able to use magic felt oppressive and strange. You lit it instead with your lighter, taking a quick draw from it before exhaling slowly.

You had finished smoking by the time Malfoy found you in the smoking area, walking over to you with his usual tilt. You gave him a look that told him to not start this now but he disregarded it.

"What is going on with you?" He asked, pulling you off to the side. 

Your back hit a wall and you realised that you had cornered yourself. 

"Draco, stop it." You spoke, and his face changed from impassive to impassive with a slightly harder stare. "I can't do this, it's too much. You and I were so long ago and so much has changed, I mean fuck, when I saw you last night with the healer it made me think how many women there must have been since me and I can't take it. I cant bear to think about it."

You were spilling your guts, and not too sure why. You felt like the stress of the week had been mounting and now all of a sudden you were in a pressurised situation and he smelled so good and you had started to lose your filter.

"You cant take it?" He said, his face flashing with anger. "Do you know how many times I imagined you with that Auror? Do you know how many times I thought of you, navigating your life. You are so beautiful, Y/N. I could not handle the thought of you being fawned over by all these men when I wanted you so badly. Every time some woman was laughing at my jokes in a tavern, don't you think it was your face that flashed across my mind? Stop pretending this is all one sided, that you were the only one who got hurt."

You found the strength to meet his eyes but they were soft now. He had moved closer to you, your body trapped between him and the wall, you could feel his breath on your face.

"It's been so long, how do you know we're even the same people.." You trailed off, desperately trying to keep your brain focused on being rational rather than how close his lips were to yours.

"Tell me you don't feel it." He said, his eyes deep now. "I know you do, I know you feel that thing between us. It's bigger than you and I. You want me, and I want you."

You took a deep breath, knowing your resolve wouldn't hold out much longer.

"Stop running from it." He said quietly, so quiet that it almost couldn't hear it over the muffled music coming from behind the door. 

His head had tilted and was moving towards yours, you could feel every nerve in your body react and you knew you were about to give in to the feeling you both knew you couldn't deny.

That was, until Neville came around the corner and startled you both.

"You two." You heard Neville say. 

You both flew apart, Malfoy's face impassive, yours undoubtedly guilty. Neville looked between the two of you for a second before he decided not to address the position he had found you in and instead kept speaking.

"The bouncer has just left to go somewhere with a girl, I want to say we have about ten to fifteen minutes. It has to be now." Neville's voice was stern.

You and Malfoy both raise your eyebrows at Neville's estimation but then both nodded your heads at him stoutly.

Neville turned on his heel and set of out of the smokers area, his pace fast as he took long and sure steps down a hallway off of the dance floor. The door to Rosalind's office was up a few steps off of a hallway not likely used by any club goers.

It was tucked away in a section of the wall you would not think to look. 

You tried the handle but it was locked, of course.

Neville kept watch in front of you and Malfoy as he pulled his wand from his suit jacket and cast alohomora on the lock. 

You did not hear the telltale sound of a lock snapping and when you tried it again you found it was still locked. You shot Malfoy a worried look. Whichever locking charm Rosalind was using on this door was more complex that you had originally thought.

Malfoy put one finger up in front of you to tell you to wait while he thought, before he moved his wand expertly over the lock and spoke a spell you had never heard before.

With that, you heard the metal sound of the door unlocking and when you moved the handle and found it to turn all the way, relief flooded your body.

Draco entered first, and you grabbed Neville by his arm, alerting his attention and pulled him inside the office with you.

You locked the door behind you, not that it would matter. Whoever found you in there would have the means to unlock the door themselves.

His office was small and dark, cold and clinical, like everything modern in the muggle world. His desk was made of metal and wood, his filling cabinets the same, cold and grey. There was nothing on his walls, the room purely perfunctory.

Neville spoke, reminding everyone of the plan. You all took different sections of the office, searching through his paperwork to find anything of use to the Ministry, anything that you could connect him to the uprising Hermione was suspicious of.

You took to his desk, sifting through the mound of messy papers on top of it. You were picking up pieces of paper and scanning over them quickly, discarding them if they were of no consequence to you. You saw the yellow frayed edges of a piece of parchment under a binder and moved everything from on top of it.

It was there that you found a framed photograph, lying underneath the mess on top of the parchment. It was a picture of a woman and a child, posing nicely together inside the frame. 

The picture was moving, and you understood it to be magical the moment you saw it. They were posing nicely against a neutral background, but the young girl was baring her teeth as it moved, giving the viewer a cheeky smile.

You picked the photograph up and observed it. He had a family, presumably a wife and a daughter. Here you were spying on him and working against him, and you did not even know what Hermione was planning on doing to him if she found solid proof of what she believed were treasonous crimes.

You placed the frame to the side, the two people inside still smiling at you, their faces calm and happy. You felt suddenly regretful about being there. 

You picked up the parchment from the desk, sliding it out from where it was wedged between more paperwork. 

It was a list of names. You presumed they were the names of all those involved in his organisation. You considered putting it in your bag to bring back to Hermione but could not bring yourself to do so.

Malfoy was eyeing you from next to the desk, behind it was a filing cabinet which Rosalind had enchanted so that everything inside disappeared once opened by a wand that did not belong to him. 

Malfoy was working on undoing the magic of the spell, understanding that the mechanism must work in the same way that a vanishing cabinet did, that the material inside transferred to another place once opened. You watched him feel around the inside of the drawers, trying to understand it. 

You had forgotten his keen ability to fix broken magical items.

You placed the parchment back down on the desk and covered it with more paperwork, trying to put it back the way that you had found it. You decided that if Rosalind was going down for this that did not mean that anyone else involved had to as well.

Neville was watching the door while simultaneously looking through a bureau to the right of it, opening each small door in search of evidence.

It was then that Neville turned to alert you that footsteps were approaching the door. You all panicked and slammed closed anything you had opened previously, moving quickly to stand next to each other. 

"We have to apparate." You whispered harshly. 

Of course, you had planned to find some evidence and then apparate from outside the fire exit that stood across the hall from the office. But now there was no time. You had been unsuccessful and were about to be caught. 

You all braced you wands in your hands and were about to vanish into thin air when the door opened to reveal Rosalind himself, standing there looking confused and angry.

You recognised him from the picture of his profile. He looked older, more lines around his eyes and his hair slightly longer, but it was him.

You all flicked you wands at the same time, seemingly in tandem. But the appararition did not work.

Rosalind closed the door behind him and locked it. Your eyes flicked between Neville and Malfoy as you all shot each other panicked looks. 

Rosalind turned back to you. He was dressed as if he was from your world, you thought it curious he did not try to hide this fact, perhaps all the people who worked under him just thought him eccentric, or they were wizards themselves. He was wearing a long brown robe, with a shirt and waistcoat underneath, something you would see your father wearing when he went to the market to discuss trade deals with his clients.

"Magic folk." Rosalind said, almost as if he had been blind-sighted by it. "Appararition does not work in here, the room is enchanted. So you better get explaining why you are here." 

You were struck dumb, not able to speak or move. This was the worst possible outcome, the one you had discussed in an abstract way, the thing that would likely not happen, Rosalind himself finding you.

Rosalind raised his eyebrows, casually awaiting your response.

It was Neville who stepped forward and spoke.

"We're here to join the regulators." Neville said, turning around to meet your eyes. You gave him an imperceptible nod to let him know you were playing along, just as you had discussed.

Rosalind frowned and looked behind Neville at Malfoy. He tilted his head slightly before pointing at him. 

"Draco Malfoy." He stated, waving his pointer around as if to convey he had put his finger on it.

Rosalind moved around to stand behind his desk. The three of you turned slowly to face him, following his movement.

He moved some things around on the wooden surface, looking down at the scattered papers like he was trying to remember if it looked different before to determine if you had in fact been snooping or not.

"I don't know what kind of operation you think I'm running here, Mister Malfoy, but I can assure you that we are not fighting for supremacy, merely fighting against the corruption of the Ministry. We are rising up against the unfair treatment of our people, it's about equality, not whatever it is you fought for."

Malfoy's jaw clenched, the bone popping out under his skin. Neville was looking back at him as if to ask for help, his eyes wide.

Hermione had told you that it was an uprising, that Malfoy would be the sort of person Rosalind would trust. You realised that your intuition was correct and this was not about supremacy at all. Rosalind did not trust Malfoy because Rosalind did not want what Hermione thought he wanted. He wanted peace.

"I have not wanted pure-blood supremacy for a very long time." Malfoy spoke, his voice strong and stern. "I never even wanted it when my family were fighting for it during the war. I realise that the reason pure-bloods are being persecuted unfairly is because of something I contributed to. I want to see my people protected by the law fairly, and I wish to be on the right side of history this time."

Rosalind eyed Malfoy for a long time, his face difficult to read in the dark. Only the striped light filtering through the window blinds illuminating his face.

"It's true." You spoke. "He is a good man." 

You were not lying when you said those words. Malfoy looked to the side but did not meet your eyes, just acknowledged your sentiment.

"And you?" Rosalind asked, nodding his head at you.

"My name is Y/N Y/L/N. My family are pure-bloods back generations, they own a farm up in the highlands and run a business from it. I want to know they are protected, not being treated unfairly for something they are not in control of. My loyalties during the war were with Harry Potter, I want to see right done again." You spoke with such conviction you almost weren't sure if you were actually lying to him or not.

Neville had turned his head and met you with an unreadable expression before turning back to Rosalind's expectant face.

"My name is Ben Garrett." Neville lied easily. For a moment you had forgotten that he had used to be an auror therefore would have been trained for these situations. "My family are pure-bloods too, and I believe it is a true injustice to treat us as people to be wary of, or suspicious of. I was there during the fight that day in '98, and I want to know that the equality I fought for still stands."

You and Malfoy were watching the back of Neville's head. You had all spoken with such passion that you began to wonder if you all actually believed your statements.

Rosalind was eyeing you all, but each of you kept your face strong and set, keeping eye contact with him as he observed you.

"Compelling stuff." Rosalind finally spoke. His voice light and airy.

You broke from your serious stupor to furrow your brow. Was this not serious?

"If you want to join my regulators, I'll see to it that you fight alongside me. I can see that you are passionate about the cause, but I must ask, how did you know about it?" Rosalind furrowed his brow.

Your body had relaxed in relief at him believing you, but then tensed again at his question.

"We read your privately published articles." Neville said almost immediately. You hoped it wasn't obvious the way your shoulders dropped at not being caught out. "Then we heard chatter of a group building in numbers, rising up against the Ministry."

Rosalind nodded, satisfied with Neville's answer.

He sifted through the paperwork you had been searching earlier, looking for the parchment with the names of his conspirators on it. You thanked Merlin you had not taken it when you found it. 

You noticed Rosalind happen upon the picture you had found earlier, his eyes softening, fingers gently tracing over a face inside the photo. You watched him curiously. He did not seem like the criminal mastermind that Hermione had made him out to be.

Rosalind covered the photo with a piece of paper and held up the parchment, waving it in the air.

"If you are serious about joining the cause, then I suppose you wont mind adding your names to the list of members, will you?" He asked. He was watching Malfoy more than you or Neville, obviously more wary of him than you two.

Rosalind placed the parchment on the table in front of you both and a quill appeared on top of it, the long feather extending out across the page.

"Pledge your names to me and consider yourself a part of the band. We are holding a rally soon, I will send details to Malfoy, he can inform you of the time and place." Rosalind gave Malfoy an odd smile, as though he was making a point of Malfoy's whereabouts being known at all times now due to the public nature of his disgrace after the war. 

You looked between each other as Neville picked up the quill. 

"No ink?" Neville enquired. 

Rosalind shook his head.

"No need, the document and quill are enchanted. The name you sign on the page binds you to the organisation, it's like a contract." Rosalind explained.

You looked between each other before Neville signed his name, the letters shining up in gold font before fading to black.

You were really doing this, committing to a cause for the sake of infiltrating a group of rebels for the Ministry. You wondered how this became your life, you were so happy just teaching at Hogwarts before Hermione came along and made everything complicated.

You took the quill from Neville's hand when he offered it to you, looking down at it. You felt your breath quicken. Memories of the night in Umbridge's office flooded back to you after years of not thinking about them. 

Malfoy sensed your apprehension and moved to place his hand on your lower back. 

Rosalind eyed the movement.

"She has had bad experiences with enchanted Quills." Malfoy explained on your behalf, your eyes still fixed on the pointed edge of the feather.

"I understand." Rosalind said. "I can promise you no harm will come to you if you sign your name. It is simply a test of loyalty."

You nodded and placed your hand to the page, pressing against the parchment, your chest still rising and falling as you saw the gold letters pour from the quill.

Malfoy then signed his name and Rosalind gave a strange chuckle.

"Draco Malfoy on my side, who would have thought it." He said, Malfoy gave him a dry look back.

Rosalind then instructed you all to leave through the fire exit opposite his office. You could have rolled your eyes at how ironic it was that you were meant to leave through that door having never met him. Instead you were leaving as the new members of a fucking uprising.

Once outside you all apparated back to Hogwarts, Malfoy placing his hand on your waist and taking you with him.

You had arrived back in Neville's office, in exactly the same spot you had left from. You all looked at each other for a moment before you spoke.

"Fuck!" You said loudly.

The two men laughed, but it was a bitter laugh. 

"Yes, we are fucked." Malfoy answered you. He looked in disbelief.

Neville moved around behind his desk, pulling writing materials out of his drawers.

"I suppose I better send some correspondence to Granger and let her know we've successfully infiltrated the regulators." Neville said, you could tell by his voice his head was somewhere else.

"I just wanted to teach fucking potions." You said, your voice limp.

Malfoy and Neville both shot you comic looks as Neville set to writing a letter, still standing in front of his desk, hunched over.

"The Ministry thanks you for your service." Malfoy said, making a show of holding his hand up to his forehead in a salute.

You nudged him with your shoulder and gave him a chuckle.

Neville closed his letter and walked to his window to attach it to his owl, sending the bird away into the night to get the word to the Ministry.

You all decided you needed to sleep, the events of the evening playing heavily on your anxious minds. Malfoy and you stepped out into the hallway outside Neville's office and just looked at one another for a moment, you were both tired.

"You've never been a good liar, you know that?" Malfoy asked, presumably rhetorically.

You furrowed your brow and went to ask him what he meant by that but he had already turned on his heel and was walking away from you in the opposite direction, towards a staircase that would lead him to his quarters.

He wished you a goodnight from the staircase and you just watched him go before you turned and took off yourself.


	15. Show Me What You Are

Being in sixth year seemed to have its advantages. You were only two years away from concluding your time at Hogwarts and noticed that your school life had started to change.

The teachers spoke to you as equals, conversing with you as they would other adults. The younger students were wary of you, you were the older kids now, and you yourself remembered how you would feel when you saw the sixth and seventh years walking about the halls when you were their age. You knew not to fuck with them. Draco had never seemed aware of this unspoken rule and you could never quite believe the way he spoke to the sixth and seventh years when you were only in your first. 

You also remembered that they never spoke back to him, Draco's power and influence had obviously been well known. You hated that, that he had all this unearned respect, and that people were scared of him because of the name he bared. 

All of that seemed so inconsequential now, now that you had seen him shaking and crying in your room, cursed with a mark that all family power and influence had gotten him.  
As you had gotten older you found that sex and relationships were rife around the castle. There had always been mentions and talk of sex in your first few years, people claiming to have done it, or others in your year that really had. But it was always gossip and chatter. 

When you came into your fourth year, sex became less of an enigma. All of a sudden people were coupling off and doing the do, and soon it became as normal as having not done it. 

It seemed like everyone who had 'done it' had been dating someone at the time, casual sex did not become more the norm until the end of your fifth year. You could only assume if two people were dating then it meant that they had probably had sex, there was seldom chastity at Hogwarts.

There were others, like Abeliene, who enjoyed the pleasures of sex without the 'burden of commitment' to quote her directly. The first time she had gotten with someone, she had come to your room afterwards to discuss it at length, not sparing any detail. You understood that the sex Abeliene was having and the sex you would eventually have would be different. Abeliene was gay, therefore there would be no dick involved, but with you there would be. You remembered Abeliene telling you that just because he has a dick doesn't mean he doesn't have a mouth or hands, and not to settle for the lack of use of either.

You had found yourself grateful that Draco had been your first and only. He was, to put it mildly, fucking incredible, and the longer you had slept together the better he got. You knew each other inside out, and he knew where to touch you, the right places to kiss, to caress. The idea of losing of him ripped you in half, but the idea of not having sex with him again seemed just as painful.

Sometimes you looked at Abeliene and wondered if she really was as good as she made out to be. She prided herself on being able to get a girl off in about a minute. Sometimes you would look at her when she was standing next to you in potions, watch her hands grasp a mortar, or the way her fingers moved expertly between the pages of a textbook, finding the right number, and just wonder what it was like with her. Then you would shake your head and break out of your trance, telling yourself to stop that at once.

All the evidence you ever needed had waited outside the entry to Hufflepuff house. The amount of times you had returned to the tower and one of Abeliene's conquests would be standing outside, asking if she was in there, or if could they speak to her. You would go inside to tell Abeliene and she would look at you deadly serious and tell you that's why you don't sleep around inside of your own house, so you have somewhere to hide from them when they fall in love with you.  
So you couldn't help but wonder how good she was in bed.

It bothered you that your relationship with Draco had to be a secret. You thought that your whole year must have thought you were still a virgin. It bothered you more than it should have, just that people thought you were still pure and un-corrupted when you had been swinging from the chandelier with Draco Malfoy for years. 

A few rumours circulated about you, some boys coming forward to claim they had been with you, but it was all squashed eventually. And then, of course, came the speculation that you and Abeliene were together, or that you were simply gay and that was why you had never had a boyfriend. You thought that was an odd conclusion to reach, because gay relationships were hardly an anomaly at Hogwarts, surely you would have just been in one of them, instead of taking a vow of celibacy.

Sixth year seemed particularly rife with hormones and sexual deviancy though, it seemed like everywhere you looked in the hallways people were cosying up to one another, kissing and almost fucking in windowpanes, or out in the courtyard.

You would have get-togethers often, Slytherin were rarely included in the inter-house socialising events, as they did not seem to want to be included. But you would all meet in your respective common rooms to host parties and celebrations. That is where you would see the most of it, people pairing off and looking for empty rooms and dark places to fuck.

You walked in on Lavender Brown and Ron Weasley after the New Years party that year and begged Abeliene to blind you afterwards.

Slytherin had attended the New Years party that year, and it had been the drama that you had predicted it would be.

It was only sixth and seventh year that threw the event, deciding that after the bleak events of last term, everyone needed a proper 'welcome back to Hogwarts' knees up. It was held on Neutral ground in the room of requirement, and you could not believe the room had revealed itself to a bunch of Griffyndors for that purpose.

The party was huge, it seemed everyone from each house had come, you saw some fifth years sneaking about but didn't care, the night was meant to be enjoyed by everyone.

You had had so much to drink you and just about everyone you knew that night had been dancing and laughing together, you were still on a high from having such a wonderful Christmas, and only slightly were you drinking too much to avoid thinking about the ever looming fear that there was a war coming and your parents could already be dead.

Draco had come for a while, stiff and regal as he always was. His Slytherin peers had greeted him jovially, but you knew that the allegiance that Crabbe and Goyle had one had for him was fading. Zabini and Parkinson still hung around with Draco and it made you feel sick, however judging by the way they looked at one another, you wondered if you had little to worry about. It still bothered you that Draco had to spend time with her after what she did to him.

You had been watching Draco stand stiffly with a drink in his hand from afar. You were in a crowd of people all chanting and cheering Abeliene on as she downed a pint of port.  
You looked away from Draco in time to grab Abie as she fell over after chugging the entire pint, her laughing and burping as you wedged your hands under her arms to keep her off the floor, her body practically horizontal.

Abeliene stood upright and the crowd around her cheered again, earning some glances from the people around you, but everyone was too lost in having a good time to care.

You had found yourself to be even more drunk as the night wore on, the music became louder and the students were mingling more. The room was alive with the mischief of inebriated students. At one point someone let off some fireworks from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, and they exploded high into the room's tall ceiling. Everyone had stopped when they heard the bangs, but once they saw the colourful sparks ignite everyone was cheering and throwing themselves around again.

You had spoken with just about everyone that night, spirits were high and everyone was just truly getting along, all bonded by the uncertainty of the year ahead. Everyone wanted and needed to have a good time, so they did.

The party raged until the wee hours of the morning, and you weren't sure when he had left, but Draco was gone.

All the students had started breaking off, filtering out of the room and into the hallway outside. Someone had slipped Filtch a lethal amount of puking pastilles and he would no doubt be somewhere spewing his ringer for the remainder of the morning.

You walked by some couples up against a wall, kissing as though there was no one else there. You ignored them and kept walking down the corridor, looking blearily for Draco.

You reached the end of it and found it broke off into two separate hallways, you looked down them both, hoping to see white blond hair.

You saw James down one of them and it sent you into a panic, having rarely seen him at all since the night Cedric died. You drunkenly flew backwards and ran down the other hallway the opposite way. 

You knew where he would be. Even in your fuzzy drunk mind you knew. 

You found him at the balcony next to Gryffindor tower. It took you twice as long to get there than usual as you were staggering, and occasionally getting lost and going the wrong way, but you got there eventually.

Draco spun round when he heard you, his face had been hard and pensive, but when his eyes rested on you, his demeanour softened and he even let out a chuckle.

"How much have you had to drink?" He asked, his voice amused.

You tried your best not to look completely plastered as you walked towards him to stand by his side at the balcony.

"A little." You slurred, resting your entire body weight against his side and mashing your face against his shoulder.

He laughed and moved your head to wrap his arms around your body, pulling you into him.

"I love you." You murmured against his chest. 

Your brain was just firing out thoughts, whatever popped into your head you just found yourself saying. As soon as you had one drink in you, your filter came off entirely, it made you both popular and unpopular at parties.

You heard Draco's breath hitch, but he caught it and just smiled against your head, placing a kiss into your hair, his hand running up and down your arm smoothly.

It would be two weeks later that Abeliene would come to you in the library and ask if you had heard about what happened the night before. You had just looked at her and shook your head and her eyes had bulged, a disturbing smile on her face at the prospect of telling you something juicy. She came close to you and tried to keep her voice down as she spoke:

"Ron Weasley was accidentally spiked with amortentia last night, it was in something meant for Harry, don't know who the culprit is yet but I heard a rumour it was Romilda Vane, you know how she is. But then get this, they went to Slughorn's office to get some sort of antidote and Ron almost fucking died. He's in the hospital wing right now with Granger, whatever he drank had poison in it."

Abeliene's eyes had a strange excited quality about them when she was telling you someone else's horrible news. But you were not going to pretend that it wasn't just about the maddest thing to happen that year, and it was only the middle of January.

You put your book down and turned to her fully, the both of you sharing a wide eyed exchange as you gave her a shocked face.

"Slughorn poisoned him?" You asked, obviously knowing that a Professor would never intentionally harm a student.

Well, unless it was Snape, who regularly contributed to your now spinal problems, and of course the time that Barty Crouch Jr. tried to kill harry in fourth year polyjuiced as Madeye Moody. But besides that, it wouldn't happen.. probably.

Abeliene laughed and gave you a look that said _stranger things have happened_.

"No, although at this point I wouldn't really bat an eye. I heard that Slughorn gave them something to drink, that he was intending for Dumbledore, and then Ron just dropped. Harry had to save him, he's being commended for his bravery in the great hall right now."

Your heart stopped beating right in your chest. Abeliene said something else about Harry but it was blurring away into the background as you realised why there was poison in that bottle in Slughorn's office.

Slughorn's Christmas party, Draco was there that night. That was why, it was him. 

You quickly made up a lie, telling Abeliene you were late for a extra tutoring session with Trelawney and grabbed your things, booking it out of the Library.

You knew where Draco would be, it was just after fourth period on a Monday, he would be heading back to the Slytherin common room before lunch. 

You bolted across the castle, making a beeline for the dungeons. You were flying through the hallway adjacent to your dorms when you saw him, cocky walk and white blonde hair, walking ahead of you. 

You sped up just enough to grab his arm and open the nearest door and push him inside. 

You closed the door behind you and turned back to him. Mercifully it was an empty classroom.

Draco had spun on his heel a bit, and straightened up to give you a deathly stare.

You charged towards him, only stopping when you were inches apart.

"Ron Weasley is in the hospital wing." You seethed.

Draco raised one eyebrow, and then lowered it again. His eyes shot to the side and he shrugged.

"Okay. How does that affect me?" He asked flatly.

You just kept direct eye contact with him.

"He was spiked with Amortentia, and when Potter took him to Slughorn for an antidote he almost died after drinking something in his office." You said, your voice still laced with rage.

Draco went pale. He stepped back from you until his legs hit a desk and he leaned against it, as though someone had winded him.

"Someone spiked him with Amortentia?" He asked, his voice now small.

Your once angry eyes softened instantly and dropped to the floor, realising that particular element to the story would be triggering for him.

"It was meant for Harry, but Ron got there first I guess." You said quietly.

When you looked up he was staring at the floor with wide eyes, his breathing was quickening and you knew what was about to happen.

"You have to breathe." You said as you flew towards him.

You put both your hands on his arms and forced him to look at you. His blue eyes were wide and afraid as they fixed on yours. You felt his hands come around your arms and grip them tightly as he let out panting breaths.

You counted him through his breathing, inhaling and exhaling with him until his heart rate dropped back down again.

"How could someone do that." Draco breathed out, his voice cracking.

You kept your eyes on him, continuing to breathe with him for another few minutes until his grip on your arm lessened.

You pulled him into a hug and kept your arms around his neck for as long as you needed to, feeling your own heart rate come back down.

When you pulled back you cupped his face and shook your head.

"It was wrong, you and I know that, now everyone else does." You said, your voice strong and sure.

Draco held your gaze, he looked unsure, but eventually nodded.

After what Pansy did to him in fifth year, he had never truly recovered. Some nights he would wake and his chest would be tight and he wouldn't be able to breathe. You had learned over time how to calm him down and slow his breathing, all the right things to say, to prevent one of his episodes.

You pulled back from him and walked back over to one of the desks near the door, running your hand through your hair.

"How many people are you going to hurt in pursuit of this, Draco?" You asked, flashing your eyes up look at him.

His face had glazed back over and it was infuriating. He always numbed himself whenever you asked moral questions, it was obviously learned behaviour from his mother and father.

"Don't. Don't you fucking dare zone out." You said, anger rising in your body. "What if he had died? Could you live with his blood on your hands, hm?" 

Draco kept his face impassive.

"He's just a weasel." He said, his voice flat and hard.

You scoffed in disbelief, turning back to the door for a second to try and compose yourself.

"Do you really believe you have me fooled?" You said, turning slowly back around. "Do you really believe that I buy that for one fucking second. I know what you are, Draco, and it's not a killer." 

Draco's face contorted in rage, his facade dropping. 

He flew towards you this time, grabbing your wrist and pulling you close to him. You frowned and tried to shake out his grasp, but he gripped you harder. Fear flashed over your face for a split second.

"You have no fucking idea what I am." He bit out.

He loosed his grip just a fraction and it allowed you to wrench free from it. You rubbed your wrist with your other hand, his finger marks white and stamped into your skin. You looked back at his face, it was still twisted in anger. You screwed your own face up at him:

"Well then show me." You seethed.

Draco had grabbed your hand and dragged you to an empty hallway, down to the very end where you both stood in front of a tall stone wall.

You gave him a side glance but his eyes were focused ahead. You looked back to wall in time to see the faint outline of a doorway appearing from the stonework.

The door revealed itself to you both fully, the faint rumbling of its definity echoing around you and Draco. The door way was huge, spanning most of the wall.

The room of requirement. Abeliene had told you about it, how the door revealed itself to those who needed it most. It was where she had trained in DA last year. 

Draco did not say anything, just walked over to the door, pulling one of the sides open and looking back to you as to wordlessly ask you if you were coming.

You took one more glance at the door before walking up to the entryway. Draco moved inside the room and you did too, closing the door behind you both.

It was unlike anything you had ever seen. The room was piled high with books and furniture and artefacts, the clutter forming mountains that you navigated through them, with Draco as your guide.

He led you through the chaos to stop in front of a tall object, covered with a heavy rug. 

He turned back to you and gave you a grimace.

"You want to see what I am?" He asked coldly.

He turned back around, not waiting for your response. Instead, pulling the blanket from the object, dust and debris flying through the air as the material hit the ground with a sharp sound.

You stared at what was in front of you. It looked like an iron maiden, a tall black box with silver hinges. It looked like a torture device. You felt your stomach turn and you started to wonder why you were there.

"What am I looking at?" You asked, your voice as unsure as you felt.

"It's a vanishing cabinet." Draco said, his head turned back to you but he did not meet your eyes. "It's broken. I've been trying to fix it all year, but it's.. unpredictable and difficult." 

You stared at the box, it seemed to get longer and larger the more you watched it, as though it was coming to life and looming over you. 

You had heard about vanishing cabinets, they were old magic that was not used anymore, too heavily associated with Voldemort's first rise to power. You realised that Draco would be trying to fix it because it's twin would live somewhere where it would be used so that death-eaters could travel into the castle without anyone's knowledge.

You felt so light headed you thought you could have dropped to the ground right there. The severity of the situation felt like it was resting right on your chest, that Draco was a child pawn in this plot to kill the only wizard capable of protecting Potter.

Draco finally met your eyes and judging by his face, you must have been wearing the expression that he had predicted.

"See? This is what I am." He said sharply. 

You suddenly felt a wave of calm come over you, like someone poured honey over all of your emotions. 

You felt your shoulders drop, the tension leaving them. It was like the situation was so horrific that your brain just over-rided itself in order to cope. 

You gave Draco a reasonably unimpressed look and he completely blanched.

"Right, well, go on then. Put something in it and let's see what it can do." You said, your voice as ordinary as if you had asked him the time.

Draco's eyes became wide but settled back to his impassive drawn look before he tightened his lips and said 'fine'. He reached up into a birdcage hanging nearby and grasped the little white sparrow in his fist. 

He was so careful and gentle with it, you felt your resolve start to break. Your new found casualness for the situation was fading as you watched him place the bird inside. 

You knew what the cabinet did, but it was broken, meaning that there was a chance that little bird would not survive the journey. You could only watch in horror as he placed the creature inside and closed the door.

He turned back to you, his face still set. You tried to neutralise your own features but your worry was now apparent. 

Draco was looking at you like he wanted to prove a point, that he really was ruthless and did not care whether the animal lived or died.

You were beginning to question this yourself as you watched him wait by the door for a sound that would alert you to its return.

You were watching him closely, both of you in silence. You wondered if there was evil in him, it would not be surprising. His family were cold and vicious, consumed by power and greed and a false sense of righteousness. Perhaps somewhere in all those nights of tears and shaking there was actually a bad person lurking underneath. All those learned behaviours, all those times his father would hurt him but then immediately tell him that he was better than everyone else. He was confused, but not innocent.

Maybe he really was capable of killing without mercy.

The cabinet made one of those ominous sounds you had ever heard and you felt it's memory burn onto your brain. You were living inside a memory as you experienced it, aware of how poignant it was while you were still living it.

Draco opened the door, the hinges creaking with years of rust and deterioration. You both looked inside and found the sparrow lying on it's side, wings folded downwards. 

It was dead.

Draco let out a sharp breath and reached inside to cup it in hands. The bird looked so small wrapped in his long fingers. It looked so weak and fragile. 

You suddenly felt so guilty for being a part of it's demise. How could you have forgotten yourself in an attempt to bluff Draco?

You were lost in your own thoughts, looking at the small beak of the bird, knowing it would never eat again, or sing a song, when you looked up and met Draco's eyes.

He was crying, his silver iris a startling contract against his red rimmed eyes. There was a tear escaping down his cheek, you watched it leave a wet streak on his face as it chased his jawbone.

You felt your eyes filling with tears of their own as you both stared at each other.

You reached out and cupped his cheek with one hand, rubbing your thumb over the tear that had found itself drying out against his skin. 

"You are good." You said quietly.

You weren't sure why those were the only words you could find to speak, but Draco let out a sob from his throat that he must have been holding back and you knew that those were the only words you could have said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!


	16. The Regulators

You flashed your eyes over to look at Malfoy, who was sitting beside you. He was facing forward, his expression impassive.

You were sitting in the same small coffee shop you had sat in after you had been tasked with finding information for the Ministry over a week ago, only now you were sitting across from Hermione Granger. 

You, Neville and Malfoy had been sent secret correspondence by the Ministry, ordering you to meet with the Minster of magic at a covert location to discuss the operation, as now that you had infiltrated the regulators, it had become more like a mission than a simple ' _sneak about and find stuff out for Granger_ ' sort of thing.

You had hoped that it wouldn't have come to it, actually having to confront Rosalind and convince him to allow you to join his uprising, but now that your worst fear had been realised, you were very much at the mercy of the Ministry.

You three were useful now, quite literally people on the inside. You knew the moment you signed your name to that enchanted parchment that night in Rosalind's office, you were fucked.

Granger was sitting across from you and explaining that this was how all of your interactions would be carried out from this point onwards, you would meet in the muggle world and talk privately with her or her most trusted consorts. She was asking you to find out specific information for her, and telling you that you were to attend each regulator rally and report back your findings to her. 

Hermione said it was imperative that Rosalind trusted you all, otherwise he would not divulge any crucial details of his plans in front of you, and therefore she would have nothing to use to take them down.

The way Hermione spoke gave you a weird feeling. Her eyes were darting about and her arms were crossed over. She spoke as firmly and intelligently as she ever had, but her eyes betrayed her worry. 

She rounded off your conversation by telling you, that above all else, do not let Rosalind know that you are spying on him for the Ministry. He could think anything else at all about you, but he could not think that you were working for Hermione Granger. 

There was a rally tonight, hence why the meeting with Granger. You were to go and report anything of use to her. Any clue as to when this supposed 'charge' on the Ministry was going to happen, or if he was planning something more insidious, any Intel on the possibility there were Ministry workers included in his group.

You had apparated back to Hogwarts and sat in Neville's office nursing a glass of wine with him, before one of you finally spoke.

"I don't like this, Y/N." Neville said, staring down at his desk. "Not being funny, but this is such bullshit."

You were sat behind the desk in one of the old, frayed chairs. Neville's office was just off the corridor that led to Herbology. It was an old and damp room that used to belong to Professor Sprout before her retirement. It was eerily loud. Neville grew plants inside of it, the walls lined with them, all moving of their own accord, making taught whipping noises as they wrestled in their pots. 

You laughed darkly.

"I don't like it either, Neville. Not one bit." You agreed with him. "But we have to do what they say right, our merciful Gods? Our gracious overlords?"

Neville let out a defeated chuckle, sloshing his beer around in his hand, you watched the liquid move from side the side in the bottle. He nodded eventually, sitting back in his chair, letting out a sigh.

There really was nothing you could do about it. The Ministry ask you to do something, no matter how impossible, and you do it.

"Anyway," Neville started, obviously sharing your empathy's about not having a choice in the matter. "What's going on with you and Malfoy? You were pretty cosy that night I found you outside the club." 

There was a small smile on Neville's face when he asked the question, but it was fading away as he watched your reaction. 

Your face twisted in a grimace.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I thought that maybe you two had rekindled or something. I didn't mean to.." Neville trailed off, motioning with his hand to finish his thought without further putting his foot in his mouth.

You smiled and started speaking so Neville could stop motioning with his hands wildly.

"It's okay, Neville, don't hurt yourself. He's just being so distant now. I think I hurt him, and so he's doing what he always does and retreating back into himself and putting on the Draco Malfoy front." You frowned.

Neville nodded in understanding before standing up, finishing his beer in one fluid swoop and telling you it was time to attend you first regulator rally.

  
`  
Rosalind operated out of the Ghost Bar in muggle London. He had sent Neville details on how to get inside via disappearing parchment. Words appeared on the parchment Rosalind had given him after you three joined the regulators and disappeared once they had been seen by the intended eyes.

When the club was not open to muggles it was protected by a charm that locked and sealed the doors to anyone non magical. Magic folk were only able to break the charm on the door and unlock it if they knew a sequence of words. This password changed weekly and you had to memorise it before the words blew away like dust from the parchment.

Malfoy had memorised them and spoke them against the lock, opening the door for the three of you. Neville had scrawled the words onto a piece of paper in his office before they disappeared and Malfoy had snatched the paper from his hands and looked over it twice before telling Neville to burn it.

Malfoy's memory and intelligence was certainly serving everyone in this little mission. You couldn't help but watch the way his face moved closer to the door, his jawline illuminated under the street light outside, his mouth close to the lock as he spoke the words quietly under his breath.

Malfoy was being cold, almost impossibly so. He had barely looked at you at all since the night you broke into Rosalind's office, the night that he pressed you against the wall in the smoking area and told you that you couldn't deny that you both wanted each other, and you had rebuffed him. He was hurt, and he was making you pay for it.

You entered through the fire exit you had left from the previous time you were at the club, finding your way through the corridor easily, the layout coming back to you immediately.

You could hear Rosalind before you saw him, his voice was commanding, booming as he spoke to his group in the main hall.

The club looked almost unrecognisable like this, no music, no strobe lights. Rosalind was standing on the stage on the far wall, his arms open, gesticulating wildly about injustice.

You joined the body of the crowd, eyeing both Neville and Malfoy warily before you did. There were a lot of people there, enough to fill the room anyway, and the realisation that this revolution had already picked up numbers made you impossibly nervous.

"We been pushed into the ground by the muggles. Made to live in secrecy because they simply could not comprehend what we were born with-" Rosalind spoke loudly.

A few members of the crowd made affirming noises, and you flashed your eyes around to see that all the group were watching him, hanging off his every word.

"-But we have accepted our fate, hidden our world, lived and thrived in our own communities. I see the muggle world as our neighbours, they are our brothers who never got to experience our way of life and I do not judge them for that."

Rosalind looked around the crowd, and you were relieved to see heads nodding, that everyone agreed with his sentiment. Your eyes flashed over to Malfoy to see his reaction. He was staring at Rosalind with his usual impassive look, but there was something else in his eyes that told you that this was hitting home for him.

"But now we face a greater threat. People in our own world working to oppress those of pure magical blood. How can it be that our own magical brothers and sisters have turned against us, just because of our lineage?" 

  
You understood that tensions were high after the war. People were scared, scared that a man like Voldemort could have amassed such a large following. That his ideology about pure blood supremacy had been heard and resonated so loudly with so many. 

"Tell me, is it fair that the Ministry is rolling out a 'pure blood tax'?"

The crowd roared no.

"Tell me, is it fair we are penalised, unable to find jobs as other non-magic born folk are favoured above us regardless of qualification?"

The crowd roared no again.

"We will not be unfairly taxed! We will not have our land stolen from us, we will not feel the heavy eyes of judgement upon us for being born this way even though we never once considered joining the Dark Lord!"

The crowd was shouting now, shouting out in agreement, a rippling effect rolling over all the people there as they responded passionately to his words.

A few members of the group had turned to see Malfoy standing there next to you, their eyes narrowing, nudging the shoulders of the person next to them to turn to see him too.

Rosalind noticed the murmurs as people started casting their eyes back to him. He spoke into the mass of the people, fixing his eyes on Draco.

"You will notice we have some new members tonight. Draco, if you could join me up here, please." Rosalind extended his arm in a beckoning motion and Malfoy's eyes flashed in apprehension before he walked over to join Rosalind on the stage.

Malfoy stood next to him and Rosalind put his arm around Malfoy's shoulders, gripping him tightly, both still facing everyone else.

"Now this man," Rosalind started, his voice was as strong and fuelled with passion as the moment you stepped into the room, "This man was forced to join Voldemort's army when he was still just a boy. And I know we all do not agree with the things that he did back then. But this man has repented, he has paid his dues. He has seen the error of his ways, and he has changed his life to become a teacher, despite his adversity. Now, I know who you think you are looking at right now, a monster, someone on the wrong side of the war. But to me, I just see a boy. A boy with magic blood running through his veins, who has faced more penalisation than we ever will. We will welcome him into the regulators, because it's time that he is on the right side of history for once."

The crowd were looking between each other warily. You flashed our eyes back to Malfoy and found he looked extremely uncomfortable. He had not expected to be singled out, but now you saw him standing there, you realised that Rosalind could never not have addressed him being there. He was a household name for all the wrong reasons, Rosalind had to justify his attendance.

"This is illegal, what we are doing. It could be seen as conspiring. But I think we will all agree that the time has come that we stand up for what is right. No longer can we be pushed into the shadows for having a magical family. I invite you to stand with me, against the Ministry as we will not rest until change is seen!" 

The crowd roared again, filled with the same reinvigorated sense of belonging, as united in their injustice as they had been before.

Malfoy just looked on, stuck to the spot with Rosalind's arm around him as he looked over the crowd who had just decided to accept him. 

Once the rally was over, you stayed just long enough so that people would remember you being there. You had a couple of conversations with other members while Malfoy probed Rosalind. Then you made quick work of getting out of the club. Neville grabbed your arm and Malfoy found you both by the fire exit and you apparated back into Hogwarts without another word.

You arrived back in Neville's office. All of you were silent, processing what had just happened Something about Rosalind did not sit right with you, his opinions and sentiment were nowhere near as extreme and dangerous as Voldemort, and he had already made sure everyone was aware of his hatred for the Dark Lord. However it seemed to you that Rosalind was just fighting against change, he was unhappy that the status quo had changed, what was the most concerning where how many others were there in solidarity for the movement. 

You flashed your eyes between Neville and Malfoy, but they seemed far less fased than you about the experience you had just shared. Neville was already starting to talk with Malfoy about how to explain to Granger what had happened at the meeting. 

You looked to Malfoy as if to ask him a question, but he excused himself from Neville's office without giving you a second glance.

  
Neville and you shared a look as he exited the room, before you had a small conversation with him about when you were meeting Granger next and what exactly you would tell her about what you had just witnessed.

Excusing yourself also, you left Neville's office in the hopes you would run into Malfoy when you left, but there was no sign of him. You felt oddly disappointed, you had rebuffed him so coldly when he advanced upon you before, but now that he was the one being cold, you were childishly upset.

The next day you awoke with only one thought in your mind, you had to see your parents.

You informed McGonagall that you were going to use the floo to visit them at your family home and not to be alarmed if she saw your name on the travel history.

Returning to the cottage was difficult at the best of times. When you had returned there after the war it had been ransacked, the death-eaters had torn through the place in search of your mother and in their rage had ripped half of the building apart. 

Your mother and father had worked to repair the house, it was so old and had stood for so long before it was destroyed that it was almost unrecognisable as the home you had grown up in. Much like Hogwarts, different brick had to be used on the repairs which stuck out starkly, contrasting against the intact part of the building. 

It looked possibly more beautiful that it ever did before the war, your parents built an extension on the house, basically starting from scratch with the interior, but it was not the same as your childhood eyes remembered.

Your parents accepted your floo request and you arrived in the fireplace of your living room to be greeted by their smiling faces. 

You immediately ran into the arms of your father, embracing him. There was something about coming home and smelling the old and familiar scent of your own house that was both comforting and jarring.

You sat with them around the table while your mother talked endlessly about how wonderful it was to have you home, and how she was slightly furious about how long it had taken you to come and visit them after beginning your new job, but that was okay, because you were there now. Her face was that brilliant blend of passive-aggressive and loving that mothers knew how to do so well.

You explained to her how well the teaching position was going, going into far more detail that you had ever been allowed to in your letters to them. You shared some anecdotal stories before a sombre mood fell over the table.

"I have something else to tell you. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to, but I have to tell someone." You said, clutching a mug of tea in both your hands.

You mother and father shared a look before they focused their attention back to you.

"Christ, what now?" Your mother asked exasperatedly, knowing that you could literally say just about anything.

"I'm working for the Ministry." You started. You paused, and looked around. "The Minister asked us to investigate something for her. So, Neville, Malfoy and I are working together to find out information on this group called the Regulators."

Your mother had tensed noticeably at the mention of Draco Malfoy, which had irked you, but she quickly changed to look at your father with wide eyes when you finished your sentence.

Your father kept his eyes on you.

"The regulators?" He asked you for confirmation.

You only nodded.

A silence fell over the table before your mother turned back to you, extending her hands over the table to fidget with a doily.

"What sort of information is Granger looking for?" You mother asked.

You shrugged.

"Whatever information we can give her, she thinks they're dangerous." You said, meeting their eyes and understanding there was more to this conversation that you realised.

You father cleared his throat. 

"They're not.. dangerous. Misguided, perhaps." He said carefully.

Your eyebrows shot up.

"What? Do you know about them, too?" You asked, your tone hushed, as though someone might be listening in. In the middle of the rural highlands.

Your mother and father shared an uncomfortable look. You knew that look, the silent communication. The _we have said too much_ look.

"We have been faced with almost having to shut down production here, and just call it a day on our business because we are being taxed so highly. One of the group reached out to us, talking about pure-blood oppression, I said I don't think it's all that, probably just a mistake." You mother spoke carefully.

You frowned into your mug as you took a drink. Your throat suddenly felt very dry.

"They were fairly insistent on the idea that this was all because Minster Granger hates pure-blood high-borns. We said it was possible given they tortured her during the war but I don't think she would penalise a whole group of people. She's one of the strongest Ministers we've had." You father looked for empathy in your eyes.

You nodded.

"We are still looking into why we're being taxed so much, like I said, probably a mistake. However if they are approaching every pure-blood who has faced any adversity in the last seven years and telling them all this crap, there will be plenty willing to believe it."

You nodded in confirmation, letting them know you were listening to what they were saying.

You washed up your mugs and your mother spooned you out some soup from a pot on the stove.

You sat and ate in silence, digesting everything which had been said. 

Your mother was eyeing you as you tore some bread from a loaf sitting in the centre of the old table.

"So." She started pointedly. You could have groaned like a teenager at how obvious it was. "You're working quite closely with Malfoy, then?" 

You flashed up to meet her eyes boredly.

"Don't." Was all you managed as you dunked your bread into the soup.

"Now I know you, don't think I don't." You mothers voice became more pressed. "Even when you talked about him in your letters you may as well have drawn little hearts all around his name."

You rolled your eyes and your mother let out an indignant sound.

"I remember how torn up about him you were back then, Y/N. Do you really think that it's wise to go down that path again?" Her voice was stern.

You set your spoon down in your bowl and looked back up to her.

"What makes you think I already have?" You asked, obviously pissed, even though it was true. "What makes you think I've already gone back down that path. And I'll tell you what, even if I have, I am twenty-six years old and perfectly capable of making my own decisions about who or what I want to do."

You dad choked on his bread and your mother shot him a look.

"I know that, but as your mother I can't help but be concerned for you. I was reading an article about him from a few months ago, and I can accept that perhaps he has changed, and is not the boy that I once knew him to be. But you are my daughter, and I only want what it best for you, not what is slightly better than the worst."

You studied her for a moment.

"What about what I want?" You said, holding her gaze.

"If he's really what you want then, fuck, have him then, but he won't be invited to Sunday lunch, and on your own head be it if it doesn't work out." Your mother sipped from her spoon, a prissy look on her face.

You nodded, and so did they, all reaching a mutual agreement that you were pretty much unstoppable when you wanted something, and there would be little they could do about it. Not having their approval was too much to bear, though. How could you be with someone who your parents still disapproved of?

The worst part was, you didn't even think that Malfoy wanted you anymore. The way he had been acting recently made you feel more like enemies again, like you were back in your third year with less taunting.

When you returned to the castle that night, you came through the floo system in the staff room. You walked in to find the room almost empty, save for Malfoy sitting in a chair alone in the corner, a glass in his hand, facing away from you, staring into the flames of the fireplace on the other side of the room.

You walked by him, trying to sneak a look at him, his face was set, almost lamenting as the orange light from the fire reflected against his face.

"Where were you?" He asked flatly, not bothering to look up at you.

You stilled, before turning around fully and walking towards him, stopping a couple of metres away from where he was sitting.

"My parents house." You answered dumbly, not sure what else to say.

Malfoy did not respond, just lifted his glass to his lips and took a drink of the clear amber liquid, his eyes still focused on the fire.

You just stood there for another second, unsure of what to say. A part of you wanted to grab him and shake him, another part of you wanted to swing your legs around either side of his thighs and sit in his lap and kiss him, but instead you just stayed there, frozen on the spot.

"I'm going to go to bed." You said, feeling redundant even as you said it.

Malfoy did not acknowledge you even spoke, just remained in the same composure as you turned around and set off out of the room.

When you settled down in your bed that night you were consumed by thoughts of him.

You thought how fucked up that must be, to be so desperate for him now he's ignoring you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do you feel about where this is going


	17. Of Crying in Bathrooms and Hospital Wings

Wandering aimlessly around the castle had become a past-time for you as of late. There was so much on your mind all the time, the only catharsis you could find was being alone with your thoughts while exploring the place that had become your home.

The castle was magnificent, and if it wasn't for your exploration there would have been so much of it missed. It was a fortress of secrets, and passageways and little rooms (to be fair you had explored most of them with Draco in Fourth year). 

There were places you loved to go when the weather was right, you loved seeing the grounds blanketed in snow in the winter, watching people practice their broom skills around the Owlery on a bright and crisp day, seeing the younger students building snowmen out by Hagrid's hut on the vast expanse of empty land there. The coast of the black lake would freeze and you would watch people dare each other to walk over it, seeing how far they would get before the ice would crack.

Now, the seasons were changing and the snow had melted and the sun was warmer again. Spring was your favourite time of year, everything was new again, reborn. The leaves on the tree's would flourish green, flowers in bloom, the perfect time to plant crops and watch them grow. 

The concept of being reborn each spring had always been exciting to you, another year passed and another winter survived, and you were new again. Like a snake shedding it's skin.

You had witnessed teenage hormones and rebellion many times during your stint at Hogwarts, but none more than when you were out exploring the castle. It seemed like every time you passed the prefects bathroom it was not occupied by one person solely. It made you wonder if that was how poor Boris the Bewildered got his name. In his time guarding the room he had probably heard all number of raucous things.

The sixth floor was mostly quiet, not many students hung around there when not in classes. It was nice to find some peace. There were also caged birds on that floor, you were not sure what the purpose of them being there was, you would sometimes push your hands through the bars on their cages and pet them. You realised that Draco must have been coming to this floor to collect the birds for his experiments with the vanishing cabinet. 

You had been petting the birds one day, also apologising to them preemptively for their possible demise when you took a wander past the boys bathroom. No-one used the bathroom's on this floor. Honestly it was amazing anyone used any of the public bathrooms in the school at all given their track record.

It was then that you heard the distinct sound of crying. Racking sobs, gasping for air, proper desperate tears. Moaning Murtle's voice could be heard wailing in the background, her squeaky disposition moving the sound around the room as she sailed through the air. 

You had stopped out of concern, your body stiff as you moved closer to the door to hear better. You realised that you recognised those sobs, it was Draco.

You didn't hesitate for a moment, maybe you should have, maybe you should have waited for him to calm down and leave, or wait to see if he would divulge any information to Murtle, but instead you barged right into the bathroom, swinging the door on it's hinges as you stood, struck dumb in the doorway.

Draco was standing over the sink, his school jumper off, hair tousled wildly as he stared into the mirror in front of him. He caught you in the reflection and spun around to see you.

His eyes were wide with anger, his chest rising and falling quickly from the exertion of crying so hard mixed with the panic of being found that way. Murtle was flying overhead wailing loudly about you being an intruder, but you didn't pay her any attention.

You kept your eyes focused on Draco's, keeping your expression as soft as it always had been whenever he had come to you in a similar state before.

He was still angry, furious that you had found him that way, that he had no control over the emotions you were seeing now, the fact he had obviously been confiding in Murtle and sought solace with a ghost in an abandoned bathroom. 

You realised quickly that you had found him in a situation he would deem embarrassing and that he would not react well to this intrusion.

"Draco." You spoke softly, making a move to step further into the room. 

"Don't." He shouted, making you jump. "Get out of here, now." 

You didn't make a move, just stayed glued to the spot, watching him. Your eyes were pleading with his but he was too angry to be rationed with.

You could still hear Murtle floating overhead, her high voice echoing off the ceiling.

"Did you not fucking hear me? Get out." He shouted again. 

This time he flew towards you, his face screwed up in rage. He tried to grab your arm but you were too fast, and instead grabbed both of his. He tried to thrash out of your grip but you stilled him. He was too weak to fight you. 

"Draco, do not push me away. Talk to me, please." Your voice was searching, trying to appeal to whatever part of him was desperate for compassion. 

Murtle started wailing about violence in the bathroom and had the situation not been so serious, you probably would have laughed at her absurdity.

Draco was hurting, it was obvious. At some point he had started coming up to that bathroom to talk to a ghost rather than you, you were hurt by that, but it was not the time to lament over it.

He avoided your gaze, but you held onto his arms with a fierce grip until he finally looked at you.

"Please, just get out." He said, voice quiet.

You sucked in a shaky breath. You had really hoped he would talk to you, he would know that he could talk to you, about anything. 

The two of you had not spoken much since he had taken you to the room of requirement and shown you the work he was doing on the vanishing cabinet. You had been insistent that he was still a good person put into an impossible situation, but he was still insistent that he was no better than the rest of those working for the Dark Lord, despite his resistance to do so, despite his reason for doing so being that he was purely following orders so he and his family did not die.

He was pulling away from you, you could feel it, each day he felt further and further away. He was trying to protect you both. He could not have you pulled into his world of dark magic and pain and he could not be close to you anymore so it hurt less when he had to leave you.

You recoiled, dropping his arms suddenly, as if you had been burned. 

Draco screwed his face up, turning away from you. You looked at his back for a moment, willing him to turn back around, before you turned and flew out of the bathroom.   
You flew down to the end of the corridor, bracing yourself on one of the bird cages as you felt tears push their way from your eyes, the feeling was too strong to suppress. To be so close to him, and have him push you away, it was ripping you in half.

You were standing in front of Katie Bell in the great hall and feeling very sheepish. She had arrived back from the hospital wing after Madam Pomfrey saw her fit for release. There were a few others crowded around her, fawning over her. You weren't entirely sure why you had gotten up from your seat and immediately approached Katie to tell her you were so relieved to see her up and about, you supposed you felt guilty. It was your boyfriend who had done it to her.

Draco had explained to you that an unbreakable vow had been created between his mother and Snape because a lack of confidence was already felt for him. Even his own family knew he was weak of heart when it came to any real violence, there had to be some insurance on this task, so it could be fulfilled. Snape had looked Narcissa in the eye and guaranteed his loyalty to her son, because deep down all parties knew that this boy was not capable of cold blooded murder.

Still Draco persisted, every afternoon he had disappeared, or did not attend your shared classes, but you knew. You knew he was in that room, working on the cabinet. The very thought of it made you feel sick.

Now, he was spending time with a ghost instead of you. You felt it ironic, as sometimes you felt as though you were turning into a ghost yourself.

So there you were, in front of Katie Bell, telling her how wonderful it was to have her back. Confusion had flashed over her face, but she smiled warmly and thanked you. Many others had crowded around her now, anxious to speak to her upon her return.

You watched Harry approach her and you clocked him over her shoulder. You nodded behind her and turned away to one of her friends. Harry gave you a look as you turned around, but shook you from his thoughts as he probed Katie on any information she had about who had cursed her.

You stayed close, empathising with Katie's closest friends about how relieved they must be to see her so well, keeping within earshot of Harry and Katie's conversation so you could make sure Draco was still safe. 

It was possibly the most selfish thing you had ever felt, your blind allegiance to Draco. Here was a girl that was hexed and then inadvertently cursed by your boyfriend, and as much sympathy as you had for her, you weren't about to let her dob him in. 

You heard Katie say that she could not remember who had cursed her, no matter how hard you tried, and your smile grew a little wider and you excused yourself from her friends and went to sit back down with Abeliene and the others at the Hufflepuff table.

The whole hall was looking at Bell. The worst part was that you really did feel sorry for her, she had gotten caught up in something so much larger than herself, you guessed it was relatable if nothing else. You were in way over your head with Draco, at least she was lucky enough to not be involved in it knowingly. 

You sat with Abeliene for a while, feeling nauseous. Katie Bell and Ron Weasley had both almost died as a result of Draco's ambition to kill your Headmaster. You were just waiting for someone to turn up dead and the whole thing to be over. 

You were managing to eat half a bread roll when Abeliene chuckled and spoke in between spooning great mounds of mashed potato into her mouth.

"I'm surprised, usually you wouldn't let Malfoy leave a room without running after him." She said, but there was no real malice in her voice.

You tensed noticeably and Abeliene sighed, beginning to say something reprimanding but you cut her off. 

"Draco was here? When?" You asked quickly, not bothered by how desperate you sounded. Draco hardly ever ate in the hall anymore.

"Just before, after Bell came back. Don't worry, he's not alone, Potter is keeping him company. Saw him go after him when he left. Seems you're not the only one chasing him about." Abeliene gave you a shit eating grin, which at any other point in time you would have returned and said something equally scathing but right now all you could think about was Draco.

"Fuck, Abeliene, why did you not say anything? I have to find him." You said, flying into a panic and leaving the table.

You flew out of the great hall, looking down the corridor in both directions, turning desperately trying to figure out where he would have gone in such a hurry.

Where did he always go now? Where was it he sought solace now, away from your bed?

You pounded up a staircase, your footsteps loud and perforating against the stone as you made your way up to the sixth floor.

Your head was pounding, thoughts rattling around in your head as you ran down a hallway. 

Why had Harry followed him? Did Harry know about his plan? about the mark? Would Harry hurt him? Would Draco hurt Harry?

You grabbed a pillar as you swung around it, almost losing your footing as you bounded to the boys bathroom.

You skidded on your feet as you arrived at the entrance. You looked down at your shoes, noticing that water was curling around them, running out from under the bathroom door. 

When you pushed inside you found the bathroom to be flooded, broken ceramic everywhere, debris from a fight that must have ensued. The faucets were damaged, shooting water into the pool forming on the floor. 

You stepped inside, not caring that the cold water was soaking through the bottom of your robes. You waded through the bathroom, shouting out for Draco. You knew it must have been him, he must have been here. He and Harry. 

A floating piece of wood knocked against your leg as you looked into the water next to the sinks. There was blood, just a few drops, pink and diluted. 

You felt your chest constrict and you had to gasp to get more oxygen into your lungs. 

You called out for him again, but it was a stifled whisper now, all the air had vacated your chest.

Someone had been hurt, you felt your head pulled in two directions as you selfishly hoped it was Harry so that Draco was okay, but then also knew that no good could come from Harry being hurt, he had to stay alive, he was the only one that could stop this war.

You looked around desperately for a moment before you thought that if someone had been hurt, they would have to go to Madam Pomfrey, you had to get to the Hospital wing.

You flew down the corridor and back down the steps you had just raced up in the same fashion, this time you were leaving a trail of wet marks behind you as your robes dragged on the ground, heavy and soaked. 

You were passing by concerned students as you flew through the hallway in a panic, the minute you had seen the state of the bathroom, you had stopped caring who saw you, all that mattered now was that Draco was okay.

You arrived at the Hospital wing and burst inside in time to see Snape laying Draco down into one of the beds. The view of them was obstructed by all the privacy curtains and Madam Pomfrey's frame now blocking your sight but it was him, you saw the flash of white blonde hair.

You reeled as you realised that it was Draco's blood you had seen in the bathroom and without thinking you moved forward to go to him. 

Pomfrey moved in front of you, stilling you and you glanced up at her before trying to focus your eyes back to where you knew Draco was. 

"Please, I have to get through. Is he okay?" You said, your voice desperate and shrill.

Madam Pomfrey was not in the slightest bit interested in what you had to say, placing her hands on her hips and staring at you until you stopped peering over her shoulder panickedly and looked at her.

"It is not concern of yours, I assure you. Now, if you could leave so I can begin treating Mister Malfoy, that would be ideal." Pomfrey's voice held it's usual sharp tone.

You felt like someone had punched you in the gut. 

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just.. could I see him, please, just for a moment. Is he okay? What happened?" You vomited words from your mouth, they were spewing forth as erratically as they were forming in your head.

Pomfrey furrowed her brow, her face contorting in both anger and confusion. She looked at your robes, noticing the yellow trim around the lapel, before she shook her head and shooed you out of the room.

"This is not gossip! Do not return here again, Miss. You will just have to speculate about what happened like everyone else." Pomfrey slammed the door on the Hospital wing closed.

You just stared at the door for a minute, your mind racing. 

A few other students had gathered outside upon seeing Draco being carried in by Snape. It had caused an explosion of theories and gossip as the castle buzzed with chatter of a fight between Malfoy and Potter.

You felt like everything was happening in slow motion, as though you could barely put one foot in front of the other. 

You found a window nearby and sat on the ledge, grabbing the stone wall to sit yourself down, needing the support to steady yourself. 

You didn't know what had happened, how badly he was hurt, if he would even survive. A deep swell of anger was ebbing inside you. All this time Draco had been fighting for his life, trying to protect himself and his family from the Dark Lord and then Harry Potter takes him out? Fate truly was a bitch.

You felt bile in your throat as you imagined him laying there, dying in the garish green hospital beds, without you. Without his mother.

The way Madam Pomfrey had looked at you had made your blood run cold. Like you were just another student looking for a good story, like you just wanted to find out what had happened, see the damage so you could report back to your peers. She had just seen a Hufflepuff, not his girlfriend, not the person who loved him.

You weren't sure how long you had sat there, leaning against the window. You could see into the courtyard from there, and you could only look on as everything carried on as normal around you. It made you want to scream, as though people weren't allowed to just pretend everything was fine when inside you were screaming.

Abeliene found you eventually, placing her hand on your shoulder, and using you for balance as she plopped onto the ledge across from you.

"Hey, you. I've been wondering where you got to. The first years and potting mandrakes, want to go and watch?" She asked, her tone devilish. 

You just shook you head slowly, you eyes now transfixed on a tiny blade of grass moving almost imperceptibly in the breeze outside.

"Shit, you must be in a bad way. What's happened?" She asked carefully, placing her hand over yours.

"Draco and Harry got into a fight.. Draco is in the hospital wing." You said lifelessly, still focusing on the blade of grass, which was now turning amber against the sun as it started to set.

Abeliene's eyes widened.

"What?" She asked, in shock, but somewhere in her tone there was a hint of a smile.

"This is not gossip, Abie." You spat out, finally meeting her eyes.

Her face fell as she adverted your eyes, looking down at your hands.

"Right, I'm sorry. Is he okay?" She asked quietly. 

You turned away from her again, closing your eyes and leaning your head against the stone wall behind your head.

"I don't know, Pomfrey wont let me in. She thinks I'm just trying to find out something juicy, she told me to fuck off." You replied.

Abeliene smiled down at her boots as she shifted slightly, uncomfortably squeezed into the ledge with you.

"Is that verbatim?" She asked, nudging you with her foot.

You opened your eyes to give her a look, your head still pressed against the stone. You felt a smile tugging at the side of you lips as she gave you a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, Pomfrey told me to fuck off and then crucio'd me straight out of the hospital wing. You heard it here first." You said, deadpan.

Abeliene gave you a laugh then her face softened.

"Listen, I really shouldn't be telling you this, but, there is a way you can see him." Abeliene said quietly.

You met her eyes and your own expression softened. You furrowed your brow and gave her a look that told her to continue.

Abeliene cast a cautionary glance back to the door to the Hospital wing before she leaned in closer to you.

"Madam Pomfrey can't do it all herself, she has apprentice healers that help her, especially during the night. They take it in turns to do shifts, right, but the girl that does the early morning shift always takes a cheeky break between three and four. You'll have an hour window then where no-one will be about and you can sneak in and see him." 

You blinked at Abeliene.

"Thank you, Abie. That's such good information, really, thank you." You said, squeezing her shoulder.

She nodded, a small smile present on her face.

You furrowed your brow slightly, returning the smile still.

"I used to see one of them, she always did that shift." Abeliene answered the question you never asked. "Pied her off, now I'm terrified of getting sick any time between one and six." 

You gave her a real, bright laugh and let her help you up. 

You peered around the pillar you were situated behind. It was just beyond the door to the hospital wing. It was almost three in the morning, and you were waiting for this apprentice to take her cheeky break. 

Abeliene had been very specific about the fact that she was like clockwork, she would sneak away for an hour to nap, mostly, sometimes eat, sometimes.. Abeliene. 

You were watching the door, just waiting for it to open and her to disappear off down the hallway.

You hesitantly looked to the side through the window across the hallway, knowing that if someone was walking through the courtyard right now, they would see you easily. 

You looked down at your watch, tapping the face of it, five minutes past the hour. You were beginning to wonder if this apprentice only took those breaks to see Abeliene specifically, and therefore she wouldn't take them anymore.

You heard the door open behind you and you straightened up against the pillar, tucking your arms in away from sight. Being caught out of bed after hours was not worth your life, but the longer you stayed here, in the most well lit part of the castle, the more of a chance there was of just that happening.

You held your breath, desperate to make as little sound as possible. You were talking to her in your head. _Yes, that's right, take your break. Go and take a nap, treat yourself._

You heard her footsteps start moving towards you and your heart started pounding so loudly it felt like it was reverberating around in your ears.

Merlin! Why had you not considered that she could walk in this direction down the hallway. The healers quarters where in the other direction, sure, but you didn't know this girl, or where she could be going, or what she would be doing!

You froze, unable to think straight enough to find a solution. Maybe if you just kept your body flat enough against this pillar she would just walk on by you, and not even notice you. 

You could have come up with a better solution but your body was frozen to the spot, you were literally stuck, your limbs immovable with fear you about to get caught lurking around the hospital wing, which you had already been asked to leave previously.

You could hear her footsteps getting closer, she was walking slowly, there was no way she wouldn't see you if she walked by that slowly, she was close to the wall you were against, too. Fuck. 

She was almost right next to you, you could smell her perfume. You shot your eyes up to the ceiling as if to ask some deity for help, when Abeliene appeared next to you.   
"Ismerelda, baby." Abeliene said, she was literally standing right next to you, but facing forward. "I missed you."

Abeliene put her arm up on the pillar you were hiding behind to pose casually against it, as Ismerelda started to gush about how long it had been, and how much she had hoped Abeliene would return to see her again.

You rolled your eyes at her and Abeliene shot her hand out to pinch you before wrapping an arm around Ismerelda's waist and leading her away down the hallway in the opposite direction.

You peered around the pillar just as Abeliene was leading the healer around the corner of the adjacent corridor and she shot you a look that said _'you owe me'_. You gave her the most gracious look you could muster and quickly ran over to the hospital wing, opening and closing the door behind you soundlessly.

There were no other students in the hospital wing except for Draco, making his bed easy to find, the only one with the privacy curtain pulled over it.

You moved silently, you knew Madam Pomfrey only slept next door in her quarters and it was not worth your soul to wake her up and have her come crashing into the room and get yourself expelled.

You rounded on Draco's bed, your frame casting a shadow over his curtain. You heard him move to sit upright in his bed.

"Healer? Who's there?" He asked, his voice stern but panicked.

You found the seam of the curtains and prised them apart, revealing yourself to him. You watched as relief filled his body and his face immediately welled with emotion.

"Y/N.." He spoke softly, his voice becoming hoarse.

You moved through the curtains fixing them behind you before running over to pull him into your arms. 

You pulled him close to you, pressing his head against your chest as you ran your hands over his head. He moved to make space for you in the small hospital bed, you squeezing in next to him, as he moved under you so you lay atop him, your leg swung over his.

You pressed your face against his neck, feeling relief flood your body as his scent filled your senses. Being close to him was indescribable, like a drug. You had been so worried about what he would look like when you came to him, if he would be unconscious, on the verge of death, to see him awake and alive made you feel you so entirely happy you wanted to scold yourself for being so utterly devoted to a boy.

You went to wrap an arm across his chest but he flinched, making you jolt back.

Draco moved the sheets down to reveal his bandaged torso. You stared at it for a few seconds, feeling overcome with emotion. He could have died. 

"What happened?" You asked, wiping at a tear that had escaped your eye.

Draco looked at you, his face sullen, as though he had not expected to see you again. He reached out to caress your face, his palm pressed against your jawline as his thumb ran over your cheek. 

He took a deep breath, his hand dropping away from you.

"It was Potter. He's suspected me for weeks, so he chased me down in the bathroom and confronted me." Draco spoke, his eyes narrowing as he looked away in memory.

You felt a rage swell up inside you. You had seen how Draco looked when you had found him in that bathroom the other day, hunched over and tearful. You imagined Harry cornering him in the same position. It made you shake.

Draco noticed you trembling and he stroked your arm as he pulled you back against him.

"I threw the first hex." He said, his voice tight.

You shushed him, running your hands over the non bandaged part of his chest. 

"None of that matters now, all that matters is that you're alive." You said softly.

He nodded against you and placed a kiss to your temple.

You lay like that for a while, in silence. You were both just grateful to have the time together. Every now and again you checked your watch and made sure you weren't going over your hour with him. As the time wore on you became more aware of how little was left.

Draco was still absentmindedly running his fingers up and down your arm when he spoke:

"It's going to be soon." He said.

You didn't tense, it actually felt as though someone had drained all the life from you, you deflated.

"Draco.." You started-

"-I fixed it. The vanishing cabinet, so it has to be soon." He cut you off.

You felt as though you could burst into tears, but did not. Just lay there, your hands still stroking his chest slowly.

Everything was about to change, after Draco did this, nothing would be the same. You weren't even sure if you would see him again.

You stayed silent, not able to find the right words to express what you were feeling. Desperation, abandonment, hopelessness, fear.

"When it happens, you'll know. Do not come out of your house, no matter how much noise there is, how much you want to. Do not come out. I can't have you get caught in the crossfire and get hurt." Draco said sternly.

You nodded against him, feeling your face slacken as tears started to form in your eyes.

You were staring at the mint green privacy curtains which were pulled around the bed, focusing on a bit of loose thread in the seam, trying to focus your brain on anything else, just not what was happening right now. 

"Promise me." Draco broke through the silence.

"I promise." You responded, your voice far away.

You lay like that until the hour was up and you could hear Abeliene's loud voice approaching the wing, knowing she was being purposefully loud to alert you to their return. 

You moved off the bed, staring down at Draco as he stared back at you. You moved forward and placed a long kiss to his lips, both of you holding on to one another for dear life. 

You pulled away from him, your hands sliding down each other's arms and breaking only when you were too far away to hold them any longer. You grabbed the privacy curtain and pulled it open, before looking back at him.

"Will I see you again?" You asked.

Draco looked around the confines of the space, his face suddenly desperate.

"I don't know." He answered truthfully, realisation dawning on his features.

"I love you." You said, your voice breaking.

Draco moved to get out of the bed, groaning and clutching at his bandages as he did so.

You put your arms out to steady him, as he grabbed your head and kissed you again.

"I love you." He breathed against your face. 

You took a shuddering breath before you left through the curtain without another word.

You could hear the faint scuffing of shoes against the concrete of the floor as you reached the door, finding Abeliene pressing Ismerelda against the wall next to the entrance, kissing her furiously.

Abeliene opened her eyes to see you, you figured you must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights in that moment (a phrase Abeliene had taught you, very comical).

Abeliene rolled her eyes and nodded in the direction of the hallway, motioning for you to start walking away, now.

You didn't spare another second, setting off in the other direction, not stopping once until you were at the end of it, and waited for Abeliene to join you.

You heard Abeliene say 'See you around, yeah?' before she left and met you at the end of the hallway. 

You grabbed her as she passed you and she gasped before punching your arm, both of you walking quickly together back to Hufflepuff house.

"I had to come and give you some insurance, good job that I did, eh?" Abeliene said, shooting you a smile as you rounded a corner in the dungeons. "The things I do for you, I swear." 

You had smiled and hugged her tightly once you returned to your house, telling her you owed her a very big one. She had hugged you back, just as tightly, and told you she hoped it was worth it.

You had given her a weak smile and told her it was, and that you were so glad to know he was okay. In reality, you were in pieces, and sometime soon you were going to lose him forever, and there was nothing you could do about it.


	18. Sectumsempra and Veritaserum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Mention of suicide

You looked across your classroom and found that just about every student in the room was struggling to make a perfect brew of Felix Felicis. You were watching them all in morbid fascination as they peered into their cauldrons desperately, the front of their hair wet with sweat, fervently looking between their textbook and their potion.

You had cursed the lack of windows in the dungeon as the room filled with the smell of burning Horseradish and Ashwinder egg. You watched as everyone struggled to pry the juice from the sopophorus bean, trying to pierce the hard skin with a knife instead of applying pressure to it and siphoning the juice that way.

During your time at Hogwarts as a student you had found that many times, a recipe for a potion would be wrong, the quantity of ingredients incorrect, or the method by which to crush or extract from them wildly inaccurate. The most troubling of all was the textbook instructions for the creation of 'Liquid Luck', even you yourself had struggled to brew a usable vial of the stuff in your sixth year.

Knowing this, you decided to use it as a lesson for your students, to teach them about how sometimes the textbooks can only bring you so much of the way but you yourself must rely on your own knowledge of ingredients and your own judgement of quantities and the brewing process in order to have success.

"This is meant to be used sparingly, as it causes giddiness, recklessness and dangerous overconfidence if taken in excess." You spoke aloud to the class as you weaved between the workbenches, overseeing the progress of your advanced class.

Despite the obvious difficulties, one student at the back of the class was excelling wildly, he knew exactly how to squeeze the juice from a Sopophorus bean, he knew to crush it rather than cut it as the recipe asked, he knew that after chopping the Verian root and adding it to water to let it settle for seven minutes not the instructed six.

"Felix is highly toxic in large quantities, it is also difficult to make, and disastrous if made wrong. Something tells me that we might have some disastrous brews on our hands today." You said jovially. 

Some of the students shared your chuckle, accepting the inevitability of their liquid luck going wrong, others just stared harder into their cauldron in rage and defiance, furious that they could not get it right. 

You had been keeping your eye on Abdul at the back of the class, watching him as he stirred his cauldron both clockwise and anticlockwise.

You furrowed your brow, walking over to his bench. When he noticed you his eyes grew wide for a moment, before he looked down into his brew.

You gave him a look before leaning over his cauldron to smell the potion. You watched him stir it, perfect consistency, perfect colour, smell. You were shocked.

"Abdul, this is.. incredible. Remarkable." You said, shaking your head.

He smiled sheepishly and kept stirring, using his method of stirring clockwise after every seventh second. You gave him a strange look, how could he possibly know this technique?

"Abdul, how do you know about the stirring rule? I've not known a student to be so advanced, even in, well, advanced potion making." You asked.

A few students had turned around to watch you both, nudging each other and whispering about how Abdul had been the only student able to brew the Felix correctly.

Abdul shrugged, giving you a small smile. 

You were not convinced, and when you looked down at his open textbook lying on the bench next to his pot and found it to be covered in notes, your eyebrow quirked.

"What's this?" You asked, picking the book up from the table. You turned it over in your hands, it was charred, black burn marks around the edges of the hardback cover. When you turned it back around you found it had notes scribbled all over it, like a cheat sheet. 

Abdul had tried to protest when you picked it up from his bench, but soon became deflated as he sat back and watched you inspect it.

"Is this yours?" You asked, knowing that these were the scribbles of someone who had owned this book a long time ago.

Abdul shook his head and looked down, as if in shame.

You flicked through a few more of the pages, you had never seen anything like this before, different notes on each page, all little pointers on how to perfect different potions. It was incredible.

At the top of the chapter page for the right use of ingredients you saw the words: 'Sectumsemptra- for enemies'. You felt strangely cold all over, slightly sick. Something about the page gave you a deeply worried feeling.

"Abdul, I'm going to have to take this, okay? I'm not mad that you had it, it's a bloody good cheat sheet, but it's confiscated now." You said, closing the book slowly.

Abdul nodded his head.

"I understand, Miss." He said quietly.

"Good, go into the cupboard and get another copy." You pointed over to the far left of the classroom.

When you turned back around, still clutching the book in your hands, you shook the ill feeling from your head and continued on with your lesson.

"Have you ever seen this before?" You slapped the book down on Neville's desk.

He was studiously grading papers in his office when you found him, hunched over, deep in thought.

He looked at the book and then up at you where you stood beside him.

"I wasn't in the advanced class, bit harsh don't you think?" He asked cheekily, a coy smile spread over his face.

You gave him a chuckle then caught yourself and huffed.

"No, I mean, this." You opened the book on the desk in front of him, turning pages with your fingers. "Do you see this? Notes upon notes upon notes of super advanced information. There are spells written in here I've never even heard of." 

Neville frowned, taking the book from you into his own hands. 

"It's been burnt." He observed.

You nodded.

"One of my students said he salvaged it from the wreckage in the room of requirement. It must have been hidden in there for a reason." You ascertained, and Neville nodded in agreement.

"This looks way above our pay grade." Neville said, flipping through the pages and squinting at some of the notes. "Property of the Half-Blood Prince. That sounds dodgy, better hand it into the Ministry and they can decide if it's important or not." 

"Yeah, you're right. It just gives me a weird feeling, I'll hand it in tomorrow, thanks Neville." You said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

You heard the door open and Malfoy appeared through it, walking over to Neville's desk and slapped a bundle of papers down onto it.

"Good, you're both here. Look at this."

"What is with you guys today.." You heard Neville trail of quietly.

"What is this?" You asked, spreading the pages over the top of Neville's desk with a swoop.

"I knew that something about the regulators just wasn't right. I felt like I recognised some of them from when I was younger, when I used to attend high society functions and things. Well, I was right, most of the members of the regulators are wealthy elite. That 'Pure-blood tax' they were talking about, isn't a pure-blood tax at all. Granger has increased taxes in the past couple of years to reflect your income." Malfoy said, pacing in front of the desk.

"Oh my God." You said, looking at the pages detailing their profiles. "They're angry rich people." 

Malfoy made a 'grand reveal' motion with his hands and you heard Neville curse from his seat beside you as he thumbed the pages detailing the increased taxes.

"They're mad that the status quo hasn't been maintained for them, kept them in exorbitant wealth." Malfoy said, pointing at the pages. "It would be like me being angry that the Ministry froze my family's bank accounts. Of course they did, in case we fund another war." 

Malfoy was angry, there was a slightly unnerving edge to the way he was acting. You could tell that this bothered him, that there were people who were fighting against the changing times, because they did not provide them with the same luxuries they were accustomed to. Something which Malfoy had accepted years ago.

"I can't believe this, they're not a threat, they're just put out about having to pay more into the system and they're trying to make it into a blood issue." Neville scraped his hair back, dragging his nails over his scalp. "I'm done with this, when you go to the Ministry tomorrow, tell Granger we'll go to one more of their meetings and then we're done." 

You agreed with Neville, enough was enough.

You saw Malfoy frown in your peripheral and you turned your head to meet his eyes.

"Why are you going to Ministry?" He puzzled.

You leaned down and moved some of the paperwork around, finding the textbook under the mess you and Malfoy had both made of Neville's desk.

You moved around to stand next to Malfoy on the other side, ignoring how the close proximity to him made you feel.

"Because of this." You said, holding the book up, balancing it against your palm as the other hand turned the pages. "Have you seen it before? One of my students had it." 

"The Half-Blood Prince." Malfoy said lowly, as if to himself. 

He watched as you fingered through the pages, his eyes moving over the notes on each one. You turned onto the page about the correct use of ingredients and Malfoy let out a strange sound.

He stood back from you, pressing a hand against his torso. You looked at the page, the word Sectumseptra staring back at you. You flashed your eyes back up to Malfoy who was looking around dazedly.

"Draco?" You asked, concerned. 

He just turned on his heel and started making his way out of the room.

"I've got to go, look over those files." He said before disappearing.

You turned back to Neville who just rolled his eyes.

"It's always something with him. You should bring this to Granger tomorrow, it's good info." Neville held the stack of paper's Malfoy brought in with him up. "Might make her realise we don't need to be on this case."

You nodded and sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk.

Neville just looked at you for a moment, before reaching into the top drawer next to him.

"Shall we drink to forget?" He asked chirpily. 

You laughed as you told him yes, watching him pull a further two glasses from the same drawer.

The Ministry foyer was buzzing as usual, it was still strange to return there, you couldn't believe you had done this same commute every day for years. Everyone was walking around purposefully, briefcases in hand, folders and files in the other, they were all on their own little missions, you couldn't believe you used to be one of them.

You had to wait an hour to see Hermione. You had not sent correspondence ahead of your arrival to make an appointment with her or even let her know you were coming. Her secretary had huffed and looked at you exasperatedly when you asked to see her. She told you that she could fit you in between meetings but her current one wouldn't be finished for another hour so you would just have to wait.

You shrugged and told her fine, watching her narrowed eyes follow you as you wandered across the foyer to the lifts.

You decided with all the spare time you would visit your old department. You got in the lift as let muscle memory do the rest. You pulled the lever for the basement and felt it jolt before it flew backwards.

Walking into your branch of the magical substances investigation department was as surreal as you thought it would be. Your work bench was empty, no one had been hired to replace you it seemed. Everything felt so familiar, the smells, the room, the composition of everything exactly as it ever was, but at the same time it felt so far away, like it had been years since you had been there.

You stood, taking it all in for a moment, watching your old colleagues working way at their benches, all facing the other way. You looked over at your old friend in the department, Astrid. You watched her black hair fall down her back as she pushed it from her shoulders. She was working hard, hunched over a cauldron, green smoke billowing from it and curling in the air in front of her.

You closed the heavy wooden door behind you loudly, alerting everyone in the room to your presence. People turned and smiled, greeting you happily, calling out to you.   
Astrid turned her head sharply and you watched as her lips turned up into a wry smile.

You walked towards Astrid, her looking at you with discontent before she pulled you into a hug. Others gathered around her bench to talk to you, ask questions about your job at Hogwarts, ask how you've been, fill you in on any gossip you had missed since you left.

"Barnaby's officially shagged every woman in the department next door." Astrid said in mock celebration. 

Barnaby put his hands up as if he was holding a trophy, his face smug. Everyone around him laughed and Astrid rolled her eyes in contempt.

You laughed with them, enjoying sharing in the drama.

"Even Colette?" You asked in disbelief.

Barnaby put his hand on your shoulder and gave you a look of total satisfaction.

"Even Colette." He answered proudly.

You nodded your head, impressed, and everyone shared a chuckle once again.

"What brings you here then, Y/N? Just come back for a visit?" One of your old trainees, Jason, asked.

"No, actually I'm here to see Granger, but I've got a bit of time and thought I'd come down and say hello. I can't say I miss the work, but I do miss you all." You said, looking around.

"Granger? Get you. I see you're moving up in the world now." Astrid said, shooting you a sideways glance. 

You shot her a contemptuous look back.

"We miss you too, Y/N. It's strange not having you around, you always had something depressing to say on a Monday morning, now we just have Astrid for that, but it's not the same." Your department head said.

Astrid screwed her face up and shoo'd everyone away.

"Okay, that was nice but everyone go away now, I need some time with her by myself." She said, taking your arm and leading you out of the back door into a joint sunken courtyard.

You pulled your pipe from your bag in anticipation of smoking. You and Astrid used to always come out into the courtyard to smoke and gossip on your shifts. Astrid put her hand over yours to still you and pulled out a small carton from her pocket.

"No need, I have muggle cigarettes." She wiggled her eyebrows.

You both lit one from the end of Astrid's wand. She didn't skip a beat, talking on the exhale of her first drag:

"What is going in with you and Granger? I saw you come in here a couple of weeks ago with Malfoy and the Longbottom boy." She asked, her eyes dancing.

You shrugged, not sure how much information you were allowed to divulge.

"We're just doing a bit of work for her, is all." You answered vaguely, and she narrowed her eyes. 

"I know you're lying, but it's obviously for a reason, so fine." She took another drag, keeping her eyes on you. "Draco Malfoy though, that's interesting."

You took a long toke, looking away from her, focusing on a vine moving independently from the wall it was growing against.

You made a 'mm' sound as you exhaled, watching the smoke curl around you. It was a very still day, with almost no wind, so the smoke was just hanging in the air.

"What's he like?" She asked flatly. Astrid was not the sort of girl to be much interested in anybody, so her question caught you off guard.

"He's.. better now, than he was before, I'm guessing." You gave her another vague reply.

She gave you a knowing smile, she had this way of knowing what you were thinking no matter how hard you tried not to give anything away.

"I saw the big article about him in the Prophet a few years ago, his big public apology, I always figured it was just bullshit. But, he's curious." She said, her voice low and monotone.

You raised an eyebrow at her, bringing the filter back to your lips. You and Astrid had never spoken of him, you hadn't spoken about him with anyone, except your ex-boyfriend, which was a less than forgiving experience.

"He's a total arse, of course. But, easy on the eyes I suppose." She said, dropping her smoke to the ground and stepping on it.

You nodded casually, wanting the conversation to be over.

"I bet you noticed." She said, that wry smile coming over her features again.

You rolled your eyes, but you were a terrible liar.

"I don't know what you mean." You said, acting mockingly innocent, hoping the joke would make her drop the topic.

She just gave you a dark chuckle. She always knew, whatever it was you were feeling, she could read anyone like an open book.

Hermione was looking frazzled as usual, her hair was pulled back into an unkempt bun at the back of her head, pieces from the front had come loose and were sticking out wildly away from her face. Her sleeves were rolled up, they looked crinkled, as though they had been pushed up in frustration many times.

She managed to give you a smile when you entered her office, which you returned. 

"I'm so sorry, I am incredibly busy today. I am expecting Harry, I mean Auror Potter, back any moment. This will have to be a quick meeting i'm afraid, but of course I am curious as to why you wanted to see me." 

You felt guilty, seeing her so obviously stressed and knowing you had taken the one coffee break out of her day to give her a book and tell her you didn't want to work for her anymore. You realised that you had been thoughtlessly selfish.

You looked down and rooted through your bag to find the potions book.

"I'm sorry to take up your time, I just wanted to give you this." You handed her the textbook.

Her eyes became wide when you handed it to her, and she took the book from your hands with a reserved wariness.

"Have you seen this before?" You asked curiously. "It was in the possession of one of my students. When I looked through it, it made me nervous. There are spells in it I've never seen before, I thought it looked dubious and would be better in the hands of the Ministry."

Hermione turned the book over in her hands, her lithe fingers tracing over the burnt edges of the cover. She opened it and drew in a sharp breath.

"Thank you for bringing me this, I thought it had been destroyed.." She trailed off.

You felt your head cock in interest. She had seen the book before. 

You felt a bad feeling rise inside of you. The way Draco had gripped his chest as though to grip at the phantom bandages he wore the day you saw him after his fight with Harry, coupled with Hermione's recognition of the book. 

It had been in Harry's possession at one time, and that spell you had seen scrawled onto one of the pages must have been what almost killed him in the sixth floor boys bathrrom that day eight years ago. You shuddered as your brain pieced everything together.

"Well, I thought I was right to bring it to you, I don't want my students walking about with it, that's for sure. Especially not when it's giving them all the answers in my class." You forced a chuckle.

Hermione gave you a weak smile, her eyes still looking down at the book, almost as if in amazement, like she was holding a piece of the past.

She snapped out of her stupor, tucking the book underneath her arm. 

"Thank you, is that all?" She asked with a polite smile.

You shook your head and rooted around in your bag once again, pulling out the files that Malfoy had brought to Neville's office the night before.

"Malfoy found these." You extended your arm for her to take them. "He recognised some of the members of the regulators at the rally, these are profiles on each of them. There are also files detailing the reality of this 'pure-blood tax' they've been talking about, debunking some of their myths about it."

Hermione took the files and started looking through them quickly, her eyes wide as she skimmed the pages.

"This is.. incredible information. Thank you so much, Y/N." She said, a relieved laugh gasped for her mouth.

"It's the least he could do, well, because," You took a deep breath. "We all discussed it and we are not comfortable working on this case anymore. We agreed to attend one more rally and try to find out anything useful for you, but we would like to stop after that." 

Hermione frowned, but then her face softened. 

"I understand." She sighed. "I do, I understand. I knew I was asking too much of all of you right from the start. If you could attend one more, I would be so grateful, but I'll take you off the case after that." 

You gave her a grateful smile, letting out your own relieved laugh this time.

"Thank you for understanding, Hermione. I hope we can find out something more substantial for you this last time."

She smiled, but her eyes were sad. You felt the guilt again.

"Hermione, could I say something else, before I go." You started, looking around as if searching for the words. "I am so truly sorry, for everything that happened to you, because of all the pure-blood politics of the war. I know that this regulator cause must stir some of those same feelings, but, you'll see when you look at the files, they're just angry old rich men, but I am so truly sorry. I know Draco is too." 

You watched her absentmindedly scratch her scarred arm against her side, a reflex to bringing up the trauma no doubt. You determinedly did not look at it. 

"Thank you, Y/N. That's very kind of you to say. I must admit that is why I've been so adamant I'm going to find these men. I know that Malfoy is sorry, deep down, I do know." She said sadly.

You took a deep breath and changed your tone back to that of your normal speaking voice.

"Right, well, that's enough of that. I better be getting back to the castle, I have a million papers to grade." You said jovially. 

Hermione gave you a bright laugh.

"Don't, I have a million things to sign, I'm right there with you. Thank Malfoy for bringing me these files, please pass on my gratitude, and I'll see you again for another meeting before we adjourn your time with us. Monday, isn't it?"

You nodded as you made your way to the door, only to have it opened by someone else.

Harry Potter was standing in front of you, before he moved to the side to let you out of the room. 

"Yes, see you Monday." You said back to Hermione, before stepping out into the hallway.

You nodded at Harry.

"Mister Potter." You acknowledged him.

He gave you a funny look before he nodded his head and acknowledged you back. 

You could feel his eyes still on you as you walked down the corridor back to the main foyer. You hoped he did not recognise you. You had been in the Slug-club together but had not shared many interactions outside of that. He was there the night Draco crashed Slughorn's Christmas party and you had both gone out into the hallway to eavesdrop on his conversation with Snape. He had given you the same look that night as he had just given you now. 

The defence against the dark art classroom was a difficult one to walk back into. During your seventh year, things had occurred in that room that you never wished to speak of again. 

You had resolved that you would go to Malfoy directly to tell him the good news about your release from the regulators case. 

Walking up the steps to the room still felt slightly eerie, but when you entered the room and saw Malfoy instructing his class, you felt it all melt away.

He had cleared the desks back from the centre of the room and his class of third years were standing in a group at the back of the room, just one of them standing in front of Malfoy.

Malfoy was describing how to cast a knockback jinx. He was showing them the shape to create to cast slowly, telling them to watch him and pay attention. 

You had never seen him teach his class before, the way he looked with his face set, back straight, his piercing eyes watching over everyone as he moved his wand expertly, instructing them on a spell he expected them to replicate.

You stayed by the entrance, trying to remain out of sight as you watched him, not wanting him to know you were there just yet.

"Now, we've spent plenty of time on the theory of this spell, I now expect each of you to attempt to cast it. I am not looking for perfection after the first try, but I believe that practical magic is the only magic." Malfoy spoke with a voice so strong and poised it made your stomach flip. 

He was casting his eyes over the class, a half smile on his face. He suddenly turned and stood in the middle of the room, a couple of metres in front of the only student standing apart from the rest of the group.

"I believe it would aid your learning if you were to be practising on a real person. Of course, I'd rather you practise on me, and not each other, as I can deflect it." He grinned, and murmuring laughs spread over the group.

He straightened up, and the student in front of him did the same. 

"Mister Wallace, brave of you to be the first to put yourself forward. Gryffindor are you? Of course, oh well I wont hold it against you." He said, earning another ripple of laughter from the class. "When you're ready, just as I've shown you, show me what you've got."

The boy cast a glance back to the group, giving them a smug look. He was cocky, the rest of his fellow Gryffindor students egging him on.

The boy moved into a fighting stance, holding his wand out, pointing it at Malfoy. 

"Flipendo!" He shouted, casting the jinx in Malfoy's direction. The blue light sparked from the the tip of the wand and shot towards him. Malfoy deflected it easily, barely moving his hand to do so, his composure unchanged. 

"Very good, Mister Wallace. You've been paying attention." Malfoy said, commending his student.

Wallace seemed annoyed that Malfoy had deflected him so easily, becoming irritated and casting the jinx again, trying to catch him off guard.

Malfoy moved to deflect the jinx again, the light ricocheting of his wand. His face flashed in a frown before he cast the same jinx back onto Wallace, using it wordlessly. 

Wallace flew backwards, landing in a heap on the floor between the now parted crowd of third years. He sat up, unharmed but disoriented, and the group began laughing.

"Don't think yourself too clever, Mister Wallace, and don't forget who I am either." Malfoy said as the students continued to laugh and taunt him.

Malfoy adjourned the class and you walked more fully into the room as they started filtering out of it, passing you as they left. Some smiled and greeted you as they did, and you studiously ignored the girls talking loudly about your and Malfoy's relationship as they passed you by.

Once the room was empty save for you and him, you approached his desk where he was tidying up some paperwork, standing behind it and ignoring you.

The sun was out today, bright and high in the sky, and the golden light was filtering through one of the tall windows by his desk and bathing him in it. He looked gorgeous.

You wondered how your face must have looked, because when he looked up to catch your eye, a smug smile came over his face.

You shook yourself from your daze and moved forward again, standing on the other side of his desk.

"I came here to tell you that I dropped off those files at the Ministry, I also spoke to Hermione while I was there and she agreed to let us off the case after the next rally." You said with a warm smile.

He nodded, tapping some papers against his desk. 

"Good." Was all he replied, before looking back down to gather some students essays together for grading.

You stood there dumbly for a moment, just watching him. You weren't sure if he was going to say anything else, you thought that couldn't be it, so you waited.

He looked up at you after a minute, his expression neutral.

"Was there something else?" He asked, his eyebrows raising slightly.

You blinked, a little jarred. 

"Uh, no. No. I'll get going, I have to tell Neville too.." You said, your sentence getting lost as you moved away from the desk.

He didn't say anything else, and you left quickly.

The next rally was on Sunday, less than a day from now. You were getting impatient, you wanted it over and done with so you could leave the entire mess of the case behind and never have to talk politics with rich men and the Ministry ever again.

You found yourself out of your office (avoiding a quip from Felis on the way out, he is encourageable) and walking towards the kitchens before you could really think about whether you really wanted to go or not.

It was nine o' clock in the evening, many things had changed in Hogwarts since the war but leaving the pastries out and unattended at nine o' clock was still a daily routine.

Walking down into the dungeons each day had been strange at first, but once you were used to the daily familliarities of it, it became normal and less jarring for you. You seldom ever walked as far the steps to Hufflepuff house, though. The memories you had of that particular part of the castle were too raw, still too fresh even after seven years. 

You had to pass Slytherin house on your way, looking at the door as you passed. It was the same as it ever had been, you could not remember how badly affected the dungeons had been during the fighting that day, but they looked the same to you.

You rounded the hallway and followed it to the Kitchens, feeling sheepish. You heard a noise from back up the corridor and momentarily panicked before you remembered that you were twenty-sex, a teacher, and allowed to be out of bed at this hour. 

You had shook your head and smiled to yourself, old habits die hard around here, you thought. 

You sat on one of the benches, eating a danish, looking around the room. You were looking over at a table in front of you, your head tilted to one side. You felt like you could see the ghosts of Draco and you from years ago, right there, you sat atop the surface, your legs up around Draco's waist as he stood at the end, his trousers undone, thrusting inside of you.

You looked away, those were just memories now, long ago. What you had then, whatever it was, love, infatuation, it could never be as it was, now. Time changes everything. That's what you kept telling yourself, anyway.

You were about to get up to leave, your mind too disturbed by thoughts of this place, when you heard the door open and close. Malfoy appeared at the entrance, walking into the room with his head down, reading a folded newspaper he was holding in one hand.

When he looked up, his eyes found yours instantly and a look of genuine shock came over his features. 

"Fuck." Was all he managed, as he stopped short of the table in front of yours where the pastries lay, mercifully unbothered by the lack of teenagers fucking on top of them. 

You gave him a strangely embarrassed smile, which he did not return. Instead, he frowned and threw his newspaper down on the table he was eyeing stiffly.

"I didn't expect company." He said coldly. 

Your smile dropped and you felt your eyes narrow. You moved from your seat to stand, you stayed there, still for another second, annoyed by his ignorance to what was actually a funny moment.

"I'll go, I just remembered that.. well, you must remember, too. The nine o' clock pastries?" You gave him a melancholy smile. 

He flashed his eyes up to meet yours, a similar smile was pulling at his lips but he neutralised his face so not to betray anything.

"Yes. I remember." He said, his tone sharp.

You realised that whatever feat you were trying to achieve here was going to be unsuccessful and thought it best to just leave.

You walked by him, feeling his eyes on you as you faced away from him, moving to the door.

You paused when you reached it, turning your head to catch his gaze, which was wandering all over you.

"We really did care for one another, didn't we?" You asked softly.

Malfoy's eyes softened but the rest of him was still rigid.

"Yes, maybe at one time." He answered.

You felt a shock of pain in your chest and left without another word.

Meeting in Neville's office to attend one of the torturous rally's for the last time was a wonderful feeling. You had greeted Neville with a big smile when you pushed his door open, peering around the edge of the wood to give him a satisfied look.

"The last time we will ever have to endure the endless anxieties of regulator politics." You cheered and your glasses clinked, the both of you sharing a celebratory Whiskey from the top drawer of his desk.

You had shared a grimace after your nip, then a relieved smile at the prospect of finally being free from the demands of the Ministry.

Malfoy joined you both later, almost exactly before you had to apparate, waiting until just moments before you were due to go to arrive in Neville's office, coming gliding in, his long legs carrying him quickly as he retrieved his wand from his waistcoat.

Arriving at the Ghostbar, Malfoy once again used his keen memorisation skills to unlock the outside door, gaining you all entry inside. You tried not to watch the way his lips moved as he whispered against the lock but the sheer sight of him was so entirely intoxicating you could not help yourself.

Once inside you navigated the halls, trying to find the main body of people there to hear more of Rosalind's message but when you entered the main hall, there were no people there at all. You shared a look with Neville, Malfoy was ignoring you, his own face set with worry.

You looked around, calling out to ask if anyone was there. This was the right night? Of course it was, you wouldn't have gotten that wrong.

The three of you were standing in front of the stage when you felt hands grab you roughly, twisting your arms behind your back. 

You yelled when you felt the pain of your arm being pushed roughly behind you, held there by a pair of strong hands. You heard the similar cries from the men next to you and as you thrashed around and lost your footing, you noticed that Malfoy and Neville had been apprehended, too.

You heard Malfoy say your name when you stopped fighting against the magical bonds that were creeping up around your arms. You looked over to him, he was watching you, his eyes wild, fighting against his own captor, vines were growing up his arms to keep them in place behind his own back, too. 

Your captor grabbed the vines that clasped your wrists together and pulled you in the direction he wished, towards the door that led back out into the hallway. 

You lost your footing, stumbling as he pulled you along. Your adrenaline was kicking in and you were starting to feel fraught. You started swearing and calling out for him to let you go, pushed back against the man moving you. 

You looked back, and saw Neville and Malfoy fighting just as wildly, wrestling against their own captors, Neville managed to headbutt his before the man cast a Confundus charm over him.

You weren't entirely sure what happened next, but you would wager that Malfoy and you were also cast with a Confundus charm, as the next thing you knew, as if being pulled from a dream, you were sitting down in Rosalind's office, in front of his desk. You sat between Malfoy and Neville, each of you bound to the chairs you sat in, vines growing around your arms, keeping them connected to the arms of the chairs.

You felt your consciousness return and immediately panicked, feeling your arms strain painfully against the vines as you tried to pull yourself free from them. 

Your head was light but you could distantly hear the sound of your groan of exertion from trying weakly to break from your constraints.

When you looked to your left, Malfoy was just coming round from the charm as well, realisation dawning on him before he, too, tried to struggle against the vines.

Malfoy looked at you then, you presumed you shared the look of total panic and bewilderment on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly. 

You only nodded.

"Well," You started, pulling against the vines again. "I'm a little tied up." 

Neville started straining against his own vines and you and Malfoy turned to look at him. He looked surprisingly calm, as though the Auror training was kicking in, and he was thinking of a way out already.

Rosalind appeared then, moving inside of the room. As the room came more clearly back into focus you found that you were very much not alone. There were people standing behind you, you could hear them, numerous by the differing sounds of movement and rustling. There were others, lining the walls, people from the rally that had been there last week, you recognised them.

Rosalind moved around to stand behind his desk, his face looked smug, as though he was enjoying whatever game this was.

"What's going on? Why have you taken us here and tied us up like animals?" You heard Neville spit from beside you.

Rosalind only smiled, his mouth upturned but his features dark.

"It has come to my attention that you may not be who I think you are." Rosalind started, his eyes lingering over each of you for a second as he spoke. "Tonight, I wanted to squash all these little rumours, and find out the truth for myself." 

You felt your chest heave as you struggled to breathe. You could feel Malfoy's eyes on you but you didn't dare to meet them.

Rosalind kept his eyes on you in particular as he reached into a drawer in his desk to pull out three small vials, rolling them across the wooden surface to rest on the edge in front of the three of you.

"Veritaserum." Malfoy breathed, not a question but rather a fact.

Your eyes became wide but your brow fell over them in a frown. You were fucked.

Rosalind kept his eyes on you, all you could do was catch his gaze and shake your head.

He gave you another smile. 

"Correct, Mister Malfoy. Now, you can either take it yourself or have one of my men administer it for you, decide for yourself." Rosalind finally broke his gaze to settle his eyes on Malfoy. 

It was sinister, like this was fun to him.

You all stayed quiet, each of you looking down at the vials laying there in disgust.

"Very well." You heard Rosalind say, before you felt movement behind you.

You saw a blur move past your head and a large, calloused hand grab one of vials, it looked tiny in his palm.

You felt his hand come around your neck and tilt your head back, the pressure of his fingers against your skull forcing you to bend to his will.

You felt the lip of the vial press against your lips, but you kept them pursed, you tried to move in the chair, to get away from him, but your constraints kept you stuck to the spot. 

You felt sounds of resistance come from your throat, and you tried to move your head to evade him, but he eventually used sheer force to break through your lips, the glass of the container hitting your teeth as the liquid filled your mouth and traitorously slid down your throat.

The man let you go the moment he had gotten the potion past your lips, throwing the empty glass against the desk, a crack forming in it's side.

You realised quickly that in the struggle, they had been successful in administering it to Malfoy and Neville, too.

There was a moment of total panic, and then a strange feeling of openness came over you. The serum was working, loosening your inhibitions, making you feel like the most readable book, splayed open, willing to divulge anything.

You fought against the feeling, desperately trying to keep your wits about you, the feeling was powerful, it was a better brew that you feel you could have even done yourself, you felt hopeless to resist it.

You shared a look with Neville, who was looking resolutely stern. Neville had undergone Auror training, and would most likely be an expert in the act of resisting the affects of a truth potion. Malfoy also, was more than likely skilled in the art of evading answering incriminating questions, you realised that if anyone was going to undo the work of this mission, it was you.

This particular batch was strong, though, and you found even Malfoy's fists curled tightly against the arm of the chair he was bound to, he was struggling to fight it.

"Sorry I had to do that, but I cannot have traitors to the cause in my midst." Rosalind said, not sounding apologetic at all. "I am going to ask you some questions now, and you will answer me." 

You flashed your eyes over to the people standing at the side of the room, against the wall. Their eyes were on you, but when you cast a glance over, they looked away. You wondered if this was really an idea that had been agreed upon by everyone.

You pursed your lips, as though to keep the truth in, as though that would work.

"So, shall we begin? Why don't we start off with something easy. Where were you all before you came here tonight?" Rosalind asked.

You felt your nails dig into the wood of the chair, trying to find a jagged edge to sink in to.

Your head pounded, your thoughts swimming, every single facet of your brain was screaming at you to tell him the answer.

"Hog.. Hogwarts." You bit out, slowly. 

The relief you felt for answering him was immeasurable, like all the receptors in your brain for relief and calm were buzzing.

Neville whipped his head round to look at you, his eyes wide, you could only shoot him the most apologetic look as you turned to catch his eye.

"I'm sorry." You said aloud to him, unable to keep it back.

Rosalind gave you a sardonic smile.

"I knew you would be an easy nut to crack." He said, walking around his desk slowly, moving to stand directly in front of you.

He leaned in close to you, his eyes roaming your face.

"Tell me, who are you working for?" He asked lowly.

You whimpered, your mouth once again pursing shut as you fought the urge to divulge any and all the information that you could give him.

Your nails had found purchase in the splintered wood of the old chairs and you could feel them dragging four marks into the arm as your body shook to fight the effects of the serum.

"Go on, tell me." Rosalind said again, he sounded closer this time, you didn't know how close as you had squeezed your eyes shut to try and block him out and focus on not speaking.

"Don't.. don't tell him shit." You heard Malfoy grit out from next to you.

Your eyes flashed open to look over to him. 

He was in as much pain as you, that much was evident. He was breathing deeply, his own hands gripping the edges of his own chair like a vice.

You held his stare, finding strength in it.

"Interesting," Rosalind smirked, looking between you both. He moved to stand in front of Malfoy now, focusing his attentions on him. "Why so quick to defend her?" He asked, his voice cruel.

Malfoy rolled his eyes, but he let out a pained grunt as he did so. 

Rosalind flashed his eyes towards you, as he leaned down to crouch beside Malfoy, they were alive with the excitement of power he suddenly had over all of you.

"Do you, love her?" He asked, almost sarcastically, like he was mocking him.

Malfoy's face strained in pain, his eyes closing as he tried to block Rosalind out, fight the feeling that was overcoming him.

"..Yes.." He said, the word being pushed from his lips entirely against his will.

Your eyes softened as you looked over him. He kept his face down-turned, clearly angry that he was not able to keep his truth back.

"The Ministry," You heard the words fall from your mouth, as easily as if you were telling someone the time. Malfoy's confession after weeks of coldness and passive aggression completely broke your resolve, and you felt your guard come down altogether.

You froze, upon realising what you had just said, once you tuned back into what was happening around you, hearing gasps from around the room.

Rosalind's head shot up, his eyes burning.

Neville and Draco whipped their heads around to look at you, and you could have screamed at how easily you had let yourself become weak.

"What was that?" Rosalind asked, standing again.

You shook your head, the pace of your breaths quickening as you panicked.

Rosalind became angry, leaning down to put both his hands on your arms, pushing them against the chair, his face inches from yours. "Tell me!" He shouted.

His face was close to you, so close that you could smell him, stale cigar smoke and coffee. You could see every hair on his face, every blemish, every wrinkle.

"The Ministry." You felt the words coming flying out, strained this time. "We're working for the Ministry." 

You heard Malfoy and Neville sigh from either side of you, as though it was both pain and relief to have the truth out in the open.

Rosalind leaned back from you, grasping the edge of his desk as he used it to keep his balance.

"Tell me more, who sent you? What is the purpose of your intrusion?" Rosalind's eyes were focused on you, but they did flash between the boys as well.

"Hermione Granger," You said without missing a beat, the proverbial flood gates were open, and it was all spilling out. "She sent us here hoping we could find out information about your group, more importantly if you were dangerous or planning to storm the Ministry." 

Rosalind reeled as the information fell from your lips.

Malfoy and Neville were able to stay quiet, not speaking themselves, but finding relief in the truth being spoken none the less, both of them gasping wildly.

Rosalind looked angry, and you realised that now the truth of your intentions had been revealed, you had no idea what he was going to do with you three. Here you were, tied down to chairs, completely at his mercy.

Rosalind pushed a hand through his thinning hair, turning around momentarily, he was in thought.

"What have you told her?" He asked, as he spun around to face you all again, the long tail of his purple robe whipping around dramatically with him.

"She has a detailed file on the names and professions of several members of your group, plus information regarding your affluence and potential motive for forming the regulators in the first place." You said quickly, breathing deeply once you got your sentence out.

Rosalind slammed his fist down on his desk and swore.

You felt yourself jump, you really could not gauge the malevolence of this man. If he would hurt you, or simply let you go.

Against all better judgement, you kept speaking, the effects of the serum only becoming stronger as it coursed around your system:

"This is a lost cause, Rosalind. The organisation you based your name off, they were genuinely being taxed unfairly, working class farmers and tradesmen, you are not akin to those men. You are all exorbitantly wealthy, with money to spare. Granger wants what any of us should want, a better and fairer world for all magical people. You are fighting against change, even though it it for the better. You are mad because you are not special anymore, because the scale is not tipped in your favour. I think you should rethink your priorities in this matter and disband, and accept your place in society now that you are not top of the food chain."

Rosalind stared at you for a long time after you spoke. That was, until you heard Malfoy grit his teeth and start speaking beside you:

"I know how it feels to suffer the change of the wizarding world, where our families were once held in high esteem as wizarding royalty, we are now no better or worse than anyone else, this can be a shock to your ego, and your pride. But Y/N is right, you cannot be angry you must pay relative tax to your income, and you cannot be angry that you are not special anymore."

You met his eyes after he finished, your own ablaze with nothing but respect and adoration. You almost felt your mouth moving to say the words you longed to say when Rosalind started speaking again.

"I don't need to be told what my organisation is about, I am a man of principle, I demand to be heard.." Rosalind's voice was unsure, wavering, as though he did not even believe himself anymore. 

He scratched over his outgrowing facial hair nervously, he was unsettled. 

You cast your eyes around the room and the others there were sharing concerned looks with one another. 

You fixed you eyes back to Rosalind, who's face had now darkened. 

You felt panic rise in you. He was angry, malevolent, now that the reality of his operation had been condemned. You could see a spiteful look come over his face, his pride had been hurt, and there is nothing more to be feared in this world than a man who's pride has been hurt.

"How do I know you're not lying, hmm? How do I know that the great Draco Malfoy is not so impervious to the effects of Veritaserum that he is able to bend the truth entirely while under it's affects." Rosalind's composure had changed, where he was once a broken shell, he was now drunk with the power of the knowledge you were all still under the effects of a truth potion.

"I am no longer as impervious as I once was in my youth." Malfoy confessed easily. "I also believe that while our true identities have been revealed, we may as well use this moment to perhaps talk some sense into you." 

You shot your head round to look at him, feeling Neville do the same.

Rosalind shook his head.

"I don't believe it, not for a second. Your family were powerful wizards with capabilities beyond what I can fathom. You're lying." Rosalind was sneering now.

Malfoy had become calm, his demeanour serene, his voice entirely unwavering.

"I assure you, I am not." Was all he said, and you could hear murmurs of agreement bounce around the room.

Rosalind's face was now entirely contorted in rage. He leaned in close to Malfoy, and you could feel yourself worry for him.

"I don't believe it, tell me something that only you would know, tell me a secret, Malfoy." Rosalind said darkly.

Your face flashed in shock. Rosalind was enjoying it, the fact that he had Draco Malfoy in front of him, bonded to a chair, drugged with truth serum, this was not about his cause anymore, this was about power.

Malfoy's face contorted in pain as he tried to hold back the urge to spill his secrets. He moved his head around, as if his neck was sore, his eyes shut.

"Draco, don't." You felt yourself say.

Rosalind held his hand out, his pointer finger extended, silencing you.

"Quiet, let him speak. Go on, Draco. Tell me something no-one else knows. What is your greatest shame? Hmm.." Rosalind's tone was menacing, almost joyous.

You faced forward, barely able to look at Malfoy as he fought the urge to speak, he was making grunts of difficulty, his breathing sharp as he tried to stop himself from speaking.

"I tried.." He bit out, but stopped himself, a pained sound coming from his throat.

"Go on, speak." Rosalind said, his tone demanding this time.

"I tried.. to kill myself.. after the war." Malfoy was shaking, his head falling back as he untensed from the relief of speaking the truth.

You turned to look at him, you could feel your eyes filling with tears as you did so. His head was still tilted back, his eyes opened and met yours, you must have looked the same, sad and broken.

Rosalind stood up once again, moving around behind desk as he had before. He pondered for a moment, his hand on his chin.

You held your teary gaze with Malfoy, your eyes darting between his. All you could do was look at him as your heart broke. To think, that there was a possibility he could have never been here, you could have never seen him again, it made you ache.

"That seems like fairly conclusive evidence." Rosalind spoke, seemingly completely unaffected by the harrowing confession Malfoy had just made. "I wonder if there are any more secrets you're sitting on." He smiled a devilish smile.

You pulled against your constraints, feeling anger bubble up inside your chest, your face screwed up and you turned to look at him, shaking in your chair.

"Enough! Can't you see what you've done to him? No more." You shouted, feeling your arms burn as the vines grew tighter around them.

Rosalind looked at you for a moment, considering.

"It is enough, Rosalind. You got what you wanted, now you know everything. Let us go and this wont be spoken of again." Neville finally spoke from the other side of you.  
Rosalind perked up at Neville's newfound voice.

"Ah, yes. You. Ben Garrett." Rosalind mocked Neville's fake name. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me your real name will you, Ben?" 

"My name is Neville Longbottom." Neville answered as clearly and honestly as day.

The colour drained from Rosalind's face, his jaw slackened and you saw momentary panic come over him before he gathered himself.

"Get them out of here." Was all Rosalind said before turning around and facing the wall behind his desk, lost in thought.

You were released from your vines with a simple charm, the marks on your arm were deep red and you were quick to rub them as soon as your hands were free. You then found your arms pulled back behind your back as you were walked out of the club by the same men who had captured you before.

You were all thrown harshly out of the fire-door, each of you landing on the street at the back of the club next to the bins. No more was said to you, just thrown out, like rubbish.

As soon as you were free you rushed to grab Malfoy, your knees scraping on the ground as you scampered over to him, taking his face in your hands and pressing your foreheads together.

"I'm so sorry." You repeated, over and over, pulling him into an embrace.

You felt his arms come around you, he was silent, but the return of the hug meant more than any words ever could.

Neville cleared his throat behind you. 

"We have to get back, it's not safe for us here." Neville said, grabbing both of you and apprarating back to his office.

Once inside, Neville said it was impertinent that he floo Granger right away and tell her everything that happened tonight; that Rosalind knew everything, that he had drugged you, extracted all the information you had. 

Neville then suggests that he do it alone, that the night had been particularly hard on Malfoy and you, and it would be better for you to go and lick your wounds in peace.

You had not argued with him, instead thanked him for his understanding and told him that you would discuss everything in the morning.

The moment you stepped outside his office, you turned to Malfoy and took his face in your hands again. He looked at you then, a long stare. He looked entirely defeated.

"Come back to my quarters." You asked, your tone gentle. 

All you could even consider doing now was giving him all of your attention.

He nodded, and you turned on your heel and interlocked your arm with his to keep his weak body steady, walking him back to your office.


	19. Hot Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Mention of attempted suicide  
> this chapter follows on directly from the last one, hope you are enjoying!

On the walk back to your quarters you tried to think of the best way to handle the situation with Malfoy. How best to soothe him, care for him in his hour of need.

You found that your thoughts kept getting cast away from your mind. The effects of the Veritaserum were still in control, but lessening as time wore on. All you could truly focus on was the way Malfoy's skin felt as you linked your arm with his as you walked him back to your office. Warm, and soft. Warm, and alive. And to think that there could have been a reality where he no longer walked the earth. Your heart was aching.

Malfoy was silent, his head bowed as he walked next to you. His face was drawn, his mouth down-turned and his eyes cast to the ground, watching his feet carry him in the direction you led him in.

There was never, and still wasn't ever anything more demoralising than seeing Malfoy defeated. You had seen him like this before, during his last three years at Hogwarts you had seen him beaten down, no joy left inside him at all. It was the hardest thing to bear, to know that someone so full of life, in ways only you had ever seen, had been torn down.

His blonde hair was hanging in front of his face, his body hunched over. You found yourselves in front of your office door, and even Felis dared not to speak when he saw the state both of you were in, merely gave you the password without another word.

Once inside, you sat him down on one of the sofas that sat in view of the fireplace, rubbing his back momentarily before you moved to pull some jars from your personal stores next to the window.

"What are you doing?" Malfoy asked, rather accusatory.

You turned back to face him, almost surprised to hear him speak at all, two jars in each of your hands.

"I'm going to make an antidote to the Veritaserum, it shouldn't take too long to pull something together." You said, the words bounding out of your mouth.

You rolled your eyes to yourself as you realised that you were still very much under the influence of the truth potion, hence the rush to make an antidote. 

"Don't." Malfoy said, standing up from his place on your sofa and coming to stand before you. He took the two jars from your hands and placed them back inside the cabinet behind you. He turned back to look at you then, standing close to you as he took in your face. "The effects will wear off in time, and I would rather you were under it's influence for a bit longer, anyway." 

Your eyes became wide before you blinked your eyes away from him, finding yourself becoming reluctant to the idea of simply letting it wear off, when you were entirely at his mercy. 

"What? No. I'm making something to reverse the effects, I hate this feeling." You said, going to turn around to retrieve the jars once again. 

Malfoy put his hand on your arm to still you, stopping you from turning away from him. 

You felt a spark shoot through you, the way you always felt when he touched you, like everywhere his fingers touched was on fire.

You met his eyes, realising that you were now very much alone in your office together, the door to your bedchambers slightly ajar across the room. You cursed yourself for thinking of it at a time like this, but the effect of the serum and of his touch was messing with your head.

"I think I would prefer to have you like this, for now. So I can finally get real answers to the questions I want to ask you." Malfoy said, his eyes burning a hole right through your skull.

His gaze was fixed and determined, and you realised that you were in an impossible predicament. He could ask you anything at this moment and you would have to answer it truthfully, the words would pour forth from you and you were powerless to stop it. 

You felt panicked all of a sudden, a desire to run floated through your head but you thought it too dramatic. You had run from this situation for long enough.

"What questions?" You found yourself asking. 

You weren't sure if the Veritaserum tapped into your innermost curiosities and voiced them also. You really, really hoped not.

Malfoy smiled, a wry smile. He looked at you for a moment, able to keep his own answers back much more easily than you. His silver eyes were sparkling now, like a fire had been lit inside of him. That sorrow he had shown before melting away as he moved his hand from your arm to cup your face.

All you could do was stand there and look at him, unsure of his next move. He was close, and you realised that you could never tire of seeing his face, how different it was to when he was in school, the new lines that had formed, sharper angels, his skin more weather beaten. He was anew and entirely the same simultaneously.

He moved his fingers to underneath your chin to keep your head in place and prevent you from breaking his gaze. 

"Did you love that Auror?" He asked, his voice calm but firm.

You felt your lips move before you had even had a chance to think about what Malfoy was asking.

"I thought I did at one point, but upon closer reflection, I never did, no." You replied with as much ease as you ever could.

Malfoy nodded, satisfied with your answer but not smug.

You blinked then, not moving your head, but still noticeably shocked at how unreservedly you had answered his question.

"Did you think about me, after the war?" He asked his second question in same stern manner he has asked his first. His eyes were still boring into yours, but his jaw was tight, as if he was frightened of what you might say.

"Every day." You replied, almost breathless. As though you had been so desperate to respond you had not even thought to take a breath before you spoke.

Malfoy's head jolted back slightly, as if that was not the answer he was expecting, but he kept his hand under your chin, looking away only for a second before looking back again.

"Are you scared of me?" He asked, this time his voice was more quiet, and without missing a beat you spoke:

"No. I could never be." 

He broke your gaze again, looking away as though it pained him to hear such sweet words. 

He fixed his eyes back on yours once more and this time his demeanour changed. He smiled, a more genuine but still smug smile, and took his hand from your chin, to drop at his side.

"Do you love me?" He asked this time, his tone simple.

You did not reply right away, the serum seemingly confused by even your own brains response to the perceived truth.

"Yes." You said, finally. 

Malfoy gazed at you for a moment, his eyes truly dancing now. 

His hand moved up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, leaving a gentle caress along your jawline as he pulled away.

He then turned and unbuttoned his waistcoat, throwing it over one of the chairs that sat opposite your desk. 

You blanched, broken from the spell he had put your under. 

"What are you-" You began.

"You know what? I want a bath." Malfoy cut you off, already making his way over to your bedchamber where the door still sat ajar.

You just blinked, a frown setting in as your head caught up with what was happening.

Malfoy pulled his shirt from where it was tucked into his trousers, proceeding to unbutton it all the way down before ripping it off, discarding it on the other chair that sat near the door he was now walking through, disappearing from your view.

You shook your head before going after him.

"Draco, I really think we should talk about this, and what happened.." You heard your voice change pitch as it carried through from your office into your bedroom.

You stopped in front of your open bathroom door, there was a perfect view of the claw-foot bathtub as you looked into the room. You could only stop talking altogether and blink as you watched Malfoy lean over the edge of the porcelain tub to turn the faucet and start drawing a bath.

He was shirtless now, his back muscles rippling as he steadied himself with one hand on the lip of the tub, his bicep clenching as he turned the tricky tap, it stuck easily, needed a little force to turn it on. You were just standing there, letting your eyes roam over his body shamelessly, the way his dress trousers hugged his ass, his long legs, the way he had already toed off his loafers and left them sitting neatly off to the side of the room.

"Calling me by my first name, are we now?" He chided, but it was not mocking, he said it almost endearingly. He turned then, having gotten the water running, and looked at you as he stood up straight, moving his hands to his pockets.

You blinked again, willing yourself to say something, unfortunately you wished you hadn't because you were still very much under the influence of the Veritaserum and saying just anything was not an option you wanted to go for.

"I just haven't seen this much of you in so long." You said, as an explanation for your behaviour. "I guess the 'Draco' just slipped out. I suppose the last time I saw you like this, we were still on those terms." 

Malfoy frowned, but there was a playful smile on his face. You weren't sure how this entire situation had taken a complete u-turn, but you tried to remind yourself that you had both just experienced something traumatic and Malfoy's first response was always going to be to avoid talking about it and be a git instead.

He pushed back from the tub and walked towards you slowly. 

"Why call me Malfoy in the first place? You don't call Longbottom Neville." He asked, his voice low.

You held his gaze.

"Neville is my friend." You answered, punctuating on the 'd' of friend.

Malfoy smiled, then, moving even closer to you. He was so close you were almost touching. Still, you held his gaze.

"Am I not your friend?" He baited you. 

You narrowed your eyes a little, before relaxing. The bathroom was full of the sound of the tub filling up, loud and echoing. Steam was rising from the water and with it, heat. He was close now, and you could see every mark on his skin, smell his cologne. A rogue piece of hair was hanging over his forehead and you resisted the urge to reach out and smooth it back into the rest of his hair.

"You and I were never friends." You answered, and it was an honest answer. Perhaps not one you would have given him had you not have been spiked with truth serum.

Malfoy smiled, and you glanced down to look at his lips. You remembered how it felt to kiss them the night of the leavers ball, but more than that, you remembered all the times you had kissed him when you were young. All the moments you exchanged in empty classrooms and in your dorm under the covers. 

He glanced down at your lips and you wondered if he was thinking the same thing. You could ask him, he would have to answer you truthfully. You wanted to kiss him, you were unable to even lie to yourself in that moment, and your head was crystal clear, you wanted him. Maybe you would just let him kiss you, let him have you. You wanted it, so badly. And he looked so good, maybe you would just give in if he moved closer and closed the space between you.

"Yes, that's true." He said, moving away from you to check on the tub.

You suddenly felt cold without his body heat reverberating off you, slightly breathless too, as though he had winded you in the process of building you up and then simply walking away. Then the steamy heat of the room flooded to you and made you feel clammy.

You turned slightly to watch him as he dipped his fingers in the water, checking the temperature. He shook them off once he retrieved them, little water droplets speckling the floor at his feet.

You were almost in shock, stuck to spot at the absurdity of the situation. 

He pulled his wand from his pocket and cast a charm over the bath. You watched as the tub filled with bubbles. 

A bubble bath. Malfoy was having a bubble bath, in your tub, after a traumatising interrogation, by which your very fate was now unclear due to your dealings with an organisation you were not sure the Ministry could protect you from.

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out, so you closed it again.

Malfoy turned to shoot you a smile, but you did not return it, just shot him a look of total confusion. You were trying not to look at his exposed torso so desperately, now that he was watching you, that you had probably made it even more obvious, which was probably why he was giving you a shit-eating grin.

"Would you like to join me? There's room enough for two." He asked.

"Yes." You replied in an instant, before frowning disdainfully at how the serum was working against you.

He chuckled and your scowl deepened.

He turned the faucet off and all the comfortable noise that had once filled the room ceased. It was silent, all except for the plants growing against your windows.

He came back to stand in front of you again, his face more serious this time.

"Do you want me to take off your clothes?" He asked, his voice low.

"Yes." You replied once more with no hesitation, and instead of scowling you just looked at him with pleading eyes.

You expected another smirk, but his face remained serious. "Malfoy, this is such a serious situation, and we need to talk about it." You tried to reason with him.

"I want to take a bath." He stated as reply to your imploring of him.

"Malfoy.." You started.

He gently gripped the hem of your shirt between his fingers and looked at you.

"If you want me to stop, I will. Do you want me to stop?" He asked.

"No." You breathed.

"No, what?" He asked.

"No, Draco." You replied, drawing his name out, holding his gaze.

With that, he pulled your shirt over your head, and you felt relief at the cool sensation that pricked your exposed skin before the heat closed in.

He looked at you for a moment after, discarding your shirt onto a towel rail that sat off to the side of the room. His eyes were just taking in all the new skin on show, glazed over as he blinked slowly, taking his time admiring you.

He then stepped even closer to reach behind your back and undo the clasp of your bra, he undid it with ease and a practised hand. He was standing so close his chest was brushing yours and making you feel like you were on fire, goosebumps erupting over your skin as his hands touched your back.

He stepped back just enough to slip your bra off, the feeling of the straps grazing down your arms almost enough to make you jerk forward.

He dropped it to the floor, not taking as much care to discard it somewhere safer like he had with your shirt.

Your torso was bare before him and all you could do was stand there, chest rising and falling as he looked at you, not saying a word, just looking.

He stepped forward once again to push his fingers under the waistband of your skirt, you were almost grateful that you had pulled on something that could be taken off so easily, so not to disturb this moment.

He slid it down your legs, his body moving with it, until it dropped to the floor, pooling at your feet. He was crouched on his knees, face to face with your thong. 

You took a shuddering breath as you watched him, and for a moment you felt as though you were back in your room after the Yule Ball, with Draco on his knees at your feet. He looked up and gave you a look that told you he was thinking exactly the same thing.

You gave an almost imperceptible nod, and he looped his fingers around the waistband of your underwear and with all the grace he possessed, slid them down your legs. 

He stayed there for a moment, and you wondered if he was going to do what he did at the Yule Ball, you were throbbing, your body practically crying out for his touch, but he did not do anything.

He stood up, and took a step back from you. You could only watch, throat dry, words dead inside of it, as he undid the button of his dress trousers and pushed them to his feet. 

When he stood up straight again, he stepped out of his slacks and kicked them away, and your eyes could not help but flash down to look at him. He was hard, his cock straining against his underwear, and you felt yourself become wet at just the sight of him, the outline of him, a shock of desire shooting through your core.

You met his eyes, a little sheepishly, which seemed insane, given that you had seen him this way hundreds of times, but it was different now. The energy in the room was so charged that you could have rippled right out of your skin.

He put his hands on his boxers and you shared a look before he slid them down his legs, your eyes staying focused on his cock just waiting for him to straighten up and reveal it to you.

Seeing his dick again was so familiar and felt so entirely right it made your head spin. To see him standing before you as bare as he could be, in mind and body, was such a powerful moment to you. This was him baring everything, his darkest secret, and his whole body.

You realised how poignant this moment was, but the thing was, you were not scared at all. You wished you could live inside of it forever.

"Shall we get in?" He asked smoothly. 

Your eyes shot up to meet his, the reflection of the sparking bubbles in the tub reflecting in his eyes and making the silver in them sparkle.

"Yes." You rasped, your voice hoarse.

He took your hand and you went to stand at the side of the tub together. He stepped in first, and you watched the way his foot cautiously tested the water first before submerging. You thought it sweet, that he was as reserved as you when stepping into hot water. The metaphor was not lost on you, either.

He grasped the lip of the bath then, to sit down fully in the water, his back against the end of it, in a sort of sitting position. 

You watched the water embrace him, running over him to cover his skin, the bubbles moving and meeting to conceal his lower half from you.

You looked at the opposite end of the tub, imagining how you were both going to fit inside it, you were considering the placement of your legs when you watched him part his legs and invite you sit between them.

Your lips parted, and your eyes met his once again. You realised what he meant and without further talk you stepped in, standing facing away from him as the heat of the water crept up your shins.

You gave him a good view of your ass before you sat down, gripping the lip of the tub yourself as you felt the water hit your behind before you sank down into the water to sit, only slightly uncomfortably, into position. You felt yourself mould to him, your back against his front, his legs parted to let you in between them, your head resting against his clavicle, giving him a view of your chest as you lay against him.

He took his arms off the side of the bath then, and placed them around you, the sound of water moving around you was all to be heard in the bathroom, that and the gentle sounds of your breathing and soft chuckles as you manoeuvred yourselves into the most comfortable way of lying together.

You were silent for a long time after that. The two of you just lying together in the water, his arms were around you, his hand clasped around his wrist which was settled against the top of your breasts. His thumb was rubbing over your breast, slow and deliberate moments, not sexual per-se, just nice.

You had your full weight against him, his strong upper body baring your back as you relaxed into him. He had turned his head to the side to press his lips against your temple, now and again pressing a chaste kiss there, but mostly just breathing steadily against the spot.

It was one of the most intimate moments of your life, also one of the few times you had felt completely at peace since the war. The way the hot water seemed to melt the stress from your bones and envelop you in warm bliss.

He had taken one of your hands and was holding it up in front of you both, tracing over it, interlocking and unlocking it with his own, rubbing his thumb across the back where there was a scar from your first year in the potions department whereby a cauldron exploded and a shard had cut you.

"There are a million things I want to say to you." He finally spoke, his breath hot against your ear.

You cocked your head, moving it closer to him, and he responded in kind, pressing his lips against your temple once more.

"I know what you mean." You said, running your fingers over his crest ring, watching the way the light reflected off it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He took a deep breath, your own body moving with the rise and fall of his chest. He knew to what you were referring. The dark secret he had concealed since the war revealed to a room full of people just hours ago.

He interlocked his fingers with yours then rested your hands back into the water.

"I struggled, after the war. Massively. My entire life unravelled right in front of my eyes. My father had been imprisoned, my mother traumatised, all of us trialled, our bank accounts frozen, Ministry detail watching the Manor every moment of the day, and I was put on a travel ban. I was dealing with so many feelings of guilt and shame, the gut wrenching feeling of knowing I had done wrong, I had brought the war to it's pinnacle, watched my Headmaster murdered, and perhaps worst of all, I had lost you. I couldn't bear it, knowing I was a monster." He spoke calmly, no anger or venom in his words. He was just talking as he always did.

You nodded, letting him know you were listening but not wanting to interject.

"I read every article published about me, every discussion piece, listened to all the radio discourse, and I let it eat me alive. Gratefully ate it up like poison and let it consume me. My mother then fell ill and had to be moved to a private facility in St. Mungo's, I visited her every day for a while, then it became too difficult, became once a week. During the rest of my time I would just sit in the Manor and fester, I was rotting from the inside out."

He took a deep breath and you squeezed his hand, fighting the tears that were threatening to prick your eyes.

"I received an urgent floo one day, and a nurse told me that my mother's condition was worsening and she may not make it. She had been the only person to keep me sane since our isolation from society and I just lost it. That night I drank a bottle of my Father's most expensive Whisky, as some sort of final 'fuck you' and, well, I'm sure you would rather not hear the rest." He finished.

You were glad he could not see your face, see the horror on it that you couldn't contain. You blinked violently to keep yourself from crying, you wanted to be strong for him.

You composed yourself and twisted in his arms to look at him, releasing his hand.

You placed your hand on his face, watching the beads of water run from your palm onto his skin.

"I am so glad you are here." You said, as strong as sure as you felt.

You did not know if it was the right thing to say, or if it was too contrived, or if you should break into a monologue about how wonderful he is and how it breaks your heart to hear him speak such words.

But when he met your eyes, his were glassy, and a small smile broke out over his face. 

"I am too, most of the time." He chuckled, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly, and you shared a cynical laugh with him.

You rubbed your thumb across his face gently, taking in how close you were, how he looked like this, soft and warm and wet. The steam from the bath had moistened his hair and strands of it were sticking to his forehead.

"Fuck, If I had known that one day I would be here, naked in a bath with you, then I never would have even considered it." He laughed, and then you laughed a laugh of disbelief and gripped his face tighter.

"Don't even joke about it!" You exclaimed, but it was mixed with laughter. He could only cackle and move his hands to grasp your body.

When your laughs died down you were just inches apart, and he was giving you a look that you knew all too well.

"Of course, it was you who pulled me back from the brink, in the end. I was not successful, obviously. I decided that if I couldn't have you I would live a life you would be proud to see me living. When I woke up, and I had survived, it changed everything. I decided that I would live, and carry on. I found purpose."

You smiled, your mouth wavering as you felt your vision blur slightly.

"And your mother?" You asked, your voice just barely a whisper.

"Alive and well." He smiled, and you returned it.

The feeling of his hands on you, being pressed against him, it was making you light headed. To be so close to him again, it was like coming home.

"Do you want to kiss me?" He asked, his smirk was back.

"Yes." You replied instantly, and then huffed. "That's not fair, you know I still have Veritaserum in my system." You mock frowned.

He smiled back, leaning in to close the small gap between you and kissed you.

Your body responded to the kiss as much as your mouth did. You deepened it, angling your head so you could start moving your lips over his, your tongues finding one another before long. You whole body moved, so that you were on your side, half on top of him, and you could feel your hips moving of their own accord, grinding into his thigh, moving on instinct.

You could feel Draco grow hard against your hip, and it made your heat throb so violently you thought if you didn't feel some sort of release soon you would explode.

His arm was strong around you, the other moving to caress your breast, rolling your nipple between his thumb and finger. You broke the kiss to let out a breathless moan at the contact but resumed it before you had even stopped moaning.

You removed your hand from his face to reach down into the water and wrap your hand around his cock, and he let out a low moan into your mouth.

You pulled back from him to see his face as you started to pump up and down, twisting your hand as you jacked him. His eyes were lidded and his chest heaving, lips parted as his face screwed up in sweet agony.

"I need you." Was all he said, stilling your hand on his dick.

You briefly considered the logistics of fucking inside of the tub, but Draco was already moving you backwards to encourage you out of the bath altogether.

You stood up and stepped out, Draco doing the same, the sound of two bodies lifting from the water was loud in the quiet of the room, the dripping of water onto the stone floor more so as he pulled you back to him and kissed you furiously, his hands in your hair, hard dick pressed against your stomach, his tongue in your mouth. You were both soaking and now the floor was too. 

He pulled back from you and picked up his wand from the floor, taking your hand and leading you through into your bedroom. He shot an Incendio into the fireplace next to your bed and quickly used his wand to summon a rug to lie in front of it.

The fire roared as he lay you down on the rug. He looked incredible by the firelight, amber light dancing across half of his face as he hovered over you. 

You reached up to caress his face, your thumb tracing over his lips before moving to stoke his cheek. You were both looking at each other in awe as he settled between your legs. You spread them apart to make room for him and felt the heat from the fire scald your knee. You resolved to wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you.   
His cock slid between your folds before he pulled his hips back to rest at your entrance. 

You let out a sharp breath at the feeling, trying to buck your hips up for more. 

There was something in the way that he was looking at you that made it impossible to look away. His eyes perfectly reflected the fire, and it was as though they too were amber and yellow, watching you with lust and adoration.

"I love you." He said, and he gave you a breathless smile.

You felt yourself smile too, a small tug on the sides of your mouth. 

"And I love you." You replied, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pushed inside of you.

You felt your body stretch to accommodate him, and when you felt him fill you only half way, your head dropped back against the rug, your eyes rolling back into your head.

"Fuck." Was all you could manage, before he pulled back out and then pushed back in again, giving you more of him this time, easing himself inside of you.

He did not know how long it had been since you last had sex, he knew it must have been at least all the months since you had been working at Hogwarts, so he was careful to ease his length into you so not to hurt you.

On the third stroke he filled you completely, pushing all the way inside, his hips flush against yours.

Your mouth dropped open and you let out a short moan, looking up at him. He was looking down in between you both, and a low groan escaped him. It was like poetry, to hear him moan while inside of you again.

You gripped his shoulders and squeezed your legs tighter around him, keeping him there for a second before he started moving again, faster this time, moving his hips in such a way that every stroke was in perfect motion, fucking into you and making you whimper, before the next stroke made you cry out.

He was watching you, from above, the way your eyes shut when it was too much, the way your legs shook when he went in deep, the way your nipples felt, hard against his chest as he brushed against them while he pounded into you. You tried to keep eye contact, but the sensations you were feeling were so powerful you kept having to close yours eyes to moan loudly.

Malfoy was never silent, always making his pleasure known, groaning and letting out little moans when your walls contracted around him. It made you insane, the sounds he made, and the way he looked at you when he made them, his face all screwed up, mouth open, eyes lidded, he looked completely undone.

You stilled him, stopping his movements inside you, his face flashing with worry for a second before you pushed him back and slid out from underneath him, grabbing his shoulders to push him down against the rug.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise but as you climbed on top of him his hands found your hips and the face he made as you sank down onto his cock told you that it was not an unwelcome surprise.

"Merlin, fuck." He stuttered out as you started to move on top of him, using the strength in your thighs to ride him, sitting back on him, giving him full view of your body, moving up and down on his dick, rolling your hips as you did so, making his face screw up again.

His hands moved up so he could grab your breasts, before they skimmed down your sides, his eyes following them, his face beginning to look fucked out as sweat formed on his brow.

You felt your legs grow tired and you stopped riding him, leaning forward to capture his lips in another kiss. You felt his hands reach around to grab your ass and he hissed into your mouth when you started bouncing against him, your ass moving up and down, taking all of him hard and fast.

You moaned into his neck as your face found it's way there, biting down to mark him. He swore against your hair and used his hands to spread you open and began thrusting up to meet you. You cried out, and his pace only increased, before long you couldn't keep going and stopped and just let yourself be a writhing, moaning mess as he fucked you.

"You're incredible." He bit out, tapering it off with a groan.

When he slowed down, you sat up again to look at him, keeping your faces close so you could kiss him. He was breathing heavily and giving you that look he always used to give you, that eager to please look, like he hoped he had done a good job. 

You could only grab his face and kiss him hard and sloppy, your tongues sliding against one each other as you both panted into one another's mouths. 

You took his hands from where they were now resting on your hips and pinned them above his head. His eyes widened for a second but then a smile appeared.

You started to rock your hips against his to gain some friction, rubbing your clit against him each time you rocked forwards. He was deep inside of you like this, never once moving in or out, only staying completely inside of you as you grind against him.

His eyes were starting to blur, and you couldn't help but give him a devious smile at the way he was looking at you. 

"Did you miss this?" You breathed, interlocking your hands with his, keeping them above his head.

He just looked at you with an expression of total lust and shook out a breath.

"Merlin, _yes_." 

You could feel your orgasm start to build as you moved your hips against him, your clit throbbing as you increased your pace, chasing your own high.

You felt your vision blur and your breaths quicken as you came closer, your hips jerking erratically, grinding faster as you felt the feeling grow stronger. You were gripping his hands tight, your nails digging into his skin as the agony of being close overtook you. All you could focus on was how desperately you needed it.

Somewhere below you, you could hear him groaning, but your eyes were shut. 

"Look at me." He commanded, and your eyes shot open, focusing on his. 

You let out a whimper as you were so close, feeling the pleasure just within reach. Just watching him, the way his face looked when you were riding him, was getting you there.

"Say my name." He bit out, and you felt the aching closeness flare up again.

"Draco." You moaned, followed by a string of profanities.

"God, you're the best." He bit out, his brow lowering as you released his hands.

With his words, you came undone. You felt pleasure rip through your body, spreading from your core. You were crying out in ecstasy, or thought you were, the feeling was so intense that you were lost in it, your senses overtaken.

You felt one of his hands slide around your throat and you felt the waves come over you then, prolonging the moment as you forced yourself to open your eyes and look at him.

He looked nothing if not determined and lost in the moment himself, trying not to move his hips in any way that would cut your moment short.

When you stopped coming, you tried to catch your breath, his hand coming away from your throat to drop to your hip, kneading the flesh there.

You caught his lips in a kiss, hungrily moving your mouth over his as you started to move your hips again, the hypersensitivity of your nub aching as you brushed it against his pubic bone.

"Come here." He breathed, sitting up to grab your back and come face to face with you, the two of you just grinding against one another, arms grasping for each other desperately, in his hair, nails down his back, gripping the tops of his arms. His own were holding your neck to kiss you, around your back to pull you to him, on your hips to revel in the way it felt to touch your skin.

Before long you were rutting against each other, and his breathing was erratic, you knew he was close. He kept eye contact with you when he came, stilling inside of you, his mouth dropping into a perfect 'o' shape as he released.

You had kissed down his jawline and his neck as he came down from his own high, breathing against your hair as he caught his breath.

"Fuck." He laughed, and you returned it, raising your head just in time to kiss him again.

You moved, pulling his softening cock from you. He stood up and took your hand to help you up also, kissing you furiously the moment you were on your feet, causing you to lose your footing. He put his arm behind your back to keep you steady, smiling into the kiss as you chuckled.

"I can barely stand." You said into his mouth.

He pulled his head back from yours and he was smirking. You would have been in the mind to scold him if you weren't completely fucked out.

He sat on the bed and grabbed your arm to pull you to him, you staggering forward and falling on top of him, causing him to fall back onto the bed, your legs tangling together as he kissed you once more. Your lips were swollen from being pressed against his so much, but the feeling was intoxicating. 

He moved enough to get you both under the covers, and you lay against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, knowing that there was a possibility that it could have no longer beat at all.

You drifted off to sleep in his arms, hearing his shallow breaths above you. It was serene, a moment where you felt trapped in time, like you were the only two people that existed.


	20. Please

The night Dumbledore died is still a blur in your memory. 

You can still remember the way the noise of destruction rumbled the walls of the castle, the way the sound of maniacal voices echoed around the space in between turrets. How it sounded when the glass of the windows in the Great Hall were destroyed and it pulled you from your sleep. The way your heart was racing as your feet hit the floor next to your bed and before you knew it you were in the hall outside of your room, to find Abeliene already there, eyes wide and scared.

You could just about remember the way your shaky legs carried you down the stairs leading out of Hufflepuff house, moving with everyone else that was venturing out into the hall to find out what all the commotion was. 

You must have managed to put one foot in front of the other, moving in a pack with the other students, racing up the stairs to the lower west corridor.

Draco's words were ringing in your head the entirety of the time you were out of your house: 'Do not leave your room. If you hear anything, do not come out.'

There you were, standing in the hallway before the entrance to the castle, huddled with other students, wearing only your night dress. 

You saw Bellatrix first, when they rounded the corner of the west wing. The way her eyes looked as she bared her teeth, deranged and frenzied. The way her body moved in reckless abandon as she enjoyed the glee of the moment. She was spinning around, her arms extended, leading a pack of Death Eaters.

Your eyes flashed over to Snape next, his face drawn and tight as he glided through the hall, his robes floating behind him as though he was sailing by you. Your brow dropped, and then your eyes widened in horror. Snape had killed him. Snape had been forced to do what Draco could not.

When you looked past Bellatrix' display, you saw Draco, and it was as if someone had ripped all the air from your lungs. You tuned everything else out, white noise buzzing through your skull as he approached where you were standing to pass you by.

The Carrow brother, Amycus, jerked his body violently towards you all as he passed, causing many of the people standing with you to gasp and fly backwards in fear. You shot your arm out instinctively to protect Abeliene, but did not move your body.

You stayed dead still, watching Draco as he walked by you, no longer obstructed by Carrow. You were stuck there, your feet frozen against the stone floor, not able to move.   
Draco's eyes flashed up to meet yours as you passed him, and you could only imagine the desperation on your face as he did. Your eyes were pleading, imploring, wanting nothing more than to run to him. His face was solemn, he never wanted any of this. 

You heard Bellatrix exclaim that Dumbledore was dead, and your chest constricted. Abeliene let out a whimper beside you.

Your desire to run to him was clashing internally with the knowledge that it was hopeless act. If you called out to him, alerted anyone to the true nature of your relationship, allowed yourself to bare your feelings openly, when he had just attempted an act of treason so vile, then you would be prosecuted with him. You were practically an accomplice at this point.

You could only look at him, tears pricking your eyes as he held your gaze as he walked by you, protected by Death Eaters. You blinked back the moisture from your eyes, and mouthed the word 'please'. Draco set his jaw and looked away from you, moving towards the door of the castle, his back to you as the group grew closer to the door.

You turned your body to follow his, and it felt as though he was walking in slow motion, as if this moment would never end, like it was so horrific and final that the universe was dragging it on forever, making you live inside of it as punishment for being so foolish.

The students around you stayed silent, not daring to speak for fear of being hurt, only watching on as emissaries of the Dark Lord left.

Snape flicked his wand and both doors flew open, slamming loudly on their hinges. You watched on, and Draco turned his head to give you one final look. His eyes were sad, frightened. It broke you. 

As the Death Eaters departed towards Hagrid's hut, moving in the direction of the forest, you all gathered at the doors of the castle. You could barely remember what else happened, then. There were flashes of green light as Potter flew towards Snape in an attempt to confront him, there was the bright burning amber of the fire that consumed Hagrid's home. All of it blurred together, like some sick contemporary art piece, and that is how you remember it now. Hermione's screams as she pleaded for Harry to return were faded and far away, despite being only a few steps from where you stood, the cold biting at your bare feet.

You didn't know how you got to the courtyard, but you could never forget the way Dumbledore's lifeless body lay on the green of the grounds he had fallen on. You just stared at his face, his frame weak, without magic, without power. He was nothing now, nothing more than a martyr. 

That night, you felt the way you feel when you're on drugs. The way your body seems to move independently from your conscious. Making decisions about where you will go, and what you will say, like you are a passenger in your own brain.

You must have walked away from Dumbledore's body at some point, you remember the bright blue of the vigil that was cast for him by everyone there that night, but you could think only of Draco. Where he was going, what would happen to him now. You ended up back in Hufflepuff house, sitting in front of the fire in your common room, staring into the flames like you were possessed, just watching them lick the edges of the wood they engulfed. You remember thinking that fire was the most remarkable thing, the way it consumed and destroyed everything it touched, and it was the only thing on earth that had that power. Or maybe Draco did, too. Maybe he destroyed everything he touched.

You were so close to fire that it was starting to burn your face, and it was only when you felt a hand on your shoulder that you jerked away from it.

When you looked up to see who had touched you, you saw Abeliene's face. The common room had filled, now. Students crying and talking, bereaved and sharing in the alarming sadness of the night.

Abeliene's face was sharp, as she moved to sit in front of the fire with you. She leaned in close to you, her eyes darting around before fixing on yours.

"Did you know?" She asked, her voice as sharp as her face, the shadows created by the light of the fire made her features seem more angular.

You tried to focus on her face, meet her eyes. But you still felt like you were floating outside of your body. You looked away back into the fire and Draco's voice entered your mind again.

The way his hands felt on your face as he gripped it, the way his eyes looked when he held your gaze sternly. 'Do not tell anyone you knew anything about this, understand? You and I never even spoke, and you knew nothing. If anyone suspected that you knew anything, Merlin. I can't protect you once I'm gone. Deny everything'.

"No, I knew absolutely nothing." You said, blearily looking into Abeliene's eyes. "I am as shocked and disgusted as you are."

She put her hand out and rested it on yours, nodding.

"Of course, of course. I'm sorry. Come here." She moved forward and embraced you, hugging you tightly, rocking you slightly as she did so.

You felt your arms embrace her back, grateful that your brain was working on autopilot. You stared away into the corner of the room as she held you, suddenly feeling empty.

Abeliene pulled back from you, and gave you a sympathetic look. You gave her a weak smile in return. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she shook her head as if to try to get a grip on herself.

"I just can't believe he's gone." She choked out, her hand flying up to her face.

You frowned for a moment before gently pulling her back into another embrace, your hand coming up to cradle her head as she wept softly against you.

"I know," You shushed her comfortingly, staring away into space again. "I can't believe he's gone either."


	21. Cat and Mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter is violent.

When you awoke that morning, you moved Draco's arm from your waist and rolled over to look at him. He was sleeping soundly in your bed, his face serene as his head lay on the pillow next to yours.

You watched him for a moment, the way his lashes fanned over his cheeks, his blonde hair messy against the linen where it had dried after your bath together, dried against the heat of the fire you had made love right in front of.

He was so peaceful when he slept, and for a moment you could have sworn you were a teenager again, watching him sleep in your bed in your dormitory. And then that moment ended, and you felt a rush of pain so deep it made your stomach lurch, and a sickness grow in your throat.

You left the bed, moving carefully so not to wake him. He was still asleep when you left the room to walk through into your office. You accio'd your wand and one of your nightdresses into your hand as you left the room, shutting the door over.

You moved your wand with a practiced hand, making yourself a cup of tea after putting on your loose dress. You watched as the teapot poured hot water into your mug, the string of the teabag lying over the side of the cup.

You sat in the deep windowsill of one of the large windows that lined the right wall of your office, looking out over the rest of the castle. Your office was high in one of the turrets and looked out over the east wing of the castle. From here you could see a peak of the grounds below, and could see some of the avid Quidditch players heading across the green for a day of practice.

You clutched the teacup in your hands, feeling the warmth scald your skin. You held it tighter, willing the pain to distract you from the uneasiness you felt.

You summoned your bag and retrieved your pipe, packing it and beginning to toke from it, opening the window just a fraction to let out the smoke.

The neck of your nightdress had become stretched and fell over your shoulder, and you felt the breeze from the window run over your exposed skin. It calmed the sick feeling in your chest, but did not get rid of it.

Millions of memories were flooding your mind at once, and guilt was ripping at your body angrily. When you tuned back into your body, having seemingly left it, you found that you were crying. Two tears had escaped both your eyes and were racing down your cheeks. You brushed them from your face, sitting up on the ledge and shaking yourself, surprised that your emotions had gotten the better of you.

You heard a noise behind you and when you whipped your head around to find it's cause, Draco was standing there, clad in only his boxers.

His face was relaxed when he first lay his eyes on you, a small smile present, but he must have noticed the pink hue in your eyes and cheeks and a concerned frown replaced his smile.

"What's wrong?" He asked, moving towards you, but stopping when he reached your desk, which sat just adjacent to where you sat in the window.

You did not make a fuss of how you were feeling. Your face remained impassive, and you even went so far as to take a sip of your tea before speaking. "I'm thinking about our Seventh year." You said, but your voice was far away.

Draco sighed, as though defeated. "Please, don't do this." He said sternly, and you knew that after your first night together after years of being apart, this was the last conversation he wanted to have.

You stared away out of the window again. "Sometimes the memories are so awful, I think they can't belong to me." You said, catching sight of a flock of birds flying high above the stadium in the distance. "But they do."

You did not look round to gauge Draco's expression but you knew he was closing his eyes, thinking of what to say next.

"Yes, they are. They are awful, and they are yours. And there is nothing I can do about that." He replied honestly. "I could apologize a thousand times, and beg on my knees for your forgiveness, but what is done will still be done."

At that you turned to look at him, and for a moment you thought that he actually looked very small. Even though he was standing there in all his height and stature, his body toned and perfect, he looked small. A boy standing bare in front of you. Small.

"I think this was probably a mistake." You said, moving to stand.

Draco made a face of total defiance and quickly wiped his hand across his chin. "Don't you dare do that. Say that this was a mistake. Don't tell me that everything I told you up in that astronomy tower, and everything in the bath last night meant nothing. The things we've shared? Us, last night, together. All of that was real. I know what I did in the past, don't think that all of it doesn't haunt me. But this, us, there is something between us that is still there, after seven years apart. I wont ignore it, and you can't either."

You shook your head and moved closer to him, slamming your cup down onto your desk, a crack forming in the base. "You expect me to just forget it all? To just move on and be with you? How can I just forget everything? God, Draco, the things that happened back then, fuck!"

Draco's eyes were burning, wide and furious. "I don't expect you to forget it all! I could never ask that of you. But I want you, I always have. And all I can offer you now is unconditional love, and whatever else you could possibly want or need from me."

Your chest was rising and falling quickly as the tension of the situation increased, your frustration rising with it as you searched for the words to say, you mind clouded over. "It's not that simple!" You shouted, your eyes staying on him, searching his.

Draco shook his head, eyes still wild. "Yes it is." He replied, his voice fraught. With that he lunged forward and grabbed your face to kiss you.

You melted against him at first before your eyes snapped open and you pushed him off. "No!" Your voice sounded strange even to you like this. "The war, Draco. How could I forget the war?"

* * *

The train ride back to Hogwarts at the beginning of your Seventh year was one of the most somber moments of your life. You were sat in one of the seniors carriages, sitting quietly with others in your year that had been forced to return.

Where your time staying with Abeliene and her mother had usually been warm and full of laughter and light, the summer you had spent with her that year had been torturous.

You had spent many nights up late with her and Audrey, fighting and crying. Abeliene grabbing your wrists and shaking against you, telling you she would not return to that place.

You had held her back from you, feeling her grip weaken as you explained that she had to return to Hogwarts, under the authority of a new Ministry of Magic, and that her mother and her would be hurt otherwise. The evidence that The Ministry had become a corrupt governing body was a cruel reminder of the times you were living in, and that you were now entirely at their mercy.

There had been more tears and screaming, brief delusions of plans to run away, hide out like your parents were doing, before the eventual acceptance that there was no other choice than to return to the school for another year.

The days leading up to your departure to Platform nine and three quarters were some of the most sad days of your life. The way Audrey's face looked as she hugged Abeliene goodbye outside of the station, for fear of going inside. She was looking at her like it would be the last time she would ever see her, not knowing what horrors awaited her. Her face never left your mind.

You could not have ever imagined that there would be a time in your life where you were not excited to board the Hogwarts Express and return to the castle for another year, let alone be burdened with feelings of fear and unrest while doing so.

There were posters everywhere on the Hogwarts express plastered with Harry Potter's face. 'Desirable No. 1' was the tagline, bold and dark in large font. You could only stare down at one that lay in front of you on the table while the train rumbled on, taking you to what felt like your prison. The carriages were usually alive with chatter and magic, but then they were silent, everyone barely speaking a word to one another. You were grateful to feel Abeliene’s hand grazing yours as she sat next to you.

Seeing Dementors lining the perimeter of the grounds made it truly feel like Azkaban. When you were riding up to the gates, their dark and empty bodies lingered in the sky above. You felt their power drain you, even from far away.

You were grateful to find that you were sharing a room with Abeliene that year. You had unpacked your things in total silence, settling in for what would be an entirely unpredictable, but no doubt nightmarish year.

The school had become a dark place, where silence and conformity were law. Students would travel to classes in uniformed packs, all moving in militant tandem. Where the school was once full of laughter and comradery, there was now only quiet and fear.

Your classes were nothing short of horrific. Under the new Ministry regime you were being taught exclusively anti-muggle propaganda, and in all other classes, being made to learn only dangerous and outmoded forms of dark magic. Many teachers were replaced with Death-Eater substitutes, who were cruel and unrelenting in their practices.

As Hufflepuff's, your house was picked on particularly to administer discipline to the younger students. You were seen as weak and too soft and empathetic. Your refusal inevitably led to your own discipline, which you accepted gratefully if it meant you did not have to torture first years.

Most nights Abeliene would be unable to sleep and stay awake late into the night crying. She would end up in your bed, and you would soothe her until the tears stopped and she was finally able to rest, your hands brushing over her hair, shushing into her ear.

You were in mandatory detentions most of your first term due to being 'insubordinate', and would often find yourself writing lines in classrooms for hours, well into the evening, before being told to return to your house immediately without dinner.

Talk of Harry Potter had not ceased since the moment you entered the school that year. He was talked about in hushed tones, and never around anyone other than the students and trusted teachers. When word got around that the trio had broken into Gringott's bank and freed a dragon from its dungeon, a decided note of hope floated around the school for a few weeks, and you, like many others, allowed yourself to hope, just for a moment, that there would be an end to the horrors you were enduring.

One night Abeliene had decided that you needed to learn how to cast your Patronus in case you ever needed to protect yourself from one of the Dementors roaming the skies around the castle and had begun teaching you. You tried for many weeks, late at night after hours, so not to be heard. But it felt as though you had no happy memories to use to cast the charm, as they had all been sullied by the desperate sadness that fell over the school, and the nature of your predicament.

You wouldn't see Draco until just before the winter break. He passed you in the halls one day, walking with only Crabbe, presumably to a class. It was as though he was a ghost, haunting the halls of Hogwarts with his gaunt and pale appearance. Seeing him again was so jarring you almost stopped walking altogether, but kept your composure and walked by him, keeping your eyes on him the entire time. You weren't sure if he had noticed you, but if he had, he had not shown it, as he did not look up once.

Correspondence was heavily intercepted in the school, any owls moving in or out of the castle were stopped and their messages read, to avoid any consorting or conspiring. A letter from Audrey still made it to Abeliene during your winter break, whereby you were forced to stay in the school. It was a simple letter, detailing Audrey's recipe for a Bolognese sauce. Abeliene had read over it, and almost despaired at the paper. You had taken it from her and noted that some letters were slightly bigger than others. It turned out she had created a not so well hidden code, that at least whoever had intercepted it had not been able to break. It turned out Audrey was in hiding now, too. Her safety as the muggle mother of a magic child had been compromised, and she had left the country to stay with family abroad. The letter detailed how much she loved Abeliene and that she would be back for her the moment It was safe to do so. Abeliene cried the hardest that night.

When Draco returned to Hogwarts after his departure back to the manor for Christmas break, the news of the capture and detainment of Luna Lovegood spread quickly. Everyone was so scared by the sheer thought of one of our own being taken that the air felt thick for weeks. Upon the realization that the Dark Lord was using Malfoy Manor as a base, people were able to determine that Luna would be being kept prisoner in Draco’s own home, and that the only student with any information about her would be him. Everyone was too scared of him to breach the subject with him, and no more information was ever brought to light.

Finding out that Luna was being kept in the Manor made you empty the contents of your stomach as soon as you heard it. Abeliene returned to your room one night and told you that Neville had managed to overhear a couple of the Death-Eaters discussing it after a class, and that Voldemort was present in Draco’s home and using it as some sort of headquarters. Your mind had flooded with images of Draco torturing Luna and being tortured himself by Voldemort, before you knew it you were running to your bathroom and throwing up.

The sheer idea that Draco could be that person, the person that tortures people, good people like Luna Lovegood, was so entirely unthinkable you could barely stand it. The last time you had properly spoken to him he was weak and lying in a hospital bed, bandaged and bleeding, hair mussed and eyes wide. He had grabbed your face and kissed you, told he loved you with so much sincerity you could still hear the words ringing in your ears all those months later. To see him now, stalking around the castle all pale and hurt, he was unrecognizable.

Abeliene spent a lot of time cussing out the Slytherin's, and talking at great length about how they were all corrupt and benefiting from the new regime implemented by the Ministry. She hated Draco the most, of course. She made no secret of that, and cursed the very ground he walked on. Sometimes she would become so angry, she would direct that rage at you, ask you how you could have possibly been with him, let him touch you. How you could have loved him when he was so clearly evil. You would frown and tell her that it was not you she was truly angry at, and that you were simply deceived by him, and never could have predicted his true nature.

Although, that was a lie. The reality that you were not capable of even confessing to yourself sometimes, was that you knew exactly who Draco was. You knew about his mark months before he cornered Dumbledore in the Astronomy tower, and you knew about his involvement with the dark arts more than most probably even knew now. But it did not matter to you, you continued to allow him into your bed, kiss him, console him, fuck him. Often times you would tell yourself it was because you saw the good in him, that he was truly moral deep down, and never had the autonomy to make his own choices, that if he could, he would do the right thing. Other times, late at night you wondered if there was a part of you that was drawn to the darkness, and that secretly you thrived on the fact that he was poisonous, and that you would drink however much of that poison you had to just to be around him.

Classes continued into the new year, and your punishments were growing more severe. In classes without teachers assigned to them already, Death-Eaters were able to forcibly enact any type of discipline they felt appropriate.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was the worst. That class was run solely by Amycus Carrow, and was simply known as ‘Dark Arts’ during his time as ‘Professor’. His methods were nothing short of barbaric and you had endured, but managed to avoid, his perturbed love of violence for most of your time in his class. His particular favorite method of teaching involved practicing the unforgivable curses on the first-year children. This was something you had managed to avoid by refusing and taking whichever punishment he saw fit for you instead.

Draco was in Dark Arts with you, however he came and went as he pleased, and was rarely there. Most days he did not even attend the class at all, which surprisingly you found a relief, as it meant you would not end up spending the whole lesson staring at the back of his head and wondering what was happening to him now, and why he couldn’t talk to you even though he had returned for another year at Hogwarts the same as you. Then you would have to question why you even wanted him to talk to you in the first place. He was the enemy now, wasn’t he? You supposed in actual fact, he was always the enemy, you just never cared.

As time wore on Amycus became impatient, and he was beginning to grow tired of the same responses to his demand for unnecessary torture. You had refused every time he demanded you practice dark magic on the children, and he had responded to this by hurting you instead. Strangely, the longer you endured the pain and humiliation of being tortured by him, the easier it became to tolerate. You found yourself anticipating it now, the way the blow to your stomach would feel upon your refusal. You had figured the best way to fall against the ground so to avoid the most bruising. You would have accepted any sort of pain if it meant that you did not have to hurt another person.

His impatience reached a breaking point one afternoon at the end of a Dark Arts lesson. You were asked to stay behind to administer some discipline to the younger students. It was seen to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ this method of teaching. First-years who received detention would be tortured, and older students would get to practice unforgivable curses on them as part of class. You refused, as usual, but on this particular day Amycus did not feel understanding.

“I’m sick of hearing the word ‘no’ from your insolent mouth.” Amycus stood over you, his large frame dwarfed you and made you shrink back into yourself. He was holding his wand out, pointing it at you, warning you.

You looked at the first years lined up against the wall in front of you, their eyes red from crying, faces screwed up in fear. It made your heart pull achingly in your chest. Your desire to help and take care of them was so powerful you felt sweat lash from your head in defiance of your most basic instincts.

You looked back to Amycus and found the strength to meet his eyes and speak. “No. I cannot do it.”

His face twitched in fury, and you felt your breaths shudder through your chest and you closed your eyes to brace yourself for pain. However, you were not met with any pain. You opened your eyes slowly, peeking out at him from under your lashes. He was standing there, smiling a wry smile, it was devious, as though something had clicked in his mind.

“No, you will do as I say.” He said simply.

You froze, realizing that he had had enough of playing games and allowing you to refuse his orders. He could make you do anything, if he wanted, and he had finally snapped.

“I…” You opened your mouth to speak, but the sheer terror you were experiencing was constricting your chest so tightly that you could not physically allow words to leave your mouth.

“Take your wand, point it at that child, and perform the Cruciatus curse. If you don’t, I’ll perform the Imperius curse, and I’ll make you do it myself.”

His words were rattling around it your head and making you feel sick. You straightened your back and turned to face him. If he wanted blood, he could just have yours. “I volunteer to take his punishment, Sir.” You said, as strongly as you could.

The first-year boy standing against the wall looked as though he was about to cry, which you prayed he didn’t as you weren’t sure you would be able to stop yourself from crying as well.

Amycus became angrier, his face contorting even more, becoming more wretched and vile. “That’s not what I fucking asked.” He spat. “I want to see you perform the curse. I’ve had enough of drawing your blood, I would even guess you don’t mind it now. I want to see you draw someone else’s blood. I know that will fucking eat you up inside.”

You felt your eyelashes flutter as your eyes shook from the pressure of trying not to cry. Amycus sighed and held his wand up, prepared to curse you and have you perform it yourself anyway.

You met his eyes and felt your face screw up. “Please..” You managed, begging him not to force you to hurt anyone.

He only smiled, his wrists moving in a fluid motion. That was, before a voice could be heard at the back of the room.

“Leave her be, Carrow.”

It had been so long since you had heard his voice, it almost knocked the wind out of you. Your head shot round, and there he was. Draco, standing at the end of the classroom, by the door. His arms crossed over his chest, dressed in his black suit as always.

He walked up to the front of the classroom to stand beside you, you heard his shoes clatter off the concrete. Slow, deliberate footsteps, taking his time to reach you. He did not look at you once, instead kept his eyes on Amycus, carefully sizing him up with that old look of cocky smugness he used to wear, before things were complicated.

You couldn’t take your eyes off him, it was like there some sort of magnetism that was keeping your vision stuck to him, having not had him that close in so long, you couldn’t turn away.

He stopped next to you, and you could smell him again. He was just the same as he had ever been. That fresh green apple was sharp on your senses and your eyes almost closed by themselves to fully take it in. But you snapped them open to look at him more. He looked impossibly older, like the months of trauma he had endured since the end of sixth year had aged him by years. It was startling, but he was still there. His eyes were still bright and silver, he was still in there, just under all the pain.

Carrow let out an indignant laugh and you tore your eyes from Draco to see his reaction. He was looking at Draco like he was half furious that he had dared to walk in and tell him what to do but also half reserved about the fact that due to Draco’s social standing with the Dark Lord, he probably did have some authority.

You tried to relax your face. You could only imagine how you looked then, eyes wide and body frozen. Like a little mouse caught in between two cats.

Carrow narrowed his eyes, but a smirk was playing on his lips. “What is she to you? A little pet?” He asked cruelly, his eyes twitching with the thought of getting a rise from a Malfoy.

Draco shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose she is.” He answered coolly.

You felt your face flash in total humiliation and panic. You figured that Draco was stepping into help you, but in order to do so he had to justify his reason for protecting you. Amycus would never settle for Draco’s explanation being that he liked you, or cared for you. You were a little Hufflepuff nobody. So, he would have to protect you under the guise of you being his plaything.

Amycus made a clicking sound with his tongue and a disturbing smile broke out over his face. “Ah, I see. You’ve taken a shine to her. But of course, you couldn’t really care about her, could you? That would be ridiculous.”

Draco nodded, keeping his resolve steady. “Of course. She’s just something I’ve had my eye on. Wouldn’t want her all bruised or traumatized if she’s going to be any use.”

You felt your face screw up at his words. They were so disgusting you felt a sickness grow in the pit of your stomach. You could only hope this was all just for show to buy your freedom from this impossible situation.

Amycus gave Draco another strange smile. “Well, I can’t have her go unpunished can I? Her insubordination needs to have consequences. Why don’t you punish her instead? Given she’s your little pet project, of course?”

You looked up at Draco’s face, unable to keep the horror from your own. He remained impassive, and seemingly unbothered. You took a shuddering breath as you waited for his next move.

He remained quiet for a moment, and you almost thought it was over, and he would just turn around and leave again.

Carrow grew impatient once more, and spoke: “You can’t really care about some Hufflepuff, can you? But if she’s yours to do with what you please, then you’ll have no problem disciplining her? Unless.. you do care about her?”

Draco’s eyes did a double blink in his only show of anything other than disinterest since he had come in, and you clocked it. You were relieved to see any sign that he was troubled by what was happening at all, but you weren’t sure what that meant for you.

“No, of course not. She’s nothing.” Draco said, and the words stung.

Your eyes flashed back to Carrow and he cocked his head. “So? You wont mind showing her a lesson, then? Unless you want me to do it.”

Draco turned to meet your eyes for the first time and the feeling that bubbled inside of you was a mix of absolutely everything you had felt for the past six months all in one. His eyebrows quirked, almost imperceptibly, so fast you couldn’t have seen it unless you were looking for it, or knew him well enough to know what it meant. It meant ‘trust me’.

Your eyes widened for a split second as your mind raced with all the possibilities of what that quirk meant. And then he hit you. Square in the stomach.

It wasn’t particularly hard, however you were not ready for it at all, so it winded you, and a strangled yelp left your mouth upon impact. You doubled over and felt your knees hit the hard stone of the floor as you collapsed, and gasped for air.

You instantly clutched at your stomach, applying pressure to where he had just hit you. Your eyes were squeezed shut but you could still feel him watching you. You wrapped your arms around yourself protectively and hunched over.

The first years lining the wall beside you had all gasped but remained quiet afterwards, knowing it was safer to shut up.

Your throat started to constrict with the ragged breaths you were drawing and you coughed while doubled over, feeling the embarrassment of your bodies reaction to being hit in front of the children.

As you fought to regain your breath you heard Amycus laughing somewhere in the background, but you could only stare at the stone tiles of the ground as you kept your eyes fixed there. Your other senses blocked by the surreal nature of the situation. It was like your body was closing off, stopping you from feeling everything too strongly, just as it had all those other times you had taken a beating from one of the Death-Eaters.

“Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you.” You heard Amycus say, but it was as if you were underwater.

Draco said nothing in response.

Eventually your senses returned to you, and it was like being pulled from under that water that was blocking everything out, your ears flooding with sound again.

Amycus must have made a move towards you, because Draco stilled him and prevented him from coming any closer to you.

You were able to find the strength to lift your head just in time to see Draco press his hand against Carrow’s chest, forcibly holding him back from you.

“She’s mine. Remember that from now on. If she needs taught a lesson, I’ll be the one teaching her.” Draco said, and his voice was so deep and commanding it almost seemed like all those memories of him crying in your arms weren’t even real. Like it was impossible for him to be both those people.

Carrow sneered, unconvinced, and it became evident very quickly that he was not going to let this go until he felt Draco had put his claim on you.

You watched on as Draco sighed, moving his hands to his belt to undo the buckle, pulling the leather through the metal, the unmistakable sound ringing loud in the quiet of the room.

Your eyes had become impossibly wide now, and as you hazarded a look over to the first-years still frozen against the wall, their expressions had turned to sheer horror.

Draco pulled the belt off completely, the leather snapping out of the loops on his trousers until it was out and resting in the palms of his hands.

You lifted your eyes to his face but it was still set.

He moved behind you and for a moment you truly did not know what was about to happen, until you felt his belt around your neck.

You were watching Carrow’s face as it melted into sick fascination before the feel of the hide came around your throat and you were pulled backwards.

Draco was braced behind you, bent over as he held the belt around your neck. Your body was sent into panic, and where you had been on your knees from your previous assault, you were then thrown backwards on your ass, legs splayed out in front of you as you struggled against the leather, trying to breathe.

Your hand shot up to the material around your throat to try and relieve the pressure. It was automatic, a self preservation you couldn’t deny your muscle memory. You were taking raspy breaths as your body shook against him. One of the first-years against the wall had gone so pale he looked like he was about to faint, but he was wobbling around in your vision as it started to blur as your eyes filled with moisture.

Draco was strong, so strong that you could not find any purchase against him to feel relief from the pressure he was putting on your throat. Amycus was somewhere in your field of vision, but he was just as blurry as everything else. You thought he might have looked shocked.

“You see? She’s mine. So don’t let me see you with her again. I can discipline my own pieces of meat.” Draco said, and you were sure you were about to pass out altogether.

In that moment, he hauled you upwards using the belt around your neck and you somehow managed to find your footing to stand. He then released the pressure around your throat but did not remove the belt, instead kept it there, still tight around your neck but not enough to constrict your breathing any further. You resisted the urge to take big gulping breaths in case he was trying to convince Carrow that you were still being deprived of air, but your nose was burning as you tried to take in as much oxygen as you could.

Draco then must have shot Carrow a look because he made a face that told you he had very much received the message that Draco had intended for him. He then used the belt as a leash to escort you back down past the rows of tables and out of the room.

Once outside, he did not remove the belt, instead kept it on until you were two corridors away and out of sight of anyone else. He led you to an alcove and removed it, and despite how undignified it was, you braced your hands on your knees and took some deep breaths in through your mouth.

When you regained your composure, he was just standing there, looking as impassive as he had done the entire time he was in front of Carrow with his belt around your neck.

You felt a strange mix of emotions bubble up inside of you; gratitude for coming to your rescue, absolute blinding fury at the assault you had just received from him, and another strange emotion you could not quite put your finger on.

You must have looked angry, because Draco’s face softened slightly. “I’m sorry. Believe me, I didn’t want to have to do that. But Carrow is like a dog, and he would have only left you alone if I did something disgusting. I had to use behavior he’s accustomed to, to mark you.”

You closed your eyes as he finished speaking to try and calm yourself. ‘Mark you’. The disrespect was so blinding you almost became unbalanced and just fell straight out of the window behind you.

You blinked your eyes open again and nodded. You understood this was just how it had to be. The fact that he had even come to save you at all was remarkable, but now the fact that the Death-Eaters would leave you alone permanently was a miracle.

Draco registered your reaction and nodded himself.

You wondered if you should speak, and thank him. It seemed ridiculous to thank him for punching you in the stomach and choking you with his belt, but the outcome was at least positive.

While your mind raced, he moved closer to you, his hands raising slightly. For a moment, the pain on the column of your throat and your stomach subsided, and there was only that buzzing you felt whenever he was close to you.

“Are you okay? I tried not to do anything very hard, but I had to make it convincing too.” He asked, his hand coming up to your neck.

The moment his fingers touched the red skin there you flew backwards. The rage you felt was so intense your hand flew up to push him off, your other hand braced back to hit him.

You caught yourself and just stood back from him.

“Don’t touch me.” You said quickly.

He nodded.

You stood there like that for a moment, knowing you wanted to leave now. To walk away and be done with the whole horrific ordeal. But that pull that you felt to him was still there. You knew if you walked away from him now, it could be weeks before you would see him again. And the thought of being in his presence just a moment longer was worth the rage.

You snapped yourself from your foolish thoughts and turned to walk away from him.

“Thank you, I guess. Amycus has been singling me out for weeks.” You rasped, looking back at him. “I’ll be glad to finally have some peace from him.”

Draco’s face slackened then, and he betrayed his emotions. He looked scared, and hurt.

“Y/N-“ He said, looking as though he was about to move forward towards you.

“I have to go.” You said coldly, and before he had another second to respond you flew off down the nearest hallway, not stopping until you had returned to your house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been very busy busy! Hope you enjoyed :)


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